06-06-2020, 02:16 PM
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— it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
roman never claimed to have his entire life mapped out. he often tried to go with the flow of things, not particularly caring about where exactly life took him. for a long time he just tried to do enough so he could scrape by. all of that changed, though, once frank was in the picture. everything changed. roman found himself no longer wanting to just sit down and watch his life fly by. no; he found himself wanting to plan out everything in his life, center it around his life partner and all that was in store for them -- because he wanted those moments. he wanted to know that by the end of it all he didn’t have a single regret about his life with frank. he wanted to know that he didn’t miss a single thing that could’ve been done with frank by his side. perhaps it was selfish of him, foolish of him to think that they would have so long together. though every time, he looked into frank’s icy blue eyes and he just knew. this was the kind of love that was once in a lifetime; he couldn’t miss a single thing.
every piece of him felt weak. he cursed the world and its cruel twist of fate. it wasn’t supposed to be like this. this wasn’t supposed to be where their story ended.
suddenly everything went dark. rome expected there to be some sort of sign, something, but nothing ever came. there was no dramatic, beaming light at the end of the tunnel for him to come towards, or a weight lifted off of his shoulders as if he was being lifted up to a better place. there was just darkness. chilling, empty darkness. was this death? the realization seemed slow to sink in. his heart weakly pounded in his chest. was he dying?
someone gripping and shaking his shoulders only then made him start to realize that he wasn’t dead. not yet. blacking out was only the start of this sudden, painful death. “roman- ro- talk to me!” frank. god, frank. the thought of leaving him felt more painful than the growing pain in his abdomen. after all that they had been through, and this was the end of the line? a bullet shot caused by someone with a vendetta against bluestem or something? it wasn’t fair. it wasn’t fair to roman, and it especially wasn’t fair for frank; the man who left everything he once knew behind to start this new life with rome. none of it was fair. his head lolled to one side as he was put on his back. eyes opened slowly, vision blurred as he tried to make sense of it all.
eyes found frank momentarily, his gaze not staying too long before everything went blurry again. his words came out just about automatically, in a quiet and pathetic mumble; “what are you doing...? go inside-” get to safety. every last fiber in him was screaming for frank to run somewhere to hide from the attacks. it hadn’t yet registered to him that there hadn’t been another shot fired since the one that hit him. it hadn’t hit him that the bullet was specifically meant for him. there was too much of the story that roman had yet to understand. so much that he had left to learn. the reality of it was that none of it made sense. why? why him? why now? roman would never have the chance to understand.
and it sucked. roman always thought that he had time to make some sort of redemption for all of the things he had done. he would get to make frank’s life better after that time where he made it miserable. he would get to give to others to make up for all the times he had stolen and pickpocketed their riches from under their noses. he would get the chance to take every little bad thing he had done and leave it behind him. leave it all behind for this new life with frank. yet time seemed to have ran out for him, and the pain and torment of it all was enough to glaze pained eyes. was he going to die being regarded as the villain in everyone’s story? the weight of it was almost too much to bear. all he’d be known for was a swindler and a cheat...
a shaky, breathy sigh replaced the desperate cry that wanted to leave his mouth. he could hear frank talking, voice wobbling and scared; “oh god, ro - don’t you fucking die on me.. please. i can’t lose you.” huffing and puffing weakly for breath, one hand blindly searched for frank nearby; frank took hold of his hand, lips pressed to his knuckles. there was so much that roman wanted to say. his mind felt fuzzy as he tried to desperately juggle between clinging for his life, while also trying to get out all he wanted to say while he still had the chance. ”i don’t want to die… i don’t want to die..” the words that tried to escape but failed, coming out in a hopeless groan that sounded mangled and painfully wounded. words that he wanted to say but it seemed almost like he didn’t quite know how.
eyes rolled momentarily back into his head. eyes focused back in again and - blood. there was so much blood. he squeezed frank’s hand as tight as he could, disappointed that he couldn’t hold frank’s hand impossibly tighter. “i love you. so much. i can’t lose you-” it wasn’t often for either of them to vocalize those words; more often than not they were words they brought to life, rather than speaking them into existence. it should’ve rang somewhere in his head that this was bad. that frank was saying it because he didn’t know if he’d ever get to say it again. and shocked as his body felt, as if the very life was draining from him with every passing moment, there was something in that moment that was enough to make his lips twitch into the smallest smile. his thumb drew circles gently into frank’s hand, eyes finally finding his beloved partner once again. it was worth the amount of effort it took to hold himself there.
“frank-” he started, body shuddering briefly from the pain. there was so much he wanted to say, so much he wished he could say. though the devastating part was that he’d never be able to get those last words in. he would die without getting to tell frank he loved him, too- without letting frank know that he was the best part of his life the moment he walked into it. the pain of that alone hurt just as bad as the bullet wound. a short sob caught in his throat. so much left to say… he briefly registered that help had arrived. he could see the medic behind frank, frantic to get everything started. yet rome couldn’t bother to acknowledge that the medic was even there, simply holding frank’s gaze in that moment for as long as he possibly could. his hand squeezed frank’s for the last time, hand eventually going limp in frank’s grasp as everything went dark again.
when he finally awoke hours later, the realization of it all felt slow to hit him. eyes weakly opening to find himself in his home, barely able to see the color of dawn in the sky, frank holding him close; for a moment he felt like the evening’s events had simply been a bad dream. his eyes closed, not quite having gathered the strength it took to keep them open. he swallowed hard and moved just a bit, mouth dry and a sudden, aching pain in his abdomen making his brows briefly bunch together. then, suddenly everything started to come together. this wasn’t just an awful dream from the night before; it was a real life nightmare.
the gunshot, the immobilizing shock and fear.. the agonizing look in frank’s eyes, the fear that caused his voice to tremble and shake. it wasn’t the pain of his injuries that made him suddenly feel like he was coming undone; it was the weight of it all finally catching up with him that made his breath catch in his throat, lip wobbling. eyes opened once more to take it all in, to will himself for this to be true. he hadn’t died. he didn’t just die without getting to tell frank everything he wanted to; he didn’t get to die without getting to tell frank goodbye. he lifted a hand; all of his limbs felt weak and like jelly.
he still had the strength to take a fistful of frank’s shirt in one hand, bunching the fabric up underneath his hand. willing himself to believe that this was real. he felt himself start to get choked up, dry sobs making his chest tremble pathetically. “frank,” he rasped, breath quivering gently. what else was there to say? that he loved him? now that he had the chance to say all that he wanted to, should he say it all now? water glazed his eyes. his mind felt hazy and dazed, still overcome with overwhelming shock and confusion; he couldn’t say anything in that moment and hope it would all come out right.
however, he at least had the strength it took to lift up his other arm and throw it around frank, a choked sob passing his lips as he clung to him. eyes squeezed tight as tears threatened to spill, gently wetting his lower lash line. it was an overwhelming realization; he didn’t die. against the odds, somehow roman managed to make it through. somehow, there was still time left for him and frank. he promised himself not to dare take it for granted.
— it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
roman never claimed to have his entire life mapped out. he often tried to go with the flow of things, not particularly caring about where exactly life took him. for a long time he just tried to do enough so he could scrape by. all of that changed, though, once frank was in the picture. everything changed. roman found himself no longer wanting to just sit down and watch his life fly by. no; he found himself wanting to plan out everything in his life, center it around his life partner and all that was in store for them -- because he wanted those moments. he wanted to know that by the end of it all he didn’t have a single regret about his life with frank. he wanted to know that he didn’t miss a single thing that could’ve been done with frank by his side. perhaps it was selfish of him, foolish of him to think that they would have so long together. though every time, he looked into frank’s icy blue eyes and he just knew. this was the kind of love that was once in a lifetime; he couldn’t miss a single thing.
every piece of him felt weak. he cursed the world and its cruel twist of fate. it wasn’t supposed to be like this. this wasn’t supposed to be where their story ended.
suddenly everything went dark. rome expected there to be some sort of sign, something, but nothing ever came. there was no dramatic, beaming light at the end of the tunnel for him to come towards, or a weight lifted off of his shoulders as if he was being lifted up to a better place. there was just darkness. chilling, empty darkness. was this death? the realization seemed slow to sink in. his heart weakly pounded in his chest. was he dying?
someone gripping and shaking his shoulders only then made him start to realize that he wasn’t dead. not yet. blacking out was only the start of this sudden, painful death. “roman- ro- talk to me!” frank. god, frank. the thought of leaving him felt more painful than the growing pain in his abdomen. after all that they had been through, and this was the end of the line? a bullet shot caused by someone with a vendetta against bluestem or something? it wasn’t fair. it wasn’t fair to roman, and it especially wasn’t fair for frank; the man who left everything he once knew behind to start this new life with rome. none of it was fair. his head lolled to one side as he was put on his back. eyes opened slowly, vision blurred as he tried to make sense of it all.
eyes found frank momentarily, his gaze not staying too long before everything went blurry again. his words came out just about automatically, in a quiet and pathetic mumble; “what are you doing...? go inside-” get to safety. every last fiber in him was screaming for frank to run somewhere to hide from the attacks. it hadn’t yet registered to him that there hadn’t been another shot fired since the one that hit him. it hadn’t hit him that the bullet was specifically meant for him. there was too much of the story that roman had yet to understand. so much that he had left to learn. the reality of it was that none of it made sense. why? why him? why now? roman would never have the chance to understand.
and it sucked. roman always thought that he had time to make some sort of redemption for all of the things he had done. he would get to make frank’s life better after that time where he made it miserable. he would get to give to others to make up for all the times he had stolen and pickpocketed their riches from under their noses. he would get the chance to take every little bad thing he had done and leave it behind him. leave it all behind for this new life with frank. yet time seemed to have ran out for him, and the pain and torment of it all was enough to glaze pained eyes. was he going to die being regarded as the villain in everyone’s story? the weight of it was almost too much to bear. all he’d be known for was a swindler and a cheat...
a shaky, breathy sigh replaced the desperate cry that wanted to leave his mouth. he could hear frank talking, voice wobbling and scared; “oh god, ro - don’t you fucking die on me.. please. i can’t lose you.” huffing and puffing weakly for breath, one hand blindly searched for frank nearby; frank took hold of his hand, lips pressed to his knuckles. there was so much that roman wanted to say. his mind felt fuzzy as he tried to desperately juggle between clinging for his life, while also trying to get out all he wanted to say while he still had the chance. ”i don’t want to die… i don’t want to die..” the words that tried to escape but failed, coming out in a hopeless groan that sounded mangled and painfully wounded. words that he wanted to say but it seemed almost like he didn’t quite know how.
eyes rolled momentarily back into his head. eyes focused back in again and - blood. there was so much blood. he squeezed frank’s hand as tight as he could, disappointed that he couldn’t hold frank’s hand impossibly tighter. “i love you. so much. i can’t lose you-” it wasn’t often for either of them to vocalize those words; more often than not they were words they brought to life, rather than speaking them into existence. it should’ve rang somewhere in his head that this was bad. that frank was saying it because he didn’t know if he’d ever get to say it again. and shocked as his body felt, as if the very life was draining from him with every passing moment, there was something in that moment that was enough to make his lips twitch into the smallest smile. his thumb drew circles gently into frank’s hand, eyes finally finding his beloved partner once again. it was worth the amount of effort it took to hold himself there.
“frank-” he started, body shuddering briefly from the pain. there was so much he wanted to say, so much he wished he could say. though the devastating part was that he’d never be able to get those last words in. he would die without getting to tell frank he loved him, too- without letting frank know that he was the best part of his life the moment he walked into it. the pain of that alone hurt just as bad as the bullet wound. a short sob caught in his throat. so much left to say… he briefly registered that help had arrived. he could see the medic behind frank, frantic to get everything started. yet rome couldn’t bother to acknowledge that the medic was even there, simply holding frank’s gaze in that moment for as long as he possibly could. his hand squeezed frank’s for the last time, hand eventually going limp in frank’s grasp as everything went dark again.
when he finally awoke hours later, the realization of it all felt slow to hit him. eyes weakly opening to find himself in his home, barely able to see the color of dawn in the sky, frank holding him close; for a moment he felt like the evening’s events had simply been a bad dream. his eyes closed, not quite having gathered the strength it took to keep them open. he swallowed hard and moved just a bit, mouth dry and a sudden, aching pain in his abdomen making his brows briefly bunch together. then, suddenly everything started to come together. this wasn’t just an awful dream from the night before; it was a real life nightmare.
the gunshot, the immobilizing shock and fear.. the agonizing look in frank’s eyes, the fear that caused his voice to tremble and shake. it wasn’t the pain of his injuries that made him suddenly feel like he was coming undone; it was the weight of it all finally catching up with him that made his breath catch in his throat, lip wobbling. eyes opened once more to take it all in, to will himself for this to be true. he hadn’t died. he didn’t just die without getting to tell frank everything he wanted to; he didn’t get to die without getting to tell frank goodbye. he lifted a hand; all of his limbs felt weak and like jelly.
he still had the strength to take a fistful of frank’s shirt in one hand, bunching the fabric up underneath his hand. willing himself to believe that this was real. he felt himself start to get choked up, dry sobs making his chest tremble pathetically. “frank,” he rasped, breath quivering gently. what else was there to say? that he loved him? now that he had the chance to say all that he wanted to, should he say it all now? water glazed his eyes. his mind felt hazy and dazed, still overcome with overwhelming shock and confusion; he couldn’t say anything in that moment and hope it would all come out right.
however, he at least had the strength it took to lift up his other arm and throw it around frank, a choked sob passing his lips as he clung to him. eyes squeezed tight as tears threatened to spill, gently wetting his lower lash line. it was an overwhelming realization; he didn’t die. against the odds, somehow roman managed to make it through. somehow, there was still time left for him and frank. he promised himself not to dare take it for granted.
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I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO FEEL
[abbr=26 years old, male, bluestem prairie, second-in-command]—[/abbr] it was beautiful .
[abbr=26 years old, male, bluestem prairie, second-in-command]—[/abbr] it was beautiful .