08-03-2020, 06:07 PM
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— stripped down to just his boxers, he couldn’t help the smile that fought its way to his lips once green’s arms were around him as he said, “your kind of wedding?” he didn’t have the words to respond. he could only hum a few short notes of laughter. happiness. he didn’t have long to react before the other man pulled them both down onto the bed, mick huffing a short breath of laughter as they both rolled onto their backs. as the pair stared up at the ceiling together, mick’s hand found green’s with practiced ease. easy. everything about loving this man felt so easy. how could he ever get used to such a feeling?
”would you ever want to get married?”
he contemplated the question as the other man carried on. as green’s gaze curiously turned towards him, mick’s gaze stayed up at the ceiling. the man didn’t need to think for long before quickly deciding, “well. yes.” he pursed his lips in thought. “at one point that used to be all i thought about. did you know that?” a generally hard-to-read stoicism gave way to a lighter, softer look as he carried on, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. “get married. have kids…” the thought of green in the picture immediately came to mind; his chest felt so full that it might burst. he squinted his eyes thoughtfully, nodding his head certainly. “i think a part of me will always want that. what about you?” he turned his head to look towards green.
“i always disliked the idea of marriage.”
the sinking feeling in his chest said it all. “really?” he said in a casual utter, though the question itself left a swirling feeling in his chest that was far from nonchalant. prodding for the other man to speak more on the subject. he dreaded the idea of them not seeing things the same way. however, he barely had long to run with the thought before v carried on. and as he swept away that sinking feeling and dread, he also gave rise to a whole new swirl of emotions inside of mick.
he wanted to spend forever with mick. him, of all people. he brought an arm up to gently hold onto the other man's forearm, speechless from the sweet words. every time he thought he couldn’t possibly fall more in love with the other man, vernon managed to find a way to give him a whole new set of reasons to. he couldn’t help the almost elated breath that passed his lips, looking over towards v as the man carried on about how he could love mick for forever. “you think so?” something mick didn’t think he could ever get used to hearing.
though the talk of a wedding, of getting married - although it was wonderful, and everything mick could've possibly wanted - brought a creeping feeling that clung to mick's heart.
“when’s the wedding, mick?” mick lightheartedly huffed a breath, though something in the action appeared more somber than it should’ve been. lost in thought. “i don’t know,” he said slowly, lightheartedly. his thumb brushed over the top of vernon’s forearm thoughtfully, huffing a short breath through his nose before he uttered, sounding as lighthearted as he could despite the truth in his words, “are you sure you want to marry such a mess?” he turned his head and looked towards his lover, subtly raising a brow.
mick always told himself that it would be impossible to find someone that would love him. on many occasions he told himself that anyone would leave once they began to know him for him. after they managed to climb over the sky-high walls, looking out to the other side only to see that they went all this way to see the walls protected such wreckage, with a damaged and scarred heart among the wreckage inside, mick told himself no one would ever stay for long. cold. cruel. a rat. a murder. an ex-fiance. damaged goods. could he blame them? his heart ached at the thought.
who would stay?
someone who chose to see the good in him, despite the questionable past. despite it all. and as much as he tried to shut people out, he truly met his match once vernon came along. the more he was around the man, the more he came to realize he underestimated just how easy it was to let green become a part of his life. he greatly underestimated how green could come in and love him so endlessly. so effortlessly, it made him wonder why he had been so scared to let him in in the first place.
mick often wondered what vernon could possibly see in him. there were plenty of other people - men and women alike - that would be quick to trade places with mickey in a heartbeat. and out of those people, surely many of them could give green so much more than mickey could. better lovers. better partners in crime, better conversationalists that could match green’s unbeatable energy and passion. though despite it all, vernon proved time and time again that he would always stick by mick’s side. it was such an overwhelming feeling, to be so innocently loved by someone. mick didn’t think the feeling would ever go away, even as time went on.
eyes searched green’s own before he slowly looked back up towards the ceiling. he went quiet for only a moment. “i’ve been engaged before.” a paused. “with ellie. she broke it off a few months before the wedding and-” the vulnerability in that moment was enough for his heart to race in his chest and cause the tips of his fingers to feel numb. he couldn’t remember ever truly talking to anyone about the engagement. he couldn’t remember ever really wanting to tell anyone before, either. clenching his jaw, he exhaled heavily as eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling.
“it hurt,” he admitted, voice low. soft. eyes downcast, he uttered, “to want to spend the rest of your life with someone and-” he shook his head as he searched for words. “mess it all up… disappoint them. and yourself.” he couldn’t expect green to understand what it felt like. he didn’t expect green to understand just how lesser-than he felt because of it. it was yet another skeleton in his closet that he was reluctant to open up about. though, just like all of his other demons that he chose to speak to green about, the man always seemed so quick to listen. allow him to speak about such sensitive topics as much or as little as he wanted to.
the silence engulfed him. the quiet rang uncomfortably in his ears; he was desperate to change it. with a shaky breath, he shifted around to turn to face vernon. lifting a hand, he gently caressed green’s face, thumb gently brushing over his cheek. “i’d marry you. in a heartbeat, vernon.” the light in his gaze, the happiness showed just how truthful his words were. he leaned forwards, enough to rest his forehead against vern’s own. eyes slipped closed. then, in a gentle voice just barely above a whisper, he admitted the words he was scared to admit; “i’m. terrified i’ll mess it up again.”
he never wanted to see the disappointment in ellie’s eyes reflected in vern’s own. the thought of it all was simply too much to bear.
— stripped down to just his boxers, he couldn’t help the smile that fought its way to his lips once green’s arms were around him as he said, “your kind of wedding?” he didn’t have the words to respond. he could only hum a few short notes of laughter. happiness. he didn’t have long to react before the other man pulled them both down onto the bed, mick huffing a short breath of laughter as they both rolled onto their backs. as the pair stared up at the ceiling together, mick’s hand found green’s with practiced ease. easy. everything about loving this man felt so easy. how could he ever get used to such a feeling?
”would you ever want to get married?”
he contemplated the question as the other man carried on. as green’s gaze curiously turned towards him, mick’s gaze stayed up at the ceiling. the man didn’t need to think for long before quickly deciding, “well. yes.” he pursed his lips in thought. “at one point that used to be all i thought about. did you know that?” a generally hard-to-read stoicism gave way to a lighter, softer look as he carried on, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. “get married. have kids…” the thought of green in the picture immediately came to mind; his chest felt so full that it might burst. he squinted his eyes thoughtfully, nodding his head certainly. “i think a part of me will always want that. what about you?” he turned his head to look towards green.
“i always disliked the idea of marriage.”
the sinking feeling in his chest said it all. “really?” he said in a casual utter, though the question itself left a swirling feeling in his chest that was far from nonchalant. prodding for the other man to speak more on the subject. he dreaded the idea of them not seeing things the same way. however, he barely had long to run with the thought before v carried on. and as he swept away that sinking feeling and dread, he also gave rise to a whole new swirl of emotions inside of mick.
he wanted to spend forever with mick. him, of all people. he brought an arm up to gently hold onto the other man's forearm, speechless from the sweet words. every time he thought he couldn’t possibly fall more in love with the other man, vernon managed to find a way to give him a whole new set of reasons to. he couldn’t help the almost elated breath that passed his lips, looking over towards v as the man carried on about how he could love mick for forever. “you think so?” something mick didn’t think he could ever get used to hearing.
though the talk of a wedding, of getting married - although it was wonderful, and everything mick could've possibly wanted - brought a creeping feeling that clung to mick's heart.
“when’s the wedding, mick?” mick lightheartedly huffed a breath, though something in the action appeared more somber than it should’ve been. lost in thought. “i don’t know,” he said slowly, lightheartedly. his thumb brushed over the top of vernon’s forearm thoughtfully, huffing a short breath through his nose before he uttered, sounding as lighthearted as he could despite the truth in his words, “are you sure you want to marry such a mess?” he turned his head and looked towards his lover, subtly raising a brow.
mick always told himself that it would be impossible to find someone that would love him. on many occasions he told himself that anyone would leave once they began to know him for him. after they managed to climb over the sky-high walls, looking out to the other side only to see that they went all this way to see the walls protected such wreckage, with a damaged and scarred heart among the wreckage inside, mick told himself no one would ever stay for long. cold. cruel. a rat. a murder. an ex-fiance. damaged goods. could he blame them? his heart ached at the thought.
who would stay?
someone who chose to see the good in him, despite the questionable past. despite it all. and as much as he tried to shut people out, he truly met his match once vernon came along. the more he was around the man, the more he came to realize he underestimated just how easy it was to let green become a part of his life. he greatly underestimated how green could come in and love him so endlessly. so effortlessly, it made him wonder why he had been so scared to let him in in the first place.
mick often wondered what vernon could possibly see in him. there were plenty of other people - men and women alike - that would be quick to trade places with mickey in a heartbeat. and out of those people, surely many of them could give green so much more than mickey could. better lovers. better partners in crime, better conversationalists that could match green’s unbeatable energy and passion. though despite it all, vernon proved time and time again that he would always stick by mick’s side. it was such an overwhelming feeling, to be so innocently loved by someone. mick didn’t think the feeling would ever go away, even as time went on.
eyes searched green’s own before he slowly looked back up towards the ceiling. he went quiet for only a moment. “i’ve been engaged before.” a paused. “with ellie. she broke it off a few months before the wedding and-” the vulnerability in that moment was enough for his heart to race in his chest and cause the tips of his fingers to feel numb. he couldn’t remember ever truly talking to anyone about the engagement. he couldn’t remember ever really wanting to tell anyone before, either. clenching his jaw, he exhaled heavily as eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling.
“it hurt,” he admitted, voice low. soft. eyes downcast, he uttered, “to want to spend the rest of your life with someone and-” he shook his head as he searched for words. “mess it all up… disappoint them. and yourself.” he couldn’t expect green to understand what it felt like. he didn’t expect green to understand just how lesser-than he felt because of it. it was yet another skeleton in his closet that he was reluctant to open up about. though, just like all of his other demons that he chose to speak to green about, the man always seemed so quick to listen. allow him to speak about such sensitive topics as much or as little as he wanted to.
the silence engulfed him. the quiet rang uncomfortably in his ears; he was desperate to change it. with a shaky breath, he shifted around to turn to face vernon. lifting a hand, he gently caressed green’s face, thumb gently brushing over his cheek. “i’d marry you. in a heartbeat, vernon.” the light in his gaze, the happiness showed just how truthful his words were. he leaned forwards, enough to rest his forehead against vern’s own. eyes slipped closed. then, in a gentle voice just barely above a whisper, he admitted the words he was scared to admit; “i’m. terrified i’ll mess it up again.”
he never wanted to see the disappointment in ellie’s eyes reflected in vern’s own. the thought of it all was simply too much to bear.