IF WE MADE IT - open

[JOSEPHINE]

[align=center][div style="width: 400px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; font-family: calibri; letter-spacing: .6px; color: #494949;"][sub]tw: suicidial thoughts/ideation[/sub]
three weeks in and josephine still isn’t taking to being a mother. she does the very minimal effort but only to appease max who’s always on her about it. however, there’s nothing in her eyes when she looks at rosie. she’s stopped breaking, there hasn’t been the loud crocodile tears anymore. she’s withdrawn, only dawning a mask around the rest of the lodge. joey doesn’t feel like herself. her life feels over, she’s numb and doesn’t see an end to it. hell, she might as well entirely confess to aiden’s murder; take the entire blame and be banished from the lodge. it’d probably be better for everyone. max would get the baby she’s always wanted, seb always bounces back from things, william would get an easy way out.

the usual fierceness and self concern is gone. in her head, this seems like the only selfless thing she’s ever felt drawn to; doing away with herself, the problem child. maybe everyone could finally breathe a sigh of relief then...

joey’s face emerges from the water as she naturally floated to the top. the crisp and cold early morning air has her lips turning a purple color that’s sure to turn to blue soon if she stays in the water. rosie woke her up with her cries; joey couldn’t handle it. she quickly fled from her room and ended up at the lake. she’s thought about swimming to get in better shape after having the baby. and while the sun is split in half by the horizon seems like the perfect time. she remembers hearing something about cold burning more calories, it could easily be a hoax, but maybe she can finally feel something. she let out the breath she was holding, hands coming up to slick back her hair as teeth chatter for the bitter mountain air.

she wishes she didn’t come up. she wishes she just sank down to the bottom and is forgotten. drowning sounds comforting, why can’t she just do it? there’s a pang of frustration and anger that enters her, why her? takes hold as she begins to swim towards the shore. why did she have to be wrapped up in all of this? hasn’t she been through enough?


[spoiler=tags, updated 08/24/2020]◜BASICS ┊ I HAD A DREAM◞
&. ❝ josephine elena van doren ❞ |  joey, joy, hoey | female [ she/her ] .
&. 21 years old . | november first ; scorpio .
&. reaper of flintlock lodge .

◜PERSONALITY ┊ GOT EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED◞
&. impulsive . outgoing . femme fatale . flirtatious . seemingly emotionless . guarded . self-destructive . obsessive . hot headed . reckless . kleptomania tendencies . selfish . brat .  assertive . loyal to those close to her . intuitive . stubborn . passionate . self-preserving . quick . nosey . reliable . non-committal . determined . secretive . resentful . resourceful . distrusting .

◜ APPEARANCE ┊ NOT WHAT YOU THINK ◞
&.  five foot six & one hundred and seventeen pounds ; reference .
↳ blonde hair just past her collarbone, grows a dirtier blonde, lightening up as soon as any sun touches it .
↳ slim, muscular build. legs on the longer side .
↳ big blue/green doe eyes, light yet well-groomed eyebrows, full lips, dimples .

◜ INTERACTIONS ┊ AND IF I’M BEING HONEST ◞
&.  [ 8/10 ] physically  |  [ 9/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ medium ] | difficulty w/ melees [ hard ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ hard ]
↳ combat information .
&. attack in bold #990000 | [member=570]scully[/member] | PM for any major plots .
&. friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .

◜INVENTORY ┊ IT MIGHT’VE BEEN A NIGHTMARE◞
&. [ 2 ] weapons | [ 0 ] armor pieces | [ 0 ] consumables | [ 2 ] aid items | [ 1 ] misc .
↳ one combat knife .
↳ a three piece throwing knife set
↳ one german short-haired pointer puppy, demetri
↳ one english setter puppy, robin
↳ a bracelet from her late mother, each one of her sisters has a piece to the same set, their mother having the biggest piece

◜ RELATIONSHIPS ┊ TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT CARE◞
&. elizabeth van doren (npc) x malcolm van doren (npc) | second youngest of nine children .
↳ cassian van doren, eldest, flintlock .
↳ beau van doren, second eldest, unknown .
↳ range rover van doren, unknown & scarlett van doren, dead .
↳ auden van doren, unknown & tara van doren, dead .
↳ maxine van doren, just older than joey, flintlock .
↳ richard van doren, youngest, flintlock .
&. pansexual, panromantic ; mongamous  . | scared of commitment, however enjoys casual fun .
&. mother to rosalie willa van doren, newborn . [/spoiler]

[freddie]

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— it wasn’t like there was too much for fred to do around the lodge. he filled in wherever he was needed, helped out where he - most conveniently - could. other than that, the blonde busied himself mostly with spending time maintaining the bar. “maintaining” seemed to be a light word to use; partying with the patrons whenever he worked didn’t seem too much like maintenance to him. though it seemed that, amidst all of his partying, he barely noticed that others around him were possibly growing more withdrawn. he never considered that joey was growing more distant to those around her; hell, he never even noticed. he never claimed to be good friend material; he never claimed to be the most caring and aware of peoples’ feelings.

taking an absent stroll on his own, donning a light jacket to combat the crisp and cool morning air, his eyes wandered over towards the lake. he momentarily slowed to a stop as he stared at a figure swimming towards the shore a ways away, blinking in almost disbelief. was that- “joey?” he almost couldn’t believe it. huffing a short breath of amused disbelief, he stepped over closer towards the shore. “what are you doing?” his words lacked judgement; if anything, there was still that stunned amusement. he offered a hand once she was closer enough as if to help her get her footing again.

“you’re crazy, you know that?” he couldn’t think of anyone else that would’ve jumped at the chance to go for a cold polar plunge in the morning. then again, maybe that was exactly why fred liked her more than other lodgers.

what a woman.

"how about you take my jacket, yeah?"

sometimes fred at least seemed to have an ounce of humanity.

[JOSEPHINE]

[align=center][div style="width: 400px; text-align: justify; font-size: 12px; font-family: calibri; letter-spacing: .6px; color: #494949;"]joey feels her breath get caught in her chest as she hears freddie call her name. fuck. green eyes flick up to see not only fred but another person heading her way; joey tries to clench her jaw, but her teeth still clatter against her will. she adjusts her shorts, pulling them up with a little flustered huff out of her nose. she hates that people are seeing her like this, she’s repulsed by herself. she’s meant to be the bombshell, the one everyone either wants or wants to be. but this? this isn’t anywhere near it. why couldn’t people just leave her be? hands in tight little fists and shoulders held up by her ears in reaction to the cold, joey shakes her head in response to freddie. she avoids looking at him, though, and didn’t reach for help from his hand.

rocks shift under her feet and she slips, but managed to catch herself, ungracefully, but anything to reject admitting she needs help. as her body starts to shake, joey’s whole body tenses to fight against the natural response to the cold. “ g-getting rid of the ba-baby weight, “ she answers she she fights the shiver; but she really doesn’t need to, in reality, joey’s a petite woman anyway and the small amount of extra weight made her less underweight as before, she sees something different though. joey finally makes eye contact with freddie and then the other man, her eyes vacant and dull. “ [color=#990000]i-i’m good-” she swallows, forcing a tight lipped smile that isn’t followed by her eyes and it fades as quickly as she forced herself to make it. she just wants to be left alone. maybe she could find a place to just sit and freeze...

she then turns, grabbing the big sweatshirt she’d worn down to the lake that’s in a pile on top of a rock. the cold is better than the numbness, even if it’ll lead to an even worse case; joey doesn’t have the foresight to have thought that through. she just hugs the hoodie to her chest and try to start heading back to the lodge, gaze fixed on the ground.


[spoiler=tags, updated 08/24/2020]◜BASICS ┊ [color=#990000]I HAD A DREAM◞
&. ❝ josephine elena van doren ❞ |  joey, joy, hoey | female [ she/her ] .
&. 21 years old . | november first ; scorpio .
&. reaper of flintlock lodge .

◜PERSONALITY ┊ GOT EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED◞
&. impulsive . outgoing . femme fatale . flirtatious . seemingly emotionless . guarded . self-destructive . obsessive . hot headed . reckless . kleptomania tendencies . selfish . brat .  assertive . loyal to those close to her . intuitive . stubborn . passionate . self-preserving . quick . nosey . reliable . non-committal . determined . secretive . resentful . resourceful . distrusting .

◜ APPEARANCE ┊ NOT WHAT YOU THINK ◞
&.  five foot six & one hundred and seventeen pounds ; reference .
↳ blonde hair just past her collarbone, grows a dirtier blonde, lightening up as soon as any sun touches it .
↳ slim, muscular build. legs on the longer side .
↳ big blue/green doe eyes, light yet well-groomed eyebrows, full lips, dimples .

◜ INTERACTIONS ┊ AND IF I’M BEING HONEST ◞
&.  [ 8/10 ] physically  |  [ 9/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ medium ] | difficulty w/ melees [ hard ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ hard ]
↳ combat information .
&. attack in bold #990000 | [member=570]scully[/member] | PM for any major plots .
&. friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .

◜INVENTORY ┊ IT MIGHT’VE BEEN A NIGHTMARE◞
&. [ 2 ] weapons | [ 0 ] armor pieces | [ 0 ] consumables | [ 2 ] aid items | [ 1 ] misc .
↳ one combat knife .
↳ a three piece throwing knife set
↳ one german short-haired pointer puppy, demetri
↳ one english setter puppy, robin
↳ a bracelet from her late mother, each one of her sisters has a piece to the same set, their mother having the biggest piece

◜ RELATIONSHIPS ┊ TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT CARE◞
&. elizabeth van doren (npc) x malcolm van doren (npc) | second youngest of nine children .
↳ cassian van doren, eldest, flintlock .
↳ beau van doren, second eldest, unknown .
↳ range rover van doren, unknown & scarlett van doren, dead .
↳ auden van doren, unknown & tara van doren, dead .
↳ maxine van doren, just older than joey, flintlock .
↳ richard van doren, youngest, flintlock .
&. pansexual, panromantic ; mongamous  . | scared of commitment, however enjoys casual fun .
&. mother to rosalie willa van doren, newborn . [/spoiler]