life could be a dream | private

[CIRCUSCLOWN!]

[align=center][div style="width: 450px;; text-align: justify"][size=9pt]Circusclown eye looked to the side at the door, and he'd begin to step a little closer to it though still staring at Leo as if the other was about to spring at him if he left. He wasn't going to leave yet - he just wanted to try to reason first. However he couldn't deny that he was scared of what could happen, because she seemed very upset. He had remained fairly self-controlled, wary but he was still keeping hold of reality - of himself. However, Leo hit a soft spot when he heard her last question that kind of ruined any self-control.

"You can touch me, yknow. Or am I so vile that you just can't?"

He sort of spiraled out of his own control as she said that. His breath grew heavy, in and out, in and out - he was having a panic attack as he lowered his head, trying to say something but unable to between the gasps for breath, his entire body feeling too warm for his liking. "That is -" He'd pause between his breaths, before he continued with a serious voice. "That's enough." He'd say. He could almost feel the Leonidas he knew whispering to him, shouting at him, questioning him - he suddenly felt very suffocated by the walls around him, and the wood against his paws made his heart race. But he kept trying to pull back to reality, though it felt so hard to do right now. None of it was real but it felt like it

Why did Leo have to ask that? How did his answer to her question even turn into that? He was not good at beating around the bush - he needed someone to be straightforward with him, though this was not what he called straightforward. He interpreted this as sudden, an unnecessary question. Hyperventilating, he'd keep on closing his jaws trying to stifle himself. He felt infuriated by Leo right now - he felt like he was in danger, but he knew he wasn't as he tried to regain control of his breathing pattern. His eye was glued onto Leo, watching her quietly. He could see black blood covering his paws - he thought it was there, but it wasn't. He wasn't hurting anyone, he hadn't killed anyone - it was just that he messed up a friendship and it ended up messing with him. He was fine - he was safe. Nobody was going to hurt him.
[spoiler=tags]
general ; "drink up baby"
★ circusclown disharmony | nicknames are circ and clown, former names are breadstick, uglyclown and clown | male [ he/him ]
two years four months physically and mentally | born november 13th, 2014 | ages realtime
shadowclan vice-leader | former exiles leader and blizzardclan head combatant (feralfront)
entropy disharmony x npc | generation 2 | head of disharmony family | only loyal to family
demisexual | panromantic | crush on leo | afraid of being in a relationship
other facts ★
★ has ptsd, alcoholism and depression.
★ always looks tense and ready to fight
★ can be very irritable one second and then completely switch the next
★ has flashbacks about his mother dying and killing leonidas
★ can cook but dislikes doing so. loves writing and reading.


appearance ; "stay up all night"
★ domestic cat | always scowling | always smells strongly of alcohol
he is a light brown feline who has a lot of fluffy fur that's often tangled up covered in dirt and dust, and it also feels very greasy and gross. his head is lacking of the light brown color, and is completely white. he has a scar on the left side of his face, which has a stitched up glasgow smile meeting up with the scar. the other side of his face shares a glasgow smile, which is also stitched together. he has only one eye left which is the right one, and it is a dull blue almost lifeless color that seems to be bagging all the time due to exhaustion. the side of his face which has no eye has stitches on the top of his eye, and his eyelid is often closed over the eye socket that's still there, though it can be open if he is surprised or scared by something. [ reference ].

personality ; "with the things you could do"
★ chaotic neutral | anti-hero | the cynic
— cynical, insensitive, pessimistic, crude, hostile, family-oriented, overprotective, unpredictable
with a quick look at circusclown, somebody would probably be able to quickly dismiss him due to him having common disinterest, distantness or unnecessary complaints about everything. he rarely has anything positive to say or do, and will come off as a very dull person who wants nothing more then for others to go away. he is very unpredictable and capricious in behavior, and can with ease be watching with a bored expression and the next be a violent creature someone should steer clear of. despite the unpredictable nature, he is quick to make a decision he won't regret - he is never unsure about his decisions, which only worsens his unpredictable behavior. he is extremely cynical and pessimistic, and has a continual feeling of mistrust and pessimistic thoughts of the outcome of every situation. he has a tendency to be very vulgar, constantly with gross behaviors like burping and swearing. he has a tendency to be very unfriendly or harsh to others, and he is rarely sensitive unless in a good mood or if he enjoys somebodies company. he is at heart however, a genuine and sweet person who just wants to have a large family, but feels it is impossible due to his self-destructive alcoholic behaviors and is simply frightened that he'd be taken advantage of if he was to.

interaction ; "you won't but you might"
★ hard physically | hard mentally | attack in #c68ee2
doesn't like unnecessary death or etc | will start fights | will fight back | will flee if family is protected | will not surrender
might capture if family is threatened | might torture if family is threatened | will kill if family is threatened

trained to fight | has little to no medical knowledge
air elementals — discovered — can't control properly - if something triggers him it will go off
power — un / discovered — control of power: 000%

ALL OPINIONS ARE IC[/spoiler]

[Leo]

"oh...uh, clown, are you okay? You don't look too good..." she was still infuriated, but she knew she needed to put her feelings on hold to make sure Clown was okay.

[CIRCUSCLOWN!]

[align=center][div style="width: 450px;; text-align: justify"][size=9pt]Circusclown would quietly grunt. "Yea I just..." He'd take another deep breath in and out, eye big. "I gotta take a break. I'll talk to you later Leo." He'd say, standing up and turning around to stare at the door, paw searching around for the doorknob until he eventually found it. Too much adventure for him. Just a bit too much. Waiting for Leo to say anything to him first, he'd manage to slow down a little. He could stay longer now because he had calmed down, though he was gonna try to get outta here. Use this incident as an excuse.

[spoiler=tags]
general ; "drink up baby"
★ circusclown disharmony | nicknames are circ and clown, former names are breadstick, uglyclown and clown | male [ he/him ]
two years four months physically and mentally | born november 13th, 2014 | ages realtime
shadowclan vice-leader | former exiles leader and blizzardclan head combatant (feralfront)
entropy disharmony x npc | generation 2 | head of disharmony family | only loyal to family
demisexual | panromantic | crush on leo | afraid of being in a relationship
other facts ★
★ has ptsd, alcoholism and depression.
★ always looks tense and ready to fight
★ can be very irritable one second and then completely switch the next
★ has flashbacks about his mother dying and killing leonidas
★ can cook but dislikes doing so. loves writing and reading.


appearance ; "stay up all night"
★ domestic cat | always scowling | always smells strongly of alcohol
he is a light brown feline who has a lot of fluffy fur that's often tangled up covered in dirt and dust, and it also feels very greasy and gross. his head is lacking of the light brown color, and is completely white. he has a scar on the left side of his face, which has a stitched up glasgow smile meeting up with the scar. the other side of his face shares a glasgow smile, which is also stitched together. he has only one eye left which is the right one, and it is a dull blue almost lifeless color that seems to be bagging all the time due to exhaustion. the side of his face which has no eye has stitches on the top of his eye, and his eyelid is often closed over the eye socket that's still there, though it can be open if he is surprised or scared by something. [ reference ].

personality ; "with the things you could do"
★ chaotic neutral | anti-hero | the cynic
— cynical, insensitive, pessimistic, crude, hostile, family-oriented, overprotective, unpredictable
with a quick look at circusclown, somebody would probably be able to quickly dismiss him due to him having common disinterest, distantness or unnecessary complaints about everything. he rarely has anything positive to say or do, and will come off as a very dull person who wants nothing more then for others to go away. he is very unpredictable and capricious in behavior, and can with ease be watching with a bored expression and the next be a violent creature someone should steer clear of. despite the unpredictable nature, he is quick to make a decision he won't regret - he is never unsure about his decisions, which only worsens his unpredictable behavior. he is extremely cynical and pessimistic, and has a continual feeling of mistrust and pessimistic thoughts of the outcome of every situation. he has a tendency to be very vulgar, constantly with gross behaviors like burping and swearing. he has a tendency to be very unfriendly or harsh to others, and he is rarely sensitive unless in a good mood or if he enjoys somebodies company. he is at heart however, a genuine and sweet person who just wants to have a large family, but feels it is impossible due to his self-destructive alcoholic behaviors and is simply frightened that he'd be taken advantage of if he was to.

interaction ; "you won't but you might"
★ hard physically | hard mentally | attack in #c68ee2
doesn't like unnecessary death or etc | will start fights | will fight back | will flee if family is protected | will not surrender
might capture if family is threatened | might torture if family is threatened | will kill if family is threatened

trained to fight | has little to no medical knowledge
air elementals — discovered — can't control properly - if something triggers him it will go off
power — un / discovered — control of power: 000%

ALL OPINIONS ARE IC[/spoiler]

[Leo]

"no, dont--!" She aimed to rest a paw on his back, hoping to catch his attention.

[CIRCUSCLOWN!]

[align=center][div style="width: 450px;; text-align: justify"][size=9pt]He instantly would raise his paw and attempt to smack it away, as he'd growl. "Don't touch me." After a few thoughts raced in his mind, he suddenly burst. "Maybe you are just so goddamn vile, that the mere idea of touching you makes me want to barf." He'd say, a dark look in his eye as he stared at her. "You're just so goddamn pathetic, you can't even handle a little joke. I bet you're about to sob your eyes out the second I leave." He'd growl, trying to grab at the the door and swing it open with a sort of rage in him. He had first felt hopeful, then scared, and now he was just frustrated. He was more angry at himself then Leo, and he would probably only feel worse then now. Leo just happened to be the one with him when he felt close to explosion.

[spoiler=tags]
general ; "drink up baby"
★ circusclown disharmony | nicknames are circ and clown, former names are breadstick, uglyclown and clown | male [ he/him ]
two years four months physically and mentally | born november 13th, 2014 | ages realtime
shadowclan leader | former exiles leader and blizzardclan head combatant (feralfront)
entropy x leila  | generation 2 | head of disharmony family | only loyal to family
demisexual | panromantic | crush on leo | afraid of being in a relationship
other facts ★
★ has ptsd, alcoholism and depression.
★ always looks tense and ready to fight
★ can be very irritable one second and then completely switch the next
★ has flashbacks about his mother dying and killing leonidas
★ can cook but dislikes doing so. loves writing and reading.


appearance ; "stay up all night"
★ domestic cat | always scowling | always smells strongly of alcohol
he is a light brown feline who has a lot of fluffy fur that's often tangled up covered in dirt and dust, and it also feels very greasy and gross. his head is lacking of the light brown color, and is completely white. he has a scar on the left side of his face, which has a stitched up glasgow smile meeting up with the scar. the other side of his face shares a glasgow smile, which is also stitched together. he has only one eye left which is the right one, and it is a dull blue almost lifeless color that seems to be bagging all the time due to exhaustion. the side of his face which has no eye has stitches on the top of his eye, and his eyelid is often closed over the eye socket that's still there, though it can be open if he is surprised or scared by something. [ reference ].

personality ; "with the things you could do"
★ chaotic neutral | anti-hero | the cynic
— cynical, insensitive, pessimistic, crude, hostile, family-oriented, overprotective, unpredictable
with a quick look at circusclown, somebody would probably be able to quickly dismiss him due to him having common disinterest, distantness or unnecessary complaints about everything. he rarely has anything positive to say or do, and will come off as a very dull person who wants nothing more then for others to go away. he is very unpredictable and capricious in behavior, and can with ease be watching with a bored expression and the next be a violent creature someone should steer clear of. despite the unpredictable nature, he is quick to make a decision he won't regret - he is never unsure about his decisions, which only worsens his unpredictable behavior. he is extremely cynical and pessimistic, and has a continual feeling of mistrust and pessimistic thoughts of the outcome of every situation. he has a tendency to be very vulgar, constantly with gross behaviors like burping and swearing. he has a tendency to be very unfriendly or harsh to others, and he is rarely sensitive unless in a good mood or if he enjoys somebodies company. he is at heart however, a genuine and sweet person who just wants to have a large family, but feels it is impossible due to his self-destructive alcoholic behaviors and is simply frightened that he'd be taken advantage of if he was to.

interaction ; "you won't but you might"
★ hard physically | hard mentally | attack in #c68ee2
doesn't like unnecessary death or etc | will start fights | will fight back | will flee if family is protected | will not surrender
might capture if family is threatened | might torture if family is threatened | will kill if family is threatened

trained to fight | has little to no medical knowledge
air elementals — discovered — can't control properly - if something triggers him it will go off
power — un / discovered — control of power: 000%

ALL OPINIONS ARE IC[/spoiler]

[Leo]

"really? Why would I sob over a broken piece of shit like you?" she spat. nonononO whatamidoIng she thought. Heat pounded at her head as she said, "you're so damn narcissistic, constantly sobbing over your family and your past you can't even realize those who try and help. Well guess what? I've had it. I'm done being your welcome mat."

[CIRCUSCLOWN!]

[align=center][div style="width: 450px;; text-align: justify"][size=9pt]Circusclown would look at her, trying to remain calm. He wanted to fucking smack her - he wanted to yell and scream, to tell her why he was so upset right now. But he couldn't do that - all of it would be hurtful. Though, he's already been pretty hurtful. With a grunt, he'd shrug. "None of you are very helpful. Just a nuisance to me." He'd pad out of the door rolling his shoulders back. "And also, I don't sob or mope. When I'm drunk it isn't me, so that one time doesn't count. Later." He'd this time step out, and though Leo could follow him he hoped he didn't. If he did it would probably end terribly for him.

[spoiler=tags]
general ; "drink up baby"
★ circusclown disharmony | nicknames are circ and clown, former names are breadstick, uglyclown and clown | male [ he/him ]
two years four months physically and mentally | born november 13th, 2014 | ages realtime
shadowclan shadowhunter | former exiles leader and blizzardclan head combatant (feralfront)
entropy x leila  | generation 2 | head of disharmony family | only loyal to family
demisexual | panromantic | crush on leo | afraid of being in a relationship
other facts ★
★ has ptsd, alcoholism and depression.
★ always looks tense and ready to fight
★ can be very irritable one second and then completely switch the next
★ has flashbacks about his mother dying and killing leonidas
★ can cook but dislikes doing so. loves writing and reading.


appearance ; "stay up all night"
★ domestic cat | always scowling | always smells strongly of alcohol
he is a light brown feline who has a lot of fluffy fur that's often tangled up covered in dirt and dust, and it also feels very greasy and gross. his head is lacking of the light brown color, and is completely white. he has a scar on the left side of his face, which has a stitched up glasgow smile meeting up with the scar. the other side of his face shares a glasgow smile, which is also stitched together. he has only one eye left which is the right one, and it is a dull blue almost lifeless color that seems to be bagging all the time due to exhaustion. the side of his face which has no eye has stitches on the top of his eye, and his eyelid is often closed over the eye socket that's still there, though it can be open if he is surprised or scared by something. [ reference ].

personality ; "with the things you could do"
★ chaotic neutral | anti-hero | the cynic
— cynical, insensitive, pessimistic, crude, hostile, family-oriented, overprotective, unpredictable
with a quick look at circusclown, somebody would probably be able to quickly dismiss him due to him having common disinterest, distantness or unnecessary complaints about everything. he rarely has anything positive to say or do, and will come off as a very dull person who wants nothing more then for others to go away. he is very unpredictable and capricious in behavior, and can with ease be watching with a bored expression and the next be a violent creature someone should steer clear of. despite the unpredictable nature, he is quick to make a decision he won't regret - he is never unsure about his decisions, which only worsens his unpredictable behavior. he is extremely cynical and pessimistic, and has a continual feeling of mistrust and pessimistic thoughts of the outcome of every situation. he has a tendency to be very vulgar, constantly with gross behaviors like burping and swearing. he has a tendency to be very unfriendly or harsh to others, and he is rarely sensitive unless in a good mood or if he enjoys somebodies company. he is at heart however, a genuine and sweet person who just wants to have a large family, but feels it is impossible due to his self-destructive alcoholic behaviors and is simply frightened that he'd be taken advantage of if he was to.

interaction ; "you won't but you might"
★ hard physically | hard mentally | attack in #c68ee2
doesn't like unnecessary death or etc | will start fights | will fight back | will flee if family is protected | will not surrender
might capture if family is threatened | might torture if family is threatened | will kill if family is threatened

trained to fight | has little to no medical knowledge
air elementals — discovered — can't control properly - if something triggers him it will go off
power — un / discovered — control of power: 000%

ALL OPINIONS ARE IC[/spoiler]

[Leo]

"Thank god I'm leaving, I won't have to put up with your bullshit anymore. I hope you never come and see me." She said, loud enough so that he could hear as he was leaving.

[CIRCUSCLOWN!]

[align=center][div style="width: 450px;; text-align: justify"][size=9pt]Though he could hear Leo, he suddenly couldn't care. Leo... Maybe she would learn her lesson for fucking with him, thinking she'd hurt him with that stupid remark just now. He looked rather riled up, which was why he immediately headed somewhere nobody could find him. Idiots always trying to make him mad - they didn't know him well enough to know what made him regretful, and what just made him irritated. Leo was leaving? Why? Though concern sunk in him, he pushed it off - she didn't seem any different until he pushed her too far. But whatever - it'd all blow over, things always did.

[spoiler=tags]
general ; "drink up baby"
★ circusclown disharmony | nicknames are circ and clown, former names are breadstick, uglyclown and clown | male [ he/him ]
two years four months physically and mentally | born november 13th, 2014 | ages realtime
shadowclan leader | former exiles leader and blizzardclan head combatant (feralfront)
entropy x leila  | generation 2 | head of disharmony family | only loyal to family
demisexual | panromantic | crush on leo | afraid of being in a relationship
other facts ★
★ has ptsd, alcoholism and depression.
★ always looks tense and ready to fight
★ can be very irritable one second and then completely switch the next
★ has flashbacks about his mother dying and killing leonidas
★ can cook but dislikes doing so. loves writing and reading.


appearance ; "stay up all night"
★ domestic cat | always scowling | always smells strongly of alcohol
he is a light brown feline who has a lot of fluffy fur that's often tangled up covered in dirt and dust, and it also feels very greasy and gross. his head is lacking of the light brown color, and is completely white. he has a scar on the left side of his face, which has a stitched up glasgow smile meeting up with the scar. the other side of his face shares a glasgow smile, which is also stitched together. he has only one eye left which is the right one, and it is a dull blue almost lifeless color that seems to be bagging all the time due to exhaustion. the side of his face which has no eye has stitches on the top of his eye, and his eyelid is often closed over the eye socket that's still there, though it can be open if he is surprised or scared by something. [ reference ].

personality ; "with the things you could do"
★ chaotic neutral | anti-hero | the cynic
— cynical, insensitive, pessimistic, crude, hostile, family-oriented, overprotective, unpredictable
with a quick look at circusclown, somebody would probably be able to quickly dismiss him due to him having common disinterest, distantness or unnecessary complaints about everything. he rarely has anything positive to say or do, and will come off as a very dull person who wants nothing more then for others to go away. he is very unpredictable and capricious in behavior, and can with ease be watching with a bored expression and the next be a violent creature someone should steer clear of. despite the unpredictable nature, he is quick to make a decision he won't regret - he is never unsure about his decisions, which only worsens his unpredictable behavior. he is extremely cynical and pessimistic, and has a continual feeling of mistrust and pessimistic thoughts of the outcome of every situation. he has a tendency to be very vulgar, constantly with gross behaviors like burping and swearing. he has a tendency to be very unfriendly or harsh to others, and he is rarely sensitive unless in a good mood or if he enjoys somebodies company. he is at heart however, a genuine and sweet person who just wants to have a large family, but feels it is impossible due to his self-destructive alcoholic behaviors and is simply frightened that he'd be taken advantage of if he was to.

interaction ; "you won't but you might"
★ hard physically | hard mentally | attack in #c68ee2
doesn't like unnecessary death or etc | will start fights | will fight back | will flee if family is protected | will not surrender
might capture if family is threatened | might torture if family is threatened | will kill if family is threatened

trained to fight | has little to no medical knowledge
air elementals — discovered — can somewhat control
power — un / discovered — control of power: 000%

ALL OPINIONS ARE IC[/spoiler]

[Leo]

//maybe thread where he visits them or..?