fishy kisses ∞ dump

[twistiethebear]

[align=center][div style="background=transparent; borderwidth=0px; bordercolor=; width: 500px; line-height: 105%; text-align: justify"][size=8pt]WORD COUNT: 1136


the familiar burn of cheap vodka scorched the shapeshifters throat, making his eyes sting with salt-filled tears. alfie had kept it in for too long, kept it in to ensure that zeke would not worry as he did. he drowned himself in the familiar burn of cheap liquor to hide it all. his crazy drunk antics was his way of repressing all the pain he harbored from what happened with his brother, with that hunter, with the doctors trying to lock him away when they discovered what he really was. it was all catching up to him at a pace to quick for alfie to stop on his own. zeke always turned into a mother hen when things like that happened and perhaps it was alfie’s fault to a degree. he found it hard to conceal his emotions at times.

his ears pounded when he looked down at the scars on his palms. it brought him back to the night. he could see the thirst for blood in bennet’s eyes as he pushed the knife closer and closer. alfie remembered feeling the sharp blade slice into his palms as he tried to hold it back, pleading and begging his older brother not to hurt him. at that point he had no idea bennet has laced the blade with poison. the nightmare recurred over and over again and all alfie could do was drown the lingering trauma in alcohol.

“zeke, are you here?”

alfie didn’t remembered what he said, probably just a conglomerate of sounds, but his gaze turned to the door where stace now stood, just inside. if anything, that was the last person that the shapeshifter wanted to see. he would probably tell his little brother that alfie had been drunk and alfie didn’t want that. he didn’t want stace going to zeke saying that he had a drinking problem of some degree.

by the looks of it, stace look uncomfortable and like he was about to leave. he hoped the older hartmann would because then alfie wouldn’t have to deal with explaining himself or yelling at the experienced hunter to get out of his apartment. the australian male took another drink from the bottle, savoring the scorching sensation that crept down his throat and into his stomach. he hadn’t noticed his lover’s brother take a few steps, cautious and unsure as they were, closer to him and have a concerned look in his eyes.

“hey, you okay alfie?”

the voice startled alfie, making him tense up as stace continued to approach him slowly. he instantly adjusted his posture and wiped away the tears that had fallen. he proceeded to nod, “yes. i’m fine,” his voice cracked, “i’m fine,” he reaffirmed in a slightly clearer voice, still filled with sadness and a shakiness that couldn’t be mistaken by anyone, a clear tell of his lie.

“well, you don’t seem fine,” there was that blunt, abruptness alfie was used to in stace’s voice. it made him flinch a bit, something he rarely did at the sound of the other’s voice. usually, his blunt and sometimes sarcastic words were met with the sharp tongue and witty australian banter. never had he flinched from just the voice of another person and it made him feel weak, helpless, a feeling he hated more than anything in the world. a feeling that filled him with unending dread and self-loathing.

alfie started mustering together every ounce of his strength, that was all but depleted, and looked over at stace, “look… really, really, really, i’m okay. just go away, please?” his voice did not carry strength or power as he had hoped. instead, it was weak and broken and sad. it was filled with a quiet despair that was clear in just his body language, no need for the verbal tone of voice he had.

he didn’t see the frown on stace’s face and he didn’t see him reach for the bottle and pull it away. alfie was too broken down to fight for the bottle. he just wanted stace to leave, to go away, to forget what he saw when he walked into the apartment, “... i know i may not be someone you want to talk to, but i-i can’t walk away with you like this,” stace was refusing to leave and alfie just wanted to grab him by the collar and drag him out the door but that would be useless because stace was far stronger than he was. he knew how to fight and all the younger knew was the simple combat moves zeke had taught him earlier in their relationship. “something is wrong and i am not leaving here until you talk to me and let me help you because as much as i hate to admit it, i don’t dislike you and i hate seeing you like this.”

alfie roughly wiped at his own face, trying to stop the tears.

“please, you need to talk to someone and i am here and i will listen.”

he didn’t look up at him and kept his eyes down, looking at the scars on his hands, “alfie, look at me,” the man refused. he didn’t even move a muscle, “alfie, just talk to me. i won’t tell zeke if you just say something.” alfie still didn’t look up at him and just let out a shaky breath. he couldn’t bring himself to look up because he did not want stace to see him so broken and weak.

“please stace, i just want to be alone. i’ll be fine.”

alfie finally looked up at him with sad eyes, practically begging him to just go but, instead, stace sat down next to him and shook his head, “alfie, this doesn’t look like the face of someone who will be fine. you are hurting, i can see it. i’ve seen it far too many times in the eyes of zeke. please, you need help.”

“i’ll be fine. i’m just weak okay? i’m not strong. i know i’m broken and useless and i can’t protect myself and i just, i hate myself. is that what you want to hear? all my issues?” alfie was crying freely, not even trying to hide it. his tears mixed with frustration and anger for showing his weakness to stace and for admitting that he wasn’t strong. he just let all his issues out to someone who had done nothing but pick through him and jab at him. alfie didn’t know what to do.

so, he just let out a muffled scream and tore at the hair on his head. he couldn’t escape any of it.

“you aren’t weak alfie. you are many things, but you aren’t that,” he felt a hand rest on his shoulder and alfie sat that, frozen in spot while sobs wracked his body uncontrollably.