le chaos. | another marsy dump.

[phantomatics]

[align=center][div style="width: 350px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 7.5pt; line-height: 1;"]a note to you ;;
you are such a ray of sunshine and i love you so much!! anxiety is a bitch and if it was possible i would personally kick you anxiety in the face and tell it to leave you alone. no matter what you may feel or think, i still love you and i love your plots and your aesthetics and your characters. don't feel bad if you need to take a break because your mental health comes first. you gotta take care of yourself because you and your sanity are more important than an aesthetic or a character bio or a reply to a thread. i'm always here to talk to you and be here for you and laugh with you and plot with you. remember that your thoughts and how you feel are important and it isn't stupid. i promise you that nothing you feel is stupid and you should never feel ashamed or guilty for feeling a certain way. i love you so much c:

[marsy]

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[table]

[marsy]

[align=center][div style="width: 300px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 7.5pt; line-height: 1; color: #444; cursor: url(https://68.media.tumblr.com/6fb38fc5e973...r1shc4.png), auto;"]

JEMKRYS AU SADNESS

• it's only an au because shi and i could never canonically do this to jemkrys... yet.

jem gets into a car accident, it's really fucking bad, and he gains consciousness long enough and enough strength to type out a short text message to say "i love you, i'm sorry" to krys before the pain gets to be too much and he loses consciousness and he probably dies before he even gets to the hospital.

krys finds out fairly shortly after jem's brought to the hospital to try to be revived but it fails, because he's an emergency contact. "mr. alexander? yes, this is blahblahblah hospital, your friend, jem shaw, has gotten into an accident." "oh my god, is he okay? what... what happened?" "mr. shaw was in a car accident earlier this evening, and... we suspect he died on impact." he couldn't breathe as soon as they said that one word. the voice drown out and his hands started to shake so much he dropped the phone. after a few moments he was immediately out of the house and getting into his car to drive to the hospital.

krys immediately broke down in the hospital. he tried to get to jem, still not believing his best friend, the person he fell in love with, was DEAD, and he didn't even get to say goodbye. he had a panic attack while trying to get to him, and was taken care of by a few nurses and a sweet doctor who asked if there was anyone they should call for him. he hesitantly told them his dad's number and his dad was there as soon as possible to comfort his heartbroken son.

krys' dad took him home after probably a half hour, and he held krys the entire night as he cried himself into exhaustion and finally fell asleep hours later. when he wake up, he was in his bed, and he thought maybe it'd been a dream. he grabbed his phone from where it was on the floor and finally saw the text message and NEW it wasn't just a dream, no matter how much he'd hoped. his heart sunk and he slid down the wall, knees to his chest, and cried a little bit more.

for the next week or two before jem's funeral, krys rarely ate and slept a lot more. when he wasn't sleeping and his father wasn't forcing him to shower and take care of himself, he was watching videos of jem, of jem and krys. it hurt, all the happy memories, the knowledge that he'd never get to make another stupid, silly video with his best friend, but he kept torturing himself because he missed him so much.

the funeral was horrible. krys ended up lashing out on jem's aunt and uncle, and had to be taken to the car by his father so he wouldn't hurt anyone. after that, for weeks after, krys grew too thin, his hair started falling out and his nails became brittle and his skin pallid and clammy. he was a wreck, but he still tried to help around the house as much as possible. his father started being/staying home more, and the nurse started coming over more often not only to take care of granddad, but to take care of krys.

krys ended up collapsing in the kitchen while trying to get himself some orange juice and tried to get back up, but was too weak, and went in and out of consciousness for about a half hour before his dad came home from work and found him. he let sleep take over as his dad picked him up in shaking arms and rushed outside to the car. krys ended up staying in the hospital for awhile, hooked up to iv's. after maybe a week, his dad signed him out and took him home. krys could function on his own again, although it'd take a little longer for him to fully get back to being physically healthy, and especially longer mentally.

it was maybe three months after the incident when krys made another video and uploaded it. it was explaining what happened, and why he wouldn't be making consistent videos for awhile, and why jem would never make or be in one again. he broke down a lot and it took at least two hours, but he got it done, and there was an immense amount of support from the fans. krys was as delighted as he could be, in these dark times, and he was one more step ahead on the road to acceptance and, i guess, recovery. krys obviously had many downs even after he moved on, because when you lose someone you really care about, you don't ever really truly, fully move on, but he took care of himself, as well as his family, and sprung back up. he might not have been as sunshiney and upbeat as he used to be, but even that soft smile on his face was genuine, and the memory of jem became something he could smile brightly to and cry happily about instead of break down.

[phantomatics]

[align=center][div style="width: 350px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 7.5pt; line-height: 1;"]i'm going to ignore your angst and compliment you on your nice template instead.

[arrow]

seconding! that playlist template's gorgeous!!

[phantomatics]

[align=center][div style="width: 300px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 7.5pt; line-height: 1; color: #444; cursor: url(https://68.media.tumblr.com/6fb38fc5e973...r1shc4.png), auto;"]i'm totally joining your teen wolf thread.

[marsy]

[align=center][div style="width: 300px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 7.5pt; line-height: 1; color: #444; cursor: url(https://68.media.tumblr.com/6fb38fc5e973...r1shc4.png), auto;"]jem, playing guitar
krys: you should stop before i fall in love
jem, playing guitar more passionately

[shizuknya]

wow that's my son, what a romantic

[marsy]

[align=center][div style="width: 300px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 7.5pt; line-height: 1; color: #444; cursor: url(https://68.media.tumblr.com/6fb38fc5e973...r1shc4.png), auto;"][spoiler=just a smol rant that i needed to get out]when you're too anxious to post anything anymore because you feel like everyone hates everything you do ((((^:

[twistiethebear]

[align=center][div style="width: 350px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 7.5pt; line-height: 1;"]a note to you ;;
you are such a ray of sunshine and i love you so much!! anxiety is a bitch and if it was possible i would personally kick you anxiety in the face and tell it to leave you alone. no matter what you may feel or think, i still love you and i love your plots and your aesthetics and your characters. don't feel bad if you need to take a break because your mental health comes first. you gotta take care of yourself because you and your sanity are more important than an aesthetic or a character bio or a reply to a thread. i'm always here to talk to you and be here for you and laugh with you and plot with you. remember that your thoughts and how you feel are important and it isn't stupid. i promise you that nothing you feel is stupid and you should never feel ashamed or guilty for feeling a certain way. i love you so much c: