regrets no longer fill my head -- super secret storage, no posting

[Verdigris]

  as the title would imply
  mostly contains short, nonsensical one-shots, might contain tags later
  it'll all make sense eventually

[Verdigris]

[spoiler=1: confusion]
“Wait, no! Don’t do this! You have too much to live for!”

The creature’s eyes snapped open.

Above her, she could see only a thick, gray fog, looming over the ground below. ...Come to think of it, was there a ground below? Tilting her head slightly, the female confirmed that yes, she was indeed lying on a bed of soil- at least gravity seemed to be behaving normally. There remained only a few patches of withered grass, though she supposed that that wasn’t surprising. Spring had yet to arrive, after all.

Then again, she was attempting to apply traits of the normal world to what was most likely a supernatural realm.

With a sigh, the creature sat up and glanced down at herself. The fact that all that remained was an amorphous shadow, with no real defining features, struck her as strange; but if this was another part of the spirit world, then some differences in appearance were to be expected.

Some would probably have found it disturbing, how easily she was getting used to being dead, but hey- the sooner she adjusted, the sooner she could find a way back to the mortal plane.

“I really do hate to break this to you, but you’re not going back.”

The creature jolted, stifling a cry of shock, and glanced to the left. There was nothing there.

“Look to your right.”

Even though the voice had seemed to come from where she was looking now, the female cautiously turned her head and looked right.

There, a few feet away, was another figure; they seemed to glow, as though their pale aura was enough to actually produce light. Frowning slightly, the female eyed the feathery wing extending from the white figure’s back- strangely, the second wing was nowhere to be seen.

“As I was saying, you will not be returning.”

The voice echoed in the back of her head, and yet the other figure’s mouth remained closed in a smile. They must have been a telepath, then. Raising a non-existent brow, the female asked, “Why not?”

“Because, suffice it to say, there is no way out.”

Gritting her teeth, she glanced around, straining to see through the fog. Nothing resembling an escape route was forthcoming, but that couldn’t possibly mean that there was no way out. There was no such thing as a truly inescapable prison, was there?

“You’re wasting your time. You will not find anything.”

Turning back to the glowing figure, the female growled, “And why am I going to take a stranger’s word for it? Who are you, anyway?”

The figure tilted their head, their smile widening. “Ah, yes, how rude of me- it would, indeed, be naive of you to take my word at face value when you don’t even know my name.” With this, they leaned down, until their eyes were almost at the same level as the female’s.

“You may call me the Heron.”

The female instinctively tensed up, though she wasn’t sure why. The Heron was a strange title, to be sure, but it was hardly the most intimidating one she’d heard. Still, just hearing it reverberating through her head brought about an odd sense of deja vu, and with it the beginnings of a sense of fear.

Dismissing that for the moment, she got to her feet and entered a defensive stance, as if expecting the other figure to attack at any moment (which, to be honest, she wouldn’t have put past them). “Well, then, ‘Heron,’” she hissed, nearly stumbling over the other’s title, “are you meaning to tell me that I’m stuck here for eternity?”

The figure drew back, the smirk that she was quickly growing to despise remaining on their face. “That is essentially what I am saying, yes,” they answered, with a small nod. After a moment, they added, “Don’t worry. You will learn to accept it soon enough.”

In spite of herself, the female scoffed. “Yeah, right,” she muttered, shaking her head. More loudly, she asked, “And why, exactly, are you keeping me here?”

At this, the Heron narrowed their eyes, though their simper remained on their face. “I simply want to get you to see things a different way- unfortunately, if you want to know any more than that, you will have to find it on your own.”

What in blazes did that mean? Narrowing her eyes in turn, the female opened her mouth to ask another question- before she could, however, the figure vanished in a flash of light.

Merely staring at the spot where they had been for a moment, she then shook her head. It was all a delusion sent by the gods or something; none of what the figure had said had actually meant anything. Muttering unintelligibly to herself, she relaxed her stance and looked around. The fog seemed to be receding, revealing more of the ground, and the silhouette of what seemed to be a mountain in the distance- the sky still wasn’t visible, but it probably would be soon.

With another sigh, she started walking towards the mountain. If she was going to find a way out, she would have to survey the area first- and gaining higher ground was the best way to do so.

It was only March 15th; the most that she would miss would the spring equinox, and that was fine. She just needed to take things one step at a time, and then, even with the worst luck, she would surely be out within a week or so.
[/spoiler]

[Verdigris]

[spoiler=2: scrutiny]
Though the fog had mostly faded, the sky remained gray and featureless, draining the landscape of any appearance of life it might have once held.

The creature sat on the edge of the outcropping, staring out over the horizon. What remained of the mist seemed to form a wall around the region, trapping its inhabitants inside. She’d tried walking through it several times over the past few weeks, in multiple different directions, to no avail; though the fog seemed to yield to her efforts, no matter how far she traveled, she would turn back only to find herself right back at the edge of the territory. She could’ve sworn she’d seen magic of this sort before- in fact, the entirety of the general landscape was giving her deja vu as well- but she couldn’t remember for the life of her where.

With a sigh, she took a fallen twig, then stood up and walked over to the cliff face. Raising the twig, she drew a tally mark on the wall, next to four other patches of tally marks.

It had been twenty-one days, and she was no closer to escaping than she had been when she first got here.

After a moment, though, she shook her head. No, there was no use in dwelling on that; it was better to focus on getting out, before the weeks turned into months. Releasing the stick and letting it drop to the ground, the female glanced up, straining to see how far up the peak stretched.

Actually, maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Scoffing lightly, the creature approached the wall and began crawling up its surface, willing gravity to accommodate her. At least she still had that ability to her name, if nothing else. Reaching the top of the precipice, she pulled herself up onto the ledge and glanced around.

Before her was a cave, a small (and, strangely enough, lit) lantern sitting outside its maw.

Frowning, she stood and walked over to the cavern, eyes narrowing. Kneeling down, she picked up the lantern and cautiously held it in front of her, partially illuminating the chamber’s innards.

The female took a deep breath, then entered the cave, walking slowly. Odds were, if someone already lived in it, she would’ve run across them by now- but still, she had to be careful, if only because of sudden drops, overhanging stalactites, and the like. Dying in this realm would make it even more difficult to return to the mortal plane, more likely than not.

Eventually, she reached what appeared to be the end of the cavern. Lowering the lantern, she examined the floor, noting the presence of small shards and fragments- of what, she couldn’t be sure. The female knelt down to examine the debris, noticing (with a raised brow) black splotches of dried blood on the stone as well.

Clearly, she hadn’t been the first one here; but who had it been? It was probably too much to hope for to assume that they were still around, if they were even alive, but maybe if she could find out who it was… she could get closer to figuring out what this place was.

And once she knew what it was, it would be all the easier to escape.

With a nod, she turned and headed back towards the entrance, still holding the lantern. Whoever it had been, the cave couldn’t have been the only place they frequented; there were probably other clues that would lead her to their identity elsewhere in the region.

Hopefully, it wouldn’t take long from here.
[/spoiler]

[Verdigris]

[spoiler=3: coincidence]
She’d drawn the sixth diagonal tally on the cave wall that morning.

...Could she even call it “morning”? It was rather arbitrary to assign times of day in the spirit world, especially when the sky remained the same bleak shade of gray no matter how many hours went by. She was still going to sleep every “night”, though (even though sleep logically shouldn’t have even been a requirement for spirits, she still found herself exhausted enough after each day to need it), so she supposed she could still call the period right after she woke up “morning”.

Dismissing that train of thought, the creature wandered through the trees, the mountain about a mile or so behind her. The heavy silence seemed to hang over her; she knew, logically, that it was no quieter than it had been on the mountain, but the thick forest only accentuated the fact that she was alone.

Was being alone preferable to not being alone, in this situation? Truthfully, she didn’t exactly want to run into “the Heron” again, but having someone to talk to (no matter how strange or off-putting) would be better than being left at the mercy of her own thoughts.

“And yet I’m supposed to be the crazy one?”

The female jumped, stifling a scream. Entering a defensive stance, she glanced around wildly, searching for the source of the Australian accent that she was absolutely sure did not belong to the Heron.

No one was there- there was no sign of the green eyes, blonde-dyed hair, or sadistic grin that belonged to the person she thought she’d heard.

Swallowing, she continued walking, still tense. She wasn’t even sure what she was looking for, other than that she needed to find signs of life; what constituted a “sign of life” remained to be seen, but she was sure she would know one when she saw one.

The trees appeared to thin out ahead, giving way to another field. Cautiously, the girl stepped out into the open, scanning the area.

Ahead stood a structure, looming over its surroundings- it almost reminded her of a castle, if it’d been turned on its head and shoved back into the ground, stone and dirt still clinging to its foundations even as they were raised into the air. Nodding to herself, the creature hurried towards the fallen castle, occasionally glancing around to ensure that no one else was around (after all, someone could still be there that she just hadn’t met yet).

Approaching the structure, she looked up, searching for a door; sure enough, it was several hundred yards above, right beneath the foundation. The spirit walked over to the wall and began climbing, willing gravity to pull her towards the wooden surface. The material seemed sturdy, but it was clear from the dust on the screen panels that the building hadn’t been used for a long time.

Reaching the foundation, the creature forced gravity to invert itself and stood upon the rocky surface, staring at the doorway. Upon drawing closer, she noted that the door was slightly ajar; cautiously, she pulled it open, and walked into the structure.

Inside, she was met with three corridors- one right in front of her, and the other two to the left and the right. With a shrug, she headed straight, not bothering to close the door behind her.

The hallway seemed to stretch on and on as she walked, searching carefully for any stairways she could find. The rooms were probably on the upper (well, technically lower, but it didn’t matter that much) levels, and odds were, any people that had lived here before would have left some sort of clue in those rooms.

The musty odor and thick dust that permeated the air almost made it feel like she was home again.

Inwardly, she had to wonder if any of the people from that era had returned, in the time she’d been gone. Probably not; the group had largely been shrinking, and that wasn’t likely to change now. The most she could hope for was that everyone there was still intact.

...Maybe none of them would even want to see her again. It would be understandable if they didn’t- even if she hadn’t wanted to, she had basically up and abandoned them, a crime that they’d been conditioned to respond to with all the severity it deserved.

Still, she had to make it back, if only so that she could ensure they were okay.

Drawing a shaky breath (and stifling the ensuing coughing fit), the creature walked into another intersection. Looking up from the floor, she found herself facing a narrow staircase, one that reached six or seven floors above (or rather, below). Perfect. With a small nod to herself, the spirit jogged over to the staircase and began scaling it.

Reaching the top (er, bottom- ah, whatever, her thoughts were better spent on more important matters) of the staircase, the girl glanced around at the rest of the floor- it appeared that she was at the top of the main keep.

The walls were carved up with what almost looked like sword slashes, but other than that, there didn’t seem to be much of anything there.

With a huff, she turned and descended to the floor directly below. This one seemed to have additional rooms; noticing that the door to one of them was wide open, she walked over and entered it. Inside was a scattering of what appeared to be maps, along with some other assorted papers and books.

“Finally, something useful,” she muttered hoarsely to herself, approaching the fallen documents and kneeling down. After thinking for a moment, she reached for a map near the top of the pile and pulled it out, scanning it.

The drawings and text had largely faded, but she could still make out the names of a few landmarks; she could see a “bright needle fortress”, a “youkai mountain”, and a “mortal village” labeled at three different points. Eyeing the one labeled “youkai mountain”, she frowned. She’d heard of youkai before, but she couldn’t remember how- did some live here? Or rather, had some used to live here?

A loud roaring from outside jolted her out of her thoughts, sending her into an immediate defensive stance. As the roaring continued, she warily crept over to the window screen and slid it open (briefly wondering whether or not it would be possible to open the screen from the outside next time).

The floor she was on was right at ground level, so she allowed gravity to lower her onto the grass and glanced up at the mountain.

Towering above the peak was a giant, steady stream of water, seemingly bursting forth from the mountain’s other side. Following the water’s path with her eyes, she noticed that it reached even above the clouds that perpetually hung over the land.

Within a few moments, the water finally collapsed, its cries fading away. She’d only seen a geyser last that long, and reach that high, once before- but, once again, she couldn’t remember where.

Frowning, she walked back into the building, only to notice that the documents she’d been reading were still clinging to the ceiling. “How…?” she muttered to herself, staring with a raised brow. Sure, she could defy gravity herself, but how did the papers and books do so without anyone manipulating them?

It didn’t really matter, she supposed, but it was still strange.

Shaking her head, the creature lifted herself back onto the ceiling, and continued reading the documents there. The handwriting on them almost seemed familiar, in the same way as the geyser and the layout of the land itself had, but she still didn’t know why.

Taking one of the books, she opened the cover- and stared at the first few lines, blinking once or twice to make sure she wasn’t seeing things.

2013 June 12.

I think I might have a way out.

Finally, she was getting somewhere; it was all she could do not to cry out in triumph. Sure, just because someone wrote about there being a way out didn’t mean that they’d actually succeeded in escaping, but the possibility was there- it was real. A grin slowly making its way onto her face, she read on.

It’s probably risky, I could explode. It takes a lot of reagents, too. But it’s better than nothing.

Just can’t let the princess see this. Might not even be necessary, if our other plan works- but worth it to have a backup plan.

I just need to be able to increase my power enough…

Turning the page, she nodded; the reagents were listed there. Most of them, other than the various talismans listed near the bottom, would be easy enough to acquire- and even the talismans probably wouldn’t be that hard to find.

Nodding, she closed the book, and picked up a few of the maps as well. Lowering herself onto solid ground, she walked out, taking the documents with her. She’d probably have to put them in the cave for safekeeping, but it’d be best to have them in easy reach, rather than having to walk to the castle and back every day.

She was making progress for once, though- that was the best part of all.

[/spoiler]

[Verdigris]

[spoiler=4: explosion]
At long last, she’d finally managed to gather the reagents. The book had actually been even more useful than she would have predicted. It had named the locations of many of the required ingredients; with the help of the map, it hadn’t taken her long to find each of those locations.

The different structures that she’d found herself wandering to, however, raised more questions than they answered about the nature of the world she was in. The two Shinto shrines located within a mile of each other, with a Buddhist temple in between, would have been eyebrow-raising on their own; however, not even half a mile away from one of the shrines was a looming, Victorian-style mansion, that would have been more easily found in Western Europe than in East Asia (as, she was assuming, this land was modeled after). Stranger still was the notes that the book’s writer had taken about the place- they had mentioned vampires, a time-traveler of some sort, and even a chupacabra, none of which fit in the same category as the others.

Yet, weirdly, wandering the halls of the mansion, the rooms of the shrines, the grounds of the temple… it all seemed so familiar. By now, she would’ve accepted that she’d been in this region before, had it not been for the fact that she’d already been there for two months and counting. Of course, after being stuck there with nothing but her own thoughts for company for that long, she would start to think that everything was familiar- because, in a sense, it was. Besides, even if the place was familiar, it didn’t matter; all that mattered was getting out.

Occasionally, offhandedly, she would wonder if her predecessor had felt the same way during his time in Hell- if he’d had to suffer through the same fraying of the mind, the same loss of rationality, the same desperate hope that somehow it would all be worth it.

This time, though, she wouldn’t be leaving without her soul intact. She would succeed where he had failed; and even if it turned out that everyone had grown to despise her when she got back, at least she would know that they were okay, and that she wasn’t going to screw their lives up any further.

“Unless they’re dead.”

With a small sigh, the creature motioned with her hand to dismiss the voice that had just spoken to her. No, a lot could change in two months, but there was no way that any of them had died. The new gods were protecting them; she could be sure they were safe.

She had to be sure they were safe, or else, she knew, she would break.

Setting down the last row of talismans, the creature stepped back and lifted the book to her face, then eyed the setup behind it. It matched the diagram perfectly. With a fit of wheezing laughter- by gods, she was finally going to make it out- she threw aside the book, took a pair of rocks, and stepped into the center of the set-up. Kneeling down, she struck the rocks together, lighting the circle of candles with the sparks (inefficient, but at this point she couldn’t care less).

Returning to a standing position, the spirit willed gravity to lift the other components into the air, narrowing her eyes. As the items reached eye level, she cracked a small smile- it was working, it was really working, but she still had to focus.

A glowing circle carved itself into the ground around her, its crimson light splashing across the spell’s components. The reagents slowly but surely burned up, crackling and hissing as they were consumed.

Now, right as the reagents are fully consumed, motion with your hand-

One of the talismans caught fire, but the spirit didn’t release her hold on the items- no, it was too late to go back now. With a snarl, she whipped her left arm up and pointed towards the sky.

Everything disappeared in a blinding flash of red light, followed by a deafening blast.


When she finally managed to open her eyes again, she was met with the inside of the cave, covered in ashes, melted wax, and dust.

For a moment, she could only stare, raising her still-amorphous, still-shadowy appendages to her face.

A scream tore itself from her throat, hoarse and broken, as she collapsed to the floor. She’d been so close to getting out- to being free, to seeing everyone she cared about again- and now it was all gone. It had all been wasted, it was over, and all she could do was cry out in fury and despair.

The sudden roaring of the geyser outside, however, startled her out of her haze for a moment, drawing her attention towards the mouth of the cave. Still wheezing from the sudden strain on her throat, the spirit crawled out of the cavern and stared at the rising water. It had been… almost exactly a month since the geyser had last gone off; was that just how often it went off?

She was probably going to find out the hard way, she reflected bitterly, re-entering the cave and retrieving the book. Opening up to the page after the diagram, she lifted the lantern and read.

2013 July 16.

Too much sulfur…

The spirit couldn’t even find it in herself to laugh at the writer’s misfortune, as wracked by it as she was now. They deserved it for keeping those bogus instructions, but it wasn’t cathartic enough to make up for the spell’s failure. (Was she being petty? Probably, especially since she could’ve prevented this whole situation by reading the entire book first, but at this point she couldn’t find it in herself to care.)

Provided I get the proportions right this time, it should work, but that can wait until after the revolution. I’ll probably be able to get those fairies to steal some more of the components, or con the dollmaker, but some of it I might have to take myself. Not a serious problem, but inconvenient.

Also wish that accursed geyser would stop going off…

Well, this time, she’d have to read everything first, but that was fine. Considering that she didn’t have to worry about anything guarding the reagents, taking a little bit of additional time to ensure she wouldn’t make silly mistakes wouldn’t hurt that much… ah, who was she kidding, it would hurt a lot.

Still, though, she had to keep going- she couldn’t give up now.
[/spoiler]

[Verdigris]

[spoiler=5: rose]
The mountain, it turned out, bore a few scattered shrubs and bushes amongst the trees.

The spirit had found two bushes while traversing the cliffs, on the way to the shrine at the top, where some of the talismans needed for the spell could be found. Both of them had shriveled up, without leaving even a clue as to what flowers or fruits they could have borne (if any). Still, though, seeing plant life, or the remains of it, among the stone reminded her of home.

The home that she still hadn’t managed to return to, even now that it was May 18th, sixty-five days and thirteen patches of tally marks later.

If they hadn’t loathed her before, they almost certainly loathed her now.

Biting her non-existent lip, the spirit shook her head and continued climbing, paying no further heed to the second bush. No, if she could just get out within the next week or so, she could still fix it. She could just explain what had gone wrong, and everything would be okay- and even if it wasn’t okay, provided everyone was still there to have it explained to (which they would be, she knew without a doubt), it wouldn’t matter. All that mattered was that they were okay.

Climbing onto the next ledge, the creature glanced up- coming face-to-face with something bright red. Letting out a strangled yelp, she scrambled to hold onto the ledge, nearly falling off. Once she managed to calm herself, she pulled herself onto the outcropping and looked back up at the bright red object.

It was a rose- an actual, living rose, clinging to the remains of a shrub by the face of the next cliff.

In spite of herself, the spirit crawled over to the bush and lifted a hand to the rose, as if checking to see if it was real. Indeed, the petals were soft to the touch, and clearly fragile. Hesitantly, she glanced around, as if expecting someone to burst out and reprimand her (that was silly, she knew, but it was possible)- then reached for the rose’s stem, careful not to prick herself on the thorns. If she could just replant the rose in more fertile soil, maybe it would live on…

Her fingers touched the stem- and just like that, the rose shriveled away, the crimson hue leaving its petals. With a wheeze, she retracted her hand, but it was too late; all that remained of the flower was a husk of gray leaves, wrapped around the wilted stem.

The spirit stared for a moment, then lowered her head, teeth clenched and tears welling up in her eyes. Why she was crying over a flower, of all things, especially when she had more important things to do, she didn’t know, yet she couldn’t stop herself.

...Actually, as difficult as it was to swallow, she did know.

She always told herself that she was okay with whatever her clanmates thought of her. To some degree, she thought, it was true; while she didn’t want them to hate her, in most cases, she would be able to deal with it if she found out that they did. Even if one of the past leaders (excluding her immediate predecessor, whose thoughts she already knew for sure she didn’t give a toss about) despised her, she would have gotten over it.

In fact, she could arrive home that very day and face everyone there- and even if they all refused to speak to her, even if they all wished she hadn’t returned, even if they all held burning hatred in their eyes, she would continue to live. It wouldn’t be easy, but she would do it.

There was one exception, though; one person who she desperately wanted to see more than anyone else, one person who she would have gone to the ends of the earth for. Looking into the other girl’s honey-colored eyes, only to find disgust and vitriol- or worse, not finding her there at all… it was so incredibly selfish, but the roses, the nights on the mountain, the constant searching, everything they had once shared and found comfort in would turn against her, and break her.

The worst part was, she would deserve it, because the other girl had trusted her, put faith in her, and she had left without a second thought.

That, she admitted to herself, kneeled before the bush and stifling the cries that wanted so desperately to make themselves heard, was the one thing she would not be able to handle.

...It was the girl’s birthday. It was the birthday of the most precious person in the world, and for all she knew, the other girl could be dead or psychologically broken by now. It wasn’t fair, that the one she loved could be suffering on the day she was supposed to be happiest, and that the spirit was powerless to stop it.

Breaking down like this wasn’t helping anyone, but under the weight of everything that was happening, she couldn’t fight it any longer.

Once she calmed down, she could get back to work, as though she had never run across the wilting rose. She would have to, she knew subconsciously- she couldn’t just give up, not when the end was in sight.

For now, though, she just had to wait it out. The hopelessness and despair would subside, given a few minutes; and while it wasn’t pleasant being stuck in that state, trying to ignore it and move on would only allow it to fester.

Crying didn't help anyone, and she despised herself for doing it, but she couldn’t hold it in anymore.

[/spoiler]