I WAS HER WITNESS / dump

[vix]

rant no one is gonna care about

i hate how every time i hear certain words, it triggers my intrusive thoughts. i hate how anything that makes me happy, my intrusive thoughts find a way to make it into something uncomfortable or bad. it's like i can't properly live, or be happy, without the intrusive thoughts on my ass. i get anxiety, then i can't rid the thought and the worst part is them sometimes being about my family, the people i hate. is these intrusive thoughts are about things that are too terrible to talk about, and they won't stop. will they ever stop. sometimes it seems a lot easier to kill myself but the fact that there's a possibility it's ocd and that i won't ever act on it is what keeps me going. but what if it isn't? what if i am truly a terrible person? i don't know. this rant has been plaguing my thoughts for ages now and despite anyone cares or not, i had to release it all before it drove me to insanity.