❝ do i make you cringe ? — open . ❞

[EDMUND.]

[align=center][div style="width: 430px; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 6pt; letter-spacing: 2.5px; word-spacing: 0px; line-height: 12px; color: #000"]It would have been ignorant to assume that people would not be drawn towards the clattering and clashing within the safe space of a man so subdued. It was simply out of his character to behave so erratically, leading to the assumption that perhaps something was wrong. In some ways, they’d not be wrong in assuming something was not right in that office, but it was all for the wrong reasons. Perhaps it could have been a brawl - Eddie had more scars than he had friends, more rivals than he had confidants - and it would not have been unheard of to find somebody wanting to watch Eddie’s world crash and burn.

But, it was not like that at all.

Instead, he was at war with his own mind. The only man that he would be fighting with was him and his very own pride. And, if he was honest, who would want to deal with him when he could barely deal with himself? Isolation felt like the greatest form of protection, not only for him from others but also for others from him. He could barely acknowledge that his own hurt was not a sign of weakness and reaching out was not some exposed vulnerability, but it was the opportunity to feel like he wasn’t so alone. Perhaps he needed to open up to somebody, have somebody there for him to talk to, somebody to listen to him and acknowledge that he wasn’t okay.

But he pushed everyone away.

Whilst he could consider Elijah the closest thing to a friend around here in Flintlock Lodge, Eddie admittedly refused to grant anybody else that same misfortune, Elijah’s brother included. Memphis was a no nonsense kind of man - as was Eddie - and he was perceptive. Far more perceptive than his brother. It seemed easier to spend his time with Elijah when Elijah took little notice in Eddie himself - they could drown themselves in that fallacy of drink, drugs and women as if that made them better men for it. Memphis was a good man; he didn’t need to worry himself with how Eddie could drink himself into some sorry state or smoke until his lungs hurt just to distract him from that emptiness in his chest.

With Elijah, Eddie could pretend to be the man he was not. Elijah couldn’t give a shit whether Eddie was all right or not. But, Memphis was an honest man - he’d take notice of all the cracks and ridges of Eddie’s soul and want to do something about it. If only Eddie stopped choking on his pride - maybe then he could let Memphis in.

❝ You throwin' shit around now? ❞ Eddie was silent, breath hitched in the back of his throat. A part of him wished that he’d been throwing things around - perhaps it would have been less humiliating than being so inebriated that he fell to the ground. ❝ I thought ya'll family was more classier than that. ❞ ❝ I fell. S’all it is. ❞ He corrected in a defiant mumble, bloodshot eyes warily darting up to look at Memphis as he picked the piece of paper up. Eddie thought that the words made sense, not some confused jumble of words across a wasted sheet of paper.

❝ A weaponry stock list. With - uh - the ammunition count and- we’re missing a gun. ❞ His voice wobbled lightly in his feeble attempt to maintain that professional, stoic front. Memphis didn’t need to know how Eddie struggled to get through his days, the self-hatred and guilt so overwhelming that he could barely rest peacefully anymore. But Memphis was a smart man - he could see through any act. As he looked at Eddie, Eddie stared back in silence, lips parted as if he wanted to say more to back up his meek lies. Eddie knew that Memphis already realized that something was wrong. Any more attempts to deviate the conversation would be futile.

❝ You need to lay off this bullshit. ❞ From the outset, his words hardly seemed sympathetic, as if it was nothing more than a stern lecture between a parent and child. But, Eddie would appreciate it. He didn’t want sympathy. Hell, he barely wanted attention. He wasn’t a demanding man in the slightest when it came to his own needs because Eddie hardly cared about those needs anymore. Memphis took his hands to observe wounded skin, Eddie’s own hands trembling slightly at the sharp stabbing pain which radiated up his arm. Something was on his mind, Memphis suggested, but the problem was that Eddie could only scarcely verbalize what he was feeling nowadays.

❝ Just a lot on my plate at the moment. That’s all. ❞ He was blunt as he avoided Memphis’ suggestion. He had to be else he knew that he’d so easily unravel at the seams. And, before he could be questioned any further, another voice attracted his attention. Maisie approached with a keenness to help. Eddie wasn’t one to willingly accept the concept of being coddled, but she’d inevitably have to help with his injuries at some point. She asked for his hands, Eddie twisting his head to stare in the opposite direction.

He felt humiliated, reluctant to accept help, but with a shuddering breath he finally looked towards Maisie and held his hands out for her to examine. ❝ I don’t want people to hear about what happened here. ❞ He uttered quietly, the usual authoritarian sternness in his voice extinguished by his own shame. He didn’t want to be seen as weak for being emotionally shattered.

[spoiler=tags ― updated 06/06.][size=6pt]◜BASICS ┊ SO THIS IS WHERE WE ARE◞
&. ❝ edmund theodore stirling ❞ | ed, eddie | male [he/him] .
&. 24 years old . | seventh august ; leo .
&. currently the captain and official loyalist of flintlock lodge .
&. currently the boss of the stirling's notorious irish crime family .

◜PERSONALITY ┊ IT'S NOT WHERE WE HAD WANTED TO BE◞
&.  ambitious . brave . calm . disciplined . honorable . intelligent . leading . logical . patient . reliable . skillful . trustworthy . wise . aloof . cynical . detached . flirtatious . harsh . jealous . lustful . pessimistic . quiet . ruthless . secretive . stubborn .

◜ APPEARANCE ┊ IF HALF THE WORLD'S GONE MAD ◞
&.  five foot eight & one hundred and seventy one pounds ; reference .
↳ dirty blond hair kept very short and neat .
↳ stocky and well-built frame , lightly freckled skin .
↳ muted blue vacant eyes , unreadable , somewhat frowning expression .

◜ FAMILY ┊ THE OTHER HALF JUST DON'T CARE , YOU SEE◞
&. alfred stirling x leonora moray | both deceased .
&. four older siblings and two younger half-siblings .
↳ dominik stirling , 32 , shot and killed by alfred .
↳ thomas stirling , 32 , caretaker in flintlock .
↳ alfonso stirling , 28 , enforcer in flintlock
↳ franklin darrow , 25 , estranged in bluestem .
↳ henry stirling , 11 , resident in flintlock
↳ ida stirling , 9 , resident in flintlock
&. also lives with four cousins and his aunt .
&. father to thomas , charlotte , kieron and louis .

◜ RELATIONSHIPS ┊ YOU DON'T WANNA FUCK WITH US◞
&. bisexual, biromantic ; mongamous | tends to have a wandering eye .
&. ex-husband to blake kegan
↳ marriage fell apart after he cheated on her .
&. ex-lover to mickey serge
↳ he learned about his bisexuality with him .
&. ex-lover to cove lefebvre
↳ one of the other women , pregnant with his baby .
&. lover to maxine van doren
↳ a rekindled flame where their relationship is kept a secret .

◜ INTERACTIONS ┊ BRITISH TO THE VERY LAST ◞
&.  [ 9/10 ] physically  |  [ 7/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ very difficult ] | difficulty w/ melees [ difficult ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ difficult ]
&. [member=2919]truce.[/member] | dm for any major plots .
&. friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .[/size][/spoiler]

[OLLIE.]

[align=center][div style="width: 500px; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; color: #494949; font-family: karla; font-size: 9pt; letter-spacing: 0.2px; word-spacing: 1px; margin-top: 10px;"]he ain't surprised someone's stumbled in behind him.

eddie made quite the stir and so, if memphis' curiosity peaked, he is not surprised to hear the familiar squeak of the door where the young medic? has made her grand appearance. maisie, he thinks her name is? wear-eyed in the darkness, her book clung to her chest. he watches as she examines the situation and upon realization, she doesn't hesitate; walking over, she reaches into her satchel. although she politely asks for eddie's hand, memphis doubts she's not willing to take no for an answer. mems respects that, it's why when she reaches the two he takes a step away from eddie's hand, discarding the shard he had into the trashcan beside him.

he fell, he says. quite the fall, memphis thinks, but he isn't really one to prod forward. he isn't really one to demand answers; especially if they ain't got much affect on him knowing or not. he can try and guess, but this was elijah's best friend for fuck's sake. two sides of the same coin. and although elijah still harbored his immaturity, refused to let it go as it'd brought him so far; eddie, on the other hand, was devoid of it over the years the richards and stirlings were apart. ultimately, both held onto their pride. lies to save face was just apart of the bargain. he wanted to keep that? fine. mems gets it, he supposed. eddie was leader, after all.

missing a gun. huh. as maisie takes mem's temporary position as caretaker, mem's leans into the desk once more, snatching up the paper at hand to review; he's silent, as he once more scans the paper in hand, before glancing up at his leader with an raised eyebrow. "when was it last seen?" he asks. it's not a question that he's pain-staked to know, but what's the harm in not knowing is all. in the back of his mind, he knew his brother. he wouldn't be surprised if he somehow managed to misplace it. that's the best case scenario, anyway. with elijah back in a familiar presence, he hoped that he wouldn't do somethin' to fuck it up. sometimes he gave elijah too much credit, though.

"just a lot on my plate at the moment, that's all." he's sure that was; what exactly that lot ensued? eddie didn't explain, and memphis ain't gonna ask. he already felt as if he was crossing boundaries by enterin' in the first place. felt almost as if he was overextending his stay. maybe eddie did need someone to talk to, but who was memphis to take that spot? he wasn't no therapist. there was another richards brother for that, and even all of elijah and mems' bitching drove him away. "i get it," his brother. his longing of the his brother he left behind. the constant dread that followed these two things alone. but nothing could compare to what leadership what was like, and so memphis wouldn't tread further; compare somethin' that couldn't compare.

"one thing you should know about me," memphis exhales, restoring his mug in hand as he pushes himself from the desk once more. "i ain't no snitch." he glances from eddie to maisie. he nods his head, a subtle gesture to dismiss himself, before heading out of the door without another word.

[EDMUND.]

[align=center][div style="width: 430px; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 6pt; letter-spacing: 2.5px; word-spacing: 0px; line-height: 12px; color: #000"]tw. alcohol use , depressive thoughts , injury , blood .

The nightmares wouldn’t stop, even whilst the sun sat high in the cloudless sky. Every single morning, Eddie would only wake up feeling more tired than before, more empty than before, more vacant than before. How could this emptiness feel so heavy? Footsteps clicked in a lumbering motion as Eddie slowly paced back and forth in the comfort of his office. One hand held a glass with honey-colored liquid sloshing side to side, having been filled one too many times over the course of the day. The other hand held up a sheet of paper - an inventory list written down for him to view - and a cigarette pinched delicately between his pointer and middle finger.

As muted blues scanned over the page, the words bore no resemblance to any legible writing despite being written by Eddie himself the previous day. It made sense to him yesterday, but his glazed over eyes and fuzzy head were like veils of stupefaction today. After all, within all the numbness sat a clenching pain in his chest. He missed his brother. Dominik knew how to handle all of this fucking stress. He could’ve been a better leader than Eddie, able to juggle everything with such precision.

It should’ve been Eddie who had died. He was good for nothing.

He paused to lean his head forward, trying to close his lips around the end of his cigarette but, with everything he tried to drunkenly carry in his hands, it felt difficult to coordinate where his hands should go. He could only try and move the paper to his other hand but, in the effort, he felt his glass slip from his shaky grasp. With a shatter against the wooden flooring, the glass smashed against the ground. ❝ Fuckin’- ❞ Eddie grumbled beneath his breath, the tightness in his chest and throat clenching tighter and tighter and-

God, he could barely breathe.

Breaths felt labored as his hands flailed lightly. Could he not do anything right anymore? He gawked at the splintered shards of glass across the floor. He should pick the pieces up. Eddie began to lean down, using his hand to put his weight down on the seat of his leather office chair until the wheeled chair trundled away. The world fell around him with a loud clatter and then crash, the chair slamming against a bookcase which sent a couple of ornaments falling and clanging against the ground, and suddenly Eddie was on his hands and knees. His trousers at the knees began to feel cold, gently soaking up the spilled whiskey and, as Eddie stared at the ground with parted lips and a hollow gaze, he chose to still himself in the pain which slowly began to sink into his flesh.

Why was he such a mess? A god damn embarrassment to everyone who had the displeasure of knowing him. Slowly, he picked himself back up off the ground, picking up his cigarette and paper before bringing the cigarette to his lips. He tasted blood and whiskey on his lips, trying to take in a deep drag of smoke but instead his shoulders shook, breath expelling back out automatically. With a fleeting surge of frustration, he stubbed his bloodstained cigarette out in the ashtray on his desk, throwing the paper back onto the ground before he looked down. Tears welled up in bloodshot eyes, Eddie slowly holding his hands out - palms up - to reveal that this time the blood on his hands was his own.

Fragments of glass were like knives pressed into the palms of his hands, the unclean and messy wounds glistening with bright, thin streaks of blood. He grit his teeth as he could do nothing but stare passively at the way blood dripped from his hand to the floor. Rooted to the ground, Eddie tried to fight the way his face wanted to shrivel up in pain. Not from the way the shards of glass littered his imperfect skin but the way that he realized just how broken he had to be in order to reduce himself to such a tragedy.

Tears slipped down his face, but he’d be quick to conceal the way he felt inept as a leader, as a father, as a lover, as a friend. Instead, all he could do was fight the emotion away again as he took a heaving sigh back to his stoicism, swiping the tears away with the sleeve of his flannel shirt. Just look at how ruined he’d become, these two guilty hands riddled with blood. This was all him. This mess belonged to him and there was nothing more for anyone to pick at. He was too far gone, after all.

---

sorry not sorry but also kinda sorry-

[spoiler=tags ― updated 06/06.][size=6pt]◜BASICS ┊ SO THIS IS WHERE WE ARE◞
&. ❝ edmund theodore stirling ❞ | ed, eddie | male [he/him] .
&. 24 years old . | seventh august ; leo .
&. currently the captain and official loyalist of flintlock lodge .
&. currently the boss of the stirling's notorious irish crime family .

◜PERSONALITY ┊ IT'S NOT WHERE WE HAD WANTED TO BE◞
&.  ambitious . brave . calm . disciplined . honorable . intelligent . leading . logical . patient . reliable . skillful . trustworthy . wise . aloof . cynical . detached . flirtatious . harsh . jealous . lustful . pessimistic . quiet . ruthless . secretive . stubborn .

◜ APPEARANCE ┊ IF HALF THE WORLD'S GONE MAD ◞
&.  five foot eight & one hundred and seventy one pounds ; reference .
↳ dirty blond hair kept very short and neat .
↳ stocky and well-built frame , lightly freckled skin .
↳ muted blue vacant eyes , unreadable , somewhat frowning expression .

◜ FAMILY ┊ THE OTHER HALF JUST DON'T CARE , YOU SEE◞
&. alfred stirling x leonora moray | both deceased .
&. four older siblings and two younger half-siblings .
↳ dominik stirling , 32 , shot and killed by alfred .
↳ thomas stirling , 32 , caretaker in flintlock .
↳ alfonso stirling , 28 , enforcer in flintlock
↳ franklin darrow , 25 , estranged in bluestem .
↳ henry stirling , 11 , resident in flintlock
↳ ida stirling , 9 , resident in flintlock
&. also lives with four cousins and his aunt .
&. father to thomas , charlotte , kieron and louis .

◜ RELATIONSHIPS ┊ YOU DON'T WANNA FUCK WITH US◞
&. bisexual, biromantic ; mongamous | tends to have a wandering eye .
&. ex-husband to blake kegan
↳ marriage fell apart after he cheated on her .
&. ex-lover to mickey serge
↳ he learned about his bisexuality with him .
&. ex-lover to cove lefebvre
↳ one of the other women , pregnant with his baby .
&. lover to maxine van doren
↳ a rekindled flame where their relationship is kept a secret .

◜ INTERACTIONS ┊ BRITISH TO THE VERY LAST ◞
&.  [ 9/10 ] physically  |  [ 7/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ very difficult ] | difficulty w/ melees [ difficult ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ difficult ]
&. [member=2919]truce.[/member] | dm for any major plots .
&. friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .[/size][/spoiler]

[OLLIE.]

[align=center][div style="width: 500px; text-align: justify; line-height: 150%; color: #494949; font-family: karla; font-size: 9pt; letter-spacing: 0.2px; word-spacing: 1px; margin-top: 10px;"]mems had some semblance of that feeling— kinda came in drones, more than anything else, but when it was there. god damn, it was strong. during rough times, similarly to the way he did a lot of things: shut people out, even those he was closest to. smoked the strongest shit he could find until he was slumped out onto the bed until he woke up mouth-dried and starving the next afternoon. that's why, he was lucky times like those ain't ever stick with him. instead, they blew over. not that he was ever really satisfied. jay had been where he'd found his content. now, once again, he just existed caring for his brother like he'd supposes he always meant to be. better than nothing, right?

he may have not been one of those people, but he could easily pick up that eddie was not. it was just kind of a feeling, he guessed, as eddie ever rarely ever came any indication beyond the fact that he'd aged in ways that elijah had not. while it could have easily been fatherhood, or the pressures that followed with leading a group, memphis didn't know. it reminded him of how his mama used to handle things. strong and stoic, while her four children knew that she was hurting inside. by the end, she welcomed dynasty's love, told her shit she ain't ever tell anyone. point was, everyone needed a little bit of someone.

he keeps a lot to himself these days. learns faces and names through overheard conversations. unless asked, he is sure not many people know him beyond being eddie's friend's brother. not as if he's complaining. he prefers it that way. leaves him in his own solitude, to fantasize about what it'd be like if only he could get jay here. they could live. maybe have a family. ain't ever seem good at the time, even as jay mentioned it, but being here it seems much safer. more doable. . . this mug filled with coffee only stimulates these thoughts as he heads back to his room. that is, until he hears the crash.

it's more like him to mind his business. everyone richards got that family precept except for elijah, but he ain't here. something led him there though, and he's intrigued to see that it's eddie's office. he could turn now. his feet stays planted as he considers, before ultimately deciding to push forth. why? maybe because the sound of glass breaking didn't signal something well. what if there was a fight? what if it was a fight between eddie and elijah? honestly, he was counting the days they'd be at each other's throats again.

slowly, he opens the door to see eddie sitting there by his lonesome, simply lost in thought, or so it seems. one survey across the room and memphis could see the glass that scattered the floor, reflecting off the sliver of light that shines in, a paper lays on the floor, the smell the overwhelming stench of cigarrate smoke and alcohol. memphis could turn around now.

"you throwin' shit around now?" he deadpans, walking into the room, gently closing the door behind him. "i thought ya'll family was more classier than that." this was elijah's friend, and it wasn't as if he had much else to do.

placing the mug on the desk, he reaches down to retrieve the paper on the ground, eyes scanning the incomprehensible writing, leaning back in the the wooden furniture. he ain't sure what it says, nor what it means, but could easily tell it was written by someone with not much sense, at least not at that time. as his eyes continue, he notes the splotch of blood streaked across the paper. sighing heavily, he glances up over the paper at eddie, staring at him for along time. then, pushing himself from the desk, he gently grabs the others hand to survey exactly what he thought.

"you need to lay off this bullshit." his words aren't demanding at the slightest; if eddie continued to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol that was on him. but it wasn't gon' put him in a much better place. pulling at the shards of glass, he asks the question without looking up, [color=#c4a747]"have a feeling something's on your mind."

[MAISE.]

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