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+------ Thread: HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY // LEAVING . (/showthread.php?tid=20550)
HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY // LEAVING . - LUCERNE. - 11-25-2019
[align=center][div style="width: 350px; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 7pt; letter-spacing: 1.2px; word-spacing: 0px; line-height: 12px; color: #000"] tw. mention of past drug abuse
And so this was the anatomy of a melancholic. Detached and aloof, thoughtful yet downcast. The thinker who thought too much; cared too much; worried too much. He was the tall dark man who chose to lose all feelings and hide all pain through the use of substances, a numbing high which made things all right again.
He was nothing more than a ghost.
Some would accuse him of not being able to see truths that lay right beneath his nose. How he was the center of his own self-destruction in more than only one way. But, the truth was that he was his own magnifying glass. He knew; he knew a lot of where he went wrong with his character.
He was too evasive, and sometimes too brazen in disrespectful remarks and snide afterthoughts. When he wasn't deterring people away from him with his sharp tongue, he was locking himself away in his home, suffocating on a high. An addict at best. A lot of the time he went right over peoples' heads, he was his very own species of human most days. A human so inhuman that oftentimes it felt like he was a man who spoke in a different tongue entirely.
But, upon sobering up, he'd learned more and more about himself. Opened his mind to the impossible. For a man with such an observant and keen eye, he painfully lacked a self-awareness which was necessary to understand himself as a person, but slowly a clear mind had him thinking. It had him realizing the emptiness in his life, the gaping hole in his heart. His mind rebelled at such stagnation, at the eventual understanding that he truly was a ghost on this earth.
For this reptilian, he of all people knew exactly what it meant to just be human. Alone. Uncertain. Sometimes scared. Molded by imperfection and doubt. Lucerne began to realize that all things that he chose to do in this world was a matter of no consequence. Even if he slaved his life away on his projects, worked tirelessly until he neared collapsing, none of it would matter if he were to die tomorrow. None of it would mean anything if nobody understood the works of Lucerne Nouvel. The question at hand was what could he make people see he had done.
But, Lucerne feared that peoples' eyes were left shut. Forever blind to his ideals, forever naive to him. This was an existential crisis at its very greatest, a sober man's eyes open to the reality of his situation.
Lucerne Nouvel had quite truly lost himself.
It'd been a slow process, chipping away at him over many months, maybe even many years. What was his purpose anymore? He'd spent so long in his life as a ghost that he felt transparent; he'd lost himself. Who was he anymore?
There was only one person who knew Lucerne as he was before his self-fulfilled downfall. One person who really understood him in the way Lucerne had always hoped everyone could see him. One person who nearly matched his wisdom in seemingly the most discreet of ways. Discreet but considerate.
Lucerne's eyes wandered an empty bedroom - it was not difficult considering he had very few possessions of his own, but soon he stepped out and softly shut the door. The morning had barely begun, the sun only just creeping up into the sky. If he were to make it to Northstar District by nightfall, then he ought to leave early. He uncomfortably shifted his brown leather messenger bag across his shoulder, gaze lowering to look at Faline who padded along beside him, disinterested with the world.
Eyes shifted around the place he'd called home for many months, and a heavy feeling set deeply in his heart. Nobody knew of his decision, not even his greatest friend. Addy would be hurt if Lucerne ever told him, probably try convince him to stay somehow. He would manage to convince him very swiftly, in fact - Lucerne didn't want to leave Addy's side. After all, they'd been all they had for the past seven years, life without Addy seemed too difficult too imagine.
He tried to overlook it. Thinking about it only hurt him more.
❝ The hell are you doing up so early- ❞
The voice alone had Lucerne's body tremble to the core.
He hesitated, gripping tighter onto his belongings before turning sheepishly to look at the source of the sound. Addy, stood befuddled, brows furrowing as Lucerne could see every step of his realization work like cogs in his head. And then-
❝ What the fuck, Lu? ❞
Lucerne couldn't breathe. It was like a cord was suddenly slipped around his throat. Words that he wanted to tell Addy choking him swiftly. Words which, as human as it made him sound, made him feel too afraid to speak. Lips parted, guilty eyes locked onto wary eyes, and Lucerne wasn't sure if he could leave Addy anymore.
❝ I, uh- ❞ He lowered his gaze awkwardly, gesturing over his shoulder before clearing his throat. And then, the meekest of whispers-
❝ I can't stay here... Not anymore. ❞
Breaths felt shaky as they passed parted lips, watching Addy desperately as if to urge him to say something. Anything. But, he was usually quiet. In shock. He lowered his head briefly, uttering the quietest of curses, before looking back towards Lucerne. ❝ And you weren't going to tell me? ❞
It had taken many years to read Addy, understand his emotions in all of its complexity. Lucerne finally understood what it felt like to truly hurt Addy, and acknowledge entirely what a broken man looked like. And, the sight made him feel uneasy, impelling Lucerne to backtrack a couple of moments just change to outcome. Tell Addy that he wasn't sneaking out in the early hours of the morning to abandon him; he didn't want to hurt him by telling him that he was leaving.
Sometimes he wished that he knew how to disappear completely and simply never be found again.
But, instead, Lucerne had to be cruel. The bastard he was best known as. He didn't mean to be so impassive, so insensitive, because God was this one of the most difficult conversations he'd ever dealt with.
❝ What could I have said? ❞
❝ Anything. You could've fucking- ❞ Addy bit back defensively before cutting himself short. Lucerne was going to miss his fiery attitude, admittedly. A spitfire at best and, whilst his very rare moments of silence were blissful to Lucerne's ears, he'd also grown to quite appreciate the sound of Addy's voice. Always full of energy, full of life.
But, Lucerne had doused the fire. Instead, his sharp words left Addy giving up, shaking his head before uttering a soft, ❝ Forget it... ❞
Lucerne blinked, staring across the small distance between the two men, slowly hugging his bag closer to him. Was this the part where he had to say goodbye? What could he say? What would his famous last words in Addy's life be? A simple goodbye? Parting words of wisdom or intellect? Anything funny? Was this silence for the best?
Addy broke the quietude of bitter air, questioning bluntly, ❝ Where are you going? ❞
❝ To visit a friend- ❞ Lucerne explained quietly, eyes unable to break away from Addy, afraid that if he did then he'd feel too scared to ever look Addy in the eyes again. ❝ in Northstar... Perhaps I'll stay there, I'm not sure yet. ❞
Lips curled downwards ever-so-slightly. Addy didn't reply. Nothing more than a short hum and a slow nod of the head. Understanding? Acceptance? Lucerne was quiet, waiting for a reason from Addy for him to stay longer, but instead he was met with silence. Perhaps this was it. Time for him to share the final words of a fragile genius before he parted ways with the greatest man he'd ever met.
But, instead, his jaw locked. Nostrils flared gently as he stared at Addy stoically. This was a... quite not good feeling. An unsettling sensation in his chest, a blurriness of his vision. He had to leave now, before this got even more difficult for him. And so, with nothing but heartache on his mind, Lucerne tipped his head towards Addy in a curt motion, sucking in a sharp breath through his nostrils as he spun on his heels and began to walk away from the only sense of stability in his life.
Eyes lowered to watch his shoes as he walked away, and muscles ached as if they were physically trying to restrain himself from walking away. No one ever said that walking away from the life he once knew could be this hard; he would no longer have Addy to catch him whenever he fell apart. But, Addy had a chance here in the Badlands. Lucerne did not.
❝ Hey... Wait- ❞
Lucerne had never felt so relieved to falter, stopping in his tracks and glancing back over to look at Addy with pleading eyes. Addy said nothing more, instead turning and hurriedly walking away in the opposite direction. Brows furrowed - was Lucerne supposed to stay and wait around? Was that the last he'd see of his favorite (and only) friend?
He turned around, eyes shifting around him whilst he waited. Maybe this wait would be worth it; after all, what could a couple more minutes of waiting around do to harm an already harmed heart?
But then, Addy came trotting back, this time a live turkey in tow. The turkey he'd won last week. He appeared determined as he walked towards Lucerne, and then straight passed him, warranting a look of sheer puzzlement from Lucerne. His eyes followed Addy's movements, heels turning around slowly and beginning to follow suit automatically as Addy remarked, ❝ C'mon; we don't have all day to stand around like fucking idiots. ❞
Lucerne huffed a short breath of disbelief, not even realizing the smile of relief which began to tug gently at the corners of his lips. Addy looked back towards Lucerne, such look of determination on his face. And then, the very slightest of smiles threatened to twitch at the corners of his lips, a glint of near-amusement in his eyes.
Quietly, Lucerne mumbled Faline's name in order to have her follow, swiftly following just behind Addy with a comfortable familiarity. Suddenly, he felt calm. He felt safe. He felt happy.
Never did it feel so easy to walk away.
okay so !! after a couple months of terrorizing the badlands, it's time for lucerne & addy to move on and create chaos elsewhere.
this is not open to ic replies but feel free to respond or react ooc !! the boys are not being thrown into a void but instead are heading over to northstar, so hopefully this won't be the last we see of them in and around the badlands !!
Re: HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY // LEAVING . - ADDY. - 11-25-2019
[align=center][div style="background=transparent; borderwidth=0px; bordercolor=; width: 420px; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 125%; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; color: black"]!!!
i really loved getting to climb up the ranks and get to know such amazing people through addy while doing so!! he'll still be going around giving everyone in tnw trouble so don't miss him too much
thanks for dealing with my lil firecracker all these months ily : ' ))
Re: HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY // LEAVING . - MICHAEL. - 11-25-2019
/I loved getting to know Addy and Lucy! I'll definitely miss seeing them around the BL.
Re: HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY // LEAVING . - dame - 11-25-2019
I'm gonna miss them both so much
Re: HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY // LEAVING . - Darky - 11-26-2019
//insert crying spongebob here
I loved having Addy and Lucerne here and I'm gonna miss them so much bc I'm sentimental as hell, but I wish you guys luck and happiness with these wonderful chaos boys in ND!!