an ode to those who listen -- journal

[tomorrow]

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OOC: So! A certain person suggested to me that I make a thread about Tomorrow's journal entries pertaining to the other characters in Flintlock, sorta like an opinions thread but tying into roleplay a bit more since they'd be actual journal entries other characters could read or steal.

I figured I'd go a bit further than that, and dedicate a thread to all his journal entries, good or bad, text or drawing. This may include some spoilery stuff about his backstory, but that just makes it more fun. All entries will have the necessary trigger warnings at the top of the post, as a btw.

Feel free to track and request entries about your own character or certain topics you want to see explored. I won't do any specific entries regarding characters Tomorrow hasn't met and regarding characters who's roleplayers haven't given me permission to write about.

Anyways, that's enough of my rambling. Below is the table of contents which will link to all entries in chronological order.

1. Thoughts on Joining
   
2. Regarding Brendan
   
3. True Loyalty - Doodle
   
4. Babysitting Hope
   
5. Family
   
6. Lighten Up - Doodle
   
7. Wasn't Meant To Be
   
8. Frozen Gold
   
9. Ten Years Ago
   
10. And You Fly
    
11. Franklin Becker
    
12. Link - n/a
    

[tomorrow]

henlo person who suggested
Heck yeah,, I'll do a Brendan one once I'm done with the first entry

[tomorrow]

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1st Entry, 2 Days Since Joining Flintlock
tw: references to animal injury
Well, I live in a place called Flintlock Lodge now. It's been a hellish few days, and I suppose I should write it all down here to gain.. Catharsis, I suppose? I've always heard it's good to write down your feelings, and it'll help make sense of them. Still, I can't imagine how useful this will be once I leave, I'll most likely just forget to bring it or lose it.

Well, with the horrifying thought in mind that someone may find this one day, I guess I'll revisit the events that brought me here. Beorhtwulf was injured by a trap in the snow, and I managed to free him and started taking him towards a nearby village which I hoped was inhabited. On my way there, I was found by Hayley Miss Hayley, who brought me back to the Lodge proper and patched Beorhtwulf up. I was then greeted by Brendan Young Sir Brendan, who I feel doesn't like me very much. I was also greeted by another young man, who did not offer his name but also had a dog.

Miss Hayley offered me a place to stay while Beorhtwulf healed up, and I accepted her offer though I feel Young Sir Brendan was unhappy with that. Even though I feel bad for taking advantage of their hospitality, I couldn't go back into the snow with Beorhtwulf so injured; I'd rather make a fool of myself in front of these people than let him suffer.

I've already gotten a taste of the, well, distaste many people have for me here however. I understand and have sympathy however, because I am an outsider and I'm certainly not the most charming person in the world after living without human contact for so many years.

I'm still adjusting to life here, and I feel as though it will take me a while before I'm comfortable here. The walls always feel like they're a second away from caving in on me, and I feel my heartbeat speeding up just thinking about it. I think I will take a walk with Claire and Jeremiah after I'm done writing this.

[tomorrow]

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2nd Entry. Regarding Brendan
tw: so much self hatred going on in this one
It's surprising to me how fluid Young Sir Brendan is when he trains. I've always been soft, of body and mind, though such things did interest me when I was as young as him. It seems many people around here encourage him to pursue these interests, which I think is good; it's worthwhile to feel capable in your own body.

Though apart from my respect over his prowess, I can't find anything else I like about him. I wish I could; I want to like him, I want to view him as the others do, but I cannot. He seems to hate me with a passion, and I can't look past the fact I may deserve his wrath.

Still, deserving or not, I feel... Small, around him. I don't know if I worded that properly, but I may as well go with it. His dislike of me makes me feel like an awful person, like I want to bury my face in Claire's fur and simply never come out again. I'm not scared of him, he is a child after all, but he's a good representative of all the people who distrust me in the Lodge.

I suppose it's not a big deal, and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. He probably doesn't even think twice about being crass to me, and I don't think I should blame him for such. I think I should just keep my mouth shut more and stop annoying those around me, and maybe he'll like me more.

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[tomorrow]

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3rd Entry. True Loyalty
tw: no warnings, just a cute picture of a dog

[HAYLEY]

[align=center][div style="width: 430px; text-align: justify; font-family: calibri; font-size: 8pt; color: #484848; line-height: 22px;"][s]let's just get the whole chase-kenner family
hayley
jackson
and baby hope if u feel

[tomorrow]

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4th Entry. Babysitting Hope
tw: if a baby tugging on a dog's ears counts, then beware of that
Hayley entrusted me to watch Hope this afternoon. She had some things to take care of, I think? Something about trading or diplomacy. Either way, she was doing something and Young Sir Brendan was nowhere to be found; I think he was with the chickens, or hidden away training.

Hope's interesting to watch, she's a bit fussy sometimes and I think she understands I'm not Hayley or Young Sir Brendan or even Mr. Kenner. Still, she's overall very sweet and she enjoyed tugging on Jeremiah's ears much to his dismay, but eventually I taught her how to properly pet him; as properly as she can, her hands are so small!

I read to her for a bit, got the... "joyful" experience of changing a diaper, and by the time everything was wrapped up Hayley had gotten back. Overall today was fun, though Jeremiah's evidently happy to be rid of Hope and her clingy hands.

[tomorrow]

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5th Entry. Family
tw: implications of animal death
There are going to be new arrivals in my family; Claire's pregnant, which means there'll be a new litter of puppies to take care of. I can't imagine going back into the cold with newborn puppies, so I might stay another few months until they've grown a bit stronger.

Maybe it's selfish, to continue to take advantage of the hospitality of others for my own gain. I'm just afraid of losing more; my dogs are everything I have, I can't bear to lose any of them, even unborn ones. I'll try to keep this nervousness to myself, there's enough stress going around to fuel a lifetime; besides, there are humans who need care much more than my dogs.

Still, I'm selfish. I want those other people to get better, but I care for my own first and foremost. They're the only family I have left anyways, so it can't be too bad to value them over others? Hayley would certainly value Hope over all others if it came down to it, right? Nobody would blame Hayley for looking out for her daughter.

I think I need to get some fresh air, perhaps test out my new rifle. I'm not very skilled with guns, but Mel taught me a few things in the dead of night when her father was sound asleep. She never let me fire one, for obvious reasons, but I should hope my hands won't shake when I use them.

I... Think I've moved on from her, as well. I've found a new life, a new family to care for and new people to love though I doubt she loves me back. Still, I'm... Happy. Happy and scared, but overall content with my current course.

[tomorrow]

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6th Entry. Lighten Up
tw: n/a
The only words in this entry have been crossed out, leaving only a crude drawing of a woman's face.

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[tomorrow]

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7th Entry. Wasn't Meant To Be
tw: Self loathing, guns, you guys he's Sad
I am increasingly beginning to believe that fate doesn't have any sort of love in store for me. Once Jackson got here I should've just let it go; obviously if it came down to it, Hayley would pick the father of her child over some random nobody. It still hurts though, like a festering wound refusing to heal.

I thought I was over you, Mel, but I guess I'm not. My mind goes back to you, a hidden comfort to know at least you loved me. I mistook our love to mean that in the future I might be able to find something again, but I guess I was mistaken about that.

My hands still shake when I hold my gun, even though you taught me how to aim and how to hold it so the kickback doesn't knock me back. But you trained me with a pistol, and this rifle is so much bigger than that; I suppose it's a metaphor, for how much my world has expanded even without you here.

I still miss you so much, but I can't go back and I know that. I should be moving on, even if moving on hurts more than holding onto the past. I think you and Hayley would've gotten along, but maybe you'd butt heads. You always had a problem with authority. I like to believe you'd approve of my choice of romantic conquests, at least.

Anyways, I guess I should finish up. It's getting late and writing by candlelight is difficult at best, plus Beorhtwulf keeps whining at me whenever I wake him up by adjusting how I sit. So goodnight, my Melody.