09-24-2017, 11:55 PM
[align=center][div style="0px; width:400px; height:auto; text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt; line-height:13px;"]journal entry no.5.2 / idk. i'm happy/sad/angry/scared/need to breathe
let's start this entry off with something a bit happier. let's talk about how much i love the secret life of walter mitty. that movie is pure magic and i cannot completely express how much i love it. i could watch that movie in any mental state and automatically feel better. it restores my faith in people and filmmaking honestly. i just, one review called it "life affirming" and i cannot think of a better description. the direction and the scenery and the soundtrack are just perfection. it makes me feel like i could do something with my life, or something along those lines. it's so a beautiful film i cry about it.
now to less happy things. i have no motivation to practice my violin and it's very self-destructive since i have to memorise pieces for a performance the studio has coming up. like i know i need to practice but i just can't figure out how and it's incredibly overwhelming. i need to get one it but i 1) don't want too 2) hate myself for now doing it but then i do nothing to fix that
it's also incredibly hot. like its almost october and it's going to be 80+ degrees this weel like wtf weather. it supposed to be cooler this weekend though so that'll be good. today wasn't so bad, except for me almost breaking my phone and not practicing violin. i went to sleepover party this weekend and about halfway through i began feeling like shit (like mentally/emotionally) which of course was great for me!1. but earlier me and my friend (let's call her Kay b/c she loves this singer named Kay Flay) me and Kay went to target and i bought some halloween things and we played around with the halloween interactive things and it was great.
family life has been less than stellar. i don't want to get into it... but it's not superb.
today i had a panic attack in my car because i sped through a red light since it was yellow and it thought i could make it, and it's near an interstate off-ramp and a police car with it's flashing lights on came down and was behind me and i thought shit i'm getting pulled over and the police in the car like aggressively gestured me to pull over and i did but they sped past me and turn off the road little ways ahead but i was so scared since I'm still on a restricted license that they were coming for me. not to make it worse but i was listening to fall out boy on shuffle on my spotify and the ng that came on was a live version of their song thriller so the entire time this happened the background music was a crowd screaming and it was the most stressful experience i've ever had. after i went by the rad that the cop car turned down, i put on hamilton and tried to call myself down but i was almost crying while attempting to steady my breathing. it was just great.
school looks like it's going down hill. constant work and so on. and the most productive thing i've done today was the shower the pool off of me from the sleepover i went to. it's getting dark outside and i can't wait to sleep and pray that my phone works tomorrow. i'm going to be okay. cooler and spookier days are coming. i'm going to be okay.
let's start this entry off with something a bit happier. let's talk about how much i love the secret life of walter mitty. that movie is pure magic and i cannot completely express how much i love it. i could watch that movie in any mental state and automatically feel better. it restores my faith in people and filmmaking honestly. i just, one review called it "life affirming" and i cannot think of a better description. the direction and the scenery and the soundtrack are just perfection. it makes me feel like i could do something with my life, or something along those lines. it's so a beautiful film i cry about it.
now to less happy things. i have no motivation to practice my violin and it's very self-destructive since i have to memorise pieces for a performance the studio has coming up. like i know i need to practice but i just can't figure out how and it's incredibly overwhelming. i need to get one it but i 1) don't want too 2) hate myself for now doing it but then i do nothing to fix that
it's also incredibly hot. like its almost october and it's going to be 80+ degrees this weel like wtf weather. it supposed to be cooler this weekend though so that'll be good. today wasn't so bad, except for me almost breaking my phone and not practicing violin. i went to sleepover party this weekend and about halfway through i began feeling like shit (like mentally/emotionally) which of course was great for me!1. but earlier me and my friend (let's call her Kay b/c she loves this singer named Kay Flay) me and Kay went to target and i bought some halloween things and we played around with the halloween interactive things and it was great.
family life has been less than stellar. i don't want to get into it... but it's not superb.
today i had a panic attack in my car because i sped through a red light since it was yellow and it thought i could make it, and it's near an interstate off-ramp and a police car with it's flashing lights on came down and was behind me and i thought shit i'm getting pulled over and the police in the car like aggressively gestured me to pull over and i did but they sped past me and turn off the road little ways ahead but i was so scared since I'm still on a restricted license that they were coming for me. not to make it worse but i was listening to fall out boy on shuffle on my spotify and the ng that came on was a live version of their song thriller so the entire time this happened the background music was a crowd screaming and it was the most stressful experience i've ever had. after i went by the rad that the cop car turned down, i put on hamilton and tried to call myself down but i was almost crying while attempting to steady my breathing. it was just great.
school looks like it's going down hill. constant work and so on. and the most productive thing i've done today was the shower the pool off of me from the sleepover i went to. it's getting dark outside and i can't wait to sleep and pray that my phone works tomorrow. i'm going to be okay. cooler and spookier days are coming. i'm going to be okay.
[align=center][div style="width: auto; font-size: 9pt; font-family: arial; color: black; letter-spacing: 1px;"][i]etherial, almost ghostly ― [color=black]info