01-26-2020, 05:16 AM
[align=center][div style="background=transparent; borderwidth=0px; bordercolor=; width: 400px; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 125%; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; color: black"]okay
so
i’m kind of kicking myself that i’m replying to this at. currently 10 my time because it’s been a long day and i’m bad enough at wording things when wide awake, let alone when all i want to do is go to bed. but i think there’s some things i personally need to get off of my chest and i think that if i sleep it off i’m not going to ever say them- and i’ve been working so hard on opening up to you guys and work on being more vulnerable about my life and my feelings and the like.
so i’m going to start with the ooc community, more particularly as my involvement in it or lack thereof- which is what i’ve been dreading talking about for a while, now. i know, i know my name tends to get brought up when it comes to “cliquey.” and you know, for a long time i beat myself up over it. it was a lot of “who can blame them?” and “i suck why can’t i just talk to people!?” or more than anything, it was usually something along the lines of “let them think what they want to. they don’t know my truth. 'cliquey' is subjective and mildly misconstrued or overused anyway hoho.” and you know, i never considered telling anyone anything about my own personal issues, or going in depth on any of it. i just kept going on thinking that it’d be fine for people to call me cliquey, call me exclusive… to be like "let them!" because i never wanted to speak my truth. it made me feel too vulnerable on the internet, which freaks me out.
but now i’m thinking, after finally just beating myself up over this whole “cliquey” thing again and again, and rolling with the punches just because it meant i could stay in my little box and feel comfortable--
maybe i should speak a bit of my truth.
not all of it, but just enough. i never thought i’d try and feel the need to explain myself, but i’m just-- i don’t know. tired of this constant paranoia that people find me cliquey, or that people are on discord dm-ing each other saying what an exclusive and antisocial piece of shit i am. because at least after this post, even if people keep doing that, even if people go ahead and file a complaint about me to staff, i can at least state that i explained myself. i can at least tell myself that after all this time spent stressing out, and sometimes even considering leaving bb over this whole issue... after all that time i can finally bring to light a certain topic that i feel people sometimes stay quiet when they know they should tell their story.
when i was way younger, someone i met on the internet broke my trust. and really it broke everything about me and how i approached meeting people online. so. as a result. online, i find it extremely hard to let anyone in because i always feel this paranoia. i try very much to keep my internet life and my real life separate- which usually means i try my best not to really form friendships with people truce was the only exception, but she just. we go way back and it’s different. and, quite honestly, i am terrified of talking to people on the internet. talking on discord. and, sometimes. talking to you guys. because sometimes i get scared of sharing too much of myself or investing so much time and it’s just. i struggle. a lot. with interacting ooc-ly. when someone does something to break the trust, i freak out. i try and shut them out and act like any interaction i had just.. didn't happen it's really bad. but.
i try and interact though. i mean, whether it’s a few one-liners or “trying to be funny,” or telling someone that i love their characters because honest to god i love them all so much. i try.
i’ve been trying to get better at being around ooc-ly, and i am so sorry if you have mentioned my name in these surveys before, feeling like i have left you out. and to be quite honest.. sometimes i feel like most of these issues could be solved just by messaging me about it. i find myself extremely kind to someone; i couldn’t be mean to you guys or try and bully you if i tried. i’m not afraid to tell it how i see it. i’m not afraid anymore. i’m literally so worked up over it my eyes are watering and i do not cry over stupid things on the internet like this. literally the biggest problem with the internet is this issue with people simply communicating to each other issues they might have. and i'm honestly done living like that.
but to just. leave some disclaimers out there. if you think i’m cliquey or exclusive ooc-ly. i’m sorry. i don’t actively ignore people. if someone tries to talk to me, i will try and respond! if someone dms me wanting to plot, i will plot. but i struggle with jumping onto peoples' channels in the groups and just trying to strike a conversation. and i struggle with creating that bridge because it’s something i’ve told myself not to do for so long. i mean, most of you probably don’t care about this whole post and you’re just skimming, or anything. but. i’ve left this out for you guys. i don’t know. i’m sorry that i just word-vomited all this out. it’s something that i told myself i’d never have to explain, but-- i’m just so tired of being given this label when i’m literally trying so fucking hard. so goddamn hard.
but you know. i’ll try even harder. and. who knows. maybe you all will notice the difference too.
i can’t speak for the ooc community much when it comes to others and most interactions, since i’m not around it very much. but i can say that i haven’t had someone be mean to me when i’ve tried to talk to them. and i think that says something. my threads get responses. they might take a while because everyone’s busy- they might not even be from every character in fl. but i get responses. that says something. and i feel. acknowledged. and i think that’s a little something flintlock has that sometimes i just don’t feel in other groups.
i don’t know if i can see myself participating in some ooc games like having to dm someone and answer certain questions. if that's something people are interested in, don't worry about leaving me out of it because i wouldn't let my own fears hold anyone else's wants back. but also i think it would be fun to have goofy ooc threads like beatles said to kinda get some more interaction going in the ooc board ! !
...
hoo.
okay time for the lighter and more fun stuff. really you can just skip over all that. shitty. mushy. “sensitive” stuff haha what
it’s time to talk about the ic community.
i absolutely love the new guide, especially the new positions. i think some people feel discouraged in that there is usually only a leader, and then the sic. if those spots are filled, it’s almost at a point of “what’s the point?” now, with these branches and the branch leaders, it leads more opportunity for people to get that extra bit of power they wanted for their character. and i love that. i adore that. it’s a brilliant idea and i’m so glad it got implemented.
i personally like the bluestem and flintlock tension, because i feel like it’s the sort of plot where you get out of it what you put into it. it’s that long term plot where tensions start rising, characters start forming their own ideas on the situation. on each other. it’s kind of exciting, and i love plots where there i can see depths of it, ripples, domino effects, that sort of thing. i’m excited about it and i’m already trying to think about how my chaotic dumbass fred will… chaotically do dumb shit throughout it to not help the situation.
also. dog sledding. brilliant idea. why the hell should you go through the snow when you can mush balto over to the place. your characters never have to worry about wet socks again hopefully. okay now i’m just trying too hard to be a joker but. you know what i mean. i think it’s a very smart idea and it’s just too good to ignore. horse sleighs would be good too. plus it’d give more responsibilities or tasks to people. maybe someone’s really good at working their way around horse sleighs and getting them from point a to point b in one piece. maybe someone’s really good at training sled dog teams for this sort of stuff. i think it allows for the development of positions and interests for characters. that’d be so cool in my opinion.
i’d love to think about expanding the territory a bit. or at least making more use of the village honestly?? make some standout shops in that little village there, key destinations where characters can do things. the like. it’d be fun. like beatles said, having those normal town things -- but maybe characters revamping it to make it like. “a flintlock staple.”
open a hot cocoa cafe down there or something ha
and lets get some gd caribou.
alright. 1500 almost words later. this took about an hour and a half to type so. i kinda gave up when it came to the ic discussion since idk. truce you're doing an amazing job so far, and i feel like nothing i can say could even come close to all the greatness you're going to achieve while running flintlock. you're meant for this sort of stuff.
but at least i tried to give some input y’all. it’s all a bit of a jumbled mess but. i feel lighter, after getting it all off of my chest. thanks for reading,, if you guys did idk. means a lot
much love, y'all
so
i’m kind of kicking myself that i’m replying to this at. currently 10 my time because it’s been a long day and i’m bad enough at wording things when wide awake, let alone when all i want to do is go to bed. but i think there’s some things i personally need to get off of my chest and i think that if i sleep it off i’m not going to ever say them- and i’ve been working so hard on opening up to you guys and work on being more vulnerable about my life and my feelings and the like.
so i’m going to start with the ooc community, more particularly as my involvement in it or lack thereof- which is what i’ve been dreading talking about for a while, now. i know, i know my name tends to get brought up when it comes to “cliquey.” and you know, for a long time i beat myself up over it. it was a lot of “who can blame them?” and “i suck why can’t i just talk to people!?” or more than anything, it was usually something along the lines of “let them think what they want to. they don’t know my truth. 'cliquey' is subjective and mildly misconstrued or overused anyway hoho.” and you know, i never considered telling anyone anything about my own personal issues, or going in depth on any of it. i just kept going on thinking that it’d be fine for people to call me cliquey, call me exclusive… to be like "let them!" because i never wanted to speak my truth. it made me feel too vulnerable on the internet, which freaks me out.
but now i’m thinking, after finally just beating myself up over this whole “cliquey” thing again and again, and rolling with the punches just because it meant i could stay in my little box and feel comfortable--
maybe i should speak a bit of my truth.
not all of it, but just enough. i never thought i’d try and feel the need to explain myself, but i’m just-- i don’t know. tired of this constant paranoia that people find me cliquey, or that people are on discord dm-ing each other saying what an exclusive and antisocial piece of shit i am. because at least after this post, even if people keep doing that, even if people go ahead and file a complaint about me to staff, i can at least state that i explained myself. i can at least tell myself that after all this time spent stressing out, and sometimes even considering leaving bb over this whole issue... after all that time i can finally bring to light a certain topic that i feel people sometimes stay quiet when they know they should tell their story.
when i was way younger, someone i met on the internet broke my trust. and really it broke everything about me and how i approached meeting people online. so. as a result. online, i find it extremely hard to let anyone in because i always feel this paranoia. i try very much to keep my internet life and my real life separate- which usually means i try my best not to really form friendships with people truce was the only exception, but she just. we go way back and it’s different. and, quite honestly, i am terrified of talking to people on the internet. talking on discord. and, sometimes. talking to you guys. because sometimes i get scared of sharing too much of myself or investing so much time and it’s just. i struggle. a lot. with interacting ooc-ly. when someone does something to break the trust, i freak out. i try and shut them out and act like any interaction i had just.. didn't happen it's really bad. but.
i try and interact though. i mean, whether it’s a few one-liners or “trying to be funny,” or telling someone that i love their characters because honest to god i love them all so much. i try.
i’ve been trying to get better at being around ooc-ly, and i am so sorry if you have mentioned my name in these surveys before, feeling like i have left you out. and to be quite honest.. sometimes i feel like most of these issues could be solved just by messaging me about it. i find myself extremely kind to someone; i couldn’t be mean to you guys or try and bully you if i tried. i’m not afraid to tell it how i see it. i’m not afraid anymore. i’m literally so worked up over it my eyes are watering and i do not cry over stupid things on the internet like this. literally the biggest problem with the internet is this issue with people simply communicating to each other issues they might have. and i'm honestly done living like that.
but to just. leave some disclaimers out there. if you think i’m cliquey or exclusive ooc-ly. i’m sorry. i don’t actively ignore people. if someone tries to talk to me, i will try and respond! if someone dms me wanting to plot, i will plot. but i struggle with jumping onto peoples' channels in the groups and just trying to strike a conversation. and i struggle with creating that bridge because it’s something i’ve told myself not to do for so long. i mean, most of you probably don’t care about this whole post and you’re just skimming, or anything. but. i’ve left this out for you guys. i don’t know. i’m sorry that i just word-vomited all this out. it’s something that i told myself i’d never have to explain, but-- i’m just so tired of being given this label when i’m literally trying so fucking hard. so goddamn hard.
but you know. i’ll try even harder. and. who knows. maybe you all will notice the difference too.
i can’t speak for the ooc community much when it comes to others and most interactions, since i’m not around it very much. but i can say that i haven’t had someone be mean to me when i’ve tried to talk to them. and i think that says something. my threads get responses. they might take a while because everyone’s busy- they might not even be from every character in fl. but i get responses. that says something. and i feel. acknowledged. and i think that’s a little something flintlock has that sometimes i just don’t feel in other groups.
i don’t know if i can see myself participating in some ooc games like having to dm someone and answer certain questions. if that's something people are interested in, don't worry about leaving me out of it because i wouldn't let my own fears hold anyone else's wants back. but also i think it would be fun to have goofy ooc threads like beatles said to kinda get some more interaction going in the ooc board ! !
...
hoo.
okay time for the lighter and more fun stuff. really you can just skip over all that. shitty. mushy. “sensitive” stuff haha what
it’s time to talk about the ic community.
i absolutely love the new guide, especially the new positions. i think some people feel discouraged in that there is usually only a leader, and then the sic. if those spots are filled, it’s almost at a point of “what’s the point?” now, with these branches and the branch leaders, it leads more opportunity for people to get that extra bit of power they wanted for their character. and i love that. i adore that. it’s a brilliant idea and i’m so glad it got implemented.
i personally like the bluestem and flintlock tension, because i feel like it’s the sort of plot where you get out of it what you put into it. it’s that long term plot where tensions start rising, characters start forming their own ideas on the situation. on each other. it’s kind of exciting, and i love plots where there i can see depths of it, ripples, domino effects, that sort of thing. i’m excited about it and i’m already trying to think about how my chaotic dumbass fred will… chaotically do dumb shit throughout it to not help the situation.
also. dog sledding. brilliant idea. why the hell should you go through the snow when you can mush balto over to the place. your characters never have to worry about wet socks again hopefully. okay now i’m just trying too hard to be a joker but. you know what i mean. i think it’s a very smart idea and it’s just too good to ignore. horse sleighs would be good too. plus it’d give more responsibilities or tasks to people. maybe someone’s really good at working their way around horse sleighs and getting them from point a to point b in one piece. maybe someone’s really good at training sled dog teams for this sort of stuff. i think it allows for the development of positions and interests for characters. that’d be so cool in my opinion.
i’d love to think about expanding the territory a bit. or at least making more use of the village honestly?? make some standout shops in that little village there, key destinations where characters can do things. the like. it’d be fun. like beatles said, having those normal town things -- but maybe characters revamping it to make it like. “a flintlock staple.”
open a hot cocoa cafe down there or something ha
and lets get some gd caribou.
alright. 1500 almost words later. this took about an hour and a half to type so. i kinda gave up when it came to the ic discussion since idk. truce you're doing an amazing job so far, and i feel like nothing i can say could even come close to all the greatness you're going to achieve while running flintlock. you're meant for this sort of stuff.
but at least i tried to give some input y’all. it’s all a bit of a jumbled mess but. i feel lighter, after getting it all off of my chest. thanks for reading,, if you guys did idk. means a lot
much love, y'all