TELL YOU HOW I FEEL // GREEN
#1
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mick dreaded the nights. it wasn’t rare to see him putting off acknowledging just how late it was. fix himself a cup of tea, find something to work on absently, with tired eyes and exhausted hands. people often spoke about the mornings. they spoke about the strength and bravery it took to get up and out of their bed each and every day. he didn’t know what could be said about the ones that didn’t want to get in their bed in the first place.

sticking around green’s house all evening and into the later hours of night seemed like a new normal for him. it felt normal to find himself wandering to green’s bedroom with the other man, staying the night there more often than at his own place. as they both retired to bed, tired eyes and quiet murmurs laced with sleep saying goodnight, mick found himself feeling less dreadful of the nights.

when he inevitably woke up, chest tight with panic and fear, uncertain if the nightmares had stopped, unable to discern what was real anymore -- his gaze seemed to instantly be drawn towards green at his side.

he didn’t know what vernon could possibly see in him. the bitter taste of war still lingered on his lips. the scars of battle weaved a tale of tragic heartache and struggle along his skin. mickey serge was the kind of man that survived and endured it all, while many others could not say the same. he lived when he should have died. even then, some nights he found himself looking at his reflection in the mirror and all he could see was a crime scene. he failed to know exactly when all the pieces of himself had died, or where he could possibly go to pick up and revive the fallen, broken pieces.

there was an unexplainable feeling that flooded his senses late at night, when he could turn his head to one side and find he wasn’t lost in his head. alone. that vern was there. mick was a mess of things; no one, not even himself, knew how to put him back together again. and yet, when he pulled green close late at night, burying his face into the other man’s mussed-up hair, he never felt more complete.

most nights were absolutely miserable for mick. he didn’t want green to feel as though he always needed to try and fix such broken and frayed pieces. he didn’t expect him to, either. simply having someone be there with him was all he could ever ask for from green; that was everything he needed. a certain feeling flooded over him on those dreadful nights, holding vernon green so close. an emotion that made the ache in his chest feel that much lighter, lulling tired eyes shut as he felt so at ease.

though they weren’t similar in most ways, vernon filled in all of the missing pieces in mick’s life. every broken, chipped piece of himself felt like it was back together again, and vernon was the glue that so selflessly held him together. he couldn’t say that he heavily depended on vern and needed him in his life - after so long of learning to rely on himself, it was hard for him to be anything but fiercely independent at times - but he could say that green helped make his life one worth living. vernon made this ghost of a man want to live again. and, for the first time in a long, long time, mick wasn’t afraid to say he found his own happiness.

mickey dared to believe that he was in love.

eyes wandered over towards the other man standing nearby. standing in the living room, folding a few blankets with absent hands as the pair tidied up the living room together. his gaze lingered on vern, something soft filling the spaces in once-empty and inexpressive eyes. he turned his gaze away to pick up a couple of the pillows, fluffing them up, getting the dog hair off of them, and rearranging them back on the couch. still, as eyes wandered back towards green again, he couldn’t help but feel his lip twitch. a brief surge of playfulness.

"hey. i think you've got something right-" he gently batted at the man’s side with the pillow. his lips twitched as he stared at green only a moment longer, gauging his reaction momentarily. a certain gleam was so subtle in his eyes as he turned back to his work on the couch, fighting a smile as he quietly said, "never mind." of course not even the simplest, quietest mornings could go by without sprinkling in a little bit of fun here and there.

these were the mornings that made such miserable nights feel worth it.

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#2
[align=center][div style="width: 430px; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 6pt; letter-spacing: 2.5px; word-spacing: 0px; line-height: 12px; color: #474747"]Settling into the routine of a relationship once more was something Green wasn’t sure he ever experience again. Once the man who could barely hold onto a relationship for long enough because of life's circumstances, he wondered whether this continual loss of an almost-love was to pave the way for something which truly was perfect for him. Call him the raging optimist, but maybe it was to find a relationship designed to be his forever. To find his soulmate, so to speak.

Only some months ago, Vernon had a seed of doubt planted in his mind, a concern that perhaps he’d not live long enough in order to find real love. He’d be killed for a thoughtless cause without ever finding somebody to fill in those admittedly broken crevices in his heart.

He was sadder than he so often let on, so much loss surrounding his life that he tried to make up for it with the fallacy of infatuation. The hope that if he allowed everyone into his heart then somebody ought to want to settle down and take good care of it. Instead, it so often only brought about that same sadness as he’d felt all too often in this life.

Until Mickey.

Vernon busied himself whilst he meticulously dusted the little coffee table down, whistling gently to himself to the music which gently played on his music player. A job as menial as this would be so tedious to complete on his own but, with Mickey, it barely felt like a chore anymore. Besides, after they’d clean the area up, Vern would likely insist they lay on the sofa together, close in a warm embrace. Mickey would gladly oblige, and they’d spend what felt like hours together - with all that he could look forward to, no wonder why Vernon wasn’t too disheartened by cleaning the living room up first.

Picking up a cushion on the couch, he began to halfheartedly puff it up, yawning away his morning tiredness until he heard Mickey begin to speak. And, before Green could even look over towards Mickey, a cushion smacked playfully against his side, earning a surprised gasp from Green. He twisted his head to look across at Mickey with raised brows and an astounded smile growing on parted lips. ❝ Uh huh? ❞ A part of him couldn’t believe Mick’s surge of playfulness. Another part of him knew that there was so much more about Mick than the older man would ever care to let on around most people. ❝ Well, I think you’ve got something right over… here! ❞

With the cushion held in front of him like armor, Vernon pounced towards Mick, only dropping the cushion so that he could sling his arms around the back of Mickey’s neck. He got up onto his toes as he pulled Mick closer, showering his neck and face with an abundance of playful kisses through his laughter. In these moments, Vernon realized how full his heart felt when he was with Mickey. He wasn’t sure if Mick would ever realize that he changed everything for Green. Whilst he had a long journey of recovery ahead of him, Vern would not have even had the motivation to push on the way he did if it weren’t for Mick. Hell, if it weren’t for Mick, Green could have still been entrapped by the manipulation of Mateo.

If it weren’t for Mick, Green probably would have been dead.

With gentle laughter, Vernon pulled his head away to have a good look at his partner, the most authentic of smiles lingering fondly. He saved him in every way a person could be saved, and Green wasn’t sure if he could ever thank him enough. Brows began to knit together thoughtfully as he gazed over Mick’s face. The way his blue eyes were so cold and yet radiated such warmth. The way fair skin was dotted scarcely with freckles. Only four or five, or like how hollow cheeks and rounded cheekbones only brought out that golden smile of his. Always so subdued and soft, but so, so real. Every sparse smile was genuine and sincere. Beautiful in Vernon’s eyes.

And Vernon ought to not gush on about who Mickey was as a person, and how he made Vernon feel. A gentleman in his own right, so inexplicably down to earth and genuine. He had a passionate spark within him so bright and yet so restrained all the same. So resilient and strong, far stronger than he’d ever give himself credit for. And yet he was also gentle and good natured, a man that Vern would gladly place all of his trust in.

Because Mickey was a good person, and Vernon began to think that he’d fallen in love with him for it.

In fact, Mick could never be unloved by Green for their two souls were already so intermingled with one another. Mick held his broken, aching soul together to make it one once more, and whilst he rested his hands over Vern’s jagged edges of his war-weary heart, he always did so with such fragility. Mick made him feel safe again.

❝ You know- ❞ Vernon began in a soft utterance, loving gaze searching Mick’s face as he realized with certainty that this feeling was true. If he had any reason to doubt what his heart was telling him, then he would not have been so self-assured and confident in his conclusion. But, instead, he didn’t feel afraid so speak those three words; his chest erupted with the feeling of butterflies instead, a feeling of excitement. He wanted to feel this joy. This happiness. He wanted to walk to the ends of the earth if it meant he could hold Mick’s hand. Bottom jaw trembled, and yet his enamored eyes traced every sharp line across his love’s face. ❝ I love you - Mickey, I- ❞ There was no elaborate, mawkish declaration of love. Just a short huff of an overwhelming joy, relief that he had finally verbalized the way he felt for him.

❝ -really love you, a lot. ❞ He was quiet for a moment before pushing him backwards a step or two, pressing his forehead against Mick’s with a chuckle of laughter, ❝ Even though you just hit me with a cushion. Just you wait, you cheeky... so and so. I will seek my revenge when you’re least expecting it, you know! ❞ And, with arms still locked stubbornly around Mick, he began to lean backwards, allowing his weight to drag them both down onto the couch with a messy thud and Vernon cackling uncontrollably with euphoria.

The happiness was overwhelming. 

[spoiler=tags ― updated 06/13.][size=6pt]◜BASICSI'LL EAT UP ALL YOUR PAIN
&. ❝ vernon jeremiah green ❞ | green, greenie, vern, v .
&. 25 years old . | twenty first april ; taurus | male [he/him] .
&. currently the guardian of northstar district .

PERSONALITYTAKE IN ALL THE BLAME
&.  bright . brave . considerate . courageous . dedicated . empowering . expressive . generous . honest . hard-working . kind hearted . loving . loyal . optimist . reliable . self-confident . supportive . trustworthy . vibrant . compulsive . defiant . foolish . gullible . hyperactive . oversensitive . rebellious . stubborn .

APPEARANCEBE THAT SOMEONE TO COMPLAIN TO
&.  five foot ten & one hundred and seventy one pounds ; reference .
↳ dirty blond hair , relatively grown out crew cut .
↳ lean and muscular frame , somewhat bronzed skin from the sun .
↳ soft blue/grey eyes , an often bright and amicable expression .
&.  welsh descent , parents were both from llanfairpwllgwyngyll in wales .

FAMILYTHERE'S A LIGHTHOUSE IN THE DARK
&. david green x cassandra griffiths | both deceased .
↳ david died in an aviation accident two months before green was born .
↳ cassandra died of breast cancer when green was eight .
&. fostered by steve and caroline murray until he was eleven .
↳ carol was the innocent victim of a shootout .
↳ only a month later, steve went into cardiac arrest and died .
&. father to felicity green .
&. owns a chihuahua , midas , and a pug , virginia

RELATIONSHIPSA GARDEN IN THE PAST
&. pansexual, panromantic ; mongamous .
&. currently in a relationship with mickey serge
↳ friendship evolved into romance after he saved green’s life .
&. ex-lover to winifred maddison
↳ nowadays they are best friends .
&. ex-boyfriend to fallon rude
↳ ended their relationship to keep her safe .
&. ex-boyfriend to paige montgomery
↳ is the father to paige's daughter , felicity .

INTERACTIONSUNDER BRUISINGS OF A NIGHT SKY
&.  [ 7/10 ] physically  |  [ 8/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ medium ] | difficulty w/ melees [ difficult ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ medium ]
&. skilled in archery and parkour .
&. his mentor , gus , taught him self-defence .
&. [member=2919]truce.[/member] | dm for any major plots .
&. friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .[/size]


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I'LL EAT UP ALL YOUR PAIN, TAKE IN ALL THE BLAME
[div style="width: 400px; font-family: georgia; text-align: center; font-size: 5pt; line-height: 1; letter-spacing: 4.2px; word-spacing: 1.9px; margin-bottom: 5px;"]BE THAT SOMEONE TO COMPLAIN TO — NOTES.
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#3
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mick had given up on looking for love long ago. after his failed relationship with ellie, he felt like there wouldn’t be any point in trying to search for a lifelong partner again. the relationship, although devastating, truly showed just how awful mickey truly was.  he wasn’t an easy person to love; he struggled to even try lovehimself on his best days, let alone try and ask another person to try and do the same. he didn’t want to rope anyone in to the difficult, trying romance that loving him could be. and, more than anything, as much humility as the older man had, he didn’t want to be wrong again. the luggage of one failed relationship weighed heavily on his shoulders - an ex-fiance, a heart breaker - that putting so much work into another relationship and having nothing to show for it at the end of the road would be too devastating a blow for mickey. it wouldn’t be worth it to keep looking.

so he stopped searching. he had more or less given up on the idea of building a future with someone, managed to convince himself over time that it was better that way. it was lonelier, and more painful for a man who was once such a hopeless romantic, but it was for the best.

little did he know that he didn’t have to look for love at all; love would find its way to him whether he wanted it to or not. it almost terrified him at first when he found the person his heart adored, coming in the form of a man with bright eyes and an easy smile. too kind, too good for someone like mickey to deserve. terrified that this would be yet another person he’d only hurt in the end.

though the more time he spent with vernon, the more he came to realize that he wasn’t scared anymore. yes, mick’s heart was broken and war-torn. it was no place for anyone to try and get close, no place that anyone ought to feel comfortable in. still, green ran his fingers over the edges of his heart with such compassion and kindness; it was hard to remember what it felt like to not have it as intact as it currently was with green. he made the broken and dangerous terrain of his heart feel less daunting to be around. he made it home. if vern wanted to stay in his heart forever, mick would gladly let him. it took someone truly special to make such a cold heart feel so much warmth again. it took someone special to make mick start to doubt if he was really this awful person he’d always cracked himself up to be.

in finding vernon, he managed to find the better parts of himself he once thought were gone. would green ever realize just how much that meant to him? he doubted it.

vern gasped in surprise as the cushion collided with his side, twisting to look over at mick. the older man tried to feign innocence as he “busied” himself working on the couch, fighting a smile - though the amused gleam in his eyes more than gave away just how happy he was in that moment with green. “uh huh?” mick subtly took a step away from green, turning his head to look over towards him. he hummed, already expecting his partner to retaliate in some way. though he didn’t think anyone could ever prepare themselves for the likes of green, the other man pouncing towards him with a cushion in hand.

he initially brought his hands up to fight the man’s counter. though as arms wrapped around his neck, lips attacking him with an onslaught of kisses all over his face and neck, he could only huff a short breath, feeling the corners of his lips pull into a gentle smile. something in him went incredibly soft, hands settling on vernon’s back with practiced ease. it was too easy, instinct, to hold the man closer at every opportunity that presented itself.  “you’re something, alright,” he mused as the gentle laughter started to die down. his eyes searched vern’s own, briefly touching foreheads together adoringly.

he was so soft for this man. this was the man that his heart adored. a little bit of a mess, a little more of a broken disaster than he tended to let on - and, when it came down to it, the greatest lover despite it all. an honest, selfless lover that looked at mickey and admired him despite all that his heart had been through. understood why he was the way he was, and even then, still loved him anyway. eyes wandered over vernon’s face fondly. he could’ve stayed in that moment forever.

“you know-” the soft utterance made him raise a brow. and the words that followed only made a warmth ignite under his skin, in his chest. joy. he was loved, so deeply loved. perhaps there was a part of him that had already known that long before the moment; their hearts were so entangled, it felt like he had been drowning in love long before the two of them decided to admit it. subdued features turned more revealing of how he truly felt, huffing a short breath of overwhelming joy, happiness.

he didn’t know what vern could possibly see in him worth loving. there wasn’t a way for green to realize how his heart erupted with joy at words he told himself he’d most likely never hear again. pushed back a step or two, he could only huff a disbelieving breath as green pressed their foreheads together, saying an unconvinced, “oh, yeah?” he didn’t have long to do anything as a counter, green leaning backwards enough to pull them both down onto the couch.

vernon’s uncontrollable, bubbling laughter felt nearly contagious. he couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed, heart betraying a usually impassive stance as a few notes of laughter passed his own lips. he pulled his partner close, holding him in a loving embrace. one hand gently cradled vern’s head, fingers tangled through short hair. slow to release a breath, he simply lived in the moment, taking it in for all it was worth. then, in a quiet utter, he said, “i love you, too.”

his heart felt so full that it could burst. all of it felt too good to be true. he searched vernon’s eyes, a ghost of a smile on his lips - a look so gentle. he pressed a quick kiss to the other man’s forehead before resting their heads together again, eyes momentarily fluttering closed. “so much, vernon.”

mick had loved before. but with this love, tangled up with vernon in his arms, he felt like he was drowning in it every moment they were together. holding the other man close, he breathed in deeply, saying under his breath as he exhaled, voice so gently and nothing more than a whisper, “angel.” mick didn’t think he could ever get used to this feeling, something so soft and gentle in ways he never thought he’d get to experience. but as his fingers lightly traced over his lover’s skin with such familiarity in warmth, he told himself that there was never something that felt more right than this moment.
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