narcissistic cannibal — storage

[Asyli]

testing

[Asyli]

mmxii's intro, save this because a bitch proud

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 450px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; line-height: 12px; font-size: 8pt"][putting this here in advance: DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO MATCH MUSE]

for as long as long as they could possibly remember they had been here, had been trapped within the same compound, the same cell, strapped to the same table. they were sure it had to have been years, of course, they did not have a good concept of time and couldn’t be completely sure but even if they could not tell one day from the next they knew that they have grown much since the endless amount of torture began. Oh, ahem, not torture as the scientists would so surely scold them for saying but the experiments, it had been years since the experiments had begun. they weren’t sure what made that word any better than the other but maybe it helped the scientists feel better about what they were doing; the word experiment meant change, knowledge and understanding, it was a connection to progression of the human race. although, mmxii had always wondered why it was they who had to pay the cost in order to advance the human race. were they not human? why was it they who had to suffer for the masses? why did they not have a choice in this matter? maybe they wanted to live a normal life, be treated like a living breathing person and not lowered to the level of inhuman beast that could be beat all for the purpose of science. they didn’t want to just be “the experiment” they wanted to be human.

maybe they were being selfish in their thoughts, they had been told since they were very little that one must suffer for the masses to flourish; it was almost hero-like to sacrifice oneself for the good of all but, well, what had the masses ever done for them? when had they ever agreed to this sort of sacrifice? why should they be put through this hell on a day to day basis when they were never given a motive, never given a reason—personally—to give up every inch of their being in order to serve people who had not once ever done anything for them. they didn’t care about the others anymore, had stopped caring quite some time ago because it was so much easier to become numb and hardened, to stop caring about anyone else but yourself when you lived through these kinds of conditions. they didn’t care about how selfish they might have been, they were constantly in so much pain, pain that they had never asked for and it simply didn’t seem fair to accept it because if it didn’t happen to them it would happen to others. they were tired, they wanted to leave but they didn’t have that option… maybe they had a right to be selfish.

it was the excessive throbbing of their wrists that brought them back to reality, the metal cuffs were rubbing against the burned skin beneath into rawness and, from what they could feel, some of the burn scabs had begun to reopen. to be quite frank, it was excruciating and far past the normal level of uncomfortable, however, this was not something new to them and they had no trouble handling the agony that was racing around in their hands and spreading up their arms. they knew that they would rather have the burning around their wrists than somewhere else more sensitive, it was certainly better than having a metal cuff clipped around their neck or ankles like it had often been before in the past. it was a lose-lose situation but they supposed that they had to pick the option that was not as bad as the other alternatives. the only real complaints they had about the wrist cuffs anymore was the length of time that it took the burns to properly heal, constantly reopening them made the process longer and far more painful. they knew that they didn’t really have to worry about infection surrounded by advanced medical technology and highly trained doctors and scientists but, really, worrying was the only thing mmxii could do. it was a way to pass the time, as stupid as that sounded, there wasn’t much one could do in a tiny cell and if focusing and stressing out over something small and seemingly insignificant was something they could do, they were going to do it. there was no concept of time here, if they did not escape through their worries or daydreaming they were sure that they would have gone mad a long time ago.

mmxii allowed their head to fall back against the concrete wall as they closed their eyes, a low hum slipped from their throat as they they began to pull at the chain connected to the wall just above them. it was another one of the very few things they could do in their cell, it was monotonous and, at this point, simply muscle memory as they pulled their wrists back and then forward with just enough force to shake the connector right above them. a long while ago they had noticed that the connector had started to become weak, the repetitive motion of pulling on the chains loosening the screws against the wall; they weren’t sure how they had noticed but they supposed they didn’t really care anymore, maybe one day they would be lucky enough to pull off the chains and be able to lay down completely flat without instant pain. although, sometimes they liked to believe that their continuous pulling of the chain was not really a conscious decision but something deep down within them that refused to give up and pulled simply because there was the chance that one day they would be able to break them off and leave this cage for good. this likely sound stupid or crazy but, well, you had to remember that mmxii likely could not think as straight as everyone else anymore, their mind went off in a million and one different directions in search of something to do. maybe they were going mad and this was only the beginning signs of it, all this time of being treated lesser than an animal was likely beginning to finally push into their very core. they knew that they had to get out soon or they were not sure what would happen to their mind, the only thing that they had that actually belonged completely to them. they wouldn't allow the scientists to take that away from them.

they shifted slightly when they heard a low groan outside the cell door and a creaking from the connector just above them, they paused their pulling to turn around and press their front against the wall for support as they raised their hands to run along the chain. it was loose, looser than it had ever been before and as they pulled just slightly they could feel it give just a little bit and they could already feel the adrenaline spreading throughout their body as they turned their head to look in the direction of the door. they knew it was late into the day, it had to be, they didn't move to a singular guard until the rest of the compound was preparing for sleep and they felt something akin to hope pour from their heart as they pressed their back into the wall. this could very well be the chance they had been waiting for and while they had no idea what the fuck they were going to do they knew there was no possible chance they could let this moment be wasted, couldn't sit back and wait, they had to act now or they may never have this kind of opportunity ever again. they began to turn around fully, pressing their back into the wall as they began loudly clanking the chains, sightless eyes narrowing in on the door as they tried to make it as loud as they possibly could. they lifted their chin slightly before beginning to click their tongue, the noise annoyingly bouncing off of the walls and helping mmxii map out exactly what was in the way of the door, of how they were going to have to move when the time came.

a loud banging on the door had them smiling wildly and normally mmxii would have stopped and simply gone to sleep but now they bit their lip and continued on with their clanking of the chains. this was frightening and new territory, breaking away from the obedience that had been beaten into them so many times seemed scarily easy. there was no denying that they were afraid, however, this would not stop them, not now, not ever again. they would no longer bow down to the bastards who had beaten and abused them and called it fair by laws of science, this was their chance to finally have a choice in what they did with their life and they were going to do their very best in order to get what they wanted. along with the clanking of the chains they opened their mouth to start clicking their tongue again, over and over and over again in a fashion that they were sure was driving the guard outside absolutely nuts.

click, click, click, click.

"shut up! just fucking shut up!"

the door opened loudly and they could feel the corner of their lip pull up slightly as rough hands grabbed at the jumper they were wearing. this was what they wanted, what they had planned; the calmness of the scientists could not be matched just as the brashness of the soldiers could not be matched. just a few noises was all it seemed to take to rile them up into picking on the poor blind guinea pig, they kept themselves limp as the soldier shook them and screamed into their face. they did their best to block it out and focus on grabbing the chain near the cuffs around their hand and readying themselves for what was about to come and what kind of chaos they were about to throw themselves into. their anxiety was near crippling but they could not give into it, they could not allow the fear of the outside and of the soldiers to stop them from finally doing what they should have done so long ago. they gripped the chain harder, positive that their knuckles must have been turning white before looking up to where they assumed the soldier's eyes would be a blinking as innocently as they could. without warning they gave a final yank and the chains connected to the wall were torn from it's hinges, a loud bang filled the cell as the connector clattered to the ground. this is what they had been waiting for, years upon years of yanking at the expense of their wrists had led this this very moment... a chance at real and true freedom.

immediately they could feel the hesitation in the soldier’s hands, the slight pause indicating that he was stunned and confused at what had just happened and mmxii took that pause to slam forward into the body of the dazed soldier. normally they would have stood no chance against someone like them but, at the moment, the element of surprise was on their side. they climbed over the guard, slamming their forearm into their face and slamming his head against the ground as hard as they could, maybe they weren't strong enough to completely knock out the guard but that really wasn't the point, right now... they wanted to daze them, make it difficult to fight back for what they were going to need to do next. as quick as they could they moved the chain to wrap around the soldier's neck, pulling harshly and allowing the soldier's gasps for air to fill the cell as large hands gripped at mmxii's wrists and thighs in an effort to throw the thin experiment off. however, they would not go down, could not go down and tightened their grip on the chain; they weren't sure what they were doing, why they were doing it but it felt good... as fucked up as that may sound, it felt good to be in control of once, to be deciding if they were going to allow this soldier to die or live. they felt their bottom lip tremble slightly and tightened the chain with all of their strength, completely cutting of the guard's airway and praying that it was enough to completely subdue the man for right now.

the experiment paused slightly, heart pounding before quickly twisting the chains and hearing a loud crack that indicated the breaking of the poor soldier's neck. they were not so gone to admit that while it felt good to be in control it did pain them to hurt someone like this, to take something like a life away but they supposed that they really didn't have any other choice; at this moment it was kill or be contained and after so long of being caged like an animal... they were willing to kill as many people as they had to in order to get out of here. they let out a slow breath slumping on the soldier's chest as they moved their chained hands over to his belt, they knew that almost all the soldiers had keys to these cuffs, safety procedures they supposed, that they could all move and transport their slave if the need where to arise. they knew that they needed to hurry, that it would only be a matter of time before the guard rotation happened and they planned to be far from this cell when it happened and as their hand clamped around a set of keys they felt the anxiety really begin to kick in. it was hard to fit the key into the locks of the cuffs, not because it was an awkward angle but because mmxii couldn't get their hands to stop shaking long enough to accurately push the key into the tiny lock. it took a little longer than they would have liked but they finally managed to get one of the cuffs off and quickly pulled the other off; they rubbed their wrists slightly, hissing as the open burns were finally freed.

they knew they didn't have much time and moved to crawl over the body of the soldier, clicking lowly to ensure that they would make it through the door and not cause any loud noises by running face first into something that would raise suspicion. it only took a moment before they were fully on their feet and just another heartbeat before they found themselves in a frenzied dash out of the cell and into the hallway, painfully slamming one of their shoulders into the opposite side of the narrow walkway. their breathing was getting heavier and they knew that they needed to get a move on before the other guard came for a shift change and found the dead one lying in mmxii's cell. they pressed their bare feet forward slightly, checking their running room before they took off in a dead sprint down the hallway. it wasn't safe, not by any means, especially with an impairment like theirs but they didn't care, they didn't have time to care. they were going to have to rely on their form of echolocation and memory to get where they needed to go and couldn't waste time worrying about if they were going to hit something, break something and get punished because of it.

they knew their way to the lab by heart, they’d been down here countless times before and could easily direct themselves even without their sight; right, left, straight, left and right. they did not know where the exit was exactly, they’d never been there before and had never been allowed anywhere near it for obvious security reasons. however, they’d heard the guards talk about it plenty of times to have a vague idea of where they were going. they didn't know much about it, just that the guards often times liked to go outside and hunt or just relax instead of being cooped up in the compound all day. humph, lucky bastards. they kept pushing themselves, sliding through the right turn and spiriting down the hallway as fast as they possibly could; it wasn't smart, not when they knew they were making so much noise but they didn't care, they needed to make ground right now, needed to give themselves a head start and a chance at the possibility of getting out. they winced loudly when a siren began to go off, a blaring sound near deafening them and making it near impossible to continue their clicking effectively. they slowed in their running and moved their hands to cover their ears, groaning as their sensitive hearing was brutally assaulted. it seemed that the guard change had happened earlier than they hoped and someone had found the deceased soldier. it was troubling and mmxii found that this was no longer some impulsive action and the haze had finally frazzled and they came to realize that, at that moment, they were indeed attempting to escape. they kept running, heart pounding as more noises seemed to be going off and they could feel their senses already becoming overwhelmed with the newfound screaming and crying of the sirens and soldiers. they winced and made another hard turn, nearly hitting the ground as the made the next turn and began sprinting down what would be the longest of all of the hallways. luckily for them it seemed the soldiers had not yet reached this part and despite the blaring of the sirens they couldn't hear anything else, they knew not to get too confident, not now but at least something was working in their favor.

it was not long before the next turn arrived and as soon as they hit the next left turn they found themselves barreling into something that felt like a mobile cart, throwing all of the contents onto the floor and slamming roughly into the ground. "what the fuck?" mmxii's eyes grew wide as they scrambled across the ground and tried to push themselves onto their knees, unfortunately, they were not fast enough and whomever they had managed to run into was quick to grab at them. no, no, no, no they couldn't be caught now, no, they flailed as hard as they could but the grip that the scientist had on their back was strong and they weren't big enough to pull it off of them.

the scientist grabbed them, pushing them face forward into the ground and mmxii could feel the panic building in their chest; they were so close, so close to finally being free and they couldn't lose, couldn't be taken down now. they felt hands gripping their back and frantically found themselves click, sightless eyes moving around frantically as their hands flared across the ground before landing on a broken piece of glass. they weren't sure what it was from, maybe it fell off of the cart they had bumped into but right now wasn't the moment to be choosy and as they felt the scientist trying to lift them up they closed their hand around the piece of glass. they could feel it digging into their skin, cutting the flesh as they managed to get a firm grasp on it before twist around violently and swinging it with as much force as they possibly could; they felt blood splatter the face as the piece of glass slashed across what mmxii assumed was the scientist's face. the following scream only confirmed their assumption and as they pulled their arm back once again to bring it down again they could feel bile rising into their throat as the piece of glass slid through skin. the scientist continued to scream and they took the chance to shuffle forward and stumble onto their feet, the only thing keeping them from a breakdown was the glass digging into their skin as their grip seemed to exponentially tighten and, for once, they were glad that they were blind... they didn't want to see what they had done.

they could faintly hear footsteps hitting the ground behind them, much further down the currently hallway and despite the violent shaking of their body they forced themselves to drop the shard and shuffle forward. they pressed their fingertips to the wall, gagging as their bare feet stepped through the same warm blood that was splattered across their hand and, from what they could tell, their face and jumper. they were going to be sick but they were going to have to hold it in, they could vomit later if the need were to arise but, for now, they had to block everything out and focus on getting to the exit. they breathed in quickly before beginning to sprint down the hallway, fingers still grazing against the wall to keep them stable as they blindly ran down a hallway they had been pulled down so many times before. they clicked their tongue quietly, trying to ensure that they wouldn't be running into anything that could slow them down and make it easier for the soldiers behind them to catch up and take them back to their personal hell. the footsteps behind them grew louder, mmxii pushed their legs as hard as they could, chest heaving as their eyes began to water from the exertion but adrenaline ensuring that they would not be stopping any time soon. this was a fight or flight situation and their body was helping them take flight, helping them by helping itself and, and, and, fuck, they were so close, they were so close.

they made a sharp right when their hand gave from the wall and spirited as quickly as they could through the narrow way, breathing heavily as they used both arms to push themselves forward; praying to all things that they would not run into anything that could end this game of cat and mouse. they clicked wildly, taking as much information from what was in front of them as best they could, having to move over slightly to keep from doing a swan dive into a desk; they knew they were getting closer, the sirens were starting to quiet down and they knew that the soldiers would likely all be out and looking for them at this point. this worried them, of course, they couldn't see anything and there were likely more soldiers than they could fight off, especially in their weakened state but they couldn't and wouldn't stop running, wouldn't stop trying despite the danger they were now putting themselves into and the level of punishment that was surely in order if anyone managed to get their hands on them. they began clicking loudly, lungs heaving and making it difficult to get a proper sound out to judge exactly where they were and how far away from the exit they were at that moment. they finally managed to get out a dry click, eyes widened slightly as the noise bounced off a solid object just a little ways in front of them.

they tried to slow down but couldn't stop fast enough to keep from harshly slamming into the iron door, panic kept the from hitting the ground as they moved their hands wildly over the door. they had no idea what the fuck they were doing but they knew that they had to do something, that there had to be some way to open this things; fuck, they didn't even know if this was the right door but... but they could never remember being taken down this way and from simply listening to the guards over time they felt this was right, they hoped it was right, god, if they were wrong then all this would be in vain and they were so fucking scared of that. what would happen to them if they were pulled all the way back into the labs, what would they do? mmxii couldn't take it anymore, they didn't want to live like this anymore... if they had to they'd steal a gun from one of the guards and put it against their temple. they wouldn't go back, they refused to. they felt tears building in their eyes as they blindly shifted to the left of the door feeling the area as a sob escaped their lips and just as the footsteps behind them seemed to be catching up, mmxii's hand skimmed over a large button and without hesitation the experiment pressed down as hard as they possibly could.

they weren't expecting the spray of disinfecting spray and began hacking violently as the iron door shifted and began to slide open. they weren't sure what was on the other side but they didn't have the time to contemplate and fell forward through the door as fast as they could. they hit the ground harder than they were expecting and wheeze loudly as the air was knocked from their lungs, they knew they didn't have time to lay there and try to catch their breath and began pulling themselves across... across something cold and wet. it was a strange feeling and despite the water soaking into their blood stained clothes it was, well, a nice feeling but they didn't have time to worry about what was touching them, didn't have time to worry about how cold they were. maybe they would marvel at the world and what it felt like to step foot outside for the first time ever at a later place, right now they were still not in the clear and the sounds of the guards seemed to get louder and louder the longer they laid on the ground contemplating the feeling of grass. they pulled themselves to their feet, all six of their toes curling into the mud awkwardly as the experiment struggled to get some sort of traction as they forced themselves into another full on sprint blindly through what felt like an open field.

they turned quickly, stopping in their tracks and looking in the direction of the compound, they couldn't hear anything and it put them on edge; it was as if all of the noise suddenly stopped like the compound and the soldiers had dropped off the very face of the planet. they heaved loudly, shaking as they began to shuffle backwards while keeping their front to the compound; they wanted to hear something, anything that would give them a clue as to what was going on. however, it was a loud bang that had mmxii moving their hands to cover their ears before an excruciating kind of pain slammed into their right hip and they found themselves screaming as they stumbled backwards. they removed their hands from their ears and pressed them down against the white hot pain in their side, it was like being set on fire and they stumbled backwards as the sounds of feet began running towards them. they weren't sure what was happening, they were scared and confused and they felt their entire world collapsing as they realized that this was it... they weren't getting away, they were being contained again and they let out a loud sob.

the footsteps were getting so close and the experiment continued to shuffle backwards fruitlessly, they weren't sure why they were still trying, they weren't going to win. maybe it was some final attempt, desperate until the very end, they couldn't just give up, they had to make the soldiers drag them back in screaming and fighting. they weren't going out without a fight, they refused to do so. it was then that they realized that the soldiers were screaming, voices being thrown in their direction and maybe if mmxii was more coherent they could make out what the soldiers were saying but adrenaline, fear and panic was making everything way too hazy. however, it was the moment that something hit the back of their heel and they felt themselves falling backwards that they realized what the soldiers were doing.

they were warning them.

everything felt as though it were moving in slow motion, they could feel their back hit dirt and then fling up and the come back to hit the ground again and again and again. they were rolling down something, spinning out of control as rocks and twigs and other outside life smacked painfully against them. they felt bile rise into their throat and spill out of their mouth as they finally released their vomit over themselves, stress finally taking over their body as they continued to roll down the side of the cliff. they weren't sure if this was it, if they were going to die and for the first time their cursed their inability to see, to understand what the fuck was going on and being stuck in a world of blackness and confusion where they couldn't even see if they were just going to roll onto flat ground or take a nosedive off a large cliff where they would fall, ultimately, to their death. they didn’t register that they were screaming, hacking between fits of fear and vomit that was still clogged within their throat; they were fucking terrified and they well had reason to be. it was a repetitive motion and they were sure that something was going to break with how hard they were beginning to hit the ground when the rolled up into the air, their eyes were screwed shut and their arms were wrapped tightly around their neck as they tried to curl up into the fetal position in the hope that it would offer better protection for them than the flailing that they had been doing earlier.

the tumbling didn't last very long after that, they never slowed but simply found themselves being hurled off what they assumed was a cliff. figured. they twisted around, flailing helplessly in midair as they awaited the eventual hit of the ground that would signal their demise, well, they supposed that they would at least be getting to die a freedman and not a slave; maybe it was a rather depressing thought but... if this was how they were going, at least they had had the chance to feel the outside world just once. the longer they held onto these thoughts the slower time seemed to go, they couldn't have been falling for more than a few seconds but it felt far longer than that and just as mmxii was coming to terms with their death their back slammed into water. they were stunned for a few seconds before realizing that they were being pulled violently in the direction that the water was running and that their lungs were beginning to burn. they began kicking their feet and moving their arms as best they could but they had never known how to swim; however, they were slightly relieved when they were able to push their head above the water and to gasp for breath.

being in such fast moving water was probably incredibly dangerous for them and even if they had no idea where they were going or even how far away the bank was they knew they had to get out of the water as fast as they could. it was icy cold and they were sure their lips were beginning to turn blue as they pitifully trashed in a random direction in the hopes that they could reach the bank before the water took them and they slipped under the waves permanently. they moved their arms and kicked their legs as best as they could, reaching out every time they felt they had moved just a little bit, desperately trying to grab anything that would be able to help pull them out of the assumed river. it seemed like luck truly was on their side today as their hand was able to grab onto a small branch that was stilled rooted to the edge of the river; they pulled their other arm forward and despite the soreness of their body screaming at them to let go they began yanking themselves along the branch and painfully crawling onto the sand of the bank. somehow they had managed to get this far, god, they weren't sure how but they knew enough to never look a gift horse in the mouth and despite still coughing up water they forced themselves forward and onto wherever it was that they had landed. 

---

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their side was on fire, pain bursting up from their hip and quickly spreading throughout their body as they struggled further into the forest. they weren’t sure how they were still managing to walk, to keep pushing forward despite the screaming of their body and the desire to just roll over and submit to the agony trying to cripple them. no matter how much they wanted to do that, however, they knew that it would be a sign of giving up, of being far too weak to survive outside of the hell that the compound had been and they refused to admit to that. it was true that they had no idea where they were and certainly were not prepared to survive in the wilderness with no supplies, no knowledge, no sight and no skills; it was very likely that they would meet their end out here somewhere, funny, the thought of that didn’t bother them as much as they thought it should have but… maybe, in a twist way, they were okay with meeting death in the wilderness.

they were shivering as they walked, body completely drenched from the freezing water and making it difficult to keep in any sort of warmth, especially because they assumed that it was night and the temperature was likely reaching dangerously low levels for someone to be out here in the way that they currently were. they could hear the clattering of their teeth and they could feel the tremble that moved throughout their legs but they could do nothing about it but keep walking and hoping that by moving they would somehow manage to keep a little bit of heat within their broken body. however, it was getting increasingly difficult as their body began to finally come down from it's adrenaline high and wanted nothing more than to shut down at that moment, immediately. they were beginning to sway on their feet, grabbing onto nearby trees in an effort to keep themselves upright. quietly they lifted their chin, chin shaking as they attempted to get a clicking out to get a small idea of what was going on around them and if there was anything they were going to need to be watching out for. it was difficult and they couldn't get the proper sound out the first time and the more they tried they more nauseous they seemed to become, body finally reaching it's edge and succumbing to exhaustion. a combination of loss of blood and simple exertion being the reason they found their body turning completely against them.

they felt their knees give out first, exhaustion spreading throughout mmxii's weakened body as they struggled to continue pulling themselves across the ground, fear refusing to allow them any type of rest despite everything else nearly shutting itself completely down. they did not know where the soldiers were or exactly how far away they were from that hell and they couldn’t stop, even if their body demanded it, until they were sure they were far away enough away to be considered safe. call them stupid, they did not care, this was the only time they had ever felt freedom and they would not let it be taken from them even if they had to die to never lose this feeling. they shifted slightly, pain intensifying and their mouth opening in a silent scream as both hands moved to press over the bullet wound.

[tw: slight gore, um, unprofessional medical procedures]

mmxii knew that they would need to take this bullet out, stop the bleeding and close the wound before it had the chance to get infected. while they had never done something like this before they had been in the healing stages more times than they could count and they had a vague idea of what needed to be done in order to keep the wound from causing them more hassle than it already was. they did not have a weak stomach, they’d felt true pain before and even if the thought of what needed to be done brought up a flare of anxiety, mmxii pushed it down in favor of rolling onto their back.

slowly they pulled shirt away from the wound, groaning as dried blood clung to the shirt and yanked the bullet hole roughly before damply pressing against the upper part of their stomach. their chest heaved slightly, the pain causing a sort of exhaustion that they could not really achieve in any other way or fashion. it took a few moments, a few agonizing moments before they allowed their fingers to drift over the wound and map out the injury; mmxii their best to feel how bad it was and what would need to be done in order to fix the current situation, well, sort of, they already knew what they were going to do but they needed a moment to fully come to terms with what they were about to do. it was going to hurt, they were sure of it but pain was something they could handle, had been forced to handle over their life and they could do this. they closed their eyes, took a deep breath and allowed their head to roll back onto the dirt behind them as their hands shook and they attempted to keep themselves as calm as they possibly could. it was a difficult task, they were used to pain but it was simply instinct to lean away from something that would cause pain and mmxii couldn't help the shaking of their body as they pressed two fingers against the wound to control the bleeding just slightly. a heartbeat passed and mmxii's breath grew ragged as their anxiety flared, the longer they waited the harder it would be but they had to do it, had to do it, had to, had to.

the experiment breathed in one last time before roughly shoving two of their fingers into the wound, they couldn't even come close to containing the agonizing scream that ripped out of their throat. they felt a sob build in their chest as tears began to gather in their eyes, however, despite the obvious pain they continued to dig their fingers deeper into the hole. tears were slowly dripping down their face as their teeth bit savagely into their bottom lip, easily drawing blood as the soft flesh was torn apart; tears, blood and sweat dripped from their chin as they pushed past the second knuckle on their fingers. they let out a loud sob as they tried to follow the exact path the bullet had taken, they knew it was on a safe path, as strange as it must sound mmxii knew that the scientists did not want them dead and would not shoot the kill. it was painful, yes, but they knew that it hadn't hit anything major, it wasn't fatal but, at that moment, they fucking wish it had been.

"fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." they couldn't help the incoherent mumbles as they dug in deeper, this was excruciating and they were not afraid to admit that. more blood dripped from their bitten split-lip as they tried to keep their scream bayed, their sobs quiet and to keep hidden from any of the soldier or scientists who could very well be in a near vicinity. they let out a few quick breaths, finally push up to the very hilt of their fingers before they felt a cold metal tip against their finger that easily stood out from the ridiculously warm flesh around it. they paused for a minute, trying to collect themselves in order to have to nerve to start pulling on the small piece of metal; it was going to be twice as bad pulling their fingers out of the wound as it was pushing them in and they could feel the edges of their mind starting to twist into a kind of hazy blackness. they needed to act quickly now, their subconscious trying to come to them in an effort to distance them from the distress that their physical body was currently going through. they let their lip go, mouth falling open as their fingers curled around the back of the bullet and began to pull outward. now, they didn't dare hold in their pained screams as the bullet moved centimeter by centimeter from their insides; it was an unexplainable kind of pain, that kind that you could never ever describe to someone who had not lived through it themselves and as mmxii finally pulled the metal object from their wound they began a loud and uncontrollable sobbing.

they weren't allowed to cry usually, no matter how brutal the experiments became and how much they desperately wanted to shout out their agony so that the people could understand what horrible things they were doing to someone who looked and breathed as they did. the young adult flicked the bullet away haphazardly, slowly laying their whole hand over the inflamed area. there was still something that needed to be done but their body felt numb, weakened from exertion and it felt almost impossible to move any part of their body to even attempt to cover the wound and slow the bleeding. however, they knew they couldn't just lay down and allow themselves to bleed out on a muddy forest floor. they pressed their other hand to the ground and began pushing themselves up, wincing breathlessly as them managed to prop themselves up against a tree.

[tw over]

they shifted their leg closer to them before moving both hands to grip the bottom of their pant leg. the material was thin and fragile and mmxii had no troubles making a small tear in the fabric before beginning to rip it up to their knee and tearing it across, completely detaching it from the rest of their pants; it was impromptu and likely dirty but it was the only thing they currently had that could work as some kind of bandage. they winced loudly before shifting to wrap the cloth around their waist, it wasn't a very long piece of cloth but they weren't very big at the moment, punishments having been harder through the past few... periods of time, they weren't sure how long they had been going on, well, either way, they could feel each of their ribs and their collarbones stuck out plainly and it wasn't hard to wrap the scrap of fabric completely around themselves.

they pulled the wrap tightly, pressing their hand over the now covered wound as they finally allowed their body to relax, head pressing into the wood as their sightless eyes began to droop. it wasn't a good time to fall asleep but if they could control it they would of, instead they slowly allowed the exhaustion take over and their subconscious to push them back into a world free from the pain of their physical form. their dreams were never good but, at that moment, they knew it would be nothing but darkness and they welcomed the relief with open arms, their mind fully fading from consciousness.

---

---

the first thing that they felt when they began to softly pull themselves from unconsciousness was pain, an ever familiar thing and, for a split second, they almost seemed to forget the days before; everything they had done, where they were and why it was so excruciating to move. however, it only took a few moments before the memories came flooding back and the young adult found themselves groaning loudly; they weren’t sure if it was one of regret or just an extension and release of the pain building in their middle. the next thing that they noticed was that their entire body was stiff and numb with cold, which, likely wasn’t something good but mmxii was far too worn to care at the moment. they shifted one of their cold stiff hands to gently press against their bandaged wound, wincing as a spark of pain traveled throughout their body before fading into a dull throb. they were sure that had to be a good sign, a sign that it was healing and that the bleeding had, for the most part, stopped; they weren’t sure they were completely out of the danger zone but, for right now, it was as good as it was going to get. they let out a slow rush of air, their awkwaened movement beginning to warm up some of their frozen muscles and they realized exactly how painfully cold they were. they knew they were going to have to find shelter soon, leave this area because even if they had not been found the night before this spot was not safe and they could definitely be much further from the compound than they were right now. they were tired, their body thoroughly exhausted but they stilled pressed a hand against the tree behind them, huffing as the the cut from the glass began to open and throb. however, they forced themselves to ignore it and continue to pull themselves up.

they pushed themselves up as hard as they possibly could until they were standing upright on two very unstable legs. it was then that they felt it, a soft warmth that spread out over their body and chased a little bit of the cold away; they couldn’t tell exactly what it was but it felt amazing and mmxii let out a soft content hum as a soft chirping began in the distance. for the first time since they escaped they allowed a soft smile to split over their face, enjoying what they assumed were rays of the sun shining down from the sky. this is what they always thought freedom would feel like, uh, well, minus the pain in their… everywhere. they were not sure they had ever been this close to happy before and it felt nice, it felt nice to not feel like a pet anymore and something wild and free and if they could they would have certainly done a little happy dance in order to let some of their overflowing emotions out. nodding softly to themselves they allowed their newfound good mood to propel them forward into the deeper parts of the forest, they knew they had a lot of ground to make if they were going to be far enough away from hayward to be comfortable.

they spaced out after that, focusing solely on trying to stay upright as they stumbled through the brush of the forest; their bare feet were being cut by the rocks and twigs that layered the ground but they were too mentally lost to actually care. they did their best to click, to make sure that they had some idea of what was going on ahead of them but they were too tired to keep it up for very long and took to grabbing onto the trees to led them to wherever it was that they were going. they didn't really care anymore, now it was just a game of trying to keep moving for as long as they could, sure they were in pain but at least moving made them fade away from what was really happening around them and allowed them to still put room between themselves and the place that they had successfully escaped from. it mustn't have been twenty some minutes later, again, mmxii was bad with time, fuck, for all they knew they could have been hobbling through the forest for more than an hour and simply not have noticed it or really understand the period of time that had actually passed. they mumbled softly, hand reaching forward to grab onto the next tree, however, when their hand grasped nothing but thin air and they found themselves knocking their shin against something hard and tripping they, embarrassingly, yelped. they were too tried to click and they supposed this was their punishment, tripping over something hard that could have easily been avoided if they had been strong enough to stay focused and not zone out like they had.

"shit." they whispered slightly, curling up into a ball as they tried to hold their bullet wound and surely bruised shin as the laid on the strange path. it would be so easy to give in now, to just lay here and accept death at the hands of whatever beasts roamed the land around here but, well, for some fucking reason mmxii knew they couldn't give in, knew that they had to get back and keep pushing themselves. they didn't even know what they were going for now, maybe it was still the promise of freedom that motivated them or maybe it was something else but whatever it was it was the only real thing that they found they could hold onto anymore. they rolled over into a sitting position, rubbing their head slightly as their newfound headache pounded just behind their eyes. their body was exhausted, so very close to giving out but there was just no way that they had the time to give it the break that it deserved. something needed to be done, apparently.

they blinked a few times before beginning to click, listening as closely as they could as they noticed that the strange path continued on in both directions. they narrowed their eyes slightly before moving a hand to feel at the wood and metal that made up the path; mmxii wasn't sure what exactly it was but they assumed that it must have been for moving something large. slowly they moved down to press their ear against the metal part of the side, wincing and place their hand over their wound at the weird stretch of the new position stretched the healing skin. they couldn't hear anything, which, they assumed to be a good thing as it meant that whatever this path was it wasn't currently in use by anything large and machine like. which meant that they would be able to walk along it and follow it to wherever the fuck it was going, maybe it would lead them to somewhere they would be able to stay for the night instead of being forced to sleep outside in the cold yet again.

they stubbornly pushed themselves back onto their feet then, swaying slightly as they forced a foot forward against the tracks, body shaking with the effort that such a small action had caused. they were exhausted, their body pushing the very edge of what it could take and they knew that if they didn't find somewhere safe soon it would not be anything in the wild that would kill them, it would be pure exhaustion. they huffed loudly, slowly limping down the tracks and wincing as their sore body stretched wrong through every step they took; they wanted to die, they wanted to lay down and die but knew that just wasn't an option and continued onto the path. they were freezing but it was a lot better than it had been last night, well, what they assumed was last night as even though it was cold now... there was something warm shining on their skin and they assumed that that was what it felt to have sunlight on your skin. they were still shaking, body unused to such a temperature change and the thin clothes that mmxii was wearing were still damp from the river and the coldness clung to them like a magnet.

they wanted to laugh now, to be honest; they must have looked a mess, hair plastered to their face, covered in a mix of blood and mud, clothes ripped, bare foot, dried blood crusting some parts of their clothes as it began to dry. their burn's scabs were likely falling off by now, reopening some of the wounds while others tried to finally scar over; they must have looked like a monster, no, they must have looked like something close to the walking dead. especially with their current limp, well, at least thinking about this had given them a chance to space out of the painful reality of their physical body but they knew it was only a limited amount of time in which they could pretend that nothing hurt. they shuffled forward, however, it was the sound of something moving, moving through what they thought must have been the brush on the side of the path. they began to sink down to their knees, fingers moving around the tracks before grasping a large rock in their hand; they didn't know what was out there, if it was a soldier or some kind of animal but they weren't going to let it take them.

they gripped the rock as hard as they could, listening closely as the brush continued to move around and make noise and before anything could come near them they turned towards the sound and released the large rock as hard as they could before turning and stumbling off the side of the tracks. they couldn't run, not in their current state but they began and frenzied crawl across the ground and as far away from the sound as they could. they didn't care to figure out what it was, who or what it came from and whether it was really there or not because their scared mind just wanted to get the fuck away from it. they could feel their breath coming quickly as they continued crawling across the ground, trying to push up onto their knees and then their feet and beginning and scared hobble through the forest.

their entire body ached as they forced it back into a flight or fight mode, however, this time they didn’t have the advantage of adrenaline and found that the only thing pushing them forward was fear and will; they didn’t want to be found, they couldn’t see who it was and they weren’t going to let that thing take it away and back to the compound where they would be continuously beat and broken only to live each day in the exact same way. they’d grown up there, likely been born and had survived for years and they didn’t want to go back and they didn’t want to die there. their breath was becoming ragged again, spit dripping down their chin as they finally seemed to push past a part of the forest and into what felt like a clearing. they clicked their tongue quietly, still on hyper alert as they stumbled through the open grassy area. they stumbled again, ankle twisting harshly and giving out as they, once again, felt themselves flayed out on the ground. they couldn’t hold back their sobs as the tried to push themselves back up again, body shaking as they managed to get themselves onto their knees; they knew there was no way they could put themselves back on their feet again but they were content to simply kneel there, cover their face and just cry. they didn’t know why they were crying, sure, there was the aspect of their body being in pain but they knew that, at that moment, that wasn’t the reason they had resorted to tears. mentally and emotionally they were broken, years of neglect seemed to finally be catching up to them and everything seemed more than what they were capable of actually handling. they fisted their matted black hair before moving to push their forehead into the ground, uncaring of the way the position pulled on their wound; they were shaking again and the fingers in their hair seemed to tighten drastically and before they could hold themselves back they let out a pained scream. they were in agony and they had no way to relieve it, no other way than to simply cry and scream.

unbeknownst to mmxii, a short ways in front of them was a large wooden building; it would differ greatly from the concrete building that they had spent their entire life in. they were so close to help and even if they did not know it they still felt like a sort of failure, breaking down when they still needed to keep moving forward. this was the place that had kept them going, even if that was not something they could possibly know or even understand. maybe it was fate or something else, at that moment, however, they were content to sob into the dirt, finally succumbing to all of the emotions they had held in for so, so long.

---

---

WORD COUNT: 9538
IT'S FINALLY DONE but, again, i feel the need to repeat that you do not have to match muse by any means, i won't be matching my own lmao. write what you can because i'll honestly be happy with anything c:

[Asyli]

characters that i actually want,,,
corpsecub/bride
maddog lee
flightpaw/log tuan
oleanderpaw/poison
horrorstories laurinavičius
darisam
adrastair
death

[windfall]

asyli bby
i'm gonna bring isaac back if u remember him
can haeju and ike plot god i miss their friendship

[Asyli]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 450px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; line-height: 12px; font-size: 8pt"]Vasiliev

[windfall]

bIH
CLING TO ME ILY SO IT DOESN'T MATTER

[Asyli]

efuwfhwfwlk I'M LOAF YOU

[Asyli]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 450px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; line-height: 12px; font-size: 8pt"]i'd really appreciating being able to think ahead when i say shit, this impulsive business is making me feel like shit and i'm so tired of constantly fucking everything up. lmao, it's cool i guess. they're probably used to it at this point, it's hard when you have dark humor and an inability to full understand social situations but it's chill, i hate myself more than they hate me so it's good.

[dame]

//pats and offers hug

[Asyli]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 420px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; line-height: 12px; font-size: 8pt"]EMRYS "TIME" ZONA VASILIEV[table]