i want to change my mind — writing dump

[finny.]

i decided to make one of these bad boys again finally
track if you want and watch me never use this probably

[finny.]

[align=center][div style="background=transparent; bordercolor=transparent; text-align: justify; line-height: 130%; width: 480px; font-family: arial;  color:black"]tw: murder, blood

being a mother was something jordan was always looking forward to. to be able to hold and give all her love to a little being that she had with someone she loved. when little lachlan was born, she knew that she wanted to give him the world. when eva was born, that feeling doubled. she wanted to give them more than what she had been dealt. she wanted to be there for them, to hold them when they cried and to make sure that they knew their mother loved them. some things that jordan had never had the pleasure of feeling from her biological parents. mama romano and her uncle travis were great - she loved them a lot. but there was just always a pain settled in the back of her from having the relationship she did with her parents. she wondered if her parents had felt that way when she was first born. if they had been absolutely positive that they'd give their life to protect their baby like she was.

the blonde mother sat at the edge of the six year olds bed, brushing her blonde hair out of her face. "do i have to go to sleep, mommy?" eva had asked her, a small pout forming on her features. jordan gave her a small smile before nodding. "yeah, but just think about all of the fun things we have planned for tomorrow. we get to go back on tour and see daddy and uncle nixon. won't that be fun?" she asked her, eyebrows raisin enthusiastically. the small girl giggled some and dipped her head in agreement. "if you go to sleep then the sun will be back before you know it, there's no use in waiting up for it. it'll just seem like forever." eva's smile had turned into an inside look within seconds, shifting under the blankets. "what if i have another nightmare?" "then i'll protect you. i'll always protect you. no matter what." "promise?" she held up her pinky, jordan went and locked them together, smiling softly. "promise."

she stood up after kissing her forehead and giving phantom a scratch behind the ears. the golden retriever always slept with eva, ever since he was able to. "goodnight, baby. i love you." she softly murmured from the doorway as she turned off the lights. she quietly made her way down the hall, peaking her head into the eleven year old boys room to see that he was already sleeping peacefully on his bed. she walked in and carefully pulled the sheets over him and bent down to give him a small peck on his forehead before she left his room as well and made it down the hall to her and evan's room. after a few moments of checking her phone, she too fell into a slumber.

whenever evan and jordan were separated, she had a hard time with sleeping. from nightmares to sleep paralysis to just tossing and turning all night - she always had troubles with it. he was like a security blanket for her. so when she woke up in the middle of the night when she heard a noise downstairs, she wasn't surprised. she rolled over and looked at the clock.

[tt]2:45 a.m[/tt]

rubbing her eyes some, she was about to try and fall asleep once more, brushing the noise off as phantom being downstairs until she heard another strange noise. her eyes shot open again and this time she sat up on the bed, flicking on the bed side light. she quietly got up and made her way out the door and down the hall, looking into both of the kids rooms to see that they were still tucked away sleeping, eva with phantom still on the end of her bed. she stopped at the top of the stairs, crouching down to peer into the lower floor of their home. the breath caught in her throat when she saw that there was the glowing of a flashlight in the living room. she froze for a split second, fear taking over her.

her eyes fluttered shut as she managed to take a deep breath and stand back up. jordan carefully stepped back into lucky's room, lightly moving his shoulder to wake him up. when he rolled over and opened his mouth to speak she quickly put a her finger to her lips, shaking her head. his eyebrows knit together before she picked him out of bed and quickly walked into eva's room as well. she sat down lachlan before she picked up the sleeping six year old and grabbed lachlan's hand, walking with them into her room again, phantom growing curious and following after them. once they were in there she shut the door silently behind them and sat down eva who was now starting to wake up.

"i need you two to listen to me very carefully, okay? can you do that?" they nodded. "someone's downstairs and mommy doesn't know who they are or what they're gonna do. i don't want anything to happen to either of you so i want you to wait in the closet, okay?" when they nodded again, jordan had moved them into the small room, having them huddle together in the corner. she got up for a second and got her phone from the nightstand, making the call to 911. she stood there for a second after, biting her lip as she tried to compose herself again before she went back to her two babies she had waiting. she fought back the tears starting to pool in her eyes - she needed to stay strong. she didn't want to worry the kids into freaking out and making noise. once she was stable enough, so walked back over and crouched down to look at them.

"people are coming to help us... they should be here soon...." she whispered to them, using her thumb to wipe the tears off of lucky and eva's cheeks. she forced a smile onto her features. "hey, it's gonna be okay. do you remember what i told you, eva?" blue eyes glanced down at her daughter who was huddled into her older brothers side. "that you would always protect us." "that's right - always. i won't let anything happen to you." her head turned to the door some before she let out a breath. "i'm gonna shut the closet doors now, okay? phantom will keep you safe in here. be really quiet. it's gonna be okay." jordan murmured to them, kissing both of their foreheads. "i love you." her voice was firm as she nodded before she stood up and closed the doors after she fumbled to get something off of the top shelf.

her hand gripped on the softball bat that she used all the years for her time playing the sport in highschool and college. she stood in the room, staring at the door trying to listen carefully to see if the intruder was upstairs yet or not. why she heard the footsteps walking up the stairs, time seems to stand still. the walk from the end of the hall to the bedroom door seems to last hours. she raised the bat up as soon as the doorknob starting to turn open. a tall figure dressed in all black with the flashlight in hand was what she saw when it opened and within a split second she swung the bat into his side. she got another two good hits in before she saw him get something from the waistband of pants. 1, 2.. he raised it. 3,4.. he pulled the trigger. in just four seconds she went from standing with a bat in her hands to feeling a pressure in her abdomen. the bat dropped from her hands and she fell to her knees, holding the spot.

this wasn't really happening. it was a dream - it had to be. some sick dream. she would wake up. she had to. she had to protect her kids. she was gonna see evan again tomorrow, the couldn't be the end of it all, could it?

but it was. she didn't wake up from the dream. no matter how many times she screamed to herself in her head, she didn't wake up. she was awake. this was really happening. she was really sitting on the ground with a bullet lodged into her. her hands were covered in her own blood. bed and blue flashing lights peered in through the windows lighting up the room. the intruder had already made a run for it after pulling the trigger. she thought the wait for him to walk down the hall was long - this was even worse. jordan's head was spinning as she tried to catch her breath. things were moving in slow motion. she flinched as she moved to lean against the bed. her head leaned back into it, closing her eyes.

jordan was pulled out of the little trance when she heard the closet door open up. "mom?" the small voice of her son cracked, his head poking out. she quickly reached up and pulled down the blanket from the bed to cover the blood starting to stain her shirt in an attempt to keep them from getting scared. the two kids now were quickly out of the closet and leaning into her sides as she put her arms around them. "what's wrong, mommy?" eva asked her. "i'm fine... just.. tired." she answered her slowly. she could hear the cops starting to come up the stairs and could feel her slowly become less and less out of it. she saw different scenes and memories flash throughout her head. jordan began to come quietly to the two kids nuzzled into her sides, shaking as they sobbed from the events that just occurred. phantom laid his head down on her legs. the hums were her attempting to calm them down, maybe even call herself down.

"when you see your dad tomorrow i w-want you to tell him i love him. can y-you do that for me?" "but mom-" "i love you both so much. s-so much. don't forget that." when the last words left her lips, a few figures were among their way down the hall, flashlights pointing at the trio sitting on the ground. jordan's eyes focused onto the light until brightness was all she saw.

then it was nothing.

[finny.]

[align=center][div style="background=transparent; bordercolor=transparent; text-align: justify; line-height: 130%; width: 480px; font-family: arial;  color:black"]jordan never really saw her parents. they were always busy with work, making travis and mama romano two of the main adults in her life other than her brother, but he lived on the other side of the country. their opinions mattered a lot to jordan though. she'd be always happy to see them, whenever they came home she'd be all giddy waiting in the living room, running up to greet them at the door to only be turned down, saying that they were tired and needed to unpack. when it had been a few hours she'd try and get them to simply watch a movie or play a game, but they'd turn her down again saying that they needed to go to sleep. then the next day the same routine would happen, they'd wake up and go to work again.

jordan was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for her parents to come home. like normal, she had ended up making them dinner to come back to. when she heard the front door open a slight smile formed on her face and she got up to go and meet them. "hey, wel-" she began before her eyes trailing after them as they walked pass her and into the dining room. jordan's lips pursed as she quietly followed after them, sitting down across the table.

the eighteen year old sat quietly at the table, zoning out as her parents talk about business things and their days. she moved around some things on her plate with her fork not noticing that they were now speaking to her. "jordan!" she heard her call out to her in an aggravated tone. her eyes quickly shot up and she sat down the fork. "sorry... yeah?" she asked, folding her hands neatly in her lap. "you're almost graduating soon, your father and i think it's about time that you figure out your future." her mother began. jordan furrowed her eyebrows slightly.

"yeah i already have it figured out, i'm gonna got to college for early childhood education and then-" her father was quick to cut her off. "we meant, we think you should get your life together and figure out the whole 'deal' with your friend evan sorted out. hunter's a nice young man, he could take care of you and provide for you. you gotta start planning your wedding with him soon, young lady." jordan's eyes narrowed slightly and huff left her lips as she leaned into her seat. "first, evan's my boyfriend. second, i'm not marrying hunter. i'm marrying evan." if looks could kill, jordan definitely would've been dead by now. she looked down at the table to avoid their eye contact.

a small smile formed on her face as she sat up straighter again, taking a breath. "evan actually proposed to me today." a warm feeling washing over her, a happy feeling. maybe if they understood how much she loved evan they'd understand and come around. when she was about to lift up her hand to show them the ring she heard laughs coming from her parents. the smile dropped on her face and she looked up. "what?" the laughs lasted a few more seconds before their faces contorted into something stern enough to make jordan squirm.

"you are not marrying that boy, jordan claire. that's not even a funny joke." jordan's eyes fixated on her father as he said that. "i'm not joking, dad. evan really proposed to me today..... and i said yes." this time she lifted her hand up a light to show them. "take that off right now, jordan. you're gonna take that off and you're gonna go and call him right now and tell him that you changed your mind." the breath got caught in her throat, tears threatening her eyes now.

"no." she said simply, putting her hand back down in her lap. "what was that?" jordan shook her head. "i said no. i'm not gonna do either of those things. i love evan, i could give a shit about hunter," jordan never swore, only when she was really frustrated or angry or sad. even that was rare. "you can watch your language young lady! we're the adults here, not you. we make the decisions in this house, not you." her fathers voice now was angry, at the verge of yelling at her. this time a tear did slip down her cheek.

"this is my decision to make. no one else's but mine." her voice cracked as she spoke quietly, looking back down at her lap and at the ring in the process. an unsettling silence settled over them. she could feel her parents eyes burning holes into her as she sat there. panic was beginning to set in on her. her anxiety was pretty tame, but it was getting pretty bad right now as she sat in the heavy silence.

"get out." her father's voice was low, scary even. jordan quickly looked up at him in disbelief. "you can't be serious..." her voice trailed off. "i said get out. as long as you're marrying that boy you're not welcome in this house." his eyes were narrowed as he looked at her. "but-" get out!!!" her father yelled this time, jordan flinched hard as he yelled, her eyes closing tight. her throat swelled up as she quickly got up from the table and ran up the stairs, stumbling as she did, banging her knee pretty hard on a step as she lost her balance.

when she made it to her room she stood for a second, trying to catch her breath as it began harder for her. she felt dizzy as she grabbed all of important things from her room that she needed, tears now streaming down her face. she flinched once more when she heard a glass break downstairs from her father throwing it, yelling at her to get out once more. she picked up her bag and booked it out of her room and down the stairs again. she could see her father making his way towards the front door from the dining room, so she picked up her pace and sprinted out of it the fast she could and down the street. she ran for a bit before she stopped, leaning against a tree for a second to try and calm herself down.

she stood there for few minutes, tears still rolling down her face. jordan pushed off the tree and began walking once more, trying to figure out what to do next.