hi welcome to chilis & trash heap

[shizuknya]

I don't ever feel wanted in my family. I don't. Never ever ever. I get tossedti the side, I'm the fuckjng outcast. Everyone likes similar things and then there's me: the disappointment, the shitty, bratty spoiled child who everyone ignores as soon as any of the other kids are around and they do smth great and all I get noticed for are my grades. That's all I've ever be acknowledged for: my grades.

I try so hard to be what they want. I try I try I try but I'm never good enough.

[twistiethebear]

listen to me, you don't need to be what they want because that is not you. who you are is more than enough and if they ccan't see that then they can go fuck themselves because you are amazing and unique and wonderful and funny and who the hell cares if you are different. nobody got anywhere in life being an exact replica of everyone else. you have to be uniquely you because that is the you that matters.

in the wise words of lin-manuel miranda
"you are perfectly cast in your life. i can't imagine anyone but you in that role"

[shizuknya]

me: stops crying for a moment and is just hiccuping
me, reading everythingyou guys say: starts bawling again bc i love you guys so much and i want to hug you all sm rn but i cant and that's the worst thing about all of this

[shizuknya]

when the only thing youve eaten today was a chocolate donut and ur still not hungry despite ur meds wearing off.
and i dont wanna force myself to eat cuz i feel like ill just throw it up

[shizuknya]

When u don't wanna go to school tomorrow cuz u feel like u might throw up and ur period killin you but u have to cuz u have to turn in ur essay for English and they're doing shit that u can't miss
u g h I feel so fucking ill. Maybe I'll check out but idk if I want to bc my 7th period teacher, he has good intentions he likes to play around with his classes, and my friend will tease me and it'll add fuel to the fire/inside joke that I'm never in class and always skipping even tho I've missed like only 4 days all in the span of like the few months we've been in school not even close together. But I honestly hate the teasing especially now when I'm in such an easily pissed off mood. It was funny at first but now I'm just like "pls,,, fcking stop"

Also I can't miss or heck out cuz I'm not gonna be here next Friday and I told my friend and I said not to fucking mention it cuz I'm not in the mood for the shit in 7thperiod and she said she wouldn't and she ended saying smth and I wanted to fucking throat punch her.

But why even bother trying to check out my mother will just get fucking pissed at me if I asked her and tell me I'm faking or something as soon as I get in the car and start yelling at me or she'll just tell me to deal with it.

[shizuknya]

easton: imma carpe natem
someone: wha-
easton: seize the ass

[shizuknya]

[spoiler=another rant (:]i swear the fucking god my parents are so HHHH. i walked out and my mom was like "if you want me to cook something for oyu bc youve only eatena donut u etter say now" andi was like "alright" so i tried to fucking get past her to get some ramen and she goes "can i have a kiss" i go "...no.." bc i just,,, do not want her to fucking kiss my cheek. she goes "just on the cheek pls and ill let u go? please" and shes fucking getting closer and closer and im shrinking back and covering my face and staring blankly at the counter like "no, stop. please" and you wanna knnow what my das fucking does? he turns and looks at me with the most pissed look goign "what the hell is wrong with you? why are you such a bitch, just let her kiss your cheek" instead of realizing how uncomfortable i was and telling her to stop. she goes "oh you dont even know she's been a bitch to me ever since i got back" and he keeps asking me why and imlike "?? why?? because it's-" and i was so,, mmm so fucking pissed off and shit i couldnt even finish my sentence and i walked past and got some food and theyre talking shit about me and im trying my best to ignore it and i walk up to my mom like "can u make this pls" and she goes "say your sorry and give me a hug" i go "sorry for what?" "for being so mean to me" like is this bitch serious is she fucking 6?? and i just sighed and was about to cuz im fucking starving but my dad goes "why would you even consider making that in the first place?" "you're right!" andhe turns to me and goes "just go to sleep" and im fucking sitting here now in my room on the verge of crying bc i cant take this shit any longer i canti cant i cn t

all because i didnt want my mom to kiss my cheek which is pERFECTLY!!! FINE!!![/spoiler]

[vix]

That’s really disappointing that your own parents would call you a bitch. That’s most homes to god the most worst feeling in the world, and honestly over a kiss?? I know we’ve briefly talked about it (depression),  but the warning signs are there, and they shouldn’t guilt you into doing something you’re uncomfortable doing, especially over something so small. Depression + periods + parental problems are the worst and I wish I could help in some shape or form but I will tell you that I really hope it at least gets semi better in the morning and ily )):

[marsy]

That’s really disappointing that your own parents would call you a bitch. That’s most homes to god the most worst feeling in the world, and honestly over a kiss?? I know we’ve briefly talked about it (depression),  but the warning signs are there, and they shouldn’t guilt you into doing something you’re uncomfortable doing, especially over something so small. Depression + periods + parental problems are the worst and I wish I could help in some shape or form but I will tell you that I really hope it at least gets semi better in the morning and ily )):

i know by now that your parents are just... honestly horrible, and this, the whole kiss thing, isn't even the worst of it; not even half of the worst of it. like i'm not gonna sugarcoat it. they're just shitty parents, and i'm so sorry you have to go through this. no kid should have to go through this, especially with so much other shit going on in your life. shitty parents on top of depression and mood swings and stress is just really overwhelming, and for a goddamn 14 year-old ?? i'm so sorry shi. i know loving you isn't enough, but i hope it does some good. we all love you shi, very much.

[twistiethebear]

[quote author=VIXEN. link=topic=11153.msg282728#msg282728 date=1512616684]
That’s really disappointing that your own parents would call you a bitch. That’s most homes to god the most worst feeling in the world, and honestly over a kiss?? I know we’ve briefly talked about it (depression),  but the warning signs are there, and they shouldn’t guilt you into doing something you’re uncomfortable doing, especially over something so small. Depression + periods + parental problems are the worst and I wish I could help in some shape or form but I will tell you that I really hope it at least gets semi better in the morning and ily )):

i know by now that your parents are just... honestly horrible, and this, the whole kiss thing, isn't even the worst of it; not even half of the worst of it. like i'm not gonna sugarcoat it. they're just shitty parents, and i'm so sorry you have to go through this. no kid should have to go through this, especially with so much other shit going on in your life. shitty parents on top of depression and mood swings and stress is just really overwhelming, and for a goddamn 14 year-old ?? i'm so sorry shi. i know loving you isn't enough, but i hope it does some good. we all love you shi, very much.
[/quote]