They hadn't spoken since the celebration, but that didn't stop her from taking food to him like before. There was a lot they hadn't spoken about though they had started to, Reese told her to be careful. To be cautious, which had stuck in her mind the whole time walking over there. She held the food with one hand and she knocked, just like usual to drop off the food.
Then things took a somewhat familiar turn.
Hearing him tell her to come in, she did. Shutting the door behind her she walked over and set the food down just like before. Looking over towards him she went to speak, though glancing between the bottle of wine and his knuckles she didn't say anything. Her mind going over again and again what Reese had told her. As if someone else's opinion about Kai suddenly mattered to her.
"Kai? Is everything...Is everything ok?" she asked with a worried tone, walking over to the messiah and after a moment of consideration she would sit down beside him. She didn't care to wait and ask to sit as she was worried, Eury was easily worried of course but she felt this one was a justified worry.
She didn't know what to expect in reply, but she pointed to his bloody knuckles before "What happened?" He didn't necessarily have to tell her, but she wanted to make sure he knew why she was asking this. She then went quiet, as if thinking if she should go or say something more. Maybe finally answer what he had asked at the celebration.
Yes. That's what she'd do, or what she intended but instead the next time she opened her mouth to say this thing she had time to prepare she wouldn't say it. Instead, when she spoke she would say something she didn't think she would, not then at least or ever. Eury went to speak after the silence but instead of her well thought about explanation she said what she probably wanted to say the whole time.
"I still love you, Malachi."
[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]( Four days , seven hours , three minutes )
It usually happens after mass, when peyote still runs loosely in his bloodstream and he's mixed it with wine to achieve his high. It's sometimes beautiful, sometimes frightening , but ultimately a necessity to help bring him closer to Abaddon.
This week , it was frightening. Now that Malachi thinks of it, it's been that way for weeks. He thinks Abaddon is upset with him. Reasons he could only follow back to his prior mistakes , causing him to dwell further on a reality that was much too close for comfort: he only had but three years to correct his wrongs. He fears that if he doesn't, he may not get another chance. That if he were to be remembered, it'd be as the Messiah who lied through his teeth and failed his people.
Sometimes, in these moments, he lay simply catatonic; internally grasping his emotions until they swallowed him into darkness days later. Other times, he would do anything to subside all the emotions he felt— scream into his pillow, punch the walls into his knuckles were blue and bled, cry until he collapsed from the pain of it all. Neither as good as the other, but he preferred the later. The prior was honestly far more upsetting.
The walls looked like craters by the time he was done with them , his cheeks tear-stricken, and bloodied from where he went to wipe away his tears. His hair is disheveled in a way that makes him far more pitiful than charming as he settles down onto the floor just as the worst subsides. He almost forgets that he hasn't eaten in nearly days , a usual routine his missions with Abaddon. It was almost too perfect that Eury was here. He doesn't even remember telling her to come in, but he must've. Sunken eyes meet hers as she enters, looking at him in a way he'd once looked at himself after these nights.
Any other time, he'd hate for her to see him in this state. Many knew that his journeys weren't always pretty, never bothered him then. But this wasn't any other time, and he was glad to see her. Even though she asks the very questions he wanted to avoid answering, joining in cautiously at his side. Kai doesn't move from his position, open legged on the hardwood floor, his arms propped on them, fiddling his hands together. He doesn't quite know what to expect, but it hadn't been this: her declaration of love. He knew that ultimately, it'd come, but apart of him hated to hear it. It was almost as if their kiss , their dance had been ions away. It was hard to tell at this state.
He doesn't answer right away , can't look at her. He continues to fiddle with his hands with little reaction before suddenly, he sniffs and turns to Eurydice. "I don't think I'm really deserving of your love, Eury." It's not fair to tell her that, but it's true. He lied so much, he isn't quite sure where his truth began and they ended. Would she still love him had she learned that his leaving had been for nothing? That the only victory he returned with was for his own selfish gain? Silas was out there, he knew it. And his people had been punished for it. "I am going to tell you something that I've not told anyone. The Mission that Abaddon sent me, I'd failed. I thought maybe I could seek my redepemption elsewhere, but I don't think so. I fear retribution may come upon us soon and I- I fear what that means if I say I love you, too." He couldn't leave her without anything, afraid that without any further confirmation, she'd hate him or leave.
He didn't know what he'd do if Eurydice hated him.
[align=center] ❝ When I was a child, I heard voices Some would sing and some would scream You soon find you have few choices I learned the voices died with me When I was a child, I'd sit for hours Staring into open flame Something in it had a power Could barely tear my eyes away❞
[div style="width: 427px; text-align: center; font-family: work sans, arial; font-size: 5.5pt; text-transform: uppercase; color: #282828; text-spacing: 2px; letter-spacing: 1px; margin-bottom: 2px;"]a bunch . of stuff . here . links & info .
Eurydice was never one to judge and this would be no different. She didn't judge him, she wouldn't even try to. Instead, she would sit there with her unanswered questions, glancing around the room picking up any information she could from the scene around them. But she wouldn't say anything, if he didn't want to talk about it, then she wouldn't bring it up. It was that simple.
So when she confessed she still loved him and he said nothing, she tried to not think much of it but she couldn't help but start panicking. Of course, thinking the worst cases and just getting embarrassed for herself. What if he didn't love her back? Well, that was usually how it went and that would just make her all the more embarrassed. So of course, when he finally started to talk she listened.
She listened even though she wanted to cut in and argue. Instead, when he was done Eury just acted. This was her turn to act it seemed, so when she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lips it surprised even herself but it felt right. When she leaned back and ended the kiss, she looked at him and was quiet for just a moment. "I have loved you since we were little, Kai. I love you because you're you. My love doesn't leave because of something you've done as the messiah."
Eury quite literally, had nothing to lose for as of now she had lost just about everyone she held dear. All she had was Kai, so his fear of what may be to come wasn't entirely shared with her. "If I loved you any less because of what you told me, then it wouldn't be real love would it? I had been trying to get over it and I mean...I still can if you don't feel the same way but I don't feel any different after you telling me that." It wouldn't change her view of Kai.
"I'll always be here for you, Kai."
[align=center][div style="borderwidth; width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14pt;"]After the confession, Kai braces himself
It doesn't take long— not even enough for her to process— for him to regret it. Kai confided very little to his disciples about his turmoils and the emotions that followed. It was his job to bear their burden, after all. Something that he usually embraced with open arms. Something that seldom bothered him prior to this. Now, he was lucky if he even managed to distract himself, if only for a moment, those times being when he was with— or even thought of— Eurydice.
"You don't have to say anything just-" Before he has time to finish, Eurydice, for the first time, manages to catch him off guard. If he were honest, he wasn't sure she'd been capable of being the first to initiate. Eury leans in, soft lips crashing into his chapped ones, dehydrated from lack of liquid he'd consumed in days. The kiss was quick, but lingers even as she pulls away, and Kai wishes she hadn't. He may not know for sure what that meant, but it was nice.
Eurydice isn't at all deterred from his confessions. Instead, she embraces him. Points out how she's loved him ever since they were little, how that simply wouldn't go away because of something he's done as Messiah. It was hard to discern as ultimately, weren't they the same thing? Kai was always meant to be leader, even before anyone— even he— knew. He was the reincarnation of their first, destined to further push his practices to the world. Still, Eury managed to look at him with conviction, almost as if hadn't said anything damning at all.
Isn't that what he wanted?
Eury finishes speaking, Kai is momentarily silent, before he finally murmurs, "Thank you." The room still doesn't quite feel like his own; he feels distant from time and now, but Eury's presence managed to hold him briefly. He can't say he loves her, not yet, as he isn't for sure what he feels. He isn't ready for her to leave, though, so somehow, he decides to push it further with his confessions.
"Remember our conversation from last week? The one about. . . death?" He knows she knows. Death was probably so fresh in her mind, especially after Millie's loss. "Well I, ahem," he clears his throat. "All of my life I've accepted it's something that will happen. It's happened once, after all, why should I fear it? But as it grows closer I've come to realize how scary it is I mean— not life itself, but." Kai voice wavers. "I guess I'm happiest here. Leading people. With you." He glances over at her, before looking away from her once more. His leg shakes subconsciously. "But I know it must come and so, if it does, perhaps when the time comes... we could do it together."
A big ask to make. The window between sacrifice was 18 to 21 and with Eury being younger than him, he'd be asking her to approach her biggest fear early. But only that way, she wouldn't be alone, right? Maybe he'd find some comfort in not being alone, too.
[align=center] ❝ When I was a child, I heard voices Some would sing and some would scream You soon find you have few choices I learned the voices died with me When I was a child, I'd sit for hours Staring into open flame Something in it had a power Could barely tear my eyes away❞
[div style="width: 427px; text-align: center; font-family: work sans, arial; font-size: 5.5pt; text-transform: uppercase; color: #282828; text-spacing: 2px; letter-spacing: 1px; margin-bottom: 2px;"]a bunch . of stuff . here . links & info .
When he thanked her, she just smiled she didn't know what to say but a simple you're welcome didn't seem to fit. She didn't know what would, so she didn't talk. She just smiled her same Eury smile that she always did, hoping it was enough for now until she figured out what to say. If she ever could figure it out.
Did she remember their conversation? Even for that time frame, she couldn't figure out which conversation he was talking about. But then, he answered it for her. The topic of death was still a raw one, and her face probably said that but eventually, she'd just utter a small "Yes." She then listened closely as she looked towards him, listening as he talked about a topic so raw in her mind after losing Millie.
But she wasn't expecting this.
She felt like he explained it better, being scared of death, but part of her did feel relieved to hear that there was someone who shared her fear. She had been so embarrassed to tell Kai originally but hearing this, even though it caught her off guard, brought some comfort to her. Especially being singled out - "with her" - it made her smile "I like being with you too, for the record" she replied with a small and light giggle. Even if it was just a small blip of light in the conversation, but that's what Eurydice did.
Make small lights in dark times.
When Kai asked her that when the time came when it was time for him to die - or so she assumed as he was older - then they'd both go. Together. "Kai I-..." she paused, closing her mouth as she thought for a second about what to say. There were parts of her that wanted to say different things like what if either of them settled down, wouldn't it be odd if they went together? Another part wanted to know if he was serious or just trying to think of an outcome to lull her fears.
"Promise you won't back out of it?" she asked nervously, not wanting to agree to meet her biggest fear early if he would possibly back out of it later on. She didn't want to have this sitting on her knowing he could back out. However, there was still that thought "What if you settle down though? Wouldn't she think poorly if we still went together?" She used him as the example of course because at this point Eury had made it clear about this crush she had had all her life. It had always been one-sided, yes, but she was convinced at this point she would never really "settle down".
"But yes. I mean...if you promise to not back out then yeah, ok." she smiled at him "I'd like to not be alone and if we go together I never will be" she didn't like the thought of dying alone, but she also didn't want to be without Kai. This way she wasn't alone in any sense, she would get to leave with a familiar face - the last familiar face she had.
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