08-12-2020, 03:23 PM
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— roman knew what it felt like to be damaged by the ones that he loved. it was painful and life-changing; he would never be the same again. others often failed to be able to comprehend such a tragedy; others often failed to even see the damage inside such a cold exterior. though it felt like nowadays, frank was able to see right through the cold facade. and roman was able to see just how damaged frank himself was. perhaps that was why he never could flinch at such broken pieces, unfazed by the occasional prick as he ran his hands along frank’s broken edges. different as their lives might have been before meeting each other, their pain they previously kept to themselves felt like it was something they both shared. two broken people gently holding each other’s fractured pieces; that was love. nothing could take that love away from roman.
except, something could easily rip that away from them. the idea that death had its cold grip on him had been overwhelming enough. the thought that frank was blaming himself for it - and ready to explain why he did - felt like it was too much, too soon. though it seemed like frank had been wanting to open up about this for a long time coming; now was just the only time he truly had the right chance to.
the air was stale and tense around them as roman watched frank try and formulate a response. dry eyes blinked uneasy, his heart raced with trembling trepidation. it obviously wasn’t easy for franklin to say. and, once the words were finally spoken - ”...the most notorious crime families out there in this day and age.” - they were even harder for roman to try and fully process.
“what?”
his voice was a hoarse, hushed whisper. a part of him almost didn’t believe it at first. though as he stared unblinking at frank’s features, the pain and discomfort towards the topic so clearly evident, the words finally started to sink in. his fiance had once been part of a crime family - and he was distraught about what that meant for the two of them. the devastation, though not perfectly visible across frank’s features, was so tangible roman could feel it himself. he swallowed hard.
the need to immediately reassure someone wasn’t part of roman’s nature. he wasn’t that kind of person. though as frank seemed to fall apart next to him, in the quiet and most heartbreaking of ways, there was a part of him that wished he could be. his heart had been frayed and worn down too much before to imagine making such gentle reassurances seem genuine. how desperately he wished he could say something to frank. even for a man that prided himself on often knowing what to say, the silence that filled the spaces between them was agonizing. he sighed a shaky breath from chapped lips. pale blues stared down at the blankets pooled at his waist.
“shit.” he spoke in a short breath. his throat felt uncomfortably tight and painfully dry.
his hand slowly slid off of frank’s knee. though, instead of standing up and bolting - as frank expected him to do - he reached over with a grunt of effort towards the glass of water franklin had previously set on the nightstand. sitting straight, glass held in both hands, he took the opportunity to absorb the words during a small sip of cool water. his hands subtly trembled from the effort it took to raise and lower the glass.
for once, roman darrow was at a loss of words.
it wasn’t like there had been any way to prepare himself for frank’s truth. how could anyone ever be? his family was a notorious crime family, weaving a story of killing others - killing each other. and somehow roman managed to find himself caught in the crossfire of it all; a fight that he wasn’t ready to get caught up in. he had done nothing wrong to this crime family of frank’s, and still he was the one paying a price he didn’t know he had to pay. it was overwhelming.
overwhelming as it was, even as his mind swirled with countless thoughts, the idea of leaving frank wasn’t one that occurred to him. roman knew they were going to be okay. at the end of the day, rome still knew that it was frank that he loved. nothing the man said in that moment, nothing he did in his past, would ever manage to change that. despite lacking the immediate action to reassure frank - instead taking the time to ready himself to respond - even he knew that much. he wasn’t the most reassuring at that moment, but he was still steady, unmoving at frank’s side. a rock for frank to lean against, without the fear that ro would bolt away once it wasn’t so easily convenient.
placing his glass of water back on the nightstand seemed like he unpaused that agonizing moment. heart pounding in his ears, he cleared his throat. his hands busied themselves with thumbing through the blanket fabric, eyes watching absently. “a crime family, huh?” roman’s gaze turned up towards frank, lips parted slightly. “what did you do?” he shifted in his spot, as if the next idea itself made him feel uncomfortable. “you didn’t- come to bluestem just to get away from that life. right?” although it was something he thought he already knew the answer to- with all of the swirling thoughts in his head, he felt certain that immediately dousing that small inkling of doubt and fear would be sure to make it all far less overwhelming. while he was certain of their feelings for each other - frank couldn’t fake that, could he? - he didn’t want to feel as if coming here to live with him had been a convenient cop-out. he had the right to know. this was all news to him. jarring news at that.
it wasn’t jarring because it made him despise frank and who he’d once been; it was jarring because it was a whole new part of frank he never even knew existed. he knew a lot about frank. he knew the other man’s pieces were broken almost beyond repair. damaged. he knew there had been something in his past that made him that way, some trauma that made him that way - but he never knew exactly what it was. now that the answers had been laid out in front of him, he found himself off guard. unprepared to fully dive into it all at once. he didn’t even think he wanted to know that past inside and out - just the parts that mattered. the parts frank wanted to leave out in the open. the idea alone of poking and prodding at frank for any past faults was enough to make him feel sick.
silence settled in again. it was agonizing and uneasy, and made his ears ring uncomfortably. it weighed down on the two nonetheless, until roman eventually shifted towards his lover. “frank. hey-” a quiet utterance. his hand found his fiance’s, placing his hand atop of frank’s own. eyes searched his partner’s for a few moments before he finally assured, “we’re okay.” it wasn’t an all-forgiving reassurance. the information would still take a while to fully process. his thumb brushed over the back of frank’s hand. gentle. he slowly shifted to rest his head down on frank's shoulder. he turned his head to press a short kiss on frank's shoulder. "we're okay." although not all-forgiving, it was still a gentle consoling. a reassurance that roman wouldn’t give up on frank that easily.
— roman knew what it felt like to be damaged by the ones that he loved. it was painful and life-changing; he would never be the same again. others often failed to be able to comprehend such a tragedy; others often failed to even see the damage inside such a cold exterior. though it felt like nowadays, frank was able to see right through the cold facade. and roman was able to see just how damaged frank himself was. perhaps that was why he never could flinch at such broken pieces, unfazed by the occasional prick as he ran his hands along frank’s broken edges. different as their lives might have been before meeting each other, their pain they previously kept to themselves felt like it was something they both shared. two broken people gently holding each other’s fractured pieces; that was love. nothing could take that love away from roman.
except, something could easily rip that away from them. the idea that death had its cold grip on him had been overwhelming enough. the thought that frank was blaming himself for it - and ready to explain why he did - felt like it was too much, too soon. though it seemed like frank had been wanting to open up about this for a long time coming; now was just the only time he truly had the right chance to.
the air was stale and tense around them as roman watched frank try and formulate a response. dry eyes blinked uneasy, his heart raced with trembling trepidation. it obviously wasn’t easy for franklin to say. and, once the words were finally spoken - ”...the most notorious crime families out there in this day and age.” - they were even harder for roman to try and fully process.
“what?”
his voice was a hoarse, hushed whisper. a part of him almost didn’t believe it at first. though as he stared unblinking at frank’s features, the pain and discomfort towards the topic so clearly evident, the words finally started to sink in. his fiance had once been part of a crime family - and he was distraught about what that meant for the two of them. the devastation, though not perfectly visible across frank’s features, was so tangible roman could feel it himself. he swallowed hard.
the need to immediately reassure someone wasn’t part of roman’s nature. he wasn’t that kind of person. though as frank seemed to fall apart next to him, in the quiet and most heartbreaking of ways, there was a part of him that wished he could be. his heart had been frayed and worn down too much before to imagine making such gentle reassurances seem genuine. how desperately he wished he could say something to frank. even for a man that prided himself on often knowing what to say, the silence that filled the spaces between them was agonizing. he sighed a shaky breath from chapped lips. pale blues stared down at the blankets pooled at his waist.
“shit.” he spoke in a short breath. his throat felt uncomfortably tight and painfully dry.
his hand slowly slid off of frank’s knee. though, instead of standing up and bolting - as frank expected him to do - he reached over with a grunt of effort towards the glass of water franklin had previously set on the nightstand. sitting straight, glass held in both hands, he took the opportunity to absorb the words during a small sip of cool water. his hands subtly trembled from the effort it took to raise and lower the glass.
for once, roman darrow was at a loss of words.
it wasn’t like there had been any way to prepare himself for frank’s truth. how could anyone ever be? his family was a notorious crime family, weaving a story of killing others - killing each other. and somehow roman managed to find himself caught in the crossfire of it all; a fight that he wasn’t ready to get caught up in. he had done nothing wrong to this crime family of frank’s, and still he was the one paying a price he didn’t know he had to pay. it was overwhelming.
overwhelming as it was, even as his mind swirled with countless thoughts, the idea of leaving frank wasn’t one that occurred to him. roman knew they were going to be okay. at the end of the day, rome still knew that it was frank that he loved. nothing the man said in that moment, nothing he did in his past, would ever manage to change that. despite lacking the immediate action to reassure frank - instead taking the time to ready himself to respond - even he knew that much. he wasn’t the most reassuring at that moment, but he was still steady, unmoving at frank’s side. a rock for frank to lean against, without the fear that ro would bolt away once it wasn’t so easily convenient.
placing his glass of water back on the nightstand seemed like he unpaused that agonizing moment. heart pounding in his ears, he cleared his throat. his hands busied themselves with thumbing through the blanket fabric, eyes watching absently. “a crime family, huh?” roman’s gaze turned up towards frank, lips parted slightly. “what did you do?” he shifted in his spot, as if the next idea itself made him feel uncomfortable. “you didn’t- come to bluestem just to get away from that life. right?” although it was something he thought he already knew the answer to- with all of the swirling thoughts in his head, he felt certain that immediately dousing that small inkling of doubt and fear would be sure to make it all far less overwhelming. while he was certain of their feelings for each other - frank couldn’t fake that, could he? - he didn’t want to feel as if coming here to live with him had been a convenient cop-out. he had the right to know. this was all news to him. jarring news at that.
it wasn’t jarring because it made him despise frank and who he’d once been; it was jarring because it was a whole new part of frank he never even knew existed. he knew a lot about frank. he knew the other man’s pieces were broken almost beyond repair. damaged. he knew there had been something in his past that made him that way, some trauma that made him that way - but he never knew exactly what it was. now that the answers had been laid out in front of him, he found himself off guard. unprepared to fully dive into it all at once. he didn’t even think he wanted to know that past inside and out - just the parts that mattered. the parts frank wanted to leave out in the open. the idea alone of poking and prodding at frank for any past faults was enough to make him feel sick.
silence settled in again. it was agonizing and uneasy, and made his ears ring uncomfortably. it weighed down on the two nonetheless, until roman eventually shifted towards his lover. “frank. hey-” a quiet utterance. his hand found his fiance’s, placing his hand atop of frank’s own. eyes searched his partner’s for a few moments before he finally assured, “we’re okay.” it wasn’t an all-forgiving reassurance. the information would still take a while to fully process. his thumb brushed over the back of frank’s hand. gentle. he slowly shifted to rest his head down on frank's shoulder. he turned his head to press a short kiss on frank's shoulder. "we're okay." although not all-forgiving, it was still a gentle consoling. a reassurance that roman wouldn’t give up on frank that easily.
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I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO FEEL
[abbr=26 years old, male, bluestem prairie, second-in-command]—[/abbr] it was beautiful .
[abbr=26 years old, male, bluestem prairie, second-in-command]—[/abbr] it was beautiful .