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finneus dominic coleman &&
be careful with that one, he will do what it takes to survive
— goes by finn a majority of the time and hates being called finneus with a burning passion because it sounds far too formal. chris sometimes calls him finny
— born on december 27, 1997 ( 20, capricorn ) anthony coleman and lucile davis in salt lake city, utah three days after christmas and his mom refers to him as her "little present"
— identifies as homosexual, homoromantic and has been out since he was thirteen but it was kind of by accident because he was talking with his cousins and one of them asked if he had a crush and little finn said "well, there's this boy named james and he's cute" and then his cousins were like "finn likes boys" and that is how finn came out
— grew up in a very poor neighborhood and they didn't really have that much money, they didn't thrive like other families and finn didn't get new clothes every year and it was a hard childhood but he kept his naivity and innocence for a long time surprisingly
— the reason will be explained later, but from the time he was sixteen until the time he was nineteen, he didn't talk or live with his parents
— he was pushed around a lot as a kid because his clothes were too big and were old and probably the cheapist thing his parents could find at the thrift store and yet none of this broke his smile because he knew his parents were trying their best to support him despite the troubles with their marriage over finances and all of that
— where to begin with finn? well, first of all, he is an extremely sweet person despite the hell he has been through and his sweetness is paired with a delicate confidence and self security that is bound to break at the smallest things because he is still learning proper coping mechanisms and how to really function without drugs because it's hard. but he still has this rather sunny disposition that probably shocked a lot of people who met him during his drug addict phase and only saw who the drugs made him
— tends to get anxious very easily and paranoid which has definitely gotten better since getting clean but it is still hard and he is still constantly worried about the possibility of chris feeling too overwhelmed and leaving him because he's done with all of finn's issues but it's just the anxiety and paranoia causing it because chris reminds finn over and over that he's not gonna leave again especially when finn says things such as "please don't leave me" or "you're not leaving again, right?" whenever they have the tiniest of disagreements because he's worried it'll happen again
— though he struggled a lot in the past, he has become much stronger in himself and more self-reliant ( of course, he still relies on chris for some stuff because even if he's gotten through most of it, he is still recovering and sorting through all the abuse ) and it has done a lot for his confidence and lowering his insecurity level and he's becoming someone he wants to be, someone his friends and family and boyfriend can be proud of
— his romantic side is so present now and he enjoys surprising chris with dates and just random acts of love and affection seemingly out of nowhere but it is wonderful okay
— for a little bit of insight to pre-withdrawal finn, he was very confident, extremely confident. he carried himself well and just, the drugs really gave that to him. he was in no way fearless but he tended to act as such. he pushed away feelings of anxiety and sadness and fear in order to cope with how he was feeling in his everyday life and within his situation. during withdrawal, he wasn't really his addict or non-addict self. he was stuck in a limbo of feeling everything and feel nothing. days ranged from extremely sadness and feeling hopeless to happy days though the latter rarely occurred in the first four or five out of the nine months. it was hard because he isolated himself and rarely ate or slept, only getting through it because he had chris by his side
— when he was sixteen, he was approached by someone who claimed that their father was a music producer who wanted to make finn a star after seeing a video him preform in the school talent show. so, finn was excited and agreed to meet with their "dad" and that's when it all went to hell, when his life started spiralling downward
— so the man wasn't the other kid's dad or a record producer, but a pimp and it was the other's job to bring in fresh blood. of course, finn didn't know this and for a couple months was under the guise that he had to do the things the pimp said to become an artist
—
( tw rape, sexual assault ) was pimped out to many older men to, essentially, be a piece of meat for them to take frustrations out on whether that be sexually or physically. at the time, finn didn't know that this was rape and just like it happen. he let them do whatever they wanted because he was also getting paid a lot of money ( though the pimp was paid much more ) so he was, basically, a prostitute
—
( tw drug abuse ) about a year in, he started using heroin. well, correction, he was forced to shoot up heroin when he was uncooperative and trying to resist and leave. the pimp's right hand man would hold finn down while the pimp forcefully stuck the needle into his arm. since heroin is an extremely addictive drug, after about a week, finn was hooked and wasn't resisting jobs because he would shoot up and be on too much of a high to even care what the men would do to him
— started stripping at the age of eighteen and it meant he wasn't being pimped out as much but he still endured plenty of abuse from patrons at the night club and the pimp
— it was in this first year of "working" that he met christo alexandris and he did whatever possible to hide it and often wore long sleeves to keep the bruises and track marks hidden but, as it goes, chris eventually found out about what line of work finn was in
— over the next year and a half, there was a lot of push and pull, back and forth, and arguments about it, about finn leaving, about finn getting clean. and god, finn wanted to get clean and get out of it so he could be safe and not in constant danger
— there was one instance where he did and was getting better until the pimp threatened to hurt chris and ollie and finn went back, relapsed into his drug habits, and tried to hide it. chris eventually found out when he saw a bruise poking out and freaked and packed his things and left finn which, inevitably made things worse for finn
— he spiralled out of control quickly, he wasn't stripping and only doing what the pimp said and it was a dark time and it wasn't quite rock bottom for him but his body felt like it wasn't even his own anymore and had the mindset that he was, in fact, just a piece of meat to be passed around between people, all taking and doing what they please
— diane helped pull finn out and the two actually got the pimp locked up and finn started trying to get clean and him and chris got back together for about a month or two until finn relapsed again and chris left a second time
—
( tw overdose, suicide attempt ) this is really when finn hit rock bottom. chris had left him again and it felt like it was never going to get better so he spiraled deeper into the addiction and ended up purposefully overdosing but it was at a party and someone had called 911 and he was taken to the hospital and survived
— well, chris was called because finn hadn't changed his emergency contact and chris actually showed up at the hospital and finn saw him and knew he was going to lose chris forever once he left but he couldn't let that happen, he needed chris and many tears later and finn finally explaining why he had relapsed, chris said he was going to give him one more chance and yeah, finn swore he was going to get better, to not relapse
— and finn made good on his promise, though it was hard. the withdrawal was hell, literal hell full of emotional turmoil and physical reprecussions and so much more. since chris had met finn, he was peeling back layers upon layers, and the moment finn finally stopped holding back how he felt during the withdrawal, that is when chris really found finn, that this was the real finn, no more layers left. finn feeling a real emotion sans drugs for the first time in three years and it was a big breakthrough for finn
— made it to the otherside and is so much better and happier and it's wonderful
— has been through a lot more than people his age should go through
— finn has countless scars covering his arms and torso that he is extremely insecure about and for the longest time, he never took off his shirt in front of chris even at night, he always wore a long sleeved shirt or sweatshirt. there are still times now where he gets so self-conscious that in the middle of a make out, sans shirts, finn will get a pang of anxiety and get up and put a shirt on. it's a struggle because of all this insecurity and yeah
— he has a bloodhound named petunia who he's had since he was sixteen years old and she has adapted well to his anxiety and when finn is freaked out and having an anxiety or panic attack, she knows how to calm him down but she, unfortunately, isn't a service dog so he can't bring her everywhere that he goes so sometimes he has attacks in public when he's alone and it's never pretty, never. he gets so embarrassed and has a nasty habit of digging his nails into his skin to stop his attacks but it rarely works, only leaves crescent shaped gashes and blood underneath his fingernails
— is an extremely talented piano player and singer but from around a few weeks before the first break up till five or six months into the withdrawal, he never touched his piano and found little joy in music but now he plays all the time and has found pleasure in playing again and sometimes he'll just sit and play for hours on end
— still suffers from pretty bad anxiety and depression linked to his past but he is doing his best to work through it and thankfully has the help of chris and his friends to get through it
