le chaos. | another marsy dump.

[marsy]

i lvoe you guys

i'm sorry i might not like fully respond or whatever to your support n shit

i'm so over with today, and already, tomorrow

it's the first fucking day and i'm already wrecked

[phantomatics]

it's totally okay marsy, just know that i am here! <3

[marsy]

ya'll make me feel sm better. you help me get my mind off things while also letting me rant and get them out so i don't bottle it all up and you're all so amazing ilysm

[marsy]

man this fuckin rory angst, dood

[phantomatics]

man this fuckin rory angst, dood

fuentes you left at the wrong time

[marsy]

can't wait to slam it on fue & scully

[spoiler=spilling tea about the education system]school is honestly so fucking ridiculous
we go for nine months each fucking year until we graduate high school, for around seven hours a day, and then we're expected to go off to college, which i'm guessing takes up a lot of our time too, whether you physically go to the classes or not. and on top of this, we're still expected to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and get 8-10 hours of sleep EVERY NIGHT, go to bed at a decent time, get out of bed at ungodly hours that literally no one who doesn't go to school or have work would ever get up at, eat three meals a day, drink enough water/stay dehydrated, and maintain and healthy social life. who the fuck originally thought that this was a good idea? how do people still not realize it's literally fucking torture? not to mention it's literally just the same damn things, over and over again, just getting harder as each year passes. it's dumb as shit. and we don't even learn the things we NEED to learn, like they expect our parents to teach us? big brothers or sisters? other family members or close friends? binch, some of us don't have the privilege of having a good family, or good irl friends. some of us can't just look online and get it. like changing a tire, or basically anything to do with a car, how to write checks and make a bank account n shit, and how to maintain a financially stable home, etc. instead we learn fuckin math, a required class, and we have to do speeches and a bunch of presentations that are worthless, that only cause anxiety, and history which is interesting but not something we NEED to fucking know?? we don't. need to know it. so many people say "oh but it's good to know the history blah blah blah" like ok yea i guess it is, but what's more important: history or learning how to be a fucking adult? i'm so done with this bullshit. like i love learning about these things, and you definitely need at least basic math, maybe even basic algebra, and it's cool to know history, and you obviously need to know how to read and write, and science is fun and all but like ?? the way they go about teaching it, and bombarding us with dumbass tests that literally have no say in how smart we are (only testing our memory of what our teacher taught us, and sometimes they didn't even teach some things that are on the fucking test/s), telling us that grades are SO important (and they are if you want to get into a good college which is bullshit, unless you're a slacker who really doesn't try at all) and some schools try telling us our mental health is important but honestly it seems like they don't give a shit because they're literally making our mental states worse while being complete ignorant assholes about it. GOD i am so DONE with the schooling system.

trigger warning: mention of suicidal thoughts
don't fucking get me started on mental illness and school. they just don't give a shit. they act like they do but they fucking don't, at least not a lot of schools. they butter you up about it with all this anti-bullying shit, and telling you that if you see someone who looks sad in the corner to talk to them and help them or whatever, but when it comes down to it, they just don't care. all they care about is getting us to stay in Hell aka their school and Get Good Grades so we can be Accomplished Adults in the future. HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT US TO DO THAT WHEN WE LITERALLY WANT TO BURN THE SCHOOL DOWN, AND/OR FUCKING D I E? like do they not fucking get this? seriously? -- some people with depression or anxiety can barely get up from bed in the morning, and it's incredibly hard for them (i speak from experience) to do a speech and be coherent. this is why we bomb the shit out of lots of them, and why we procrastinate so much on speeches and presentations, and nobody fucking understands this in the school system. nobody understands that there are people with mental illnesses, who have a more difficult time than others, and some even more severe. i may be cynical, but i honestly don't believe any of my teachers, even the nicest ones, when they say they 'truly care about us'. i don't even go to my fucking counselor. school has fucked me up so much. i was literally depressed to the point i was thinking of ending it all when i was in FUCKING MIDDLE SCHOOL. IN SIXTH GRADE. I WAS ELEVEN YEARS OLD. i was so stressed out because of this bullshit that not even the fun i had with my family and the love i received was helping. i was so far gone. then i was homeschooled, and it was great. i didn't do much, but i did help out a ton with my mom's daycare kids, and that's what i loved to do; help my mom, and i honestly would have made a job out of it and she said she would legit pay me, but then she stop doing daycare and got into social work and i went back to public school and i'm not depressed, but i am pissed the hell off.

[shizuknya]

[quote author=godson — link=topic=4720.msg163304#msg163304 date=1503540029]
hey i'm sorry you're feeling so shitty but i hope you wake up feeling better!

[/quote]

[marsy]

and no adult understands that it fucks me (and others) up so much to the point where we literally want to dropout. i've thought about it sm but i'm way too anxious to actually go through with it. education is important and i love learning but as i've said before, the schooling system is fucked up to hell and makes learning a very horrible and sucky experience. it fucks with my head so much. during the summer i'm so happy, happier than i've ever been, and then school comes around and fucks me over. i cry at least once a day, my sleeping schedule gets even more impossibly fucked, my anxiety skyrockets, i get even more irritable, and none of the teachers' and counselors' and other staffs' bullshit helps either because they say they understand but they really fucking don't. and my parents think they do, but they don't, especially not my dad jfc.

thank you guys. i hope so too.

[phantomatics]

i love you marsy and you can message me if you need too! <3

[twistiethebear]

i love you marsy and you can message me if you need too! <3

same here. i'm always here to listen if you need someone to rant to