off she goes — dump

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[div style="0px; width:400px; height:auto; text-align: justify; font-size: 9pt; line-height:13px;"]THE END AND AFTERMATH OF BAILEY ST. CLOUD'S FREERIDING CAREER  — i'm standin' in the ashes of who i used to be / and i'm faded away, you know, i used to be on fire
tw for ableist slurs and attempted suicide

• bailey was one hell of a freerider. he was a national champion at sixteen and something of a celebrity in his town and among the freeriding community around the world.
• now as for why he freerode, it's pretty simple. when he was younger, it was just for the thrill of it. he loved the exhilaration, the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he soared through the air on his bike. but once he reached high school, it wasn't just fun for him anymore. sure, it was still exciting, but bailey was more concerned with winning the prize money than he was with just having a good time. money was starting to get tight in the st. cloud house and he figured that winning a clean 1,000 dollars per competition was the least he could to help out.
• his last competition were the national finals, where the prize was over 50,000 dollars -- more than enough to pay off johanna's credit cards and most of drea's student loan debt, with a little extra left to pay for maya lee's upcoming sweet sixteen. bailey still can't tell you what happened; all he remembers is flying through the air one moment and writhing on the ground, in the worst pain he'd ever felt in his life, the next.
• you all already know he broke his leg in two places, but surprisingly he wasn't crying then, just screaming. the first time bailey st. cloud ever cried was about three days later. it was when his doctor told him that he might not even walk again, let alone ride, but not being able to ride again wasn't really why he cried: it was because he knew his days of both buying his mother and sister the expensive gifts he thought they deserved and paying the bills to keep them all alright were over.
• for the next few weeks, bailey seemed fine. he smiled, he laughed at maya lee's terrible jokes -- he even wrote individual thank you notes for every single fan who'd sent flowers or condolences. still, he wondered why his girlfriend of about two years, cassidy, hadn't come to see him yet. he was in the hospital for three weeks, and he'd been out for almost two before he heard anything from her, when she texted him something along the lines of "sorry i didn't call, wanna hang out?" and bailey, being the guy that he is, said yes without a second thought.
• they were supposed to meet up at the local starbucks, and cassidy happened to get there first. bailey still can't forget the way her face changed as she saw his crutches. their conversation was short and clearly uncomfortable for cassidy, and when bailey asked her what was wrong, she finally just said "i can't date a former champion" and left.
• it shocked bailey at the time, as he hadn't pegged her to be so shallow, but with some pretty firm convincing from johanna, he thought he was over it. and so he was pretty much ok -- for a little while, at least.
• everything hit him at once -- the headlines calling him "salem's icarus", branding him as nothing more than a foolish, cocky little child, his therapist announcing that he'd have to start using a cane, and johanna finally admitting that they were behind on bills.
• bailey wouldn't leave his room for a week. for the first three days, anytime anyone tried to come in to talk to him he'd scream and throw whatever was closest to him. it was the first time he'd ever yelled at johanna and the hurt in her eyes, along with the terror in maya lee's face when he almost hit her a glass at her to get her to leave, still fucks him up to this day.
• tw in his eyes, he was nothing but a "useless cripple" who had ruined everything for himself and his family. the only thing that really helped was myrtle, but once she died, bailey had no one -- not his family and definitely not rosie, who he still wouldn't speak to because he felt guilty that he wasn't there to protect him from (whatever Demon Angst marsy had for him).
• tw about three months after the accident, bailey tried to commit suicide. he drew himself a bath, got in fully-clothed, and downed the half a bottle of painkillers he had left. maya lee, who barged in the bathroom because she had to, in her own words, "piss like a racehorse", was the one who found him. he was already on the verge of blacking out by then, but he was conscious enough to apologize to maya lee "for all the shit he put her and everyone else through" before vomiting all over her shirt and fully losing conscience.
• the second he woke up in the hospital the next day the first thing he did was start crying. as much as he hated it, he couldn't up but sob when he saw drea pacing at the foot of his bed and maya lee -- who had never been religious -- praying by the window, and it was only made worse when he noticed johanna holding his hand so tight it was like she thought she could keep him alive just by holding onto him.
• taking all of that in was the straw that broke the camel's back, and so bailey finally said everything his mind had been screaming for months: "i'm sorry for ruining it all".
• he wasn't sure what he expected, but he definitely wasn't expecting the group hug that followed. johanna said everything he needed to hear, that yes, money was tight, but it didn't mean he was worth any less, they loved him regardless.
• both drea and maya lee took a week off school to stay in the hospital with him. the three of them watched 2000s-era disney cartoons like kim possible and code name: kids next door and ate jello maya lee "stole" from the cafeteria.
• and i'm not gonna say that bailey was just magically fine, because he wasn't. being "fine" takes time. he still missed cassidy and as much as he wanted to believe johanna, his self-doubt just wouldn't let him.
• but he's doing better now. he's somewhat over cassidy and now that johanna's got a better job in the psych ward of a prestigious hospital, he's not so worried about his family's financial situation.
• so the boy's doing alright. not great, but alright :")