06-18-2020, 11:40 AM
[align=center][div style="width: 430px; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 6pt; letter-spacing: 2.5px; word-spacing: 0px; line-height: 12px; color: #000"]It would have been ignorant to assume that people would not be drawn towards the clattering and clashing within the safe space of a man so subdued. It was simply out of his character to behave so erratically, leading to the assumption that perhaps something was wrong. In some ways, they’d not be wrong in assuming something was not right in that office, but it was all for the wrong reasons. Perhaps it could have been a brawl - Eddie had more scars than he had friends, more rivals than he had confidants - and it would not have been unheard of to find somebody wanting to watch Eddie’s world crash and burn.
But, it was not like that at all.
Instead, he was at war with his own mind. The only man that he would be fighting with was him and his very own pride. And, if he was honest, who would want to deal with him when he could barely deal with himself? Isolation felt like the greatest form of protection, not only for him from others but also for others from him. He could barely acknowledge that his own hurt was not a sign of weakness and reaching out was not some exposed vulnerability, but it was the opportunity to feel like he wasn’t so alone. Perhaps he needed to open up to somebody, have somebody there for him to talk to, somebody to listen to him and acknowledge that he wasn’t okay.
But he pushed everyone away.
Whilst he could consider Elijah the closest thing to a friend around here in Flintlock Lodge, Eddie admittedly refused to grant anybody else that same misfortune, Elijah’s brother included. Memphis was a no nonsense kind of man - as was Eddie - and he was perceptive. Far more perceptive than his brother. It seemed easier to spend his time with Elijah when Elijah took little notice in Eddie himself - they could drown themselves in that fallacy of drink, drugs and women as if that made them better men for it. Memphis was a good man; he didn’t need to worry himself with how Eddie could drink himself into some sorry state or smoke until his lungs hurt just to distract him from that emptiness in his chest.
With Elijah, Eddie could pretend to be the man he was not. Elijah couldn’t give a shit whether Eddie was all right or not. But, Memphis was an honest man - he’d take notice of all the cracks and ridges of Eddie’s soul and want to do something about it. If only Eddie stopped choking on his pride - maybe then he could let Memphis in.
❝ You throwin' shit around now? ❞ Eddie was silent, breath hitched in the back of his throat. A part of him wished that he’d been throwing things around - perhaps it would have been less humiliating than being so inebriated that he fell to the ground. ❝ I thought ya'll family was more classier than that. ❞ ❝ I fell. S’all it is. ❞ He corrected in a defiant mumble, bloodshot eyes warily darting up to look at Memphis as he picked the piece of paper up. Eddie thought that the words made sense, not some confused jumble of words across a wasted sheet of paper.
❝ A weaponry stock list. With - uh - the ammunition count and- we’re missing a gun. ❞ His voice wobbled lightly in his feeble attempt to maintain that professional, stoic front. Memphis didn’t need to know how Eddie struggled to get through his days, the self-hatred and guilt so overwhelming that he could barely rest peacefully anymore. But Memphis was a smart man - he could see through any act. As he looked at Eddie, Eddie stared back in silence, lips parted as if he wanted to say more to back up his meek lies. Eddie knew that Memphis already realized that something was wrong. Any more attempts to deviate the conversation would be futile.
❝ You need to lay off this bullshit. ❞ From the outset, his words hardly seemed sympathetic, as if it was nothing more than a stern lecture between a parent and child. But, Eddie would appreciate it. He didn’t want sympathy. Hell, he barely wanted attention. He wasn’t a demanding man in the slightest when it came to his own needs because Eddie hardly cared about those needs anymore. Memphis took his hands to observe wounded skin, Eddie’s own hands trembling slightly at the sharp stabbing pain which radiated up his arm. Something was on his mind, Memphis suggested, but the problem was that Eddie could only scarcely verbalize what he was feeling nowadays.
❝ Just a lot on my plate at the moment. That’s all. ❞ He was blunt as he avoided Memphis’ suggestion. He had to be else he knew that he’d so easily unravel at the seams. And, before he could be questioned any further, another voice attracted his attention. Maisie approached with a keenness to help. Eddie wasn’t one to willingly accept the concept of being coddled, but she’d inevitably have to help with his injuries at some point. She asked for his hands, Eddie twisting his head to stare in the opposite direction.
He felt humiliated, reluctant to accept help, but with a shuddering breath he finally looked towards Maisie and held his hands out for her to examine. ❝ I don’t want people to hear about what happened here. ❞ He uttered quietly, the usual authoritarian sternness in his voice extinguished by his own shame. He didn’t want to be seen as weak for being emotionally shattered.
[spoiler=tags ― updated 06/06.][size=6pt]◜BASICS ┊ SO THIS IS WHERE WE ARE◞
&. ❝ edmund theodore stirling ❞ | ed, eddie | male [he/him] .
&. 24 years old . | seventh august ; leo .
&. currently the captain and official loyalist of flintlock lodge .
&. currently the boss of the stirling's notorious irish crime family .
◜PERSONALITY ┊ IT'S NOT WHERE WE HAD WANTED TO BE◞
&. ambitious . brave . calm . disciplined . honorable . intelligent . leading . logical . patient . reliable . skillful . trustworthy . wise . aloof . cynical . detached . flirtatious . harsh . jealous . lustful . pessimistic . quiet . ruthless . secretive . stubborn .
◜ APPEARANCE ┊ IF HALF THE WORLD'S GONE MAD ◞
&. five foot eight & one hundred and seventy one pounds ; reference .
↳ dirty blond hair kept very short and neat .
↳ stocky and well-built frame , lightly freckled skin .
↳ muted blue vacant eyes , unreadable , somewhat frowning expression .
◜ FAMILY ┊ THE OTHER HALF JUST DON'T CARE , YOU SEE◞
&. alfred stirling x leonora moray | both deceased .
&. four older siblings and two younger half-siblings .
↳ dominik stirling , 32 , shot and killed by alfred .
↳ thomas stirling , 32 , caretaker in flintlock .
↳ alfonso stirling , 28 , enforcer in flintlock
↳ franklin darrow , 25 , estranged in bluestem .
↳ henry stirling , 11 , resident in flintlock
↳ ida stirling , 9 , resident in flintlock
&. also lives with four cousins and his aunt .
&. father to thomas , charlotte , kieron and louis .
◜ RELATIONSHIPS ┊ YOU DON'T WANNA FUCK WITH US◞
&. bisexual, biromantic ; mongamous | tends to have a wandering eye .
&. ex-husband to blake kegan
↳ marriage fell apart after he cheated on her .
&. ex-lover to mickey serge
↳ he learned about his bisexuality with him .
&. ex-lover to cove lefebvre
↳ one of the other women , pregnant with his baby .
&. lover to maxine van doren
↳ a rekindled flame where their relationship is kept a secret .
◜ INTERACTIONS ┊ BRITISH TO THE VERY LAST ◞
&. [ 9/10 ] physically | [ 7/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ very difficult ] | difficulty w/ melees [ difficult ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ difficult ]
&. [member=2919]truce.[/member] | dm for any major plots .
&. friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .[/size][/spoiler]
But, it was not like that at all.
Instead, he was at war with his own mind. The only man that he would be fighting with was him and his very own pride. And, if he was honest, who would want to deal with him when he could barely deal with himself? Isolation felt like the greatest form of protection, not only for him from others but also for others from him. He could barely acknowledge that his own hurt was not a sign of weakness and reaching out was not some exposed vulnerability, but it was the opportunity to feel like he wasn’t so alone. Perhaps he needed to open up to somebody, have somebody there for him to talk to, somebody to listen to him and acknowledge that he wasn’t okay.
But he pushed everyone away.
Whilst he could consider Elijah the closest thing to a friend around here in Flintlock Lodge, Eddie admittedly refused to grant anybody else that same misfortune, Elijah’s brother included. Memphis was a no nonsense kind of man - as was Eddie - and he was perceptive. Far more perceptive than his brother. It seemed easier to spend his time with Elijah when Elijah took little notice in Eddie himself - they could drown themselves in that fallacy of drink, drugs and women as if that made them better men for it. Memphis was a good man; he didn’t need to worry himself with how Eddie could drink himself into some sorry state or smoke until his lungs hurt just to distract him from that emptiness in his chest.
With Elijah, Eddie could pretend to be the man he was not. Elijah couldn’t give a shit whether Eddie was all right or not. But, Memphis was an honest man - he’d take notice of all the cracks and ridges of Eddie’s soul and want to do something about it. If only Eddie stopped choking on his pride - maybe then he could let Memphis in.
❝ You throwin' shit around now? ❞ Eddie was silent, breath hitched in the back of his throat. A part of him wished that he’d been throwing things around - perhaps it would have been less humiliating than being so inebriated that he fell to the ground. ❝ I thought ya'll family was more classier than that. ❞ ❝ I fell. S’all it is. ❞ He corrected in a defiant mumble, bloodshot eyes warily darting up to look at Memphis as he picked the piece of paper up. Eddie thought that the words made sense, not some confused jumble of words across a wasted sheet of paper.
❝ A weaponry stock list. With - uh - the ammunition count and- we’re missing a gun. ❞ His voice wobbled lightly in his feeble attempt to maintain that professional, stoic front. Memphis didn’t need to know how Eddie struggled to get through his days, the self-hatred and guilt so overwhelming that he could barely rest peacefully anymore. But Memphis was a smart man - he could see through any act. As he looked at Eddie, Eddie stared back in silence, lips parted as if he wanted to say more to back up his meek lies. Eddie knew that Memphis already realized that something was wrong. Any more attempts to deviate the conversation would be futile.
❝ You need to lay off this bullshit. ❞ From the outset, his words hardly seemed sympathetic, as if it was nothing more than a stern lecture between a parent and child. But, Eddie would appreciate it. He didn’t want sympathy. Hell, he barely wanted attention. He wasn’t a demanding man in the slightest when it came to his own needs because Eddie hardly cared about those needs anymore. Memphis took his hands to observe wounded skin, Eddie’s own hands trembling slightly at the sharp stabbing pain which radiated up his arm. Something was on his mind, Memphis suggested, but the problem was that Eddie could only scarcely verbalize what he was feeling nowadays.
❝ Just a lot on my plate at the moment. That’s all. ❞ He was blunt as he avoided Memphis’ suggestion. He had to be else he knew that he’d so easily unravel at the seams. And, before he could be questioned any further, another voice attracted his attention. Maisie approached with a keenness to help. Eddie wasn’t one to willingly accept the concept of being coddled, but she’d inevitably have to help with his injuries at some point. She asked for his hands, Eddie twisting his head to stare in the opposite direction.
He felt humiliated, reluctant to accept help, but with a shuddering breath he finally looked towards Maisie and held his hands out for her to examine. ❝ I don’t want people to hear about what happened here. ❞ He uttered quietly, the usual authoritarian sternness in his voice extinguished by his own shame. He didn’t want to be seen as weak for being emotionally shattered.
[spoiler=tags ― updated 06/06.][size=6pt]◜BASICS ┊ SO THIS IS WHERE WE ARE◞
&. ❝ edmund theodore stirling ❞ | ed, eddie | male [he/him] .
&. 24 years old . | seventh august ; leo .
&. currently the captain and official loyalist of flintlock lodge .
&. currently the boss of the stirling's notorious irish crime family .
◜PERSONALITY ┊ IT'S NOT WHERE WE HAD WANTED TO BE◞
&. ambitious . brave . calm . disciplined . honorable . intelligent . leading . logical . patient . reliable . skillful . trustworthy . wise . aloof . cynical . detached . flirtatious . harsh . jealous . lustful . pessimistic . quiet . ruthless . secretive . stubborn .
◜ APPEARANCE ┊ IF HALF THE WORLD'S GONE MAD ◞
&. five foot eight & one hundred and seventy one pounds ; reference .
↳ dirty blond hair kept very short and neat .
↳ stocky and well-built frame , lightly freckled skin .
↳ muted blue vacant eyes , unreadable , somewhat frowning expression .
◜ FAMILY ┊ THE OTHER HALF JUST DON'T CARE , YOU SEE◞
&. alfred stirling x leonora moray | both deceased .
&. four older siblings and two younger half-siblings .
↳ dominik stirling , 32 , shot and killed by alfred .
↳ thomas stirling , 32 , caretaker in flintlock .
↳ alfonso stirling , 28 , enforcer in flintlock
↳ franklin darrow , 25 , estranged in bluestem .
↳ henry stirling , 11 , resident in flintlock
↳ ida stirling , 9 , resident in flintlock
&. also lives with four cousins and his aunt .
&. father to thomas , charlotte , kieron and louis .
◜ RELATIONSHIPS ┊ YOU DON'T WANNA FUCK WITH US◞
&. bisexual, biromantic ; mongamous | tends to have a wandering eye .
&. ex-husband to blake kegan
↳ marriage fell apart after he cheated on her .
&. ex-lover to mickey serge
↳ he learned about his bisexuality with him .
&. ex-lover to cove lefebvre
↳ one of the other women , pregnant with his baby .
&. lover to maxine van doren
↳ a rekindled flame where their relationship is kept a secret .
◜ INTERACTIONS ┊ BRITISH TO THE VERY LAST ◞
&. [ 9/10 ] physically | [ 7/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ very difficult ] | difficulty w/ melees [ difficult ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ difficult ]
&. [member=2919]truce.[/member] | dm for any major plots .
&. friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .[/size][/spoiler]
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I'M OUT OF MY MIND, REPLAYING THE SCENE