MURDERED MURDERED REMEMBERED / open

[FARE]

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[size=8pt][font=verdana]she stumbled forward, eyes fixated on the path ahead of her that would bring her even closer to the ones she wanted to see, the ones she had left some time ago. she had eyes and ears everywhere in the spirit world, and they brought her back vital information on those she wanted to watch from a safe distance and they had kept her up to date on things that were happening, although her memory had been fuzzy lately, to say the least.

She was now shambling forwards, a bloodied bandaged wrapped around her head and hanging off the right side of her face. the ones she held so near to her heart, they had all forgotten about her and they didn't want her anymore. they didn't want her to come back, because after all, she had left them to go find her lost loved ones. loved ones who were dead and who weren't coming back.

she knew that now, that they were long gone and never returning to her. she would never see them again or get to hold them again, or get to look into their eyes to see if they were lying to her.

Finally. She had reached the camp, and skirted a cabin only to stop in her tracks, body stumbling for a second as her momentum halted. He was right there, dozing as the weak evening sunset bathed him in golden light. Her voice was quiet as she choked out a single word: “circ.”

Circusclown had been half-asleep, ears perked ready to jump up at any moment. The softest voice that said his name was enough to make his eyes blink open a little, when he saw a bandaged ghost. It had been ages since he’d heard her voice, and it was a dead giveaway. She looked like she’d been through a lot from a brief look at her. He hadn’t expressed his shock quite yet, because it took a few seconds for it to sink in. Studying the lilac eyes and the bandages, he’d suddenly choke out. “F-Fare?” He wasn’t really the type to act so shocked, but this was really quite a scare for him. After all, he hadn’t seen his former superior in… Ages.

”Fare - were you - Fare what the hell happened to you, where’ve you been?” Circusclown would question, though his words were so fast and bunched together, making it somewhat hard to understand him. He couldn’t help it though - he’s been overwhelmed lately, with the disappearance of food, and leading, and in general just having to be assertive again. He had wanted Fare to come back, he had wished so hard sometimes she and him had switched places, that he was her assistant and that she was still around.

Fare was quiet for a few moments, listening to the gasping words falling out of the other’s mouth. A frown was tugging at her own lips, her mouth opening just a bit to expel words catapulted from her heaving chest. “you’re still here, you’re still here, you’re still… here!” she got out, taking a couple steps forward in order to be closer to him. she pushed her head against his shoulder, gently, tears beginning to fill her eyes. “y-you weren’t supposed to see me, i’m sorry.”

As Circusclown stared in confusion, his heart was beating faster than it usually was and he didn’t even know what to say, though as she responded he instantly thought of what he should say. ”Fare - yes! Yes, Belladonna’s here too, she’s still around - and… There’s so many new Shadowclanners here - you should…” As she came closer he hesitated a little, unsure of whether he should step back or something else. As her head was against his shoulder, he’d nervously look down at her.

Not supposed to… What? ”No - no, I want to see you! I want you to stay, and to help me!” He was feeling overcome with emotions, things he hadn’t felt in a long time. His paws were shaking, chest heaving up and down in his excitement as he’d look around. ”I don’t understand - what the hell’s going on? What’s wrong? What happened? Are you going to leave?” It was implied she hadn’t planned to stay when she apologized. He almost wanted to tell her that she should be sorry - that she just ditched Shadowclan, leaving this workload on him, leaving him alone. Yet, he didn’t have the heart to right now.

Her paws skittered backward, hauling herself away from him with lilac optics panicked. “no, you don’t understand! I have to go! I can’t stay here, it’s not meant for me here yet! You don’t…. You don’t understand, circ. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry! I have to go, i can’t stay in this world for long or else i really will become one of them!”

As she moved away he would instantly step forward, his form tense and teeth grinding with anger as she spoke to him. ”I don’t understand! I can help you, just tell me what’s wrong! Tell me what the fuck you’ve been so busy with! You just disappeared, and now you’re back all messed up and crap.” He was nearly shouting now, his torn ears pinned back dull blue eye clearly laced with frustration. His claws were unsheathed though it wouldn’t help much, he almost seemed to feel threatened at this point.

She immediately dropped into a crouch when his claws unsheathed, a loud snarl ripping suddenly and fiercely from her throat. She would not let the lives inside her get extinguished by anyone. “hey! you better step the hell off, man! Calm the fuck down, circ! I won’t tolerate this type of shit! I didn’t when i was leader and i won’t now! It’s none of your damn business where i am or what i’m doing, alright?” she snapped, slowly raising herself back up to full height, partially twisting herself as to protect an attack if it were to be aimed at her stomach. Her form wavered for a few drawn-out moments, her face morphing into one of shock and outrage. “no! Cabeswater, non nunc! obsecro, mihi tempus!” [i](not now! please, give me more time!) she pleaded - no, hissed -, reaching within her to try and feel the ley line. She was too far away from it, too far, too far, too far. She could feel the echoes, feel cabeswater pressing leaves up to her face before dissolving, uttering one word in latin: festina. [/i](hurry.)

She sucked in a breath and tried to collect herself, tried to make herself calmer. And then, she said words she could never take back. “just because i love you doesn’t mean you can threaten me.”

As she snarled at him, his eye only flared with more rage than before. His lips were pulled back to expose his sharp fangs, and the wind around him was getting intense as his fur began to blow forward. He was losing control - he was losing his temper. “Unfortunately for you, you aren’t the leader anymore. I’m the leader, I’m who is in charge, you can’t tell me what the hell to do, and I -” He cut himself off as she said something peculiar. Cabeswater? The hell? She was speaking another language, he had considered it might be her just cursing him out or something.

Though, her next words left him a little shaken. Love him? As if… As if. After letting those words sink in for a few seconds the wind around him only picked up more, and his eye narrowed. “Leave, and don’t come back unless you want to stay.” Circusclown would order, the tone of his voice much more stern than it was angry trying to keep his voice flat. He remained calm, though inwardly that contradicted his outer expression and stare. He wasn’t going to take this - he refused to just sit there and listen to her, as if she had some sort of connection to him after she basically ditched him.

She listened. She listened as he hurled sentences and syllables at her, spit out accusing words and phrases. And once he was done, she turned. She turned without a word and nodded to herself, as if affirming something she’d known all along. In the end, she simply murmured, “i’ll come back when i’m ready. I miss you, and i’ll… i’ll be back.”

Her words were whisper soft, her body sagging as her limp became more pronounced upon her departure. Everything about her drooped, deflated, all the breath stolen from her lungs just like it had been at the moment of her death, getting her head smashed in with the end of a skateboard for a “sacrifice”. She missed gansey, she wanted gansey.

She was far away from shadowclan and deep in cabeswaer’s trees before she finally settled herself down on a bed of green grass and quietly slid from time.

After she was gone, her voice remained, an echo of what once was. “i’m sorry i couldn’t stay.”

[CIRCUSCLOWN!]

[align=center][div style="width: 450px;; text-align: justify"][size=9pt]Whenever she turned away and said those words, he felt incredibly angry. Now that she was gone he had to regain control of himself. Taking a deep breath in, he could feel his fur blowing forward with a power in the wind around him. He hadn't been this angry in a good amount of time, he had felt a little overwhelmed just now. Hell, he still did feel overwhelmed honestly. His blue eye was fixated on where she left, still remembering what she said. He didn't care if she loved him or not - he didn't care if anyone loved him. He was keeping to himself now - he wasn't investing his life into anybody, he wasn't going to love someone, ever. A bitter expression was on his face, slowly laying back down. The wind around him had slowly decreased in power, resting his head on his paws.

God, maybe he should just go back to sleep.

[spoiler=tags]
general ; "you've got a second chance"
★ circusclown disharmony | nicknames are circ and clown, former names are breadstick, uglyclown and clown | male [ he/him ]
two years four months physically and mentally | born november 13th, 2014 | ages realtime
shadowclan leader | former exiles leader and blizzardclan head combatant (feralfront)
entropy x leila  | generation 2 | head of disharmony family | only loyal to family
demisexual | panromantic | no crush | afraid of being in a relationship
other facts ★
★ suffers from ptsd and depression, former alcoholic
★ always looks tense and ready to fight
★ can be very irritable one second and then completely switch the next
★ can cook but dislikes doing so. loves writing and reading.
★ has a very rough and raspy voice. even when he is being gentle he sounds somewhat aggressive.
★ if he yells, he is very loud for a domestic feline.
★ very thin because of famine

appearance ; "you could go home"
★ domestic cat | has resting bitch face | has a few teeth missing
he is a light brown feline who has a lot of fluffy fur that's often tangled up covered in dirt and dust, and it also feels very greasy and gross. his head is lacking of the light brown color, and is completely white. he has a scar on the left side of his face, which has a stitched up glasgow smile meeting up with the scar. the other side of his face shares a glasgow smile, which is also stitched together. if someone examined it closer, they'd find the scar was infected though he refuses to let anyone touch it to take out the stitches. he has only one eye left which is the right one, and it is a dull blue almost lifeless color that seems to be bagging all the time due to exhaustion. the side of his face which has no eye has stitches on the top of his eye, and his eyelid is often closed over the eye socket that's still there, though it can be open if he is surprised or scared by something. [ reference ].

personality ; "escape it all"
★ true neutral | being evil sucks | the atoner
— family-oriented, protective, cautious, calm, friendly, unpredictable, extroverted, reasonable, irresponsible, secretive
circusclown loves the aspect of family, and sees family as valuable and is desperate to keep them safe. he has a tendency to be very protective, though he tries to be reasonable when he feels something is unsafe. he can be far too cautious, and never seems to let down his guard. while circusclown seems rather laidback, that does not mean someone should assume he will be calm if they happen to anger him. it is hard to anger him, but even when he is angry he is reasonable and under a mask of fury is still managing to keep himself under control, even if it does not seem so. he is however very irresponsible, at least with his own life. he seems to be careless about his own health, never caring when he does something foolish that could bring him pain. he rarely opens up to people unless he sees it as beneficial to do so, and if you betray such trust he will remain closed off from you. he's fairly friendly, and though his neutral expression doesn't always look so nice he is more likely to be smiling or grinning, and he is quite a jokester always liking to joke about and finds himself to be extremely comical even when nobody does. deep down, he remains unhappy, though that doesn't mean he's incapable of laughing or being happy. though, often when he has nothing to laugh at or smile about he has a feeling of discontent hidden in his heart.

interaction ; "it's just irrelevant"
★ hard physically | hard mentally | attack in #c68ee2
doesn't like unnecessary death or etc | will start fights | will fight back | will flee if family is protected | will not surrender
might capture if family is threatened | might torture if family is threatened | will kill if family is threatened

trained to fight | has little to no medical knowledge
air elementals — discovered — can somewhat control
conjuration — discovered — can somewhat control
teleportation — discovered — can fully control
ALL OPINIONS ARE IC[/spoiler]

[BELLADONNA]

Belladonna, awoken by her now askew sleeping hours and new owl body, opened her eyes in a snap to the cacophony coming from Circusclown's cabin. Carefully peering out of her own and slowly half-waddling half-hopping on gentle talons did she near Circus' cabin.

She heard voices, a pair of familiar voices, and she felt her heart sink as the arguement cumulated. Feeling a leaking breeze from under the door to the leader's cabin, rustling her feathers and freezing her gizzard, she stopped in a moment in time.

Suddenly the voices died out and the wind faded, Belladonna's tired eyes weak and exhausted; she quietly moved close to the door of the cabin, reaching out with a talon to open it-- but she retracted her feet sharply, sighing softly.

As much as she missed Fare and cared about Circus, she wasn't going to step in on this. So, Belladonna quietly walked away, her body feeling stone cold.



( ooc: geez cabeswater is a dick today )