07-20-2017, 11:21 PM
[align=center][div style="0px; width:400px; height:auto; text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt; line-height:13px;"]journal entry no. 1 / i didn't write in my official journal because i was in the car
god. shit. i'm so incredibly angry. so so so just full of fire. this is freshman year all over again except now, mom knows. she knows im a negative black hole that only takes in negatively and never lets anything go. and she's not making things better by calling me out. i can't have another freshman year. i don't even know if doing therapy is helping me. i certainly don't thing repressing everything was the way to handle things two years ago and i doubt it'd help me now. i bet it'd help other people though because i'd finally shut up. but i'm not sure anymore. i thought therapy was helping. maybe i'm just going through a cleanse type thing and getting all of my fire out into the open before it gets rained on and smolders away. maybe therapy hasn't helped at all and now the fire has just grown and i just didn't realize until the firemen showed up to put it out because it's bothering other people. maybe it was always there and that nice pit in my stomach is the entrance to a depressed hell full of a storm the size of the one that haunts the face of jupiter.
the election hasn't helped. the orange toddler just makes me angry, but it's an empty anger. empty like a opera singer singing alone in carnegie. a giant room where the loudest voice is just lost into empty seats because no one is listening. that anger in the worst because i scream and i scream but no one listens to me, or it feels that way anyway. i know that there are people who agree with my opinions on politics but every time i voice something in the subject no one wants to talk with me, and that is an isolating feeling. i've been self-taught that i shouldn't talk, lego should just shut up because no one wants to listen away. well, fuck that idea. i still don't talk though, but fuck that idea.
nowadays im angry at myself a lot, although it's just self-esteem and cliche teen issues that need to be fixed were caused by the corporations that have caused me to feel out of place next to my tall thin friends. speaking of them, they are the most naturally pretty, a simple kind of pretty that requires little makeup or preparation. i do not have that luxury, i feel like an old galleria dress, one that was once pretty at some point but now sits in the closet, becoming dusty and sad and out of date. isn't that funny, im sixteen and i already have the mentality that i've passed my heyday. that's just sad. gotta fix that
this is a journal entry that may not ever get a sequel, depending on if even learn how to stop channeling jupiter's storm, and starting channeling something or someone else.
god. shit. i'm so incredibly angry. so so so just full of fire. this is freshman year all over again except now, mom knows. she knows im a negative black hole that only takes in negatively and never lets anything go. and she's not making things better by calling me out. i can't have another freshman year. i don't even know if doing therapy is helping me. i certainly don't thing repressing everything was the way to handle things two years ago and i doubt it'd help me now. i bet it'd help other people though because i'd finally shut up. but i'm not sure anymore. i thought therapy was helping. maybe i'm just going through a cleanse type thing and getting all of my fire out into the open before it gets rained on and smolders away. maybe therapy hasn't helped at all and now the fire has just grown and i just didn't realize until the firemen showed up to put it out because it's bothering other people. maybe it was always there and that nice pit in my stomach is the entrance to a depressed hell full of a storm the size of the one that haunts the face of jupiter.
the election hasn't helped. the orange toddler just makes me angry, but it's an empty anger. empty like a opera singer singing alone in carnegie. a giant room where the loudest voice is just lost into empty seats because no one is listening. that anger in the worst because i scream and i scream but no one listens to me, or it feels that way anyway. i know that there are people who agree with my opinions on politics but every time i voice something in the subject no one wants to talk with me, and that is an isolating feeling. i've been self-taught that i shouldn't talk, lego should just shut up because no one wants to listen away. well, fuck that idea. i still don't talk though, but fuck that idea.
nowadays im angry at myself a lot, although it's just self-esteem and cliche teen issues that need to be fixed were caused by the corporations that have caused me to feel out of place next to my tall thin friends. speaking of them, they are the most naturally pretty, a simple kind of pretty that requires little makeup or preparation. i do not have that luxury, i feel like an old galleria dress, one that was once pretty at some point but now sits in the closet, becoming dusty and sad and out of date. isn't that funny, im sixteen and i already have the mentality that i've passed my heyday. that's just sad. gotta fix that
this is a journal entry that may not ever get a sequel, depending on if even learn how to stop channeling jupiter's storm, and starting channeling something or someone else.
[align=center][div style="width: auto; font-size: 9pt; font-family: arial; color: black; letter-spacing: 1px;"][i]etherial, almost ghostly ― [color=black]info