heart made of glass, my mind of stone | open

[JOSEPHINE]

[align=center][div style="width: 400px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; font-family: calibri; letter-spacing: .6px; color: #494949;"]maybe she should have seen this coming. everything was going great, clearly too good for a van doren. so, maybe she should be used to it, have prepped herself for the pain that would clearly be barreling towards her. josephine’s always lived amongst sky highs and cavernous lows; she seems to have flown much too close to the sun this time. the air beneath her wings gave way so quickly, joey couldn’t maneuver a graceful save. hitting the water felt like hitting asphalt, but it doesn’t stop there; now she’s drowning in the deep waters.

she should be grateful, she’s up one from seb’s death. presumed dead siblings magically popping back into their lives should feel like miracle. joey still came out with a gain, that should feel like a win. instead, she feels angry. she clutches onto the feeling, desperately trying not to be sucked into the growing black hole in the pit of her stomach. guilt is a devastating emotion to face. the usual survivor’s guilt is probably what it looks like to everyone else. that’s still prevalent, joey wishing it had been her to be a casualty of war; she knows more than anyone how much more she deserves at fate like that. but, there’s one that even harder for joey to sit with: actual guilt. stuck to live with the reality that she should have stopped it, she easily could have. stop while she’s ahead, lay low back at the lodge, beside her little brother and not let anyone touch him. joey’d been too busy dancing in blood.

all through growing up, joey’s been shielded and coddled by all her older siblings. their own guilt manifesting, probably, feeling bad for the littlest two losing their parents so young. she resented some of them for it, the ones who got to spend their whole childhood with the parents, then just go disappear. it isn’t their fault, joey knows that, but the bitterness still creeps into the back of her mind. all things she did growing up were never met with consequences, someone always cleaned up fight behind or even directly taken the fall. taking responsibility was stunted in joey and she’s still not ready, or willing, to face it now.

dinner’s come and gone, most flintlockers have cleared out, but joey hasn’t moved from her seat looking out over the mountain. she’d been encouraged to leave her room, too weak to even put up much of a fight. her legs are pulled up to her chest, staring blankly at nothing in particular, jaw’s clenched along with nearly every single muscle tensed. an untouched plate of food is set on the little table beside her. she can’t remember the last time she ate an actual meal since the fight. the sun dips below the mountain peaks with little movement from joey, only some shirking into her seat from the cold that engulfs everything when it gets dark.

just the time she’s spent outside of her room has exhausted her. keeping a cool exterior, not letting on how wrecked the loss has made her, not letting on how much she misses max and the anger she has from max not being there. the rush of salty tears is too much for her to muster up the strength to stop. ” fuck, “ joey murmurs just under her breath, hand gripping the sleeve of the sweater she’d snatched from will. her hand tries to wipe away the tears quickly, but she seems to only start crying more. she attempts to keep her sniffles quiet, take quiet breaths, but there are a few gasps. joey remains in her spot as best she can, only using her hand to try and hide behind.

gentle footsteps and light creaks in the floor sound behind her, [color=#990000]” i’m fine, go away, “ her tone nearly a hiss.


// just joey trying to deal with the loss of her brother! anyone can be whole walked over to her.


[spoiler=tags, updated 03/14/2021]◜BASICS ┊ [color=#990000]I HAD A DREAM◞
&. ❝ josephine elena van doren ❞ |  joey, hoey | female [ she/her ] .
&. 22 years old . | november first ; scorpio .
&. reaper of flintlock lodge .

◜PERSONALITY ┊ GOT EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED◞
&. impulsive . outgoing . femme fatale . flirtatious . seemingly emotionless . guarded . self-destructive . obsessive . hot headed . reckless . kleptomania tendencies . selfish . brat .  assertive . loyal to those close to her . intuitive . stubborn . passionate . self-preserving . quick . nosey . reliable . non-committal . determined . secretive . resentful . resourceful . distrusting .

◜ APPEARANCE ┊ NOT WHAT YOU THINK ◞
&.  five foot six & one hundred and seventeen pounds ; reference .
↳ blonde hair just past her collarbone, grows a dirtier blonde, lightening up as soon as any sun touches it .
↳ slim, muscular build. legs on the longer side .
↳ big blue/green doe eyes, light yet well-groomed eyebrows, full lips, dimples .

◜ INTERACTIONS ┊ AND IF I’M BEING HONEST ◞
&.  [ 8/10 ] physically  |  [ 9/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ medium ] | difficulty w/ melees [ hard ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ hard ]
↳ combat information .
&. attack in bold #990000 | [member=570]scully[/member] | PM for any major plots .
&. friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .

◜INVENTORY ┊ IT MIGHT’VE BEEN A NIGHTMARE◞
&. [ 2 ] weapons | [ 0 ] armor pieces | [ 0 ] consumables | [ 2 ] aid items | [ 1 ] misc .
↳ one combat knife .
↳ a three piece throwing knife set
↳ a bracelet from her late mother, each one of her sisters has a piece to the same set, their mother having the biggest piece

◜ RELATIONSHIPS ┊ TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT CARE◞
&. elizabeth van doren (npc) x malcolm van doren (npc) | second youngest of nine children .
↳ cassian van doren, eldest, flintlock .
↳ beau van doren, second eldest, unknown .
↳ range rover van doren, unknown & scarlett van doren, dead .
↳ auden van doren, unknown & tara van doren, dead .
↳ maxine van doren, just older than joey, flintlock .
↳ richard van doren, youngest, flintlock .
&. pansexual, panromantic ; mongamous  . | scared of commitment, however enjoys casual fun .
&. lover to william stirling
↳ reoccurring friends with benefits.
↳ parents to rosalie willa van doren, six months old .
&. lover to theodore knope
↳ partner in the badlands
&. crushing on cassidy van den bergh[/spoiler]

[MINSUH.]

[align=center][div style="width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 7.3pt; color: #333; line-height: 1.5; letter-spacing: 0.5px; word-spading: 3px;"] dread seems to loom over the lodge like a cloud these days.

it isn't without " valid " reason. someone had died and not just anyone , a van doren. she didn't see him around much but when she did , he was oddly optimistic despite the circumstances. quite a stupid thing, if you asked her. she noticed a trend with the ones who shone the brightest. their light tended to die the quickest. quite literally.  although minsuh could recognize why these feelings would persevere — as sadness in death seemed to be a trend — she couldn't help but be annoyed. the van dorens were a huge family. with one gone , three more seemed to follow , minsuh can't help but wonder if their parents were more rabbit than they were human. the more family there were , the more likely it seemed that this cloud was going to loom for the next few weeks to come, and minsuh didn't quite like walking on eggshells. she didn't want to risk a heavy-hearted van doren to be up late at night , forcing her to wait til' daylight.

she wouldn't let it stop her , however. it's been a day and a half since she's seen cassius and due to all the commotion that's going on , she wants to make sure he's even still there to caretake. apart her hopes that , yes , he was long gone. leaving the comfort of her warm bed after a long day can sometimes be tedious , and the cold is not very forgiving. but enough of her knows that no , she hopes he's there. waiting for her, missing her, his soft eyes taking her in as he greets her with his newest pet name. she likes the way he looks at her, in ways that even haneul failed to. it was the kind of way that minsuh felt deserving of all her life. admiration , and utter infatuation. it's what gets her out of bed and what slips her into her shoes. she glances at her roommate before slipping out the door , making her way hastily to the kitchen where leftovers were kept.

already , she'd put something aside. she takes the bag she left perched on the counter and fills it with the food she left behind before putting the bag on shoulder to shoulder. so caught in her own bliss , she almost is deafened by joey's sobs , placing her back into a reality that she couldn't quite grasp. she needs to remember not to place her jacket on her seat in the dining room after patrols and leaving them there , otherwise she could have avoided this situation entirely. joey is facing away from her, looking off towards the mountains, her grieving hanging heavy in the air around her. couldn't she take it elsewhere? obviously not. she wanted to be left alone , with many rooms to spare, and yet she couldn't find a place that wasn't so public. at her words, minsuh couldn't help but roll her eyes. promptly, she strutted into the room towards her jacket , glancing at joey as she does so.

[size=9pt]"chill , i never asked , " she says. grabbing her peacoat , she casually slips it on , before adding , [size=9pt]"sometimes people die , y'know? it's life. but just letting you know , if you want to avoid the ones who are pretending to care , maybe go somewhere a little more private." snatching up her backpack , she goes to exit the dining room.

/ i am so sorry for her 1 , for 2 i made sure this was ok with scully bc i'd feel bad to have her interrupt a depressing moment otherwise