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WHAT'S WORSE: LOSING SOMETHING , OR HAVING NEVER LOST ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO LOSE ? THERE'S A SOUL SOMEWHERE BEHIND THOSE EMPTY EYES AND NEVER-SMILING LIPS . WHEN NO ONE KNOWS WHOSE FAULT IT IS , THE FAULT LIES WITHIN YOU . YOU CAN'T BE AFRAID TO LOSE SOMETHING THAT YOU'VE NEVER HAD . THERE'S NO FOOLING YOU , HUH ?
[ i. ]
jay holloway ;
goes almost solely by holloway , and doesn't give out his first name to anyone but those he trusts , which is , as of right now , no one . nicknames aren't exactly a
rare occurrence , and although they make him uncomfortable for Reasons , he won't say or do anything about it .
[ ii. ] he's early / mid thirties , but might look a bit older because of exhaustion and other factors . he is of average height , and has a muscular build . his eyes are an empty grey - blue , hair dark brown that looks black when wet or in certain lighting ( or lack thereof ) . [
reference ; fc: j. gyllenhaal , specifically as
detective loki in
prisoners ] his clothing is all monotone ; greyscale ; black and shades / tints of grey . he often sticks to wearing a dark sweater or hoodie , even in the warmer months .
[ iii. ] he has an intricate star tattoo on the left side of his neck , as well as a thin cross on his left hand and a small , hollow sun tattoo right above his right ankle ( which is always hidden ) . the star and the cross were from a time where he was more of a strong believer in his faith , but for over a decade , now , his faith has been lost and questioned . the sun on his ankle was his first tattoo , and a reminder to himself to never lose his fire ( and now servers as a reminder that he had a little too much fire , and still does ) . he got all the tattoos before the blackout .
[ iv. ] often outwardly calm , and used to be the voice of reason among fighters in arguments , or those who voiced dumb ideas that would definitely get them into trouble until he became fully alone after the blackout . he seems hollow ( his last name is just a coincidence ) — like if you opened him up , there would be nothing inside ( metaphorically , of course ) . his stare is blank , and that of a dead man's . his smiles are very few , very rare , and usually very small and barely there .
[ v. ] he thinks himself hollow and empty , as nothing more than a selfish man that needs to be alone forever . he isn't afraid of losing anyone , because he doesn't get close to anyone . it wasn't his fault , at first — people would naturally stray from him , drift away before they got close and became something he could lose — but then it became habit to keep everyone at a distance . not for safety , not for fear of being abandoned — but because it's all he's known . solitude and emptiness became his home .
[ vi. ] he isn't empty or hollow — his heart pumps warm blood just like the rest of the human race , and he's felt pain and hurt and guilt and shame and
everything , all at once . he's afraid of not being able to save someone who needs to be saved , and of incredible heights , and he jumps at loud noises and has tics he can't help . he is soft-spoken and kind , and a mediator at heart who strives for justice and solace for the 'innocent' . he has a fire deep inside him that can erupt at any moment , waiting to be violent and ugly and loud and destructive . he is self-loathing and
tired . his hands are gentle and shake or even tremble , and he has a soft spot for children and animals .
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