before the wave hits // open

[mickey]

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— mickey’s sobriety had been tested before. he’d been pushed to his limits, left with memories and scars that made his fingers ache for the familiar feeling of a drink in his hand and the welcoming embrace of drunken forgetfulness. it had been a while since he’d last held a drink to his lips, though he couldn’t say there weren’t times where he didn’t feel compelled to. there were times where he believed temptation would wash over him and swallow him whole, and surely get the best of him. pull him under. some days he felt like he was barely able to keep his head above the water. after tamara passed away, he felt as though he were drowning. he felt so numb.

he needed to busy himself with something before he made a choice he’d later regret. so there he sat on a set of stairs down one of the quieter alleyways of the district, a worn book in his hand. he leaned his head against his other hand, eyes scanning over the words with an absent gaze. trying to discern words from the worn-out, faint pages. knowing how to read was a luxury that not many people were able to afford after the electricity went out. mick figured he could try and put it to good use.

however, he couldn’t say that reading was something he had much passion for. bored eyes lifted up to stare at the building in front of him, sighing gently through his nose. looked like it was back to the drawing board for him. a gentle mewl and the feeling of something brushing against his book-wielding hand made him lower his head. closing the book and raising his hand, he looked down at the sight of a kitten. the small cat meowed yet again, brushing against mickey’s leg. desperate for attention by the looks of it.

leaning down, he gently held his hand out. the kitten barely hesitated before pushing its head against the palm of his hand, seemingly content. then, from a few boxes and crates came even more of the young strays, three of them coming over for more attention. mickey rose his brows slightly, an amused look in his blue eyes.

maybe this attempt hadn’t been for nothing. after tamara passed away, he had kept to himself and stayed in the house. unwilling to step out. not having the strength to get up out of bed most days. though perhaps this was a moment that made him not regret dragging himself up and out of the house. perhaps there were more moments like this for him to chase; he just had to bring himself to do it.

[spoiler=tags ― updated 02/25.][size=8pt]◜BASICS ┊ BURIED MY HEART IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND ◞
‣  ❝ mickey serge ❞ | mick, serge | male [he/him] .
‣ 33 years old . | may fifth; taurus.
‣  currently the prodigy of northstar district
‣  currently co-founder/co-head of st. peter’s clinic in the district alongside lucerne nouvel.

◜PERSONALITY: ISFJ ┊ THERE WAS NO ONE AROUND ◞
‣  aloof . ambitious . blunt . distant . driven . hard-working . passionate . humble . reserved . introverted . intelligent . level-headed . trustworthy . honest . caring . quiet . gentlemanly . kind . pessimistic . unreadable . stoic . withdrawn .
↳ lover of tea and cigarettes
↳ struggles with ptsd symptoms
↳ recovering alcoholic (over a year sober)
↳ currently showing signs/symptoms of depression following his mother's death

◜ APPEARANCE ┊ BURIED MY GUILT IN A PIT IN THE SOUND ◞
‣ six foot one & one hundred and sixty seven pounds ; reference .
↳ dark brown hair kept very short on the sides and neat
↳ skinny with slight muscle tone
↳ deep blue eyes , often stoic , emotionless

◜ FAMILY ┊ I TRIED AND I TRIED AND I WAS NEVER THE SAME ◞
‣  david serge x tamara serge | father deceased . mother recently deceased
‣ only child
‣ currently claims guardianship of arlo - doesn’t consider himself arlo’s parent

◜ RELATIONSHIPS ┊ I'LL BREAK UP THE CHAIN ◞
‣  homosexual ; monogamous | a hopeless romantic .
‣ ex-fiance to elinor rose
↳ engagement fell apart after coming to terms with mick’s sexuality .
‣  ex-lover to edmund stirling-moray
↳ the first guy he had ever been with . helped him become comfortable with his sexuality before coming out of the closet.
‣ current boyfriend of vernon green
↳ currently live together . inseparable .

◜ INTERACTIONS ┊ I'M FOREVER CHANGED ◞
‣  [ 9/10 ] physically  |  [ 8/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ very difficult ] | difficulty w/ melees [ difficult ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ difficult ]
‣ [member=1512]elysian.[/member] | dm for any major plots .
‣  friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .[/size][/spoiler]

[GREENIE.]

[align=center][div style="width: 430px; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 6pt; letter-spacing: 2.5px; word-spacing: 0px; line-height: 12px; color: #000"]After Tamara’s untimely passing, all Green felt was the incomprehensible grief that weighed heavy on his shoulders. The thought that — God — he should have seen this coming. Never in his life had he experienced a permanence in a solid maternal figure in his life. Instead, a void remained like a black hole. Inevitably, if anyone would get too close, they’d disappear forever; the guilt was a heavy burden. Realistically, he would not believe that he was cursed in the way he lost his biological mother, adoptive mother and now his found mother-in-law in the most tragic of ways because not even, in all of his constant bad luck, his presence alone could shape the fate of another like that.

Green did not believe in that stuff.

What he did feel an overwhelming guilt towards was the fact that he failed to provide for the District. If he had found enough medical supplies in time, then perhaps Tamara could have survived. Little did Green realise was that nothing could have been done to save her. When she was brought into Northstar District on horseback, she was already as good as dead.  Maybe he could have done more — the frequent scavenging trips would never have been enough — to prevent this. Maybe he could have put all fear aside and travelled to The Badlands in an attempt to reclaim some of what was rightfully theirs. A feat that would likely have gotten him killed, but he would have rather have taken the risk if he knew that that would save Mickey’s mother’s life otherwise.

He’d noted that Mickey had not returned home for a while, an unsettling feeling sitting within as Green mulled around the house. Mick was usually so unwavering, a pillar of strength, but if Green stared long enough, he could see those cracks forming. The bereavement was devastating, and Green feared that it would simply be too much for a man that had struggled with his own woes in the past. The very last thing Green would ever want would be for Mick to relapse, to spiral back down after he’d been doing so well for so long.

It scared Green, seeing Mickey this way.

Wandering through the District, checking places where he’d often find Mickey, Green eventually spotted his partner sitting alone in an alleyway, book in hand. A smile wavered with uncertainty, Green hesitating before he wandered over from behind. But, as he neared Mick, he took notice of the cats that curiously investigated Mick, Green sighing in an attempt to see light of the situation before lowering himself onto the step beside Mickey. ❝ Making friends, Mickey? ❞ Green asked, twisting his head to peer over at Mick before he pulled his lips into a toothy smile. He faltered for a moment, soon looking away to watch the cats. ❝ Sometimes I feel sad for them, the way they live on the streets... ❞ Because Green knew what it felt like to not have a home. ❝ But, I think they’re lucky. At least people take good care of them around here. ❞

Even if Green was only here to try provide a distraction in Mick's grief, it brought peace of mind to know that he was at least still holding himself together, even if only by a thread.

[mickey]

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— green settled down beside mickey, the older man sparing him a glance before peering back down towards the newcomers. “i didn’t have a say in it,” he mused gently, watching as one of the curious felines rubbed against green’s leg as she walked past, pushing her head against the other man’s shin as she begged for attention. mick wasn’t exactly the kind of person that would go out of his way to make friends; if anything, he seemed to avoid the opportunities whenever they presented themselves. he was an introvert at heart. each day he seemed to grow more and more reserved with who he talked to, and what he talked to them about. he was too used to those close to him getting hurt. he was too used to finding himself in dangerous situations he hadn’t meant to step into. if being on his own meant having a breath of fresh air, of peace, then perhaps more often than not it was worth it.

though a few harmless strays wanting attention didn’t seem to bother him too much - even while he didn’t pride himself on being much of a cat person. he watched the cats with an absent gaze as green talked. “sometimes i feel sad for them, the way they live on the streets…” he turned his gaze towards green at his words. words that hit too close to home for the other man. oftentimes mickey wondered what it must have been like for the other man. these cats, although living on the streets, still had a place they called home. tons of people that walked the streets that made sure they were taken care of and fed. vernon green never quite had the same luxury. there was no one there for him. not in the same way as these strays. he subtly leaned closer to green, their shoulders just gently brushing.

“they seem happy,” he noted, watching as the same cat made her way back towards green, pushing her head against his leg yet again. another one sat sprawled out at mickey’s feet, not seeming too interested in pets or scratches -- just stealing the man’s spot so he could sunbathe more than anything. “they’re well taken care of.” the kids around the district certainly took delight in feeding the cats all the scraps they could possibly find, at least.

as they settled into a gentle quiet, mick took the moment to open up the worn book. flipping through a few of the worn pages, he sighed gently. “i used to read a lot when i was a kid,” he hummed. ”we had shelves full of them at home. always something to read.” he remembered constantly trying to read books full of medical jargon, trying to rattle them off to anyone that would pay him any mind - even if he pronounced them severely wrong until he was corrected. with a dismissive sigh, he closed the book in one swift movement. “i don’t think i have the same passion for them, anymore. either that or i haven’t found anything worth reading, yet.” of course, green didn’t have much to say about reading - mickey knew that he never had the luxury to become fully literate. though the conversation gave him something to hold onto, something to keep his swirling thoughts at bay.

[spoiler=tags ― updated 02/25.][size=8pt]◜BASICS ┊ BURIED MY HEART IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND ◞
‣  ❝ mickey serge ❞ | mick, serge | male [he/him] .
‣ 33 years old . | may fifth; taurus.
‣  currently the prodigy of northstar district
‣  currently co-founder/co-head of st. peter’s clinic in the district alongside lucerne nouvel.

◜PERSONALITY: ISFJ ┊ THERE WAS NO ONE AROUND ◞
‣  aloof . ambitious . blunt . distant . driven . hard-working . passionate . humble . reserved . introverted . intelligent . level-headed . trustworthy . honest . caring . quiet . gentlemanly . kind . pessimistic . unreadable . stoic . withdrawn .
↳ lover of tea and cigarettes
↳ struggles with ptsd symptoms
↳ recovering alcoholic (over a year sober)
↳ currently showing signs/symptoms of depression following his mother's death

◜ APPEARANCE ┊ BURIED MY GUILT IN A PIT IN THE SOUND ◞
‣ six foot one & one hundred and sixty seven pounds ; reference .
↳ dark brown hair kept very short on the sides and neat
↳ skinny with slight muscle tone
↳ deep blue eyes , often stoic , emotionless

◜ FAMILY ┊ I TRIED AND I TRIED AND I WAS NEVER THE SAME ◞
‣  david serge x tamara serge | father deceased . mother recently deceased
‣ only child
‣ currently claims guardianship of arlo - doesn’t consider himself arlo’s parent

◜ RELATIONSHIPS ┊ I'LL BREAK UP THE CHAIN ◞
‣  homosexual ; monogamous | a hopeless romantic .
‣ ex-fiance to elinor rose
↳ engagement fell apart after coming to terms with mick’s sexuality .
‣  ex-lover to edmund stirling-moray
↳ the first guy he had ever been with . helped him become comfortable with his sexuality before coming out of the closet.
‣ current boyfriend of vernon green
↳ currently live together . inseparable .

◜ INTERACTIONS ┊ I'M FOREVER CHANGED ◞
‣  [ 9/10 ] physically  |  [ 8/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ very difficult ] | difficulty w/ melees [ difficult ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ difficult ]
‣ [member=1512]elysian.[/member] | dm for any major plots .
‣  friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .[/size][/spoiler]