「 the sky above the rain 」— journal.

[truce.]

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A Promise // Journal Entry #4

— It is the evening before the wedding when I am writing this. We decorated the little hotel today and it looks absolutely stunning. I think tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day. Though I'm undoubtedly excited for the wedding, a part of me aches. This could have been my wedding. I could have been the wife that Mickey thought he could always see in me. I could have had my happy beginning with my love. Don't mistaken me for having any resentment towards Hayley - of course not, I am so happy for my friend! - but, this wedding is simply hitting home for me. It's still too soon. Whilst my love falls apart, to add insult to injury, I must watch as others around me live the life I could only dream of living.

I cannot be bitter about this, it's unfair on everyone else. Instead, I will have to accept that I will live in the shadow of everyone else's life in order to taste a hint of my dreams. I must accept that this is a fact and accept that I cannot change the path fate has put me on. I need to just face the facts: I will always be loved, but never desired. 

And so... Here is a promise to myself. I promise to always love myself wholly. I don't need validation from anybody else. I don't need a wedding to know that I am loved. I don't need any man to validate my self-worth for me. I don't need him; I just want him. The only person I need in my life is me.

Because I am enough.