HARDEST TO LOVE // PRIVATE
#1
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the rose siblings needed to get away from life for a while. they left flintlock quietly and without a trace, carrying with them only a few of their belongings and the desire to escape the ordinary. after dragging colton into their plan along the way, harris told himself that he could genuinely get used to this. there was something liberating about getting to go wherever he wanted, do whatever he wanted, without fear of the dangers that could arise. a journey that started out as an attempt to get away from life seemed to make harrison’s own life begin.

the sights he had seen… after all the pain and strife he once lived through.. somewhere along the way he found personal growth he otherwise wouldn’t have found. he was different, stronger, but still the same gentle person. the sort of change that didn’t happen overnight but instead little by little, enough that harris barely acknowledged how much he had truly grown himself. but this adventure, he knew, made all of their lives better. eyes wandered from the distant canyons and over towards the rest of their rag-tag group, watching ellie talk idly to grace, clover sniffing ahead curiously, and colton at his side. he could get used to this.

throwing an arm around colton’s shoulders with a soft huff and a smile, he tugged the other man closer with a gentle squeeze. his hand gently rubbed colton’s shoulder as he swiveled his gaze around, noting, “i can see why silas decided to move the group here. it’s beautiful.” after getting news of bluestem no longer residing in the trailer park, explaining they had changed locations to a quaint ghost town a ways away, harrison initially felt confused. why would they up and leave the place? as he gazed around at the canyons and the many resources this prairie seemed to offer, harrison felt guilty for ever doubting the man’s idea. his touch lingered only a moment longer before he let go.

as fun as it was to go wherever they pleased, they couldn’t keep traveling forever. it seemed that going and seeing silas with colton would eventually put an end to their long venture. after this, they more than likely would make their way back to flintlock. harris almost dreaded the idea of things going back to how they once were.

they reached ghost town, eyes wandering around the streets, empty as everyone appeared to be settled down for the evening. slowing to a stop, eyes wandered curiously around-- and it was then that clover whined excitedly, her tail wagging before she started romping towards a figure a ways away. eyes squinted, trying to make out who clover was so excited to see. he stepped closer, following after the ecstatic dog. once it became evident who it was, a smile of disbelief cracked across his features. it couldn’t be. he made his way closer.

“frank?”
he waited a moment. then, without hesitation, he stepped closer, throwing his arms around his old friend once he was close enough. “oh my god, i can’t believe it. what are you doing here? why aren’t you at the lodge? your hair-” he felt there was plenty of reason to overwhelm the man with a barrage of questions. it wasn’t until he stepped back that he noticed the figure just behind frank, watching and looking -- less than impressed. harrison sobered slightly with a short exhale. he turned his gaze back towards frank. there seemed to be so much to catch up on- so much that he wanted to know.

their history felt like it went back quite a bit. frank had been his best friend at the lodge. from fishing, shabby attempts at baking - and even worse attempts at trying to flirt with the seemingly oblivious man - a foundation of trust had been built. his feelings ran deep for the man, to the point where harrison once had a crush for the man. they probably would’ve pursued something if timing hadn’t changed everything. colton and harrison reunited and, from there, it seemed that things just weren’t meant to be. that didn’t stop the pair from still being such good friends, though. hell, the older man would still go so far as to say franklin still was his best friend, even after all this time.

“do you live here now?” that seemed like a good place to start.
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#2
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it had not been jerome’s week. sunday, waking up to find he had passed out on the couch. joints ached from the uncomfortable position, head throbbing from the remnants of his first ever hangover. there were black spots in his memory of the night prior - only able to remember the way he wandered into his house, trying to remain composed as he attacked eben with words egged on purely by drunk, blind courage. and- shortly after, promptly excusing himself to go and vomit uncontrollably into the toilet for who knows how long. then inevitably scrambling to the couch, passing out in a drunken heap.

he felt embarrassed. humiliated. it was an action he came to immediately regret. eben didn’t seem quick to let the sorry attempt at an escape be forgotten, either. his best friend…  he kept digging, and digging, and digging until-- j’s cheeks burned with shame as he pondered the mistake, turning his gaze down towards the ground. hands in his pockets, he dug the toe of his shoe into the dirt, trying to blink away the watering eyes brought on from humiliation.

although, upon further inspection of his horrible predicament, it became apparent there was no one else to blame but himself. it was his idea to order a few drinks at the saloon; eben hadn’t put the drinks in his hand.  it was his own lousy idea to escape from an otherwise dreary mind; it wasn’t eben’s fault jerome so often felt this way. and as far as he could recall, eben hadn’t said anything in harsh retaliation at j’s drunken insults. it was evident eben wasn’t the bad guy in this situation; it was j. his gaze remained fixated on his shoe, blinking rapidly. what was wrong with him? why was he such a horrible friend? he truly didn’t deserve eben’s constant forgiveness.

instead of desperately clinging to eben’s forgiveness, he distanced himself from the man for the start of the week. hands still gently trembled whenever he was around the man, lip subtly quivering with shame. he thought avoiding the man could bring him some form of peace, yet it only served as a reminder of just how lonely he was without his dear friend. his pride still refused to allow him to go running back with open arms - or perhaps, something more than pride kept him from returning to normal. it only made the young man more miserable. this week was already one of the most trying ones yet.

he thought that so strongly and yet, as his eyes lifted at the sight of movement, a small part of him started to foolishly believe that things were looking up. a short distance away stood the most beautiful woman, a smile as soft as the sun’s rays as she looked at the young child in her arms. she was a pocket of sunshine in jerome’s otherwise dreary life to this point. before coming to bluestem, perhaps jerome wouldn’t have had the courage to wander over and introduce himself. with the newfound courage he acquired here, however, it felt almost effortless to stride over quietly. when she took notice of the stranger, glancing his way, he offered a friendly smile. “hi,” he started before going quiet momentarily, turning his gaze towards the lake. all the ducks that seemed to have caught the child’s attention. he squinted shortly, placing his hands on his hips as he looked out across the water.

“my mom always told me-” he started, an easy smile falling on his lips. “be like a duck.” pause. ”have you ever heard that?” he turned his gaze towards the newcomer briefly before looking back out across the water. he nodded to himself before elaborating, “paddling and working hard under the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face above the surface.”

perhaps if his parents had taught him more about social interactions, he would have fared better in this one. he pursed his lips shortly in thought before, with a short huff of laughter, he softly spoke, “sorry. that’s- it’s ridiculous, i know.” could they start this conversation over somehow?

he tried to move on, holding out a hand to shake. “i’m jerome. hemingway” then, cracking a sweet grin, he reached up after to gently shake the young baby’s tiny hand. he had never seen a baby before. he was full of awe and wonder. “and who are you?”

// oh my g o d kill me


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HOW COULD I KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T SHOW?
[abbr=31 years old, male, bluestem prairie]—[/abbr] surely you've had enough of always thinking you're right. . .
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#3
#d69342[align=center][div style="width: 430px; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 6pt; letter-spacing: 2.5px; word-spacing: 0px; line-height: 12px; color: #000"]Finally, Frank had the opportunity to make this life of his beautiful. Although tainted by the past, he was free to wash the war off of him. Battle scars were still fresh and raw, but someday they’d fade. Someday they’d become nothing more than a bittersweet reminder of where he originally came from. The cruelty of his family would be put behind him. Although he still supported his family (he felt obliged to in some sense, even with tensions running high between his family and Roman), he could no longer associate himself with the heinous things that they’d do. That wasn’t Frank. Roman would never realize that the day he came to apologize to Frank was the day that he saved his life.

He offered Frank sanctuary in Bluestem Prairie, a home to really call his own. Sure, this place was by no means perfect, but perfection was dull. They didn’t need anybody’s idea of perfection when Frank had all that he needed here. Some rickety old home where the floorboards would sometimes squeak, and the door handle was a little bit unreliable, and the furniture was awfully mismatched. Where he’d step out of his home and his shoes could kick up dust, enough to make his nose twitch and burn a little. Where sometimes, in order to get by, lawlessness would become part of Bluestem’s law.

All of that didn’t seem to matter to Frank when he had Roman. Pale blue eyes flitted over to glance at Roman as the pair walked side by side down the dirt road of Graveyard. The sun was slowly settling for the night and honestly nothing sounded as nice as getting to go home and dragging Roman onto the couch with him. For now, his affections were kept subtle in the quietude of the town, Frank’s hand brushing against Roman’s own before, a moment later, gently clasping onto his hand with a comfortable ease. They didn’t need to say anything whilst in each other’s company; this was more than enough to keep him happy.

Suddenly, a dog pranced over clumsily, tail wagging as she whined with elation. Frank’s brows twitched together, barely having time to register the dog before a very familiar voice caught his attention.

Clover had grown.

Frank gawked softly, gaze lingering on Harrison before letting go of Roman’s hand so that he could walk forwards and wrap his arms around his best friend in a hug. ❝ I was about to ask you the same thing. ❞ He huffed, holding onto Harrison for just a moment longer before finally taking a step back. Frank followed Harris’ gaze over his shoulder towards Roman, lips parted as he gazed at him for a moment before reaching back to urge him to come closer. ❝ This is Roman. ❞ Frank was quick to introduce, quiet for a moment before adding, ❝ My… Fiance. ❞ It still felt so surreal that he could really introduce Roman to people as his soon-to-be husband.

It would not surprise Frank if Harrison was astounded by the news. The last time they really spent a lot of time together, the both of them really liked each other. Frank had never met Colton before, but Frank couldn’t be upset that Harrison chose Colton over him. After all, by the way Harrison spoke about Colton, it sounded like they were soulmates. Frank felt nothing but happiness for his friend.

Frank only realized then that he’d not even introduced Harrison to Roman. Oh. Ro, this is Harrison. My best friend… From when I was in Flintlock. ❞ Frank would not hesitate to say that he was probably still his best friend, even after all this time. Harrison had questions, and so did Frank. ❝ Uh- yeah. Yeah I do. I moved in with Roman when we were still dating. I’ve not been back to Flintlock since actually. ❞ It probably wasn’t the time nor place to talk about the reasons why, not that Frank would talk about it in the first place. Instead, he was quick to push the conversation on.

❝ How has your trip been? Have you been back to the lodge since? How come you’re here of all places? Not that I’m not glad to see you - of course - I’m just… surprised. ❞ He shook his head slowly, quiet for a moment before he said, ❝ We’ve got to catch up. It’s… It’s really good to see you again, Harris. ❞


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I CAN'T HELP MYSELF THE MOMENT THAT I LET IT GO
[sup]IS WHEN I FIND I'M IN CONTROL, I'M IN CONTROL.

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#4
#75979e[align=center][div style="width: 430px; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 6pt; letter-spacing: 2.5px; word-spacing: 0px; line-height: 12px; color: #000"]It left a mark.

Every smile. Every backhanded compliment. Every manipulative scheme to gaslight her. Every cut, every bruise. The image burned in the back of her eyelids every time she tried to sleep. The blood that dried against her skin and permanently tainted her clothing during those fateful early hours of that morning. Every moment. Every memory. It left a mark.

Elinor Rose wasn’t sure if she could ever climb back up after her fall.

She felt like shattered porcelain that had been glued back together again. The lines and the ridges from where she had broken were still so prominent and would forever remain that way. She felt less beautiful, she felt unclean. The lodge bore nothing more than dark memories. In order to ever find safety within those four walls again, she had to leave for a while. She had to piece herself back together again after all that had happened.

Grace was sound asleep, head resting against Ellie’s collarbone as the petite woman strolled a short distance behind her older brother and his partner. On this journey, everybody had taken it in turns to carry the baby, Grace’s weight becoming exhausting to carry after a while. Ellie was quiet, soft green hues darting around as she pressed her cheek comfortably against the top of her daughter’s head.

Ellie felt as if she’d truly lost herself, a woman once so sunny and bright slowly chipped away and dulled down by the tragedy of life. Perhaps she’d found herself to be more guarded, hesitant about the world around her and rightly so. Frequent smiles had since faded into a somewhat blank expression, rings below tired eyes gloating at the fact that she could barely sleep anymore. Her heart raced with an inexplicable fear of the world around her.

Where was her innocence?

Nearing a quaint looking town, Ellie chewed on her bottom lip as her eyes surveyed their surroundings. Thank goodness they’d finally arrived - Ellie’s ankles and feet ached from the hours they’d spent travelling, and Grace had so conveniently woken up and become quite restless, squirming in Ellie’s arms with a whine. Now Colton’s brother could welcome them in with open arms and that ever-booming voice. Most importantly for Ellie, she and Grace could share a proper bed tonight. That sounded like sheer bliss.

But, the trio were not met by Silas but by Frank instead. What was he doing here? Ellie chose to crack a small smile Frank’s way, but decided not to say anything. After all, Harrison and Frank were best friends; they deserved to reunite without disruption. Instead, after a moment of talking, Ellie rested a hand on the top of Colton’s arm, the taller man turning his head to look towards her. ❝ I’m just taking Grace to the pond to show her the ducks. ❞

She mumbled quietly before wandering off, gently bouncing her baby in her arms. Delicate steps lead her towards a pond, pointing towards a pair of ducks as she propped Grace up on her hip. ❝ What’s that, baby? Duckies? ❞ She cooed softly, Grace gawking at the birds before chattering incoherently. Ellie kissed the top of Grace’s head; oh, her baby girl was growing up too quickly.

Approaching footsteps caught her attention, Ellie glancing over to see an amicable, mild-mannered man wandering over. ❝ Hi. ❞ He sent a friendly smile her way, Ellie observing him carefully before her own smile slowly twitched across her lips. ❝ Hi. ❞ She said nothing more for a moment, settling in the silence again as she glanced down at Grace who had since quietened down to watch the ducks swimming around gracefully.

❝ My mom always told me- ❞ Ellie lifted her head to look back towards the man once again, eyes reserved as she listened. ❝ be like a duck. ❞ Brows raised. ❝ Have you ever heard that? ❞ Ellie paused a moment before she began to huff an unrevealing laugh. ❝ I have never heard that before. ❞ Words hinted amusement ever-so-slightly as she pointed out, growing quiet once more as she looked back towards the ducks. ❝ Paddling and working hard under the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face above the surface. ❞

Ellie reflected on those words quietly. Huh. That sounded painfully relatable, her smile rarely reaching her eyes nowadays as she tended to sink back into the shadows. As if she could sink back enough to disappear. ❝ Sorry. That’s- it’s ridiculous, I know. ❞ Ellie snapped out of her quiet contemplation, turning her head to look towards the man before exclaiming, No- I like it. It sounds like your mom was a wise lady. ❞ She smiled, gaze lingering just as he introduced himself.

❝ Elinor Rose. ❞ She introduced softly, reaching out to shake his hand before adding as an afterthought, ❝ People usually just call me Ellie. ❞ She watched as Jerome then gently shook Grace’s hand, Ellie laughing gently at the look of wonderment on his face. ❝ And this is Grace. A very curious little girl. ❞ It was funny. Just in these few minutes of talking to Jerome, Ellie had smiled more than she’d smiled throughout the entirety of that day. Whether it was the natural charm or gentle-natured radiance that Jerome gave off, it was a joy which felt so infectious.

❝ My brother, over there- ❞ She nodded towards Harrison in the distance. ❝ His partner is Silas’ brother, so we’ve come to visit him. ❞ She explained, just as Grace began to dramatically lean in one direction. Brows furrowed, Ellie glanced down at her before seeing what had caught Grace’s attention. Two people passing by on horseback. ❝ Are those horses, Grace? ❞ She spoke quietly, hooking her bottom lip with her tooth to conceal a smile as Grace began to squirm excitedly, wide eyes staring at the passing equines.


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I'M BURNING BRIDGES, I DESTROY THE MIRAGE
[div style="width: 400px; font-family: georgia; text-align: center; font-size: 5pt; line-height: 1; letter-spacing: 2.6px; word-spacing: 1.9px; margin-bottom: 5px;"]ALL VISIONS OF COLLISIONS, FUCKING BON VOYAGE — truce.#1303

WRITING &. PINTEREST &. SPOTIFY
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#5
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he held tightly onto frank for a long moment, almost the equivalent to pinching himself to see if this was real. he planned to reunite with the man back at the lodge, tell him all about their stories over some early-morning fishing trip. but instead he was in one of the places that he least expected him. what was he doing at bluestem of all places? how did he get here? were his brothers here with him? it seemed like all of his answers would be explained as frank gestured for the man beside him to come closer, the brunette slowly stepping closer to the conversation.

he looked at the stranger. roman. he probably would have gone on to introduce himself to the man, if frank hadn’t added after a moment that he was frank’s fiance. brows raised and lips parted slightly, the corners twitching upwards in excited surprise as he looked back to frank. ”what?” eyes wandered almost instinctively towards frank’s ring finger, catching just a glimpse of the band. geez. he decided to leave the group for less than a year and this all happened. he huffed a short breath, shaking his head. “congratulations, frank. i’m so happy for you.” he genuinely meant it. words couldn’t even explain how happy he was for him. it seemed hard to believe that the man harrison knew - painfully oblivious, seemingly closed off towards romance at times - was going to be married soon.

more than anyone else, frank deserved it. harrison knew hardly anything about frank’s past before the lodge, just enough to scratch the surface -- but he felt he knew frank well enough to know it wasn’t an easy childhood. deep down it seemed that all frank wanted in life was to love and be loved back; it was amazing to see that he had finally found that with someone. after a lifetime of seemingly getting beaten down and broken, it was about time franklin stirling-moray came out on top.

frank seemed to realize he skipped over introducing harrison to roman, filling him in. roman stood there, nodding his head in understanding. moving the topic on quickly from flintlock, roman cleared his throat gently. “it’s nice to meet you,” he stated simply, holding a hand to shake harrison’s hand. “you, too.” and as harrison shook his hand, glancing between the two of them, he subtly quirked a brow. he hardly knew roman, or the pair - but simply by looking at them, they seemed like quite the pair.

then began frank’s questions. he smiled at the man’s words, shaking his head. they had so much to catch up on, didn’t they? “it’s so good to see you, frank,” he murmured, waiting a moment before finally deciding to answer frank’s questions. “maybe i’ll make you go fishing with me before we go. like old times.” all those early mornings of waking frank up and dragging him out to the lake were next to impossible to forget. might as well relive that moment somewhere around here, while also catching up.

“the trip’s been great, but i kind of miss everyone, yeah? i think we’re planning on going back to the lodge after-” remembering frank’s question on why they were here, he turned his head. he gestured for colton to come closer. with an easy smile, he looked over towards colton as he explained to them. “colton’s brother is the leader, here. silas?” he turned his head to look back towards frank and his fiance. ”we figured we’d stop and see him before heading back to flintlock.”

roman glanced towards frank, the two meeting glances. and if they didn’t expect them to notice, or if they did it without even realizing, harris wouldn’t know - instead he felt a pit settle uneasily in his stomach. easy smile fading, he looked between the two. worry subtly lacing his features. “what? what’s wrong?” he knew there was something they needed to be filled in on. he dreaded the answer.

rome’s gaze lingered on frank, then, as if silently telling him to break the news. it’d probably be better coming from a close friend than just roman himself. it seemed only then that ro realized what an impact silas had on all these people. when he came to bluestem, he only saw that idiot as a loud little shit, sometimes almost too full of himself. it seemed that he was far more than that to many. he touched a lot of people, more than roman gave the man credit for.

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#6
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usually, upon losing their innocence, people claimed to have lost a piece of themselves with it. they were broken down and left feeling misshapen and horribly out of place due to their pain and suffering. jerome had been raised so sheltered all his life that, as the only place he knew burned to the ground, he couldn’t tell whether his life came to an end or finally started to begin. what an odd feeling, to feel terrified, to lose everything you once knew, and feel so frighteningly liberated all at once. he should’ve fallen apart at the sight- and perhaps for a while, he did. yet it felt like he had nothing to truly lose. he didn’t know his parents enough to feel such overwhelming grief, but merely emptiness. hopelessness when he realized he was now in a world that showed no mercy for the sheltered.

when he met eben, it felt like he truly found himself. without eben, he simply wouldn’t have been able to live. unaware of the world he was currently in, unable to take care of himself… eben’s kindness allowed him to grow. he found himself through eben’s companionship-- which only made it more difficult when eben could so viciously hurt him with his words. there was something sad in finding yourself through the same person that could just as easily knock you down. still, jerome didn’t have it in himself to break apart such a relationship. eben was all he knew. his first friend, his dear friend. he adored the man and all the good times they had together; the good times seemed to effortlessly mask the bad. but jerome was tired. the young man had such a talent for internalizing the saddest thoughts within himself. he didn’t know whether it was dangerous or merely a healthy way to cope. yet it left his mind and heart exhausted, drained from the desperate need to cope with losing parts of himself that he didn’t even think were his.

in this moment, he felt so alive.

”no- i like it. it sounds like your mom was a wise lady.” she smiled, and it was contagious. huffing a short breath, j lowered his gaze towards the edge of the pond in quiet contemplation. even with the small line he recited, it only dawned on him how little he truly knew his own mother. they were the only people in his life, and yet there was very little evidence to show for it. they were strangers in his own life. so little he knew. his parents were distant, mindful to put a small barrier between themselves and their son. jerome never did think much of it. seeing other family units, he figured that was simply what parents did. the distance between jamie and brock seemed to prove it wasn’t uncommon at the very least. though sometimes he would witness other families with bonds without borders. did his own parents ever hold him the way this woman held grace so lovingly in her arms? he didn’t know, but he could only hope so. he stayed quiet on the subject, instead looking at her with a grateful smile for her kind words.

elinor rose. such a beautiful name. “it’s nice to meet you, ellie. grace.” she didn’t even realize the impact she had on this dark day. his mood felt instantly brightened, able to run away from his troubling thoughts with ease.

he couldn’t help but break out into a grin as he gently shook the child’s hand, huffing a short breath of amazement. “she’s beautiful,” he complimented, gaze lingering on grace for only a moment longer. “is she your daughter? how old is she?” he could have easily voiced his awe over the little girl, how her hands were so tiny and her eyes were big with curiosity and wonder. he sobered as he pocketed his hands, the smallest hint of a smile on his features. jerome didn’t have it in him to openly admit his lack of knowledge surrounding adolescence; he was certain that it was fairly evident by then. the man seemed like an open book more often than not, eyes expressive and easily giving away his emotions (most times). he slowly looked back towards ellie, his gaze lingering as she focused on the kid.

his lips twitched at the sight of her. she was beautiful without even trying, and in the most subtle of ways. the gentleness of her laughter and the warmth in her kind smile… she radiated a sort of happiness, enlightening even the darkest of places in jerome’s heart with her smile. to think moments before meeting her, he was down on his luck, feeling close to tears. then she came at such a perfect time, it couldn’t feel like mere coincidence. he felt indescribably lucky to have met her when he did. being around her left him in such a haze; it felt easy to forget that he had been upset in the first place. it wasn’t love at first sight - jerome was painfully careful and rarely used such a term - but it was… something at first sight. eyes grew slightly more somber, ever-present smile growing softer. he was going to hate watching her go.

“my brother, over there-” he looked towards the group. “his partner is silas’ brother, so we’ve come to visit him.” silas overton. he knew very little about the man. from long-time members of the group striking up conversation with him at the bar, j had learned he was quite the character before the trailer park burned down. his interactions with him were fairly minimal, practically nonexistent. he didn’t know much about the man, hadn’t been there long enough to know if ellie and her friends had been made aware of the man’s state-- so he simply hummed in acknowledgement and offered what he could. “he lives over on sweetwater farm. it’s a beautiful place.”

eyes followed the pair’s gaze towards the horses, grace’s wide-eyed wonder making him huff a few notes of laughter. “she really is curious, isn’t she?” he noted with amusement, eyes wandering back towards the horses. “well. sweetwater farm has all sorts of livestock,” he supplied, gesturing in the general direction of the farmland. “i think she’d love all the animals they have there.” jerome, to be frank, rarely frequented the pastures where the livestock were kept. unused to animal care - and getting his hands dirty to do so - he often helped the group in other ways. he wasn’t the most helpful man around, but he tried where he could. perhaps that was why he didn’t take the perfect opportunity to offer to show her around all the livestock. instead, nodded to himself before offering, “you should stop by and see them before you leave.”

sometimes he truly disliked how truly useless he could be.

though useless as he was in certain aspects, he could make up for it in other ways. shifting his weight onto one leg, he tapped his foot shortly before asking, “are you staying for long? we could find you somewhere to stay for the night.” perhaps it was in his own desperation to hold onto this light for as long as he could that he made the offer, or the apparent exhaustion that showed in her gentle features. he just didn’t want to let her go.


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HOW COULD I KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T SHOW?
[abbr=31 years old, male, bluestem prairie]—[/abbr] surely you've had enough of always thinking you're right. . .
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