[b]tw: character deaths, just some really sad angst in general, but it ends happy and it's got some really sweet fluff in it as well.

word count: 5,389

having a soulmate was always such a strange, beautiful concept to rory. strange because how could someone just be missing an entire half of themselves, the most important piece of a puzzle just not there; and how could that quintessential part of one's self, belong solely to one person? surely, parts of you belonged a little bit to those that were around you, the ones you loved and cherished taking tiny pieces of you with them whenever you shared a moment, one that would just be another memory one day. pieces of a person chipped away and were broken off the more you opened up your heart. but, for the most important part of your being, your soul, for that to not even be your own? it was weird, and maybe a little nonsensical to rory. he wanted his soul to be his, he wanted to be his own person - what was all the fuss of your being belonging to another soul?

nevertheless, the fact of the matter was that soulmates truly did exist, someone out there was made flawlessly and impeccably just for you. and that, inevitably, struck the hopeless romantic that rory was. he had always loved the idea of finding someone to love, and someone that would love you back. he wanted that, more than anything. honestly, he just worried that he would never find his soulmate, it had worried him inexplicably since he had found out that he belonged to someone; because what if he could never find them, did that mean he would never find love? if that was the case, then rory wished he could cross his name off this invisible list of soulmates, he did not want to live a life without love, without a person to call his. honestly, the thought made him nauseous and he tried not to think about it too long.

it wasn't like finding your soulmate was an easy task, it was the hardest journey someone would have to take - to actively find your soulmate. it was rare to just stumble upon them, and there was no way of knowing if someone was, in fact, your soulmate. one would literally have to die, and whoever you had decided to spend this lonely existence on earth with would hear your last words and find out, more often than not, that this person they struck up a life with had never been theirs in the first place. oh god. rory was going to throw up.

the sixteen year old green eyed boy really had been trying not to think about soulmates again, it was just he had been curled up in bed writing lyrics, per usual, when he got this stinging sensation on his left rib. he knew what that meant, and it was causing him to jump off the deep end. he lifted up his the killers shirt and, lo and behold, black inky words started to magically appear on his smooth ivory skin. for being my everything. that was what his newfound tattoo read. he sucked in a deep breath, staring at those heavy words. his soulmate was eighteen, that was what the tattoo meant. you see, every soulmate would receive their respective tattoo on their own birthday, but only if the other is already eighteen; supposedly it was fate's way of making it truly impossible to find out if your person was actually your soulmate - because you receive the tattoo on your own birthday, you can't tell anyone what the words are and you are the only one that could see it.

receiving the tattoo, it also meant that, if rory ever found this person, those would be the last words his soulmate would ever say to him. the thought made tears roll down his face. he hadn't even met his soulmate yet, maybe never would, and the weight of his (or her?) dying weighed him down as if he was being held beneath the crashing waves of the ocean.

the curly haired boy, who had spent most of his birthday morning alone, was found an hour later by his mother; who, upon seeing her son crying and caved into himself immediately ran to comfort him. her arms wrapped around him tightly, and though he usually liked these intimate hugs of unwavering love, the kind only a mother could provide, he cringed slightly. the gift from his soulmate still stung, it was as if he had actually gone to the tattoo parlor and had the needle digging into his flesh. he kind of liked it, it was like his soulmate screaming into the void of the world, look at me! i'm here! i've come to say hello to my one true love.

"rory, babe, what's the matter darling? what's hurting you? has someone been bullying you at school again?"

rory shook his head at his mum. he drew a ragged breath, trying to steady himself enough to get actual words out. he slowly lifted his shirt back up, listening to the hitch in his mom's throat and the way she flicked her eyes from his sad face to the blank space on his left ribcage. right. she couldn't see the words. he huffed in annoyance, pulling down his shirt, and finally meeting the woman's concerned gaze.

"i've just gotten the tattoo mummy. and i know what you are going to say. how exciting, right? but no, it isn't. it's scary. it's scary and sad and what if i never meet my soulmate, does that mean i won't find love? will no one love me?"

he started to cry as the last of his ramblings trailed out. he was just too overwhelmed. he was sixteen, why was he worrying about this anyway? no wonder he barely had friends, he was a fucking weirdo, a loser. he tried to put himself back together, his mum rubbing soothing circles against his back until he calmed down enough for her to speak and get through to him. his sobs turned to sniffles, and she finally started to speak.

"ror, baby, you should not be stressing yourself out like this. of course it's scary, and yes it is sort of sad depending on how you look at it. soulmates finding one another is rare, you know your father and i weren't soulmates, and neither are tom and i. well, we could be, haven't found that out yet have we love? but if not, i love tom and that won't change once one of us has passed on. honey, someone's gonna love you, i promise."

---

looking back, rory's mum had been right; they always, frustratingly so, were weren't they? he grinned down, looking at the sleeping man beside him. juno casper sherman. rory had met him when he was seventeen, and juno on the verge of nineteen, and it soon came to pass that if the man beside him now, the one he met when they were both barely into adulthood, was not his soulmate, and rory had to pick between the two, he would choose juno every single time. to him, it didn't matter anymore because he found what he had needed all along; someone to love him unconditionally, and someone he could love back just as much. and he knew of the untethered bond that soulmates shared, but for juno he would take the risk of going without it. but there was also something about juno, something that screamed at rory every time he was near, drawing him closer. and there was this longing to be with him when they were apart. it could have just been love, but they were best friends as well and it just felt like juno was his destiny. he wouldn't know of course, not until one of them was dying, but that wasn't important to rory. he was twenty seven and had found someone to spend his life with, had been with him for ten years.

rory continued adoring him for a while, the older boy could sleep longer than rory ever could, but there was always something so peaceful about the way he slept; all cuddly and pure, like he was some sort of angel. and he was, he was. juno never saw that bright light burning inside him. but rory did. he saw it the first time he met him; he had diamonds in his smile, an ocean in his eyes and his body was bathed in the same golden glow of dawn - just like his heart. he was beautiful, a god in his own right. rory's green eyes lingered over the tattoos that peaked through his t-shirt and his boxers, his eyes resting over his clothed ribcage. he wondered all the time what juno's soulmate's last words would be, but he also didn't want to know - just in case he tried to force the words when they were faced with one of them passing on.

juno started to stir in his sleep, which meant he would be up soon. rory, ever so softly, kissed the top of his head and slipped out of their tangled limbs with such an ease that could only be perfect by a couple who had been together as long as they had. he tiptoed out of the room, grabbing his wedding band and slipping it on his ring finger as he walked through the hallway and into the kitchen. he knew how much juno loved and appreciated waking up to the smell of breakfast, and rory, who had always loved cooking, was more than happy to do this small thing in the morning for him. it was one of the many ways he expressed his love for his boy.

he pulled out the pots and pans, busied himself with making eggs, toast, putting on the kettle for morning tea and finishing setting up the small table on their patio that looked out on the english countryside. the both of them enjoying spending their mornings outside to ask in the warm summer sunshine. rory stepped inside to grab their teacups and then to fetch juno, but he was already in the kitchen holding the coffee cups. juno turned to look at rory, a private smile he saved just for his husband on his face. rory loved that smile, it morphed juno's naturally sharp features into something so soft and fond, it melted his heart.

"hi babe, sleep well?"

"love, how're you so beautiful, even in the morning when you've just woken up?"

rory blushed softly at his husband's words, his eyes glittering with the happiness that swelled and warmed his body. he smiled brightly, scrunching his nose to try and hide how wide his grin was.

"june bug, stop it. and get your beautiful self over here now so i can get my morning hug. and kiss mr. sherman."

"well, if you insist mr. sherman."

the two of them stood there a moment, sharing secret looks that only the two of them knew. they were in love, so, so in love. and it was a once in a lifetime thing; and it was something that they could both sense from the beginning. rory had been immediately smitten with his boy, his smile always seemed to reach his eyes, his eyes which were like oceans or the bright sky. he had always been so genuine, and his light was eternal, and he almost always tried to shine it on the world. he had been stunning, and rory stunned. but juno, he had even more to say about rory, always saying that rory had always been everything to him, even before he knew they would be anything more than the best of friends. they told each other everything, they mirrored one another, they always knew what the other was thinking. they were the best sort of lovers; the kind that were passionate about one another, but also completely at ease - able to completely and always be themselves.

juno stepped forward, handing one teacup to rory and keeping the other for himself. the older man then stepped into rory's space, and rory welcomed is with open arms, leaning down to press a kiss on his love's lips. the two smiled against one another, gnashing teeth together more so than pressing soft lips against one another. it was just, the magic hadn't left. the sparks were still there, these two were made for each other - even if fate, eventually, said otherwise.

"come on my love, let's eat the breakfast you've made for us."

rory winked at juno and started walking towards the side door that led to the patio and the backyard. juno was at his heels when a crash and a shit reached his ears. rory whirled around to see juno huffing at the mess he just made; the teacup was shattered on the floor and the tea was pooling around the broken pieces of glass. the younger man laughed happily, these sort of domestic mishaps always being his favorite kind, and bent down to grap juno's hand as a means of stopping him from grabbing the glass and cutting his hand. juno met his eyes and laughed softly, realizing what he was about to do and rolling his eyes.

"god, what would i do without you, my rory. ugh you know i love you right?"

rory laughed at him and kissed his cheek. "you'd probably be dead already without me. but, i love you too june bug. here, i'll go grab a towel and the broom."

rory left and came back just as quickly, the two of them working together to pick up the mess. it seemed like for the past month they were always picking up something. juno, who was usually never clumsy, was constantly dropping things and breaking them. he always felt so bad, but rory didn't mind - of course he didn't, he was just as clumsy, in fact he was usually worse. rory just shrugged it off and helped his husband clean everything up.

the two of them finally got around to eating and enjoying the last hour of the morning. it was a lovely day outside, the birds singing and the wind blowing slightly. it was perfect. the sky was as blue as juno's eyes, no clouds out to forecast a coming rain and rory was holding the love of his life's hand while filling up his stomach. yes. perfect.

they gathered up their plates and headed back inside, this time rory following behind juno - which was a typical walking pace for the two of them, it reflected the fact that rory would follow juno anywhere. the green eyed man's thoughts were cut off when a plate shattered to the ground. he jumped slightly, looking up to see juno already looking back at him, standing in the middle of the shattered remains of the plate. there was something off about his eyes, they seemed glazed as if he had been drinking or crying, maybe both. and his hand was twitchy, kind of like it had fallen asleep and was trying to gain the feeling back in them. rory frowned.

"babe?"

"i'm sorry, i don't know what ha..."

it all happened so fast, rory barely had time to react. he watched as juno started fidgeting, his whole body starting the awkward dance and his eyes starting to roll to the back of his head. he lunged forward to catch the blue eyed man, just in time to stop him from falling on top of the glass. rory's heart was racing as he held juno, slinking down to the floor, his pants saving him from getting hurt by the glass.

"juno? june? baby, please wake up!"

rory was starting to stress out and juno's seizures were getting worse. he pulled out his phone and called for an ambulance, though his voice was wobbly and he was ninety-nine percent sure the emergency services responder had no idea what he was going on about. needless to say, the ambulance was there pretty quickly and the two of them were on their way to the hospital. rory managed to call juno's family and his own to let them know what was going on, though he still wasn't sure about it, and they told him that they'd be there soon.

---

juno. brain tumor. malignant. juno. doesn't look good. a few months at most. juno. dying. he hasn't been well for a while. nothing we can do. juno. there was nothing you could do, rory. juno. juno. juno.

these same thoughts had been running through rory's mind nonstop for the past two weeks, ever since juno had been officially diagnosed and checked into the hospital. he had a tumor in his brain, one that was rare and almost impossible to treat - and even if it was the surgery could potentially leave him paralyzed, or worse, send him into a coma. it was terrible circumstances, the kind you would expect on a television show, not a real life situation. but this was real life. and though rory knew that, he still hadn't accepted it. he couldn't lose juno. he just couldn't. the thought of june leaving him in the middle of the night kept him from sleeping, and the fact hat juno was sick and hurting and tired of fighting made rory feel the same way. he was tired and worried he'd end up being left behind by the love of his life, left to live in a world without him broke rory's heart. he wasn't strong enough for this, he wasn't. and juno knew it and he was being so strong for rory, which made rory feel worse.

whenever juno was sleeping, rory would just watch him softly, crying silent tears and praying and praying and praying for something to work this all out. he cried out to anyone listening, he pleaded with the doctors to help his june bug, he quietly begged the tumor to just leave his love alone. but nothing he did worked. he had no power over any of this, he couldn't help juno. and if he couldn't help juno, then what could he do? he was already there for him, he was with juno constantly, rarely ever leaving his side. and that was all that juno had said he needed. but still. why wasn't there anything that could be done?

any day could be his last, and rory treated it as such. he was constantly professing his feelings, doting on juno as if his words of affection and love would be all that he needed to survive just a little longer. three months. that was all he had. and that was at most. at most.

rory took a deep breath, entering back into the hospital room that felt more like home lately than their actual house. he found juno sleeping softly on the hospital bed, the machines beeping creating a tension filled ambience in the room. he smiled softly, sadly, at the love of his life, his unsteady breathing evident by the off-rhythm rise and fall of his chest. rory knew how his heart beat, and this was not normal. it was too fast. juno's heart was calm and steady, an anchor for rory. but now it beat at an awkward, too fast pace. he hated it. he hated it!

the green eyed man sat down in the chair next to the bed, settling in to wait for juno to wake up. it didn't really take long, it was as if he could sense rory's nervous energy about him being asleep for too long. two blue eyes met two green ones, and the faces of the men they belonged to greeted each other, one with a crinkly eyed smile and the other with sweet dimples. "hi baby."

rory whispered into the low-lit room, his eyes searching all over juno for any sign that this could be it. his heart slammed against his chest, it almost felt like he was having a panic attack. he could see the far-off look in juno's eyes, the way his eyes glazed over and tears were forming in the corners. he could finally see just how wobbly his love's smile was. he could see how much more pale his face had gotten, how sunken in and purpley his eyes looked. he looked so small in that moment, so weak and fragile, like the only thing holding him to this earth anymore was rory's sheer will to keep him around.

something inside rory broke. he could tell it wouldn't be long now, and he didn't know if he could take it. he could feel his insides ripping apart, piece by piece as the minutes stretched on and the two husbands just stared at each other. rory waited for juno to say something, anything. please, god, if you are truly listening and are truly there, oh please don't take him away from me. you know how much i need him. i need him. i need him. i need him! rory kept pleading inside his head, his entire being crying out for help, for mercy. please, please, please, please chanted out like the chorus in a song. he watched as juno opened his mouth, his eyes finally gaining a little more focus on their surroundings. he was trying so hard to focus in on his boy, his man. rory could tell how hard he was trying. you can do it baby, you can do it. i'm here. just focus.

"thank you my love".

rory's breathing hitched. thank you? he didn't deserve to be thanked. he didn't deserve anything. he had done nothing to protect his june bug from this sickness, had been unable to help him once he was in the hospital. the only thing he'd done was force juno into staying on this earth for longer than he truly was supposed to be. rory knew he had willed this, that juno had been trying so hard for him, even though he had been exhausted and, although not ready to leave rory, he was ready to leave this sickness behind. rory closed his eyes and opened them slowly, trying to keep the rush of thoughts from his head. his boy was here for another moment, trying to will out these words just for rory.

"for what"?

rory croaked the question out with a wobbly voice and tears thick in the back of his throat. oh god. he couldn't do this. he couldn't. he couldn't.

"for being my everything".

the whole world stopped. rory's ribcage started to throb, the familiar sting of when he first got his soulmate tattoo immediately flooding his senses. he could feel the words becoming visible to the world and it took his breath away. the tears that had been forming finally fell down his face like silent rain. he knew what those words meant, he had always known. they were always supposed to be the last words his soulmate would say. but now that he knew, without a doubt, that juno was his soulmate, and that these words were the last he was ever going to say? the words felt so much more heavier. he felt like atlas, he was being weighed down by the world, these words were his burden.

he started to cry harder. he had been juno's everything, and though he had known that, it just hit him all of a sudden. they were both each other's everything. before the had met, life had always been missing something. and when they met, it was like the missing piece had finally made sense, because it had been waiting to be found. juno had become rory's best friend in a matter of days, and the love of his life within the span of a few months. and rory had known, deep down he had felt it, that juno was, and always had been, his soulmate. but it was just confirmed. his love's last breath had been a confirmation. more importantly, it was a declaration of his love. he had loved rory with everything he had, and rory knew it. what was he going to do without his sun? juno had always been his light, and he didn't think he could make it through the dark that was going to overcome him when he finally left.

rory just smiled a watery smile at juno, the tears still falling as he tried to clear his throat. he didn't know what juno's tattoo said, and he wasn't about to pick apart his choice of words. he was just going to say what was on his heart, and he was going to say it now, before juno was fully gone. he could see his eyes starting to close, his breathing becoming shallower as the seconds ticked on by, taunting him. he breathed deeply in, and started to talk, his voice scratchy and soft and deep.

"i can't live without you babe, why do they have to take you away from me? i'm gonna be in love with you forever".

and then juno was finally, completely fading. a smile cracked open on his face as his heart hung on for one more moment. it was that private smile he saved only for rory, one letting him know that these words rory had to say, were the ones that were tattooed on juno. and then juno was gone, and with him went part of rory's soul; he was back to missing that quintessential piece.

and he felt it, he felt it in the depth of his bones, and in the way his blood felt frozen as it flowed slowly through his body and in the way his heart clenched out choking sobs as the air in the room filled with the bustling of nurses and doctors. he must have thrown himself on juno's body, because at some point someone had to pry him away and haul him to the waiting room with the rest of their family. he clung to his and juno's mother, all of them crying and holding onto each other like it was the only thing holding them afloat. rory was breaking, he was breaking and falling and he didn't know if he would ever land, he didn't know if he wanted to either. because he knew once he got back on his feet, he would be swallowed by a dangerous, scary oblivion.

but land he did. and oblivion he met.

---

there was this tale that said that sometimes the bond between soulmates is tethered to each other so profoundly, that, like love birds, when one passes on, the other one is surely to follow suit. it has never been proven, but this sort of thing is what happened to rory. he died of natural causes, of sorts. he died of a heartbreak if you want to be truly accurate. he just couldn't take it. juno was who he was supposed to spend his life with, and without him his life just wasn't worth living for all that much. he lasted a year, he tried to be strong for juno for a year. he knew juno would want him to go on, to live his life and try and be as happy as he could be. so he tried to be strong but three hundred and sixty five days had come and gone, and, on the anniversary of his blue eyed babe's passing, his heart couldn't hold on any longer. it broke, as his soul had done a year before, and he passed away in the middle of the night. his heart just stopped while he was sleeping, wrapped up in one of juno's jumpers.

but, there's another myth about soulmates, one that says that soulmates, once they've passed on, get to spend an eternity together in heaven. so, rory passes into the light and prays, once again, that he gets to spend his Heaven with juno. because if he doesn't, then he should be in hell, because he has to see juno again, he just has to. he opens his eyes once the bright white fades away into a soft morning glow. he's standing outside of his and juno's cottage, the english moor green and bright ahead of him. he takes a deep breath and steps forward, walking closer and closer to the door. when he reaches the porch, he crosses the threshold and bursts into the house.

"juno? juno!"

soft footsteps make their way down the stairs and a sleepy juno pokes his head from the staircase, wrapped in their duvet. his hair is sleep ruffled and his eyes puffy from still being half asleep, but he is there and he is the most beautiful, perfect man that rory has ever, ever seen. his eyes well up with tears. he's here, he's here, he's here.

"love, what's wrong! you sound like someone's died. wait, love what's wrong? are you crying? rory..."

juno was cut off by rory slamming into him, wrapping his gangly limbs around his husband and clinging to him like his life depended on it (it did). he was sobbing loudly into his man's shoulder, hugging him tighter than he ever has. rory, still holding him, lifts his tear stained face from juno's shoulder and starts peppering juno's face with soft butterfly kisses. it makes the older man laugh softly, and it's the most wondrous sound rory has ever heard, his eyes still filled with concern for the sudden emotion overcoming rory. rory wonders if he remembers anything? maybe the tumor did weird things to his head in heaven?

"nothing's wrong babe, nothing i promise. everything is perfect. you're perfect. i've missed you, god i have missed you!"

"ror... it's only been a night my love, and you only left the bed an hour ago. i thought you were making breakfast anyway?"

rory looked at him quizzically, how could he not remember? was rory going to have to tell him, to relive it all? as if reading his mind, juno started to speak again, his voice barely above a whisper.

"i've missed you too baby, i swear. i remember what happened, i just wanted to greet you like everything was normal, like you didn't have to go through all the pain. i'm sorry i left you, i am so sorry. please forgive me rory, you know i never wanted to lea..."

rory kissed him then, harder than he ever had before. it was passionate and warm, but also needy and desperate, as if the two of them had been waiting eternities for one another; they probably had, they were soulmates anyway.

"shh, my june bug. it wasn't your fault baby, i never blamed you. it's okay, it's okay. hey, i always knew you were my heaven huh?"

juno laughed at rory, his eyes watery and his smile crooked as he stared at the green eyed boy, remembering him when they had first met. rory was doing the same, staring at his blue eyed boy with an intensity that could out burn the sun.

"no, you always said i was an angel. you said did it hurt when you fell from heaven."

"ugh, juno it's not cute when you say it! anyway, that was on earth. you were an angel on earth. now, you are my heaven."

rory grinned at his husband, his tears finally subsiding and his voice back to a normal register, the rawness from his snot and tears finally fading. juno grinned back, his eyes shining with that light that rory had always seen inside him.

"i love you, i am in love with you. you are everything to me, everything i need. i hate that we can't live out our lives on earth, but i am so happy to spend and eternity in heaven with you. you, rory, are my soul.