SunClan had changed. It's members, where they had previously been familiar to him, were mere strangers now; but that's what happened when you pack up and leave your small "town" and moved onto bigger and brighter things. Although, he dared not call ColouredClan or SkyClan bright; the former was as crude as the ladder was boring, but mayhaps his outlook was only unique to him. After all, Seafoam was nothing less than a character out for the best in life, the exciting. SunClan, for a time, had provided that for him, with the bustling duties of leadership and the drama thickening in the air like smoke in a fire. However, the vast majority of said drama was started and ended by him, and the last bout was his fall into tyranny. Unfortunately, it hadn't been graceful, and he held no sweetness for it either  all that remained was a familiar feeling of disappointment, lingering like a shadow where he didn't need it to be.
Living as Enkonix in SkyClan had provided insight to him, but not much. It only taught him that he could still be good, in a way. If being a shy, shivering leaf that started at the nearest touch could possibly count as good. Being so fragile cost him manipulation at the hands of a relative, but he'd been violated in so many ways thus far that it only further proved to drive a stick in the mud and figuratively point out how vulnerable he was under a mask of tough villanily that anyone within a mile radius would give him if they knew what he had done. Even an optimist could fail to bring sunshine in his life where it had very briefly been. While he liked to say and think that his madness began with the death of Nidalee, it had truly began when he was born. Killing him young would have been such a sweet mercy if his mother had known what he'd grow up to be. Seafoam was just waiting for an angel to grace him with a permanent death this time, so he could finally be at peace.
After ColouredClan, he roamed for what felt like moons, stopping only to lay his head down and disappear into his own imagination. Sleeping, as always, was the opposite of peaceful, but at least it was better than watching the hours pass by right before your eyes because your own system refused to shut down. At least he got something to keep him going at the end of the day.
SunClan's old castle territory was where he'd met Nidalee. He took it to himself to visit the place, even if it was worn and charred and spoke of memories that were bad to revisit. Bad for his health, he meant. But his health had already fallen into timbuck two and was so low he would never be able to recover. He'd been given so many chances to rewrite himself a new story, but no matter what, sickness followed him back again. It clutched to his figure like a second skin, smelly and sticky with sweat, black as night and as warm as a furnace.
For the sake of nostalgia, Seafoam had even shifted into a blue tabby cat with his old sea-green eyes, but this time his mind's eye had blurred and he was more tall and lanky than he was small and petite.
His figure was still familiar bough and he rested peacefully on the shore, even when the waves snipped and snapped at his face and paws and made him sneeze occasionally. SunClan's old beach was still plain but as homey as a beach could be, all warm colors against a blood red sky and dark blue ocean. He contemplated on becoming a fish and exploring, but the thought was scarcely dwelled on for how ridiculous he dismissed it to be.
For now, he was just content to watch and remember. Remember her smile, her scent, her taste, her everything. Everything that made Nidalee Nidalee before she died.
[align=center][div style="bgcolor=; border: none; width: 340px; color:#262626;"][justify][size=8pt]/oops, don't even have an avvie yet
fargo hadn't been to sunclan for a while. aside from dropping off a pup, the wolf had simply wandered out past the clans for who knew how long. it was nice in a sense. no responsibilities of any sort, just him and the wind until he found himself back to his first home among the clans. the cream-colored feline would wrinkle his nose at the lingering charred scent that filled the air. you'd think after all this time it would fade, instead it felt like it was only yesterday the place burned. amber orbs flick lazily about the vaguely familiar terrain as the cat makes his way towards the beach. his original body had died off ages ago. fargo supposed he could have found another canine to morph into but there was something comforting about being in a smaller form. it made traveling easier to say the least.
the soft crunching of sand could be heard as the tom pads down towards the water. it was nice to feel sand between his toes again, even if there was someone else already lounging on the beach. it looked like someone beat him here. oh well. fargo could only imagine it was someone who'd inhabited this place at one point. "this beach hasn't changed at all, has it?" it wasn't the best conversation starter but he couldn't put a name to the other cat just yet. they seemed familiar but fargo couldn't place it. rocking back to take a seat, the light-colored feline would look out at the waves dancing under the reddening sky.
and i cri
it's been too long
i'm trying
[font=times new roman]Seafoam didn't try to question the stranger beside him. For all he knew, it could be Ashton or Calum or someone else. Maybe even Boo. No, not Boo. Boo and him weren't on good terms  after all, he'd thrown away his responsibilities and became a tyrant when he should've been an example, a leader. Another reason to not trust Seafoam Harbinger Smythe, in a long list of many. He was quickly losing count.
"Not even when the castle beside it burned to shit. You can't even smell the smoke anymore." where the forests still were fresh with the scent of a fire, the beach was untouched, pure. Virgin in a way that didn't require a sexual pleasure that had long lost its unique place in Seafoam's humble form. He was beginning to like this place more as the seconds passed, and his mouth felt dry and raspy, because he hadn't spoken for a while and part of him reveled in that. Silence was what people wanted from him, and he gave it to them on a golden pedestal. Pity that none of them were here to see him now.
"I think my friend Calum and his girlfriend tried to kill themselves here once." he said. He didn't know why, but he did. "Or it was at another beach. But the ocean ... it's all one big piece, I think. It doesn't matter which beach you're on, 'cause it's all the same water. They did manage to actually kill themselves, too. I remember when their bodies washed up on shore, and their friends faces when they saw what happened. I remember what it felt like to watch the people that you'd fought beside ... die. Just like that."
"But that was one of many times, and i've seen so many people die so far that I can't even make myself care. I'm more numb than alcohol or drugs could ever aspire to make me be. The world is just there now, and existence is just breathing. But it's better than having to go through the same violation over and over."
It was easy to talk to someone that didn't know him, wouldn't judge him based on secondhand knowledge. He'd been a victim in those situations and none of them were pleasant. After all, ignorance was anything but incurable. "So," Seafoam said after a moment, "why're you here? I admit, I don't think I know you at all."
[align=center][div style="bgcolor=; border: none; width: 340px; color:#262626;"][justify][size=8pt]yeah. the beach was the exchange same even after it burned down. it was crazy to think they all went deeper into the clans rather than running towards the beach. at least that's what fargo remembered. then again, he had been dragged out by someone so maybe his memories were a bit jumbled up. rather than reply immediately, the cat would sit in silence and listen to the other speak. calum, that was a name he hadn't heard in a while. hell, he was the one who saved his ass how many years ago. fargo hadn't known them long, but it was long enough to make his heart ache briefly. "everyone here seemed to have a drug or alcohol problem of some sort," murmurs out the feline glancing over at the other tom for a brief second. at one point after leaving he'd been tempted to start using the stuff himself but the memories of all the pain it brought the user and those around them keep fargo from ever going through with the stupid idea.
"just passing through," fargo replies hearing the question. "i figured i'd stop by and see if it had changed at all." which, it apparently didn't. should he be relieved? it seemed more depressing than anything in all honesty. "i'm not surprised either, it's been too long since i last saw this place." the calum thing should be clueing him in by this point, but fargo never claimed to be the brightest of the bunch. "i'm adlai." it didn't sound quite right. in stormclan it had been fine. the name sounded great in blizzardclan but here? the thought of going by that name made his skin itch. "ugh, i don't like the sound of that. i went by fargo when i was here if that rings any bells." there was a lot of stupid shit that could come to mind if the whole high position thing didn't pop up first. "how about you? you knew calum too and guy saved my butt when this castle burned down."
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[abbr=aporia's left thumb]✦*.☾Seafoam Harbinger Smythe☽.*✦[/abbr]
Drugs and alcohol. An easy addiction to consume, it seemed; it went in and never came out, hard to escape when every part of you screamed to return to it's high-inducing captor. And if you were on it for long enough, you eventually gained such a strong intolerance for it that it didn't even matter. You could taste it, but it did nothing. Nothing! It was like water to you, though, and no matter the side effects you needed it desperately lest you wished to die thirsty. Seafoam remembered his own fondness for the two, and although he'd cut back and rarely used it as often, he'd died too much for it to truly take over his body. The only benefit of his continuous deaths, it seemed.
He hummed his agreement nonetheless. It seemed as though the nameless cat shared his motive, however boring said motive might be. But he was old. So old. And he had all the time in the world to sit here and watch the waves. Seafoam had visited here a few times before though, so it wasn't a complete shock to him how it was. But the only times he'd appear were when he needed some kind of spiritual guidance, even if Nidalee never even showed her face. Because unlike him, she was truly finished. The only remaining parts of her he still kept were their children and maybe even Fallenwish, with his soft words and kind heart. The young dragon had been wise beyond his years despite his age, and his appreciation for the silver reptile had never quite disappeared.
When Seafoam dreamed of meeting Fargo again, he dreamed of a life where he wasn't an alcoholic or a drug addict and where he wasn't so horrible to the male. Because that's what he'd been  horrible. He dreamed of a life where they maybe had a family and grew old together and died together, and Seafoam wouldn't come back again and again. That's really what Seafoam had always wanted: a family, a partner. It was too bad that he failed to realize what he and Fargo could've been and grew too impatient and sour to truly love every bit of him just over a rejected marriage proposal. The last time Seafoam had seen Fargo, he'd been shaken up in amazement like he always was, but this time, he merely nodded his head and twitched his ears. He wasn't in awe, wasn't amazed, wasn't flustered and vying for words to match what he felt. [b]"Fargo." the name felt long overdue on his tongue. "They call me Seafoam." and, incidentally, many other names as well. But Seafoam always stuck. It was a painfully simplistic name, but the person wearing it was anything but.
[align=center][div style="bgcolor=; border: none; width: 340px; color:#262626;"][justify][size=8pt]he hadn't heard that name in a long time. no one from back then was around to talk to anyways. blinking, the cat would peer out across the water in thought. funny how a lot of memories could be tied to one. the good and the bad. thinking back, he wished he hadn't said no but he shouldn't have said yes either. not yet at least. not with the drugs and other shit that surrounded everything at the time. every damn time seafoam appeared with some sort of new drug in hand it scared the hell out of him. he couldn't live like that. there were times he'd lost the other for good. from one drug scare to the next alcohol one, could fargo really be blamed? having to watch the only person he loved hurt themselves, unable to do anything other than try to wean them off of it? hide whatever was causing the addiction and pray they didn't get mad at him for it since fargo wasn't enough to make it better?
a small laugh leaves the cat as he gives a small shake of his head. "god, you were such an asshole." it wasn't the first thing he wanted to say but who cared anymore. it was just the two of them now. fargo hadn't seen another sunclanner in years aside from the new faces that had taken over the clan a year or two ago. in retrospect, it seemed weird to live in a world without cain or van running around. jayden. "you scared the shit out of me more times than i could count, you know that?" it still hurt, but fargo wasn't truly mad. how could he be? none of this had happened in the last week, much less the last year. he couldn't hold that over seafoam.
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