You stayed outside till the morning light -- p, kai

[daisy b.]

He started not being around. It wasn't often they'd talk to begin with, but she at least saw him around while she walked. So, being the type of person she was, she had started bringing food over if for no other reason than for her to know he was alright. It had become a daily thing, her bringing the food over. Sometimes they talked but usually didn't though Eury would say how it was good to see him before she left. 

So today, the sixteen-year-old did as she always did, carrying some food close to her as she walked to Kai's house. She went up the steps - about to knock - when she noticed the door was open. Now, leave it to Eury to worry but since Kai hadn't been well as of late, she went inside. Shutting the door behind her, she took a few steps further inside "Kai?" she called, moving towards the slightest sound of life only to find exactly who she was looking for. A wave of relief fell over her, one she didn't even know she needed but with it being Eury it didn't take long for her to go into her apologetic self.

"I-I'm sorry I just walked in...y-your door was open a-and I...I was worried." she tried to explain, taking a moment to set the food down somewhere suitable. That's when she got embarrassed, which wasn't hard, but her realizing Kai was in a sleeveless t-shirt and not in the button-down and overalls she was so used to. It was just going to add to the stuttering mess she became when embarrassed "U-um...I-I can go now...if you- if you want." she offered, taking a step back as if assuming that would be his preference.

[KAI]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]Kai couldn't face them.

His disciples with their — their hopeful faces , their faces cleanse from critique of him. Of what he was doing , what he did. He'd fallen in infatuation with an Outsider , a sinner , infatuated with her red hair like firelight , with eyes to match. He was foolish to think that he could persuade her. She'd been persistent, had made up her mind before she even came. All the signs were there, and yet Kai ignored them in hopes to make her his wife. And even in the end, he loved her too much not to let her have her choice. He let her go. All of these tests from The Pastor and he failed. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. No wonder he couldn't look any of them in the face.

He'd do what was necessary. Mass, Sacrifice. But after that, he'd hunker down in his corridors, expecting to be unbothered. He prayed a lot. Slept less. Sometimes forgot to eat. If anything, wine was his only meal.  All of these things were a deadly mix , and sometimes he saw things. Bruises cratered his knuckles, but the walls had it worse. He dealt with his burdens very little, especially as Messiah. He was used to doing what was told, surpassing his challenges, and continuing on with life no matter the cost. Kai didn't know how to deal with his turmoil, so he distracted his emotional pain with physical. Honestly, it hurt less.

Already, Kai is a little wine drunk, but not beyond comprehension. He talks to The Pastor in silent exchanges — hoping , asking for an answer. It's easy to miss Eurydice's knock in this state, and so he does. Missing his name, too. He passes the room, biting his already trimmed nails. Having nothing to bite is what causes them to bleed , but he seldom notices. It's when she bumbles does he slowly come to. He slowly looks up at her from across the room in an almost dazed state , not much phased by her behavior, much less her presence. She'd been doing this for , what? A month now? He should have expected her so soon.

He watches quietly as she sets the food down , before she says she can excuse herself. He's silent for a moment , eyes dragging from the corn and beef laid on the table , before looking back at her. "Don't." He says it without second's thought; he'd been alone enough. He could maybe use company, and he knows that Eurydice would be the least to judge him. Still, he forces a facade strong enough to hold to; smiles his charming smile , grabs a wine glass from the old wooden glass holder. "I've just been lost in my thoughts is all. Do you want a drink?" Before she can answer, he pours her a glass as he sits on the couch, before signaling for her to sit as well. [color=#800000]"How are the others doing? Are they getting the chores handled?"

[daisy b.]

Three people now had tried to take her from this place. She didn't know why, though at times such events captured her brain into a downward spiral of whys and fear. Her half-siblings. Her friend. They all tried to take her along when they left. But she stayed, she stayed because of a crush that she had since she was a child. Now, however, she couldn't help but miss them. She would never admit it, never leave to look for them, but she missed them. Those thoughts scared her though, after all, they were sinners, they left. She was here though, she would always be here. There was nowhere else she wanted to be as this was her home and what she felt to be the only place she should be.

For Eurydice's kind personality, she wasn't the most social person. Her friend group was fairly limited, especially now, but she was likely the friendly face everyone knew. Plus, everyone was getting older, they wouldn't be around much longer. Kai was considered part of her limited group, to her at least, so of course, she had kept herself busy by making her visits to check on him. She almost left as well, with Lila, but she stayed and told no one about how someone tried to get her to leave. No one knew about the first time either.

"Don't"

To say she wasn't surprised would be a lie, but she nodded her head slightly as if to say "ok". When offered to drink she hesitated, though seeing him poor the glass anyways she decided she would. "They miss you Kai, we all do" She didn't know if that was necessarily true, but that felt right. He was definitely noticed to be missing around the group, of course, and thus Eury figured saying everyone missed him was the most accurate answer.

As she spoke, she took the seat next to Kai, taking the glass from him before continuing "Yes, chores have been getting done. Don't worry" she assured him with an assuring smile. There were enough older kids to make sure everything that had to be done got done. Even Eury pitched in on that end.

"How...How have you been, Kai?" she asked softly, looking over at her long-time friend in the hope he'd tell her something. Anything. She missed him and seeing his charming smile was a comforting sight, but it didn't calm the concern the young lady had.

[KAI]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]Eurydice has always been his most loyal disciple, and not only that, but his most loyal friend.

He could pretend as if he doesn't know why, but he wasn't troubled with oblivion. Before Lilas, there was Eurydice. She'd been his first real friend, and first real love. Whatever love was at eight years old. She'd seen him before he was Kai, The Future. Loved him before he was Kai The Messiah. They spent time a lot of time together, even afterwards, as the young boy weighed his future on his shoulders. They share their first kiss, and afterwards, he's holding the responsibility of Isaac at his fingertips. At the time, he was too busy to worry about settling; Kai was universally loved by his group, the affections of just Eury may have felt like nothing in comparison. But now, he realizes how wrong he'd been. How lonely he was. They didn't love him, but what he stood for. Eury always had, though.

They miss him, she says. Kai scoffs, does it before he can even stop himself. He doesn't know what about the prospect; the fact that they miss him , or that he felt like he didn't deserve to be. He wonders that if he were die tomorrow, the future Messiah proudly taking his place, would they still miss him? Or without second thought , would they move on? Like the Messiah that expected before him. It was common practice, something that is bound to happen, he doesn't know why it bothers him, but thinking about it leaves a pit in his stomach. Three years, and they'd move on. For all he knows, the Messiah is in his presence now, both of them without a clue. He wonders if who it could be. "I don't know if it's me they miss," he says, following the admission with a huge swig from his glass.

At least the chores were getting done , though. It was despairing that Kai only took this as further proof that the group could function without him as needed , rather than that it needs to be done. He attempts to push the thought from his mind as he counts the freckles on Eury's face that he used to compare to stars in the sky

Next, she asks him how he was. Such a simple, yet loaded question all the same. He looks at Eury, and for the first time he feels like a little kid again — the one before the prophecy, when all there was to worry about if your crush looked at you the same. He'd been so different then, and yet it never seems as if Eury changed a bit. Still her sweet, and captivating self. She didn't let these difficulties roughen her. "I don't know." another admission, sounding almost defeated. He hates sounding so vulnerable, but he knows Eury would never judge him. She never has. "Do you maybe want to take a walk? I could actually use the fresh air." Getting up, he grabs the button up strewn over the couch and slips it on, beginning to button it off. "Sorry for this, by the way. Weather has been a little stuffy as of late." He gives her a slight, apologetic grin.

[daisy b.]

Eurydice never saw him just as the disciple, she saw him as the same person as who he was when they met, now he had more responsibility but it wasn't like it truely changed how Eury saw him. She looked at him the same way she always had. Sure, everyone told her to get over him and she had been trying but it was hard to get over someone you share your first and only kiss with.

She drank from her glass listening to him scoff at her response. In truth she didn't know if they missed him but Eury didn't see why anyone wouldn't "Well, I miss you" she told him, setting the glass back down as she looked from the glass back to him. Eury cared about all the religious pieces sure, but she really only cared about Kai himself. She missed seeing him around, even if he didn't talk to her it was just nice to know he was around. 

She had hoped that hearing the chores were getting done would make him even a little happier, but it didn't seem to do so. A small frown appeared on her face, trying to think of something to say to make him happier. But she couldn't. Things were going on sure, but it felt weird without Kai around and while she wasn't sure if anyone else felt the same way, Eury was rather sure that people would agree that things felt...off without him around.

He didn't know. "That's alright...to not know" she tried to assure him, smiling softly as a try to be reassuring. He was right to think she'd never judge him because, well, she wouldn't. She'd never think of it and it wasn't because it was him, Eurydice just wasn't a judging person. The only time she really had was when people left, but that was sort of expected, wasn't it?

"Sure, a walk would be fun" she smiled, watching as he grabbed the shirt and start to button it, looking away when he looked to her. She glanced back to him, shrugging her shoulders a little "It's ok, I don't blame you" she giggled knowing it had been a bit warm as of late. She waited for him to be ready before standing up, smoothing out her dress "It's a little chilly out by the way, not too bad but just so you know!"

[KAI]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]"Well, I miss you."

She says, and that's something that is more believable, and yet he isn't quite sure how to respond, at least at first. He could say he missed her , too , although he isn't quite sure that was the truth; his mind was encompassed with all his misdeeds, and so he wasn't quite granted the satisfaction of thinking anything other than that. Now that she was here, however, he isn't upset that she's here. In fact, he may need her presence more than ever before. He's worried if she didn't come any sooner, he would collapse from his own exhaustion, only to spill over the next time he woke. She was a lovely distraction.

"I know," He murmurs, offering her a lighthearted smile. He doesn't stray any farther than that.

It seems as if Eury is looking for something to say; probably something to push them out of the awkward spot they were in. Words maybe felt needed, but he's glad that whatever she was thinking, was never said. He didn't need her to emphasize with his pity. Especially knowing what she was thinking, he didn't need some empty words as a way from distraction from it. He was too far in it, afraid nothing will pull him back from it. He's glad that, instead, she acknowledges it, although she's not aggressive. Assures him instead that it was okay to not know. It should serve as words of comfort to him. He'd reiterated it to the phases of skeptics plenty of times. But it doesn't seem right here. Her words are genuine, but come through empty to him. Only because he should always know. It's been too long for him to not to.

"Even as your Messiah?" he asks , question both halfhearted and serious. It was much more than his feelings, but the role itself. He thinks she knew that, too.

Unsurprisingly, she agrees to the walk. It's been awhile since this friendship had that type of normalcy, although Kai can recall each moment quite vividly. She stands up just as he finishes his buttoning, smoothes out her dress, says that it's chilly outside. Shocking, it feels as if it's burning. But then again, it had for the last few days, hadn't it? Maybe it was a result of his own internalization. Pushing the thought from his mind, he instead gives her a once over, and as if noticing for the first time asks, "Nice dress. Is that new?" Before making his way towards the front door, opening the door to allow her to go first before falling to her side. She was right. It was chilly.

"Wanna go see some cattle for ol' times sake?" He asks, referencing the first time they ever spoke, making it history from there. It was truly crazy how time flew.

[daisy b.]

She smiled softly at his response, though of course he knew. Anyone who looked at Eury could tell she missed Kai. I suppose in a way she always did, even before now. Missing him in the way of how they used to spend so much time together and just hung out. It became more of a hello in passing and staying loyal both as a desciple and a friend, but things always change as people get older and they weren’t safe from that.

She had no reason to fill the silence no need to know everything but she always felt the need to try. She wished she knew everything, knew what to say and when to say it but of course she didn’t. Although she would still try to find the right words when he asked her that question. It took her a moment, but even she found an answer she felt was appropriate.

"Yes. It’s ok for anyone - regardless of how powerful or guided or “knowing” one is - to not know something. For if someone knew everything, their existence would be terribly boring and lack any excitement." she spoke with wisedom beyond her years, speaking rather carefully as if trying to word it in a way that would keep him from being upset or offended. And as she spoke, a hand reached over to gently squeeze his hand as if to assure him.

When asked about her dress after she got up, she looked down to see which she was wearing before looking back to him "To me it is" she replied without expanding further. It had been her sister’s once upon a time, but of course her sister didn’t need it now and so now that she was old enough she wore some of her sister’s clothes from time to time. This dress had been one she was promised anyways, as it was one of her favorites. "But thank you."

Eury walked through the door when it was held open for her into the cooler air. Even with it being warmer, as the sun went down it got chiller though she was glad her warning was still viable. At the question of seeing the cattle she looked over with a little grin on her face "Yes, I’d love to!" she replied excited at the thought of doing something they used to. Their first time speaking so so long ago, it felt like such a long time.

"Lead the way, Kai."

[KAI]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"] Kai is almost shocked by the words Eury spoke.

The last time they had— with the exception of simple passings— he doesn't think that she'd acquired that much wisdom. Either that, or she never shared it with him. He does suppose that seven or so years can change a lot. A lot surely has when it came to him. It's why her words only hold so much substance; he'd rather his life not be exciting if it only meant that complex feelings would follow. It seems as if he never feels things by little, but when he did, it came in drones. Still, his lips quirk into a small smile at her sense of maturity. Eury wasn't so little anymore.

He'd known little about Eury's siblings. They were something she never spoke about, and so, he doesn't think she push further on her comment regarding a dress. There was plenty of hand-me-downs passed from individual to individual. Rarely was there a new dress made , unless one was tattered beyond repair, because there was enough to fill each toddler, each child, each adolescent and so forth. As far as he knows, she could have gotten it from Millie. They were close, weren't they? Kai, in turn, simply nods in acknowledgement.

Her face lights up, blue eyes the size of saucers reflecting in the moonlight as she readily agrees before encouraging him to lead the way. He gives a curt nod , beginning to trek past the quiet houses shared amongst the Others, past the stables and the chickens, until they reached the cattle. His eyes were quick to adjust to the darkness , quick to make out the silhouettes of the cows. Some were asleep, but others heads he could see move just slightly , leaning down to inhale the grass below their feet. Kai wanders several feet ahead of Eury before leaning his weight into the fence, his elbows propped against it.

He's quiet , watching them. Then, he suddenly looks at Eury with an odd look on his face. "Death is only temporary, Eury." He deadpans, reciting the words he'd once said to comfort her about the cows' demise. In three years, he'll by like the cows. He acknowledged this was only the middle , but his stomach still churned at the thought. "What do you think it'll be like?" Afterlife. No one ever really knew besides that it was eternal happiness, with their loved ones in tow. Abaddon only promised the best to those who dedicated loyalty to Him. But Kai hated to admit that he couldn't imagine happiness beyond what he was now. "Or let me reiterate," he turns his back towards the fence, leans against it to properly face her. [color=#800000]"What do you hope it's like?"

[daisy b.]

In a way she felt like she had to grow up much faster than she should have had to with her siblings leaving when she was younger and a sense of responsibility with the younger members. She never truly realized how mature she had actually gotten, not even when she wore a dress that was her sister's or even Millie's. So even now, though she sounded as if she gained wisdom over the years as she stood there in a dress once belonging to her sister she didn't realize how much older she seemed.

She never spoke about her siblings. She never spoke about them because she couldn't without getting upset, she missed them but she wouldn't admit it because they left. Even now she refused to really mention anything about it, instead, she found things to distract her like how their little community looked at night as she followed Kai to see the cattle. She would go see them on her own sometimes, usually in the spring so she could see the babies but she did miss coming with someone else. So she made sure to appreciate the fact it was her and Kai like old times.

"I know...I remember." she replied rather softly, recalling when Kai originally told her that in hopes to comfort her about the fate of the creatures they now looked at. She wrapped her arms around herself as she kept her eyes on the cows, even though they were mostly asleep. When he asked her opinion though, she looked at him as if she suddenly realized how old the two of them were now. How old Kai was now - he was older than her after all. "I'll tell you if you won't...judge me for it." she spoke, the fearful look on her face was just like the one that was there when he had to comfort her on cows. They weren't cows, but the look was a shared one from then and now.

She watched him turn to look at her, except this time it didn't cause her to look away. "I don't know what I think it's like..." she started, almost hesitating before adding the part she didn't want to be judged for "I'm-...I'm scared, Kai." she admitted, her arms wrapping tighter around herself. "I know it must happen but...I've heard people talk, people have said they heard it hurts." she explained and Eury did what she could to not get into painful situations such as fighting or even just stupid choices.

By the end of her sentence, she had looked away from Kai ashamed to admit that she was scared to do what she knew was going to have to happen. Her gaze lingered back to the cows momentarily, but they eventually found their way back to him. It was almost as if she was expecting to get scolded "I don't like the thought of people being in pain before they die, you know? Me and Millie...you...I just-..." she cut herself off then but never picked up on it. Never speaking further on it.

"What do you think?" she asked quietly, realizing he was closer to this scenario than she was and though she wasn't going to admit it - she didn't want to be without him.

[KAI]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]Didn't they all have to grow up fast?

There wasn't any option, after all. Time moved fast when you only had twenty-one years to live. In your physical form, anyway. When he was little, the year seemed to trek by at the speed of a turtle. It seemed as if it couldn't go fast enough. Now it seems as if they're speeding by, counting down the days until his was up. The stress seemed to weigh him down, speed time up. He doesn't know why he's so worried. This wasn't the first life he lived. He, in a sense, is an old soul. The creator of this foundation. Isaac himself. Maybe it was because ultimately, whatever he was brought back for, he feels as if he hadn't achieved it. Three years would be up before he knows it. What if he never knows?

She remembers, she says. She says it so lightly that, had he not been expecting an answer, he fears he may not have heard her. There's a shift in her tone. She hugs herself, and while one could simply disregard it as her being cold, Kai knows better. It's when she wants reassurance that she won't judge him, that he knows what comes next. The part where she says she is scared, because there are some who are. Even the ones you'd never expect to be. In response, he says nothing.

And there it was. She spills the words out to him, her eyes reflecting those very emotions she felt. Admittedly, sacrifice isn't something that's pretty— shedding your physical form requires blood spill in its purest form, even if pure wasn't what it seemed like at that time.  Because Kai had experienced sacrifice after sacrifice, he'd become desensitized from witnessing the act. Became used to comforting those who seek his guidance, reassuring them that there is nothing to fear; that giving yourself fully and completely will exempt yourself from the pain that came when it was time. Even if it were to come, that pain is temporary. That what comes next is beautiful.

But this, somehow, feels different. Doesn't exactly seem as if Eury is looking for guidance, but what? Reassurance? Semblance? When she finally finishes, she looks at him as if she's expecting the worst, yet hoping for the best. Kai wouldn't ever be the one who tore her down for how she felt; ill-ridden words wouldn't do what prior prophets before him thought it did. But it felt weird to reassure her, too. Not when he was fighting with the very prospect itself— not that he was scared, no. He knew what was to come. Shed himself from any he fear that came with it, or maybe he thought. But saying what he was supposed to say ... he didn't know. He stood there so long, that he almost forgot he had to say something.

"I think," he starts, pushing himself from his fence to approach her. He had two ways to go, before he ultimately fell on what he knew "That Pain is as temporary as death. That a small second here, is an eternity of happiness there. That when the time comes, there's our loved ones waiting for us at the other side. No pain, no sickness, no devastation. Just love." Slowly, he reaches out to both of his hands, palms lifted. He's urging her to take them. "The Pastor He— I wouldn't ever put you in a predicament unless I knew it as best. You know that, right?"

Focusing on what he knew, rather than the what it took to get her, he hopes distracts her from the truth: That he didn't know, and deep down inside, maybe he was scared, too.