You stayed outside till the morning light -- p, kai

[daisy b.]

Even growing up, knowing that eventually she would die for the group, it never sat right with her. Even so, she never felt the need to leave like others had like her siblings had. But now that it crept closer not just on her but her closest friends, she started to fear it more than anything. Eury never could handle that idea, even with animals she preferred to not be around when such a thing happened. So this fear was always likely to make itself known one way or another but never would she had guessed that she'd be pouring it out to their messiah himself. Maybe to Millie but never to him.

Maybe because he was the messiah...because she was scared of what he'd say. 

When he began to speak, her eyes adverted from him again. She couldn't look at him when he spoke to her about her fear - a fear she felt she shouldn't have. He said the pain was temporary and she knew that, but it wasn't enough to relax her. "Loved ones...you mean family, right?" she asked sounding rather distant  "The only family I know - that I really remember at least - they won't be there." She didn't remember her parents, she remembered her brother and sister who raised her but as far as she knew (and she was right) they were still alive.

Yes, by then her "loved ones" were probably supposed to include a husband but Eury had started to accept a while ago that such a thing was unlikely. So she'd be greeted by unfamiliar faces and the thought upset her in a way knowing that her brother and sister wouldn't be there. It would be more like she was alone instead of the high regard Kai put it in.

Slowly she would take his hands, looking back to him eventually but the look in her eyes hadn't changed. She knew he only said what he had in hopes to assure her but the fear she had wasn't so easily pushed away whether she wanted it to or not. "I know" she replied "But I'll be alone without you and Millie...and I've never been alone before. Well, totally alone."

She knew vaguely how it would go with her losing Millie first - soon actually - and then Kai in a few years. Then she'd be alone. Yes, she'd still be with the group but it wouldn't be the same because when she meant alone she meant, well, without any of her friends or family. "And well, I don't want to be here without you...or Millie" she admitted, adding Millie on after a moment though knowing that would be happening soon. But really it was Kai.

She didn't want to be here without him, as cliche and stupid as it sounded.

[KAI]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]Unlike Eurydice, death was always something he'd accepted. Something that came naturally to him. Abaddon's word was carved into his very being, to where sometimes it felt like Abaddon's word was all that he was. Being the only child, he was blessed to never have been led astray; and although Sam was considerably his cousin— with a mother that Kai never knew being his 'Aunt'— they rarely spoke since Kai returned, so blood never dictated who family was, but rather the emotional connection that followed. Maybe if had siblings who lost their way, he'd understand. But he didn't. And so he doesn't.

Even in his own despair, he feels the need to do what he's always done. Scared that if he didn't, if she pushed further, he'd lay out his own woes. The temptation was there, a promise of safety behind her blue eyes. Still, he couldn't say it. As leader, as guidance, his job wasn't to speak of his own faults, but their own. He pushes himself forth, doubles down on his attempts.

"Family just isn't about sharing the same blood, Eury." He reminds her. "Your siblings may have lost their way, but you never have. You never let sin tempt you away from what you believe, which for many can be a hard thing to do. Do you know how exceptional that is?" In his words, was the same Kai that spoke at the altar. Although the intensity wasn't nearly as suffice, it was easy to see how ingrained it was in him. That even in burn-out, there was just enough spark for him to convey on what made their faith so great. It was scary, sure. But Enlightenment overshadowed that. "Your family is all of those children in that cabin back there. Your family is those who came before and who'll come after us. Your family is Millie. Your family is me."

He knows what emotions that'll ensue, especially at the mention of Millie. At the mention of himself. The feelings that Eurydice harbored for him was ever-so-present on his face, something that's never changed ever since they'd become acquainted. Sometimes it was necessary to use that to his advantage, and although at times that's all it ever was, he realizes how much he wants to be needed by someone her. Lilas made him feel unworthy of affections. A severed hole right through his chest. He didn't like the idea of being unworthy of someone, not when he'd been adored a good portion of his life.

"You're not going to be alone," he promised her, squeezing her hand. "And besides," He quirks a brow, dropping her hands, stuffing his them in the pocket of his dress pants, a lopsided grin on his face as he backs away from her. "You're making it all sound so soon. We've got the all the time you wish for here, and then some." If neither thinks too hard. Despite him being the one to have brought it up, Eury only made him dwell on apart of himself he didn't wish to visit. It was better for him to change the subject. Twisting around, he begins to saunter away, calling out to the girl behind him, "Where to next?"

[daisy b.]

She knew family didn't end with blood, that there was such a thing as found family but even her found family would leave her. Abandon her. She knew Kai was trying to be comforting or ease her mind, but she recognized the way he spoke. This wasn't her friend Kai, this was her messiah, the Kai that spoke to everyone at the alter. She wasn't sure if that was as comforting but she didn't question it. When had Eurydice ever questioned Kai?

"They tried to take me away, Kai." Her words sounded distant like it was something tragic - though she supposed to her...it could be. "All three of them. My brother almost carried me away. Twice i've been approached to try and get to leave." she didn't want to say their names, she just hoped Kai understood who she was talking about (not that it was hard).

She had never spoken about this to anyone, even Millie.

She went against the very people who raised her as well as a friend, something very out of character for her. "What if I don't want to be exceptional?" she asked, looking at Kai "What if I just want to be happy?" That wasn't to say she wasn't happy there because she was, but nothing felt the same after they all left. Or the thought that soon Millie would leave her too.

Then Kai.

Then she'd be alone.

He mentioned who else was her family and she supposed that as true but the reminder that Millie and Kai would be gone before her stood in her mind. No matter what, you'll end up alone. "Millie will be gone soon though. And you're older than me too, Kai. I don't want to be here without you." water collected in the usually bright eyes of the girl, though the "you" was vague in meaning it probably didn't take much to figure it out. Sure she wouldn't physically be alone, but she would be.

Using her feelings about him against her or to his advantage was smart since Eury wasn't always the most perceptive and thus, she wouldn't notice. Her reaction to Millie was likely the one he expected too, it was an event she wasn't excited about at all. It just made her sad, like she wanted to cry. She couldn't tell Kai that though, no, even if she showed it she would never admit it.

When he dropped her hands, hers went back around herself as if giving herself a hug. Speaking to her, how they had all the time in the world, Eury simply apologized "I'm sorry." it was quiet but audible. Sure she probably had no reason to apologize, but she felt that she did. She followed after Kai as he started walking away, looking up when he asked where she wanted to go next.

Where was there to go?

"Could we go to the pond?" she asked after thinking for a moment "The stars are pretty there and you can see a lot of them." she explained afterward, knowing the field by the pond made the sky looked big so you could see a lot of stars. That's what she did when she couldn't sleep sometimes, she'd go outside and sit down to look at the stars. The stars would probably look so much better from the pond. 

"We don't have to stay and look at the stars, but I'd still like to at least see them...I-if that's ok?"

[KAI]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]They tried to take me away, Kai.

Kai listens as Eury recounts something that could only be correlated with a trauma. How it'd been her siblings, but then there'd been someone else? There were so many apostasies, so many betrayals. It could have been Willow, or even Silas. Or worse— what if it had been Lilas? He remembers them to be good friends upon Lilas' arrival, something that faintly bothered Kai. He wouldn't put it past the stubborn, and fiery redhead to attempt to 'save' Eury. And even then, she'd refused.

Although Kai knew of her siblings' betrayal, he'd never taken the time to dwell on the reasons she'd stayed. To him, it was clear. They were corrupted, tempted by a world full of damnation and sin. Eury, on the other hand, could not be. She was guileless. Pure. Loyal. At some point, she was given another option to flee, and she didn't take it. Anyone who was truly dedicated to The Pastor would. but Kai can't help but wonder if anyone else were in his place, would she have been just as willing.

It was odd to Kai, really. How to her, exceptionalism and happy were antonymous. All his life, he'd related his exceptionalism to happiness. He could say being a follower of Abaddon was enough, but then he'd be lying. He liked having that passage that others did not, often loved that others adored him. That without it, he wouldn't be nearly as happy— or as happy as her presented himself to be. Without his place here, he was nothing. It made sense, though. Maybe he'd feel different if it weren't in his future, but it had been. Otherwise, it didn't make sense.

She continues, pointing out how Millie would be 'gone'. And then, in a mere three years, so would he. She speaks as if that's just it. As if she has nothing, no one to look forward to after that. And maybe that was true. Her words soak into his brain, his claw clenching in response. Briefly, it manages to ground him, bring him to a reality where he's just her friend rather than her prophet. He watches as she goes to comfort herself again, just as distressed as she'd been; almost as if he'd never spoken in the first place, and for once he's silent. He doesn't know what to say to make her feel better. It was the truth; Millie's was close and soon his would follow.

Kai thinks to hug her, before ultimately deciding against it.

Maybe seeing the pond would distract her. Kai is familiar with that pond, but he's never thought to starwatch there. "Yeah, let's go see the stars." He attempts to sound eager. Smiling, he lightly bumps his body into hers, before they make their way to the pond. The walk is quiet, Kai's own mind far too loud to hold conversation. It doesn't mean he's completely absent from her. In fact, he falls back to watch her sometimes, marvel at how her blonde hair is almost silver in the moonlight. She seems almost lost herself. And he wishes he couldn't guess what that meant.

As they approach the pond, Kai pulls himself from his thoughts for the time-being with a goal to distract the other in mind. He wanders ahead and tilts his head back, where sure enough, there was a sky full of stars to greet them. He's been many places since, and never had he seen stars like the ones here in Isaac. "It's beautiful." He says before looking at her. Sitting down, Kai draws his knees to his chest, arms wrapped around them. He proceeds to place his chin on his knees, his flickering up to the stars to watch them once more. "Y'know," he starts. [color=#800000]"I heard the stars were never like this back in the Old World. I feel bad for them."

[daisy b.]

He didn't say anything and she couldn't decide if it was comforting or made the situation all that worse. Of course, he wasn't aware of anything she was telling him. Kai hadn't been aware that her siblings almost took her or that Lilas tried to get her to leave as well. But of course, she was here still. None of their attempts to get Eury to leave had worked and while she knew they were betrayers, but she sometimes thought what would have happened if she left with any of them. Not out of her considering to do it, but out of pure curiosity.

Eurydice's happiness was not something she thought was achievable while also not knowing what it would be. She thought the concept of being happy was something so far from reach that it was harder to get than exceptionalism. Sure some strived to be exceptional or even wanted to be more than anything. But all she wanted was to be happy or get as close as she could get to that. Which right now, meant being with her siblings - since she was getting over that crush.

Regardless, it wasn't possible.

It didn't get happier from there with her mentioning how soon she would lose Millie and a few years after that she'd lose Kai too. She wasn't usually one to dwell on such depressing topics or thoughts but they were fears that never went away and at this point, everything was just being said. Well, almost everything. Even the most obvious things would remain a secret with her. 

"Let's go see the pond" She nodded, following after him after the light bump and the somewhat forced smile that she gave in return to his own. As they grew closer to the pond she seemed to get more relaxed instead she seemed to get more excited. She didn't notice when he fell back to watch her, her mind too focused on the view that they were headed to see.

By the time they got to the pond, she was visibly more relaxed, even though her arms stayed wrapped around herself. Her head looking up to the stars, she was glad it was clear out so it was a gorgeous sight for sure. "Yeah, it is." she agreed, though her gaze stayed on the sight above them only looking away when she heard Kai move to sit. She'd sit nearby but not too close.

Her hands would fall in her lap, her gaze back to the sky almost immediately. She listened to Kai talk about the old world and smiled "Then I'm glad we get to see it like this." she replied "They probably did something so they couldn't see the stars like this...I wonder if they knew what they could've seen if they hadn't." she didn't know about light pollution or the cities, she just felt bad that anyone would miss out on such a pretty sight.

"They are beautiful though, you're right."

[KAI]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]Although she continues to hug herself tight, Kai notes how visibly more relaxed she looks. Good.

Sure, her burdens were a long-term issue. Star-watching wasn't something that could last forever. Eventually, they'll go to bed, and those thoughts may plague her once more. They'd probably even plague him. He hates not being able to fix it; he was so used to giving the impression that he could heal. Was good at helping many see the light at the end of the tunnel. For Eury, there seems to be light. To her, it just ended in despair. What could Kai possibly do to change that?

"Yeah, it is." She agrees, and as her gaze reaches up to the stars, his remain on her. Even when Kai moved onto other problems, with the weight of Isaac weighing heavily on his shoulders, he hadn't completely forgotten Eury. How could he? They seen each other nearly Sunday, after all, and so, interactions were scarce but they were still there. He was convinced that eventually, she would find some handsome lad that'd replace him. Less absent than he was. Maybe even more emotionally available. Have those children she always dreamt about. At the time, he hated the idea, but learned to accept it as everyone's issues became his own. Kai was far too intertwined in the life of others to ever think about settling. Ask him two years ago, he'd swear to you he never wanted to. Now thinking about her with someone else, looking at the stars with someone other than he, made him feel almost bitter.

Maybe it was because she looked at him the same way Lilas once did. 

She isn't Lilas, in fact, she's the polar opposite. But she was something close. Beautiful. Fragile. And safe. He couldn't forget she was safe. He'd never have to fight her to stay, because he knew she would. Isn't that what he wanted, someone who he didn't have to convince? Someone who just knew what was right all this time? To not love his home, nor his devotion, was to not love him. He was foolish for ever thinking otherwise. The whole time he thinks, his eyes are glued to Eurydice as she settles next to him with her hands placed delicately in her lap.

"I could only imagine it was because how they lived. A punishment, almost. At least we get to be the lucky ones." He smiles, thankful that he was privileged enough to live the life he does now. It was complicated now, messy. But The Pastor obviously seen something in him. This was a trial error, another test maybe. He just had to overcome whatever came next.

"Y'know what else?" He asks, glancing over at Eury. When she looks at him, his smile widens, the edge of his thumb lightly brushing over the each outline of her freckles, his brow quirking up slightly. "Your freckles kind of favor them— I hope this doesn't bother you."

[daisy b.]

Stars wouldn't necessarily fix her problems, but merely distract her from them. That was fine. All she needed was something to distract her mind because if she did that maybe she'd forget. Maybe her brain would settle down and she'd make it to sleep without these thoughts plaguing her mind once again. It was a longshot, but she had done it before. Usually, when Eury couldn't sleep she'd look at them, so she hoped to just skip a step.

It was likely as obvious to others as it was to her, but never would Eury get over Kai. She told herself she was going to, but there was no way she could ever totally and completely get over him. Instead she began to accept that she wasn't going to have that life she told Kai about so long ago with her settling down and having kids like she wanted. She had just accepted that she was going to be around...and then she wouldn't.

And it wasn't like she hadn't tried or like there weren't other cute boys around. It was just none of them made her heart skip a beat whenever she saw them or made her smile just by acknowledging her. No one else was Kai and she had simply learned to accept that. She was someone who believed in true love or having the "love of your life" but to say it out loud would be silly. She felt everyone would look at her like she was absolutely crazy but that was the only way she could really describe it.

Even if it was one sided.

She nodded in agreement at his response, though she knew little about the world before them what she did know fit what he was saying. "I hope some of them got to see the stars like this." Leave it to Eury to find something nice to say even about people who didn't even know she existed. She figured it was such a pretty sight that people should be so lucky as to see it and thus, she hoped at least some of the old world's people got to witness what they currently were.

"Y'know what else?" She looked away from the stars for the first time to look at Kai, expecting him to say something maybe...but not this. She could basically feel her face grow a pink color because she could feel it become warm when he touched her face. Suddenly she was greatful that the moonlight only illuminated her so much so that he couldn't exactly see the color on her face.

"N-no, I don't m-mind" of course she stuttered, these sort of situations always made Eury stutter.

[KAI]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]"I hope some of them got to see the stars like this." Kai snorts lightly in response. Maybe they did. Maybe years prior, there was two dubiously in love individuals relaying their dreams on a dotted sky. Eurydice hoped for the best for them, but Kai didn't. He was never so lenient to those that came before them, before all of this. They maybe even participated in the same system that ruined them, those very same people existing now, and so why would Kai emphasize? Pray for even the littlest of elation to be presented to them? He wouldn't. But he'd let Eury have it, at least.

Kai isn't oblivious, he was good at reading people, even before they reacted. He knows that by touching Eurydice in such a gentle, yet intimate way would invoke this type of response. He doesn't have to see it, or even wonder if she her cheeks turned the color of cherry blossoms in the spring time, he just knew. If Kai wasn't good at reading others, he wouldn't have been nearly as impressive of a leader as he always strived to be.

Maybe he even wanted this.

The feelings that follow are overwhelming; the feeling rises from his chest to his stomach, both familiar but yet not, taking him back to the last time he seen Eury. No, the very last time. Hanging, the days spotty, but as they always did. They go over each other's days. His list piles on. He's becoming more absent, lost in his own thoughts, while she recants hers. Already, their relationship is shifting. That's why it doesn't make much sense when it ends in a kiss, but it does. Maybe they could have been a partners then, but even though Kai feels elated, there is something off.

He looks at her now, with that same look, eyes moving from eyes to lips, tongue absent-mindedly running across his own— an unconscious tick. He could do it now if he wanted to. Maybe he even did. There was a lot of maybes tonight, but it makes sense. He was a little lost with himself, and still a little tipsy. Thoughts and feelings can easily become hard to distinguish. Usually he was good at deciding what was for this best. Tonight he isn't so sure.

As much as he wants to, though, there's something that stops them. That feelings that came before. He knows what happens when his head is less clouded, when he has more time to think. Things will be off again. He knows how selfish it'd be to give Eury false hope again, only to rip it away. Small banter was fun, but that's all he had to let it be. He drops his hand, instead running it over the back of his neck. "Uh. . ." he chuckles, glancing around. "I should probably head back soon. I'd love to stay longer, but. . . duties n' all." He uses one hand to push himself from the ground, dusts off his pants, before glancing back at her. [color=#800000]"You heading back yet?"

[daisy b.]

Eurydice always thought the best of situations, of people, of anything. Sure sometimes things went over her head or she didn't know what was being said but even then she tried to think the best of situations. So of course, Eury would hope that some of those from the old world got to see the stars as they did. She hoped everyone got to see them as they did, maybe not in the same situation, maybe with their friends or siblings or even their kids but it was just such a pretty thing to see that she hoped no one missed out on it.

If it wasn't obvious already, Eury was oblivious, very oblivious at times in fact. So she wasn't aware how obvious she had always been about her crush or that it very obviously didn't take much to get her to be, well, a stuttering and blushing mess. However, if she wasn't so oblivious maybe she'd do better at reading people but as close as she got was just knowing if someone was sad or if she seemed to be bothering them. The bare minimum.

They used to spend a lot of time together, just hanging out similar to this when they were younger. The last time this happened - that they spend time together like this - was the first and only time Eurydice had ever kissed someone. It wasn't the cause of her crush, that had already been there, but it was the cause of it lasting so long. Sure after that moment they didn't spend time together like they were now nor did they really talk, but it was hard to get over the first and only person you kissed especially when you already had a crush on them.

She didn't know what she was expecting or that the butterfly feeling in her stomach was there until his hand dropped and so did her stomach. Not in worry but when the butterfly feeling stops it felt like it dropped instead. She wasn't even aware of it until the drop. The realization making her take a moment before she was able to respond.

They'd be acquaintances by morning, at least she thought so.

"Yeah, I probably should" she muttered, getting on her knees before standing and brushing her dress off afterward. Even if she wasn't going to sleep exactly, she was afraid of being alone in the dark anyway. Plus, she could always sit outside the house or by a window if she could find room. She would just walk back with Kai until they inevitably went their own ways and by morning they'd be back to just acknowledging each other. Eury was fine with that, hell, she was used to it by now that it didn't bother her.

He'd walk her back, which she would appreciate but it wasn't until they got there that Eury would talk. Well, it wasn't really talking as much as rambling and a random outburst. She was good at those "I'm ok with being friends, Kai" she explained, looking up at him "I-...I mean, I don't want us to go back to acting like we hardly know each other. I figured tomorrow morning we'd be back to that weird like...hardly know each other thing and I just wanted to let you know that I'm ok with us being friends." she added, her hands playing nervously with the skirt of her dress "If...If that's ok with you, of course? If not that's ok too, I mean, it might be weird or something and that's fine too I just wanted to tell you and I didn't know when so I'm telling you now." she took a deep breath as if realizing she had been talking and not breathing. She was more worried about the response she'd get because she didn't know what to expect.

[KAI]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]"Yeah, I probably should."

He was hoping she'd say that. Hoping that he'd have the excuse to walk her back to her single-story, bid her goodnight. When they were kids, they resided in the same home, but different spaces. Now, after he drops her off, he'd return to his lonely Sanctuary wondering what's to come next of this. In all honesty, he didn't know. It was much more invulnerable to go back to how they were; at least until Kai was positive he knew what he wanted. But the more treacherous, inebriated part of Kai wondered if he truly would. He knew what he wanted. But what he wanted wasn't here. Did he just wish to die lonely and impotent?

Lost in his train a thought, was nearly a missed opportunity to help Eurydice up. He regains his focus, extends a hand towards the other while clearing his throat. "M'lady?" He helps her up, waiting patient as she brushes off her dress before they begin to make her way back to where Isaac waits for them. Silence wasn't anything new to them. In fact, both were much more content in their silence, where hand holding said a lot more than nothing at all. But they haven't held hands and ages. And this silence was different. This silence held the weight of what tomorrow would be for them. Kai thought about it, but in a way different than Eury had. Thinking little on how it may effect her and if this was once again the last time they'd interact for weeks to come.

As he thinks, he glances at her, and the thought occurs to him: maybe if he'd kiss her, he'd know. he'd done It last time, and it'd gave him the answers. If he did it now, perhaps all his maybe's would become clear to him. The thought drifted in his mind the rest of the way there, his nerves prospering as he does so. She turns to face him, and the opportunity is there. His mind is racing, encouraging, but instead of a kiss, Kai simply bids her: "Goodnight." He leans back on his heels, almost as if he's stalling, before turning on them, beginning to walk away, realizing he'd been crazy for every thinking that'd work. And that Kai has never been great at adapting to the pressures that came with pursuing a woman he thinks he likes.

Only, it doesn't end there. Eury's sudden outburst is unexpected, makes him stop in his tracks before he's gotten too far. Eurydice has been ever-so-quiet about a situation that ended so silently that even when he recognizes it, he thought he'd be able to push it away but no— she continues, rambling on how she's okay with them being friends. That she doesn't want it to go back to how it was before they just were. If she'd said goodnight, left silently, perhaps that would admittedly have been it. When she looked at him the way she did, it was easier to pretend her didn't notice. Treat her like a stranger. He didn't want that, either, but he isn't sure if he could just be friends with her, either.

It was something spiritual, exhilarating, and nerve-wracking all the same. Kai turns back to Eury and instead of words, chooses to convey them through actions. Before he could change his mind, he cups her face and leans down, crashing his lips to hers. A few heartbeats pass before slowly he pulls away and smiles at her. He, too, is glad it's dark out. It conceals his flushed cheeks as he slowly backs away, eyes never pulling away from her, disoriented but excited all the same. "Goodnight, Eury." He murmurs before he turns away, making his way back towards his home.