cheryl blossom is my zodiac sign — rump-a-dump 2.0

[Wafture]

this bs is actually getting to me because i'm going to cry what the ever loving fuck

[Wafture]

i feel like
since the ff shit happened i haven't been able to fully recover
because after that my depression just got significantly worse and now it's progressing?? and i just

i ask my mom
i beg her
to get me on drugs because i cannot handle this any longer, but she doesn't want me hopped up on pills like some "loon", because she thinks it'll change me

and i just
i just hate life right now
i genuinely find no pleasure in any games or drawing or writing
high school is kicking my ass
my family is extremely unsupportive
and i just

oh my god
i just fucking hate my life so, so much
i want to fucking die
i would kill myself if i wasn't afraid? and i have so many self-esteem issues it's ridiculous and i just
im ashamed of who i am, what i want to be, etc. my family makes me ashamed, too

i just
im so fucking bored. constantly. im fucking crying my eyes out and im bored, and i dont know what to do, nothing is fun anymore, my friends try to help me but im scared going to them because it's the same thing over and over again ("im sad"/"im pissed"/"im lonely") and everyone makes me feel like nobody cares? genuinely? im just another person on the internet. i dont mean anything to you. if i died today, nobody would give a shit, because you'd sniffle for a moment and then move on with your life

goddamit
im a failure of a human being. i can't socialize. i cant have healthy relationships. im a fucking disaster and i deserve to lay in a grave and fucking stay there. i let down everyone and nobody fucking cares.

i just want help that's all i fucking ask
im slowly getting worse and its just so fucking painful

[dame]

I'd give a shit

[basorexia]

I'd give a shit

[atomic]

i too would give a shit


hey, you're not alone, a lot of people on this site have bad depression, i myself have it (it's undiagnosed (because my mom doesn't think drugs are a good solution and we both know that I pretty obviously have chronic depression). i know ut feels really good to isolate yourself when you're overwhelmed, but that probably isn't gor the best, and I'm sure that your friends aren't tired of you because you're depressed but they might be tired of some of the things you do when you're depressed (personally I run away from all of my problems and isolate myself/only hang out with a few v chill people until I feel stable again and most people don't like this but it's better for me) so try to make them understand why you do what you do if you can. i'm not entirely sure if there is a longterm solution to depression, because like i said, mine is regularly occuring and a lot of it comes from being trans and being pre-t, which is going to change soon, so maybe you know precisely what causes yours whether it's something similar or being around toxic people, and maybe you can start taking steps towards fixing that (though if it's issues with your parents or something then I can understand why it probably feels impossible to escape).

But what I do know is that it's possible to be incredibly happy even w/ depression. It's possible, even when you question whether or not you like the activities you do or if you can feel love and all of those things, it's definitely possible. I'm usually incredibly happy for a few months before I have an episode, which I just had, but I came out of it.I'm sure there's something or someone that still brings you joy so focus on that. If you need to, turn off your phone and don't talk to people for a few days, and go outside or sing or play with your dog all day. Keep active bc the boredom will kill you, but if it's too overwhelming to engage w/ people then DON'T. But also don't shut yourself up for too long, just a bit, and then slowly start talking to people again and remove the stressors from your life that you can. Eventually it gets easier. I'm not saying that it completely goes away, but it gets easier every day. And keep anything that can kill you far far away until suicidal thoughts pass. You can also actively think about things other than suicide or what you love and why you live to keep you alive. If ou dream of a better future, then have faith that that future will come to pass and let that be your motivator for living. If you really love your dog or cat or something and you know that they rely on you, let that be your motivator. Whatever works.

Don't focus on the negative. Don't focus on the anxiety or sadness or how trapped you feel. Focus on the positive. Focus on the little things like the sunshine or how good tea is or fuzzy socks or something. It sounds dumb, I know it does, but happiness starts when you believe you're happy. Power of the mind and all.This applies to your insecurities too. Focus on what you love about yourself. How pretty your eyes are or how cute and dorky your laugh is or how good you are at art. And if you can't find anything to love about yourself, then just say that you love yourself and if you do it enough, you'll internalize that love.

[Wafture]

this took me a long time to reply to but... thank you!! augh i wish i had more to say but im really happy that yall care,, i just get in these dark moods where it makes it hard to see it

[Wafture]

me talking to my boyfriend like

[Wafture]

l m a o
dont call me cute im evil stop

[dame]

l m a o
dont call me cute im evil stop

when did you turn into Phantom

[Wafture]

when i became a blue haired anime boy