[this is all IN-CHARACTER]

So I know this is my third journal, but the last one was all ripped up and when I saw this pretty thing, all wrapped up in grey with the whitest pages I've ever seen, I decided to make it my own. Anyways, I'll be keeping my old journal too, of course, and the one before that, but I think this is the one I'll be writing in for now on.

[second journal] [first journal]

Something interesting happened these past few days, I'm still searching for Haskill, but no sign of him. It hurts, really , it does. Do people even believe that? I'm not the most...well I'm not the type people would expect to see grief from. Am I? Anyways, I caught Parks and Courtney kissing. Courtney shot at me, an arrow, almost at my feet. It struck the concrete but that's not the point. She threatened my life, and was blatantly disrespectful. Poor Parks got punished as a result, I knew she'd want to keep it a secret, and I do love poking at her. Anyways, I exposed them both in public. Courtney tried to deny it, but the damage had already been done. For the first time in a while, I actually feel pretty good. I'll keep looking for Haskill, but at least it doesn't hurt as much.

Dear Courtney,

You'll never have any friends, you're a bitch and I don't hate you yet but I probably will soon. Anyways, don't change, keep being you, it amuses me. Also, next time, don't miss, I'd love to have an excuse to skewer you with a fork, chop you up into little pieces and feed you to the coyotes that like to roam the streets. Anyways, like I said, being you is important because it's, well, it's you! Don't ever let anyone tell you different.

With Almost Hate, Sheogorath.


[ic opinions of course]

I miss Haskill so much. I miss all my friends. J was the first person I ever became attatched to in the Badlands, and he's gone. He left. Why? Something happened between him and Charlie, I'm not sure what it was, but it wasn't good. Maybe J felt threatened. Maybe he felt hated. I'll never know. I haven't been able to find J in months. Dylan, I'm almost certain, was captured by Flintlock during the raid, and so far Charlie has done nothing about it. He made up some excuse about a storm or something, but that didn't stop me from waltzing up the mountain and murdering one of their own. I never would have been able to break Dylan out, but I certainly made a mark. Actually, I made a knife wound across the throat before chopping off the fingers, oh, and the eyes and tongue, of course.

Anyways, Haskill is gone now, my closest friend, my pet, and my companion. I've looked everywhere, and I think I finally have some kind of lead. There have been whispers about other pets going missing, being targeted. So this wasn't about me, it was about the rabbit. This wasn't some revenge scheme, if the rumors are true. There's a pet napper on the loose. Why do they want them though? Maybe they're lonely. It doesn't matter. I hate them, and when I find them, I'll kill them. I'll kill them and I'll get Haskill back, I will. I will. I promise Haskill.

Parks is gone. She just...picked up and left. I have no idea where she went, nobody does. Maybe Charlie will mount some sort of search party, but nobody has seen her since yesterday. It's unusual. Why is everyone disappearing? Whatever, I won't miss her. I won't miss teasing her, or prodding at her, and I won't miss all the amusement she brought me. Because I'm tired of missing.

I'm done with it. No more. People will come and go and die, and that's fine and dandy now because I'm not going to let it bother me anymore. All I need is Haskill, and I'll find him, just like a promised. After that? Having friends will be just fine, but missing them is my new no-no. Let them leave. Let them die. I'm not going to let myself care anymore. All it does is weigh me down, and I don't need that extra weight. So that settles it. I won't miss anymore.

What if he's dead? What if he's dead and dead and dead? I don't know what I'd do, what could I do? I keep making these promises, that I'll find him, that it'll be okay. I tell myself that, and I tell him that too, every night before bed, as I lay down I whisper it and I hope. Hope is a useless thing. It doesn't get anything done, all it does is add weight to the mind. But I can't give it up, not even the promises no matter how empty they seem at times, when I lay awake and alone at night.

Haskill is back and I'll be more careful for now on. Nobody will ever take him again. I found the pet thief, the man that had been killing all of the pets around the Badlands for some reason I can't even imagine. People call me sick, but Eddie was on a different level, I'm sure of it. Anyways, I killed him, tore into his gut with a knife. He deserved it, I hate him, still hate him even though he's dead. But at least I found Haskill, and he's safe and healthy and back and everything is going to be okay again. I feel happier than ever.

I keep forgetting to write here, it's just been so busy lately! Dylan returned from Flintlock, so that's just grand now, isn't it? He tried to convince me not to set the Lodge on fire but you know how and who I am, don't you? ANYWAYS, some kid named Gilbert from Flintlock ended up in the Badlands. I met him once during an old visit under the name of Romulus. Anyways, I doubt we'll get along, especially after his outburst in the middle of a meeting. After that, I headed toward the Lodge with a nice firebomb in hand and promptly set a small fire. Of course, it wasn't too serious a blaze, I was only trying to send a message, not burn the whole place down. If I had done that, they'd have to move, and that's no fun! But all that aside, today is my birthday! That's right, this lovely fellow is getting older, although I can't quite remember how old. Late twenties, perhaps? It's hard to keep count, especially since I only recently acquired a calendar. I told a few people it was my birthday, but I'm not sure what they'll do with that information. I, for one, am going to sit back with a nice cup of tea. I suppose you could say I'm kicking my feet up and taking the day off.

Kit hosted a birthday party for Ambrose and I. Yes, I share my birthday. Funny, isn't it? Still not sure how old I am. 26 or 27 I think. Anyways, it was great fun. I also found a dinosaur mask in an old store the other day, and that was fun too. It was a T-Rex. It's been a nice week. I made Gilbert, the Flintlock boy, kill a man. To be fair, the soldier tried to assassinate me, and I would have killed him myself if Gilbert hadn't happened along right on time. That was fun too. I taught him a valuable lesson he'll never forget. Actually, I might have taught him more than one, but no need to get into too much detail with how tired I am. Writing this in the candlelight in the middle of the night is hard enough. So that's it for now. Goodnight!

I made Gilbert kill a man. I touched on that in my last entry, but now I feel the need to write about it in more detail. Why did I do it? He's probably asking himself that. Well, I did it for a few reasons. First, the boy's in the Badlands, and it's a tough world even outside of our territory. One day, he's going to be in a situation where the death of a person is inevitable. I simply showed him that, to better prepare him for that moment. Second, I did it because it amused me.

There's a man called Daniel in the Badlands. He's a lot like me, it seems, with his sick sense of humor that only we get. He called us special. I can't help but feel warm when I think about him.