but my stockholm syndrome is in your room - dump

[NIVAH]

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"[b]testing"

[AMOR]

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"[b]testing"

[phantomatics]

:'^(

[scully.]

[align=center][div style="background=transparent; bordercolor=transparent; font-size: 12px; text-align: justify; width: 450px;"]muse: haven ezra waitts (livingston) & victoria eleanor livingston
trigger warnings: mentions & allusions to eating disorders

the sky is a looming grey and seems to be rubbing off on haven. his shoulders slum slightly as if something is weighing them down, the feeling of numbness that he has become so familiar with is plaguing him. haven sucks in a breath, shaking his head some before taking a long drag from the cigarette in his hand. he had decided to tell victoria today, tell her that he is her brother. he doubts she had any idea of this, he’d been dropping hints for what seemed like forever and she never gave any signs of knowing about him. haven doesn’t blame her for their parents for giving him up, hell, she probably wasn’t even a thought when he was born. ever since meeting her, he’s felt that overwhelming need to act as her older brother and make sure she’s okay, but he’s worried how she’ll react. knowing she’s in a relatively fragile state, recently out of rehab for an eating disorder, he’s worried she may slip back into it, but he’s also getting nervous about his own mental state and that if he doesn’t tell her now, she’ll be upset with him for not telling her sooner.
haven arrives at the livingston la home, bringing lunch with him just in case victoria hadn’t eaten yet. she greets him with a hug, but haven’s mind is off somewhere else. he manages a smile and holds up the bag of mexican food he had picked up, ”wanted to make sure you eat something today,” he says, entering the home. v chats to him, but he can’t absorb what she’s saying because he’s frantically trying to figure out exactly how he was going to go about this. they enter the kitchen, victoria still talking.
“haven?” she asks, giving him a look from across the marble island. he’s still standing just inside the archway into the kitchen and had entirely tuned everything out. he shakes his head with an awkward laugh and moves to take a seat at the island and place the bag of food on the counter, ”sorry,”.
haven’s quiet as they eat, just picking at his food, but he wants to make sure v’s eaten before dropping the bomb on her. finally, she pushes the plate forward some, looking content, “so, what was so important you needed to stop by now?” she questions, not looking at him yet. her voice was nervous, understandable since haven had been quite cryptic when making the plans. he takes in a breath and releases it in a sigh.
”i’m your brother.” he states bluntly, just ripping the bandaid off. v looked at him, clear shock and confusion on her face, “wha-“ she stares at him, “i don’t have any siblings,” she insists, shaking her head and backing up some. ”it was before you were born. i was put up for adoption..” he explains further, looking at her for a reaction. “why wouldn’t mom and dad tell me... why are you just coming back now? what the hell do you want?” shes now hostile, eyebrows furrowed and now pushing her body back against the other side of the counters. haven shakes his head quickly, ”i just found out, i didn’t even know i was adopted until i was fifteen. finding out who my parents are took a lot of time and unorthodox methods, that’s why it’s now,” he says these things gently and begins moving closer to her, his hands up in a sign for her to take a deep breath and calm down a bit. ”i don’t want anything besides getting to know you.”

they talked for a few hours. victoria keeps looking at him and tilting her head or squinting, trying to see if there was something she missed that would tell her he was her brother. as well, an overwhelming feeling of guilt has washed over her. hearing his story and comparing it to how she grew up, she can’t stop the feeling that she stole this from him. of course, she had no control over what her parents did four years prior to when she was born, but that doesn’t change the fact that haven should have at least gotten something.
v tells haven that their parents were meant to come home that night. “i should go then,” he says, clearly unsettled by this news. ”fine. but i’m telling them tonight.” victoria decides, blinking a few times at him. haven looks less than pleased, but doesn’t put up any fight, “well, come here,” he extends his arms out to her, asking for a hug. the two hold one another for awhile, probably around thirty seconds, before haven lets her go. “i’ll see you around, sis.” he says with a bit of an uncomfortable chuckle, it’s going to take some getting used to.
all victoria could think about for the rest of the night was how terrible what her parents had done to haven was. it gets to the point where v genuinely feels sick. her stomach churns, causing her to quickly run to the bathroom and hunch over the toilet. dry heaving into the toilet bowl, her fingers instinctively went into her mouth; lucky she catches and stops herself before she can actually make herself throw up. the stress of everything and the fear of herself getting bad again brought tears that began to spill onto her cheeks just as she hears the door open. victoria picks herself up quickly, wiping her face and straightening out her sweatshirt.
”why didn’t you tell me i have a brother?” v blurts out before any greetings can come. her hands are balled up into little fists and a tear rolls down her face. her parents stare at her, her mother’s jaw clenched and she swallows hard while her dad looks down and then takes a breath and finally looks at her. “princess, that was a long time ago. he’s simply not in our lives. we put him up for adoption and i’m sure he grew up in a lovely home.” v is nearly shaking with rage at this point, shocked at their response but also knowing she should not have expected any different. ”you guys have all of this,” she cries, motioning around her, ”and you couldn’t even help him out? i get not being ready or whatever the fuck your fucked up reasoning is, but just kicking him to the curb and forgetting about him??” she yells, absolute frustration in her tone. ”not to mention that i grew up surrounded by a nanny who you just took out of my life without even thinking about what it’d do to me when i could’ve had a brother the whole time!” she covers her face at that point, shaking her head slightly and looking up. v retrieves her bag and keys as she heads for the door, but her mother grabs her arm. she looks her dead in the eyes, ”let. go. of. me.” she manages through gritted teeth. the two livingston women stand there for a moment, eyes locked before v pulls her arm out of her mom’s grip and walks out the door.

[vix]

track!

[scully.]

[align=center][div style="borderwidth=0pt; font-size: 12px; text-align: justify; width: 450px;"]muse: amor nirvana dulce valdez
trigger warnings: blood, miscarrage, overall sadness


it was 3:17 am when amor woke up, her whole stomach and abdomen seemed to be cramping, making her wince a bit, but she wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. she had figured it was just because of something she had eaten for dinner. the moment of pain passed and she closed her eyes once more, ready to fall right back asleep. then it happened again, an intense pain that caused her body to go tense and her face to scrunch up some. ajax was looking at her, concerned about what was happening. mor didn't say anything, just sat up and put her legs over the side of the bed and slowly got up, "i'm going to the bathroom," she mumbled to him, deciding to go figure out what was going on by herself and not worry him unnecessarily; also, he wouldn't question her needing to use the restroom, she had already been needing it more and more and was only twenty weeks into her pregnancy.

it had been a surprise, unexpected, but they had decided to keep it even though ajax didn't really love kids. he was always getting better with hana and amor had always kind of wanted a child. they made the decision rather quickly, the idea of parenthood was exciting and then it was right there in front of their faces. the weeks had started to go by really fast and next thing they knew, they were both excited and nervous, amor was showing, and they were both spitting out names they liked. amor and ajax were so unprepared, but they kept telling eachother they could make it work. their apartment could work until they could afford a new place, cali would get used to a kid being around, their families would help watch them while they were away. it all looked like it could be almost perfect. of course, it seemed like it was too good to be true.

mor pulled the bathroom door closed before turning on the light. she quickly looked down at her stomach, noticing the blood that was on her ankle. she looked a bit harder, seeing blood on her legs and soaked through her underwear. she knew spotting was relatively common, but this amount of blood scared her. any blood was something to go to the doctors about, but this much.. her hand began shaking as she tried to clean herself up a bit before going out to get ajax, "it's gonna be okay. it's gonna be okay." she kept repeating to herself. "i'm bleeding," mor's voice shaking as she stepped out of the door. "we, um... we need to, uh, go to the hospital?" she said, not completely sure on what was the best thing to do as she tried to pull on some pants that were on the floor. ajax was next to her by the time she looked up, asking her questions that she really wasn't comprehending, "are you okay?" was one she happened to catch, but she didn't answer.

ajax helped her out of their room and apartment and into the car. the silence that engulfed the car was unsettling to amor; it allowed her mind to go into the darkest places and assume the worst. "i-i think i'm okay now.. we can go back home, she said, "the doctor said blood was normal," she added, looking intently at ajax and waiting for him to respond. "it's all down your legs; that's not normal, amor." he said, barely glancing off the road at her. "but, i feel okay now. i bet the baby's okay," mor lied, she really just didn't want to hear it, "amor!" ajax raised his voice, but caught himself, taking a deep breath, "we're going to the hospital." he told her, hurt coming into his tone. amor shut up after that.

not too many people were in the hospital and their situation was rather urgent, so they got in relatively quickly. the doctor collected a few things, leaving them alone in the room afterwards. that was the worst few minutes of her life. her and ajax didn't talk, just held hands on and off and anxiously waited for the doctor to come back with the news. the young couple straightened up as soon as the door opened and the middle-aged man in the white coat walked into the room. his face was too even, amor knew right away. she began shaking her head as she watched him, "i'm very sorry ms. valdez, you had a miscarriage. a nurse will be in soon to discharge you." amor was already crying. her hands covered her face and her knees came up to her chest. "what did i do wrong?" she cried as ajax pulled her into his chest. she could feel him shaking his head on top of hers. "nothing," he said quietly; he was crying too.

the car ride home was quiet. amor cried, but it was quiet and she couldn't bear to look at ajax because he was trying not to cry. the streets were calm and dreary, almost as if they were in mourning too. it was still dark, the clouds blocking the sun's rising.

ajax helped mor inside when they arrived back home; she sobbed when they got inside. she couldn't go into the bedroom, so ajax took care of the changing of the bed while she laid on the couch. every time she thought she was done crying it'd start again. she was curled into a ball, staring blankly at the tv that was off.

ajax came back and sat next to her after awhile. amor had no more tears to cry as she sat up slowly and curled up against him while ajax wrapped an arm around her. cali found a spot on the couch between them and the small family sat there in silence. amor felt so exhausted, but didn't want to sleep; she didn't want to do anything. and the idea of not having something they really didn't even know they wanted and didn't have yet crushed her, having to tell everyone they loved that they had lost the baby crushed her further. her heart and body physically hurt.

"you should try to get some sleep," ajax broke the silence with a whisper. amor shook her head. she rose and fell with his chest as he sighed, "we can try again, you know?" he said, trying to see a glimpse of his normally optimistic and positive girlfriend.

"maybe it's not meant for us." she spoke quietly and the silence fell over them again.

[scully.]

discord is down & idk what to do w myself

[JOSEPHINE]

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"testing"

[JOSEPHINE]

[align=center][div style="width: 300px; text-align: justify; font-size: 10px; font-family: calibri; letter-spacing: .6px; color: #494949;"]◜BASICS ┊ I HAD A DREAM◞
&. ❝ josephine elena van doren ❞ |  joey, joy, hoey | female [ she/her ] .
&. 21 years old . | november first ; scorpio .
&. forager of flintlock lodge .

◜PERSONALITY ┊ GOT EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED◞
&. impulsive . outgoing . femme fatale . flirtatious . seemingly emotionless . guarded . self-destructive . obsessive . hot headed . reckless . kleptomania tendencies . selfish . brat .  assertive . loyal to those close to her . intuitive . stubborn . passionate . self-preserving . quick . nosey . reliable . non-committal . determined . secretive . resentful . resourceful . distrusting .

◜ APPEARANCE ┊ NOT WHAT YOU THINK ◞
&.  five foot six & one hundred and seventeen pounds ; reference .
↳ blonde hair just past her collarbone, grows a dirtier blonde, lightening up as soon as any sun touches it .
↳ slim, muscular build. legs on the longer side .
↳ big blue/green doe eyes, light yet well-groomed eyebrows, full lips, dimples .

◜ INTERACTIONS ┊ AND IF I’M BEING HONEST ◞
&.  [ 8/10 ] physically  |  [ 9/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ medium ] | difficulty w/ melees [ hard ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ hard ]
↳ combat information .
&. attack in bold #990000 | [member=570]scully[/member] | PM for any major plots .
&. friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .

◜INVENTORY ┊ IT MIGHT’VE BEEN A NIGHTMARE◞
&. [ 2 ] weapons | [ 0 ] armor pieces | [ 0 ] consumables | [ 2 ] aid items | [ 1 ] misc .
↳ one combat knife .
↳ a three piece throwing knife set
↳ one german short-haired pointer puppy
↳ one english setter puppy
↳ a bracelet from her late mother, each one of her sisters has a piece to the same set, their mother having the biggest piece

◜ RELATIONSHIPS ┊ TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT CARE◞
&. elizabeth van doren (npc) x malcolm van doren (npc) | second youngest of nine children .
↳ cassian van doren, eldest, flintlock .
↳ beau van doren, second eldest, flintlock .
↳ range rover van doren, unknown & scarlett van doren, dead .
↳ auden van doren, unknown & tara van doren, dead .
↳ maxine van doren, just older than joey, flintlock .
↳ richard van doren, youngest, flintlock .
&. pansexual, panromantic ; mongamous  . | scared of commitment, however enjoys casual fun with anyone .

[MICAH K.]

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"testing"